A/N: As I said before in the previous chapters, I'm doing requests and all you have to do is just drop me a review OR private message me to do it. And I'm still taking requests.
Thank you to: Passé on an Angel, evilangel990, Crusnik01 and Kusumita for taking the time to drop me a review.
Request by MazdaKitsune: Torment Cain with naughty Abel thoughts.
Request by Crusnik01: Dietrich running around singing about his puppets, Isaak sighing about that. Cain was make to kiss Abel.
As you people can see, I'm combining two requests into one chapter. I think it makes my life easier in thinking up ways to make you people LAUGH!
Updated on: 21st of May 2007
Insanity - Chapter 10: No Laughing Matter.
Written by: Guardian 0 Devil
Pairing(s): No use in trying to ask me about it. Go figure.
Warning: Insanity is guaranteed. Shameless insertion of me from now on! Also some mentions of SEXUAL STUFF in this chapter. You're forewarned! –evil snickers–
Disclaimer: I do not own anything of Trinity Blood or anything else that is copyrighted, except the plotline and OCs that are of my invention and imagination. Please don't sue me. By the way, any information given here is usually found in Wikipedia and also TB Canon Translation.
(At the dining room in the main base of Rosen Kruez Orden)
Let us all recapped some past events.
(How kind of you to do that.)
It was about 8 months ago since I fight Abel above the skies of Londiniuim. 6 months ago, that I woke up from my recuperation unit and secretly plotted to assassinate the young Albion queen.
(Just get on with the main part. You know that I know that you really want to just brag about your accomplishments.)
7 days ago, I went to the New Human Empire Royal Palace, drained my dearest youngest sister, Seth of all her blood and also carried an unconscious Abel back to the main base.
(Yeah, it was mentioned in chapter 4…)
6 days ago, I woke up to find a wonderful hangover and also a new friend to boot who likes inhabiting in my mind and called herself my Guardian Devil. Also surprisingly, I was prank on by my most trusted servant, Isaak, who sent out scandalous pictures to the entire Orden, the Vatican, and also the ex-AX members…
(Now this happened to be around chapter 7…)
One day ago, I summoned Isaak and Dietrich to my private bedchambers, to give me a thorough lecture on Sex Education. I also managed to provide scandalous evidence of a bloodstained bed sheet that strongly suggested about me and Abel being deflowered…
(Which happened around in chapter 8. This is one chapter that makes me love and hates it so much with opposing feelings.)
Today, I find out that most of my followers rushed back to pay me respects and give me their utmost adoration and worship and also their blood oaths of swearing fealty to me and only me. I feel really flattered. The others who are in the middle of their work send back letters proclaiming that they will come back as soon as possible after they are finished with their work at hands.
(I am still angry with you, do you even acknowledge that?)
Life is good.
Happily humming a little out of tune piece of nursery rhyme of 'Humpy Dumpy', I walked gracefully towards my place of dining. The room I had walked into is domed-shaped and was artfully designed to be impressive and majesty to let recently joined 'new blood' to say "Wow…" when they entered.
(WOW… why am I so amused?)
Tch. I see, my dearest Guardian Devil and your sense of sarcasm was not lost at all during our little 'Cold War'.
(I'm still angry with your stupid stunts.)
I see. You missed me. Real Bad.
(Did you just imply innuendo?)
Come now, surely it's about time you start talking with me.
(One of these days, I'm gonna take you on a small trip to visit a shrink at IMI…)
Oh well, as one walked in, one will surely notice a '9-steps' dais, where elegant dining tables are arranged at the sides of the large rising platforms with a long red and luxurious carpet covering the middle.
And according to my followers' ranks and their importance, their dining tables will be arranged something like the pyramid. For example, followers with the ranks of Magus (9-2) will be situated at the dining table at the second-highest platform, while those with the lowest ranks of Neophyte (1-10) will be given a place at the bottom lowest platform.
And naturally to say, my dining table happened to be situated at the top of the large stairway, where the red carpet ends. However, it's a little annoying to be walking up the '9-steps' dais. You see, each step of the dais, was large enough to accomodate a lot of people. Furthermoe, the dais is shaped somewhat like a terrace or a side of the stairway pyramid, where the lowest platform is large and slowly narrows up to a single platform on the highest level of the dais.
As always, when I entered the crowded dining room, conversation was cut short and every pair of eyes snapped to attention on me. However, this time I was carrying my beloved sweet brother, still-unconscious Abel, bridal style in my arms. Their eyes are filled full of adoration and worship. How wonderful these powerful emotions I can gathered up in the mass.
(You just like to crave for attention.)
Ah… now you know my little dirty secret… you must be annihilated.
(Why am I not surprised? However, are you sure about me getting out of your life?)
Actually, I would prefer you around to keep me amused. Life's a bit boring without you around when we're having the 'Cold War'.
(Which only lasted about a week…)
I settled down at my rightful place and carefully arranged Abel to sit in his place so that he will not fall off ungracefully onto the floor. With that done, I send a glance over at my followers beneath me. Everything falls under my glancing yet watchful eyes, for I am curious to what my followers make of the scandalous picture and even more scandalous evidence of my bloodstained bed sheets.
(I really want to strangle you. Right here. Right now. However, due to the fact that is a very unwise move and also very impractical to be done when I'm inside your mind in the first place, I will settle for other means of revenge.)
What other means are you talking about?
However, before I can get an answer out of my-friend-in-mind, Isaak disrupted my thoughts and complained to me: "Master Cain, do you think it's appropriate for Dietrich to be spreading… rumors like that?"
Vaguely wondered why he sounded so stressed out and turned my head to look at what kind of damaging mischief Dietrich managed to come up with at the moment. As I mentioned before, Dietrich does have the strangest ways to ruffle up the feathers of Isaak into disarray.
(Oh my! What lovely dolls he had!)
Dietrich who was sitting at his dining place on the third-highest platform of the stairway, and controlling a pair of lovely-made dolls that… looked like the miniature version of Dietrich and Isaak. They looked so life-like that I nearly mistaken them to be the younger versions of Dietrich and Isaak at first glance. What Dietrich was doing, was that he was using the puppets to do a stimulation gossip to the 'new blood' who are absorbing his every word…
(You make it sound so dirty…)
Well, listen to what Dietrich was narrating about and you will agreed with me.
Puppet Dietrich: "And then when Isaak saw the bloodstained bed sheets he promptly faints on the spot."
Puppet Isaak: "Noooo…."
(I don't see anything so stimulating as you have suggested.)
Puppet Dietrich: "Luckily I was there to catch him…" and then the real Dietrich using a few twitches of his fingers to re-enact the scene, "and then I carried him into my bed room to rest for the night," in which the puppet Dietrich makes a grand show of effort of carrying puppet Isaak in damsel in distress style for the audience.
(That was intriguing... Don't start lecturing me abo-)
I told you so, didn't I?
(I really hate you right now.)
"However, the unexpected situation arises…" in which puppet Isaak was doing the unthinkable… like straddling and being pinned down easily by puppet Dietrich…
(Now that really weird and creepy to see puppets doing that. No matter how... life-like they are...)
I think you worry too much, both the puppets are still wearing clothes. Well, at least some decent amount of clothes anyway