A/N: Ah yes, I was thinking along the lines of what happened to Catherina and Tres, therefore I think about it and wrote my (humorous) version of what happened to them or something along the lines there… Ohh… I found a cool website on how to translate a block of text into another language! Yippee!
Thank you to: evilangel990(no more grudges, we're fine now.), MazdaKitsune, Crusnik01 and Passé on an Angel for taking the time to drop me a review.
Updated on: 7th of May 2007
Insanity - Chapter 8: The Punishment.
Written by: Guardian 0 Devil
Pairing(s): Don't ask, figure it out yourself.
Warning: From now on, shameless insertion of me!! Insanity is ensured. Also some mentions of SEXUAL STUFF in this chapter. You're forewarned! –evil snickers–
Disclaimer: I do not own anything of Trinity Blood or anything else that is copyrighted, except the plotline and OCs that are of my invention and imagination. Please don't sue me.
(Meanwhile, at the Londinium, in an old church; in my point of view)
Catherina Sforza smiles slightly, reveling in the sweet bliss of peaceful silence the old church provided. Tres was escorting her allies back home in good time after their secret meeting in discussion of overthrowing the evil Rosen Kruez Orden. Her two underlings are still out doing… something menacing to the society.
Known as the Duchess of Milan. A woman of strong will and determination, Catherina Sforza once leads the special operation group AX, a sub-section of the Department of Foreign Affairs. Her subordinates frequently solve cases that involve subduing or eradicating rogue vampires. She strongly advocated making peace with the Empire and the concept of vampires and humans co-existing together.
She joined the Orden after AX was dissolved by Francesco di Medici. In the first place, when Isaak approaches Catherina, she makes use of her negative image of her anger at Francesco and also under the condition of curing her terminal illness to get into serving the Rozen Kruez Orden.
She was joined later along by Tres Iqus codenamed HC-IIIX, Gunslinger. Father Tres was a battle android who wields two guns and works with unemotional, relentless efficiency, much like that of the Terminator. His functions are rather limited to combat situations.
His vocabulary was devoid of emotion and genuine caring much like a computer or A.I., expressing statements such as, "Status report" in lieu of "Are you alright" and "negative" instead of "no". Despite the hollow outward exterior, there have been instances where he displays emotions. He was very loyal to Caterina Sforza, plus he was the third model of the ten 'Killing Doll' series androids ever produced.
Starting out cautiously with Tres by her side, she acts her role as part of the Orden. When she has gained the trust of Isaak who was second-in-command of the Orden, she secretly acts as a spy and sends out useful information to the ex-AX members in preparation of the final war. She knows perfectly well that every time she contacts with her allies, she risks her life in danger.
She had already received reports from her underlings that there may be spies within the Orden. This secret meeting may perhaps be the last time she ever meet with the AX members. Meanwhile, the leaders of Albion, Germanicus and the Empire had secretly keep contact each other and pledged to be allies in the on-coming world war. They are ready to fight the final war against the Rozen Kruez Orden.
Her work within the Orden was almost done. She had sowed the seeds of doubt and would wait patiently to reap her fruits. It was also the first time she had been left alone, with no one breathing down her neck and making sure she's taking her medication on time. Praying to God for forgiveness for her sins can wait. For now she had a game to beat.
Recently, when she was researching in around the ancient site, she discovered a lost technology that was built for entertainment. It was a portable game cube thingy called Gameboy. The game cartridges she uncovered gave her endless entertainment in fighting monsters, leveling up characters and beating up the bosses. Plus the story plots of all the games uncovered were usually along the theme of "Evil cannot triumph Good." Wonderful.
Unfortunately, a loud crash rips her out from her bliss. Ah, the folks must be home. Time to put aside her game and go greets her underlings.
Oh well, Catherina was given 2 very young underlings, a male and a female, to serve and take care of her and Tres. The female underling, Catherina conveniently codenamed her Iron, while the male underling was codenamed as Vampy.
