A/n: I couldn't wait to put an update up so here it is. It's a little short but I promise the next chapter will be longer. Please comment and make me happy. Any suggestions would be helpful.

Chapter 1

Blurring and stirring - the truth and the lies.
(So I don't know what's real) So I don't know what's real and what's not (and what's not)
Always confusing the thoughts in my head
So I can't trust myself anymore

~Going Under by Evanescence~

Faith sat on the couch staring down into the box of jelly donuts that Angel had brought her. He had told her to eat some and to get some more rest. Faith had been in a coma for like eight months. How much more rest did he want her to have. Besides that Faith was afraid to sleep. Every time she closed her eyes, flashes of what she had done would enter her dreams. Faith did not know if she was going to have to relive these memories every time she went to sleep for the rest of her life. She wanted to redeem herself, but she was not sure how. Nothing made sense anymore. Everything was blurring together in her head. Faith placed the box of jelly donuts on the table in front of her and caught side of a crossbow hung up on the wall her.

Faith stood on top of a building with one of the many vampires that followed the mayor standing behind her. She hid behind a sign staring down and Buffy and Angel. She knew what she came here to do. After steadying the crossbow in her hand she aimed the arrow she had just loaded at Angel. He was not even gonna know what hit him. The arrow fired like a speeding bullet and penetrated Angel in a matter of seconds. Faith couldn't help but grin as she watched Angel collapse to the floor. She watched as Buffy looked around frantically for where the arrow had come from. For a split second after Buffy had found Faith on the roof top they had stared into each other's eyes. Faith grinned at the older slayer before turning and leaving.

Faith gasped for breath as she realized she had fallen to the floor. Angel kneeled besides her trying to calm the slayer down. Faith hated these memories because now were escaping her subconscious and seeping into her mind when she was awake. Just as the crossbow had triggered her memory to the day she had poisoned Angel, anything could trigger her to another horrible memory.

"Can you hear me Faith," Angel demanded.

"Yeah," Faith replied once she could breath normally again.

"What happened," Angel asked her softly.

Faith did not say anything for some time. Angel helped her off the floor and guided her back to the couch. It was as he was cleaning up the donuts that had been knocked over in Faiths fit that she spoke.

"Are they ever going to go away?" Faith asked Angel.

Angel looked over at her not knowing what she was talking about. Faith must have picked up on his confusion because she went on to explain what she meant.

"The faces of everyone I hurt," Faith asked, "Are they ever going to go away?"

Angel kneeled in front of Faith and took her hands in his own.

"It's going to take a long time, but I promise it will get better," Angel told her.

Faith nodded, but she did not know if what he said was true. Would she ever be able to move on from everything she had done? Would she ever find redemption for her crimes? Faith still was not sure why Angel wanted to help her so badly after everything she had put him through.

"I don't know how to get better," Faith admitted, "I don't know how to change."

"I know and I'll be there to help you," Angel told her.