Iron aged 13, looks liked your average little Caucasian girl-next-door. She was a bit on the plump side, skin was tanned brown and had freckles on her face. Her black hair was tied into a short ponytail and she had black eyes. Makes you think that she's an innocent angel but she was strangely uber-super-strong for someone as young as her.
Vampy aged 13, looks liked your average little Caucasian boy that you want to bully him in school. He was skinny, had very pale skin as if he had never been in the sun before. He had short black hair and green eyes. Makes you think he's a vampire who looks quite suitable to wear gothic outfit.
As for their full profiles, because I'm lazy so I will do it another time.
"Lady Catherina! 私達はある手紙を受け取った! (We have received some letters!)" said Iron excitedly. By the way, Iron recently was in love with the arts and culture of Japanese and thus speaking in Japanese as much as possible.
It seems in her moment of excitement, she had unhinged the door too, which lay somewhat… helplessly on the ground. Vampy was scowling at Iron from behind on her antics. Catherina took the said letter with a hint of apprehension and pointedly commanded Iron and Vampy to go inside.
She opened it and saw the scandalous picture. A frown marred her face and she flipped over to the back and read on. A long moment of silence was observed which was later broken by Tres reporting being back from his mission.
A tiny twitch of her left eye and a very small hint of smile on her lips which was very hardly noticeable to capture, betrayed her emotions about what she thinks about the scandalous picture. Looks like Lady Catherina was amused and quite unfazed about it. After all, she had seen many very unusual things in her life to be able to get shocked brainlessly and easily. She then requested for Tres to destroy the letter and went back inside to continue her game. And of course, Tres dutifully destroyed it…
(Some moments later…)
Iron was in very good mood today and was busying herself in repairing the door she unintentionally unhinged. Couldn't really blame her for her unnaturally inhuman strength, right?
As she was doing her repairing, she heard a strange crackling sound from behind the door and decided to investigate it. Strangely, as she stepped out of the old church, she saw that no one was there.
"...こんにちはか。(Hello?)"Iron asks, like a good little B-rated horror movie star as featured in the Japanese version of 'I Know What You Did Last Summer'. Does she expect the killer's really going to call and say "こんばんは! 私は去年の夏ものを知っている! (Good Evening! I Know What You Did Last Summer!)" back. If he ever did, she would certainly be pleasantly astonished and would also politely offer the man a cup of sakura tea with an innocent disarming angelic smile.
With a whole bottle of rat poison plus a pinch of Chemical X added in the offered drink for good measure too.
The front yard was also strangely bright yellowish orange for one reason or another. The temperature was also unbearably high too. Not normal for the weather in these days. However, nowadays abnormal things came popping out from nowhere too and it's this season trend. A VERY annoyingly LOUD alarm begins ringing through the Church. Fire alarms seems to be working. Iron blinks stupidly for a good ten seconds as her brain refused to comprehend what was happening in front of her. When finally comprehension stirred in her face, she springs up into action and screamed… very literally but still into the language thing. Been there, done that.
"自転車のオハイオ州イエス・キリストキリスト! 神の家は火にある! 私達はPYROMANIAC によって攻撃された! (OH JESUS CHRIST ON A BICYCLE! THE HOUSE OF GOD IS ON FIRE! WE'VE BEEN ATTACKED BY A PYROMANIAC!)"
This looks vaguely familiar… where have I seen this before… Opps, sorry Passé on an Angel…
"オハイオ州の神! か。いるところ! 私のための待ち時間! 私はどこでも続く! 、私跳ぶも跳ぶ! (OH GOD! WHERE ARE YOU?! WAIT FOR ME! I WILL FOLLOW YOU ANYWHERE! YOU JUMP, I WILL JUMP TOO!)" Iron, being the drama queen she was, continued to scream.
I think that's an overly exaggeration. Wait, I think I spy a Titanic reference over there…
"1 つのコード赤を水平にするために防衛システムを活動化させなさい! (ACTIVATE DEFENCE SYSTEM TO LEVEL 1 CODE RED!)"
Some sort of normalcy seems to return at long last. She's loud.
Good thing the old church's security system still works. Underground grass sprinklers come out from the ground and starts shooting streams of icy water at the site of fire danger, effectively stamping the hazard to the health out.
I am soooo very tempted to make a masturbation joke here, but the existence of the story is rated T for "no explicit jokes about sexual stuff".
(Back to Cain's chamber; Cain's point of view; my point of view are in brackets.)
Silently wonder what Guardian Devil is doing...
(Don't bother; it will only destroy you in the end if you continue to keep thinking about it. Just ask.)
What are you doing now, Guardian Devil?
(Right now, I was spending some quality time in solving puzzles. I love puzzles just like my dear friend Passé on an Angel. My current favorite puzzle being Sudoku and as I quoted from her, it's the Japanese art of frying your brain. I absolutely adores it.)
Such an interesting hobby you have. You really have to teach me that some time.
(You wanna play Sudoku?)
Yes, about this Japanese art of frying the human brain, how do you go about that?
(… Actually, Sudoku is a logic-based number placement puzzle. The objective is to fill a 9x9 grid so that each column, each row, and each of the nine 3x3 boxes contains the digits from 1 to 9. The puzzle setter provides a partially completed grid. Completed Sudoku puzzles are a type of Latin square, with an additional constraint on the contents of individual regions. Leonhard Euler is sometimes cited as the source of the puzzle, based on his work with Latin squares The modern puzzle was invented by an American, Howard Garns, in 1979 and published by Dell Magazines under the name "Number Place". It became popular in Japan in 1986, when it was published by Nikoli and given the name Sudoku. It became an international hit in 2005. This short summary is taken from Wikipedia…)
I thought you meant it could be used in the torture chamber…
(Duh. I never meant it literally… Wait a minute… You have a personal torture chamber!?)
How else do you think that I can rule the Orden with such an iron fist? The naughty ones must always be punished for their erroneous ways. However, it was only restrict for the use of discipline and apply only on the Rulers of the Silver Star, the highest ranks after me of course. The lower level members will be taken care of by their superiors…
(This is so traumatizing for me…)
Oh well, since you have nothing to do except playing puzzles, you might as well help me think up of a suitable punishment for naughty Isaak.
(What does Isaak feared the most?)
I believed it was something about my reputation…
(Use that to your advantage. Why don't you ask Dietrich for help too? I bet he can watch and record down the whole punishment thing and then told elaborate stories or gossips about it with a grain of truth to make it hurt like hell.)
What a wonderful idea!
(And also why don't you ask Walter, our dearest Postman to come later…)
(After an hour of discussion…)
It seems that Isaak had somehow found out that I already know who the real culprit behind this prank is. I send out a summon for him to be present in his private chamber.
As he arrived, he noticed that Dietrich was sprawled comfortably on the luxurious sofa, changed back into his normal clothes. While I was sitting lazily on his bed, beside my beloved and still unconscious Abel, with my back against the wall. Of course, I was changed back to my trademark uniform, I sent Catherina's old garb of clothes back to her which I believed to be burning right now.
(You know, this is a great setting for threesome or even foursome if you can count in Abel…)
Don't corrupt my mind with the bad mental images. I don't want to hear about it.
"My lord, for what purpose do you wish for me to perform?" asked Isaak.
"Isaak, it seems that my education is somehow incomplete. Therefore, I would like you to educate me on this awkward matter of mine." I replied. Hee… Isaak had absolutely no idea just what I and my recently new-found friend had come up with a suitable punishment for him.
(I only contribute on how to punish; I did not strongly advocate it!)
Spoilsport! You know you want to.
"And what's the matter you wish for me to educate you?" Isaak asked warily, as he saw that Dietrich was suddenly grinning openly and seems to be mocking him silently.
"Well… I need to know about some facts about Sex Education, also know as Sex Ed for short. Preferably, with hands-on demonstration…" I answered with sweet innocence…
(Okay, that's way too creepy for me…)
You worry too much; it's just simply an education that I have not received before.
"… … … … … "asked Cain fervently, for his thirst for knowledge.
"… … … … … " answered Isaak, as best as he could put the answers in scientific form.
"… … … … … " smirked Dietrich, giving an overly detailed translation of Isaak's words.
(Above conversation was censored out due to its M-rated content. Isaak was actually required to explain all the… awkward questions brought forward by Cain and also give lectures on information regarding to Sex Ed. Dietrich was translating and giving his dirty version of the lectures to Cain, when Cain was confused about the unknown strange terms he heard. Simply use your imagination…)
(Well after some long moments later, the 2 hour-long lectures were finally near to its end. However, one surprisingly stupid question was brought to my attention.)
"But Isaak, how do men use condoms?" asked Cain.
(Are you serious?!)
What do you think? I'm just trying to torment Isaak there.
(Oh yeah, I just remember that you're still a virgin even after 900 years.)
Hmph. After today, every one in the Orden will not question about whether I'm a virgin or not...
(Wha-)
"You just need to slip it on." Isaak deadpanned. Dietrich was snickering uncontrollably.
(Truly, this was perhaps the harshest punishment given. Think about it, Isaak wants to protect his lord's innocence from any information that will corrupt his beloved lord's mind, but was requested to give his lord a lecture on Sex Education. The irony of it…)
"How about a hands-on demonstration?" said Dietrich slyly, with mirth twinkling in his eyes as he stared with a lustful expression at Isaak...
(BACK OFF! DEVIL WITH THE ANGELIC FACE!)
"Please?" I smiled with the anticipation of a naughty child who was waiting for his prey to fall trapped into the prank he set up beforehand.
(Don't push it…)
Isaak suddenly turned around with his back facing them and called upon one of his shadow minions.
(Umm… is that the limit of Isaak's patience?)
Who knows? We will find out soon. See that? Isaak lifted his right hand and gestured. Then the minion dissolved into the ground. Some moments later, the minion comes back cradling protectively over something. Only a small flash of yellow can be seen… I wondered what was that thing?
(Me too.)
Next, I see Isaak commanding his minion to hold up the thing for us to see. It was…
(Oh the suspense! Tell me what it is?!)
It was a banana.
(Huh?!)
And then Isaak proceed to take another strange rubbery plastic thing from his minion's outstretched hand and wave it in front of my eyes. Dietrich seems to know what it was at first glance, for I captured a spark of recognition in his eyes.
(Why do I get a very bad vibe about this?)
And then Isaak slipped the rubbery plastic thing easily onto the banana.
(Do you get a good look and understand what the use of that rubbery plastic thingy was?)
With that done, he turned toward us and said in a tone of finality: "This is how you slip the condom on."
(Oh. THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE T-RATED!!!)
Stop your whining. Besides, you have to give Isaak credits for teaching you how to use a condom, with a banana as a substitute tool in demonstration.
(Dude, I don't think I can take this anymore… AHAHAHA!!)
I see. You have lost your bearings.
"Isaak, thank you for your intriguing lecture on Sex Education. Dietrich, thanks for your interesting interpretation on Isaak's lecture. I have wonderful time learning and intend to use it to my utmost benefit. Both of you are dismissed." I said happily while I glanced sideway at my beloved brother beside me.
Isaak blanched as he saw this while Dietrich looks at both me and my brother with sudden hungry interest.
(You did that on purpose, right? So as to give them a wrong idea on what you're gonna to do.)
You really are my dearest mind-reader, aren't you?
(Eep. I want my mummy…)
How curiously amusing. Are you a lesbian?
(Ha! Questioning about my sexual preference now? Don't you think it's a bit late for that?)
No questions asked are late.
(I'm straight for sure. Women don't catch my interest. Handsome men do.)
Once they are out of my room, I get on with a little exercise and stretching on the bed, while also making a lot of convincing moaning and groaning sounds. I even jumped up and down hard onto the bed to make up a lot of the thumping sounds. I knew that both Isaak and Dietrich are both still behind the door and trying to make out what I am up to. Hopefully, I'm convincing enough.
(What're you up to anyway? I don't recall anything about this in our previous discussion.)
After an hour or so of the exercise, I proceed to do a bit of tearing and ruffle up of me and Abel's clothes to look as we have been engaging in some kind of activity.
(I get the feeling this is gonna be really the cause of death of everyone... who died laughing…)
Hmm… something else was required. Ah ha! The most important piece of evidence!
(What's that?)
The bed sheet. I just need to add a touch of blood on it. Therefore, I slit my left hand with my sharp fingernail and watched the blood flow on to the bed sheets. My wound slowly heals and closed up as I willed it later. There all done. Time to get into the act.
(Why must you do that?)
I smiled mischievously at Guardian Devil's question. You will see the light soon my dear...
(…I'm not going to get myself killed over this light thing. Not At All.)
I proceed on and flung open the door, holding the bloodied sheet in my right hand. Standing outside of my room, I see Dietrich, Isaak and also Walter. Isaak's face paled instantly when he saw the bloodstained sheets. While Dietrich was giggling with glee over it.
Walter. Ahh… just the right person for the job…
"Walter… I need you to take a picture of this bed sheet, make several copies and then send them out to the entire Orden. You know what to do when you write behind the picture, right?" I asked.
"Yes, my lord. I know what your intentions are. Permission to speak my mind?" Walter smiled.
"Yes."
"Please hang the bloodstained sheet outside for everyone to see. It was also part of the ancient custom." said Walter.
"That's kind of you to remind me. It will be done." I smiled even brighter at this and called a servant to do just what Walter had suggested. Isaak promptly fainted on the spot and Dietrich was there to catch him and later carry him away, perhaps back to his own room. I retreated back into my room and started my little laughter of victory.
(Okay. What's so funny?)
Ah hee hee… Mm, just something I read years ago.
(-my left eye said twitch, twitch- Uh-huh. And what was that?)
My lips twitched as if wanting to grin. I don't know how, but I just knew it was something Guardian Devil wasn't going to like it much. Hee…
(You own me an explanation; I don't understand why Isaak fainted because he saw the bloodied sheet.)
Ages ago, there was an ancient custom. After a man took his virgin bride for the first time, he would hang the bloodstained sheets to prove she was pure, and the marriage was consummated.
(Huh. That's a nice history lesson, but what's that got— Wait a minute… YOU DID WHAT?!)
Yes, it has everything to do with that ancient custom. To prove that me and Abel are not virgins now and deflowered. Hee…hee…
(But…but… THAT'S NOT THE TRUTH!)
Ah hee hee… The easiest way to fool someone is to let them believe what they want to believe.
(Did you just take that quote out from watching the movie 'Red Dragon'? Why am I here in the first place? This is insane…)
Tch… It's was also part of his punishment.
(Does Walter know it all along?)
Why yes, of course. He's the one who suggested this wonderful idea. Do you still remember that Walter totally hates Isaak's guts?
(Now I feared for my sanity…)
Hmph. You have already lost it a long time ago when you come and stayed in my mind along for the bumpy ride into utter madness as you put it.
(HEY!)
(End of chapter 8)
A/N: I hope you people enjoyed reading it! Yes, if you're wondering, the idea of how to use the condom with the banana as substitute tool was once teaches by a professor (his humor is very dry, as commented by my friend) to his group of students during biology class. My friend experiences the lesson first-hand. I wished I was there to see it being conducted… it will be extremely fun to watch.
Oh yeah, by the way, I do requests. So drop me a review to tell me what kind of request you would like to see in the story. I will find a chapter to fit them in!
So please review!!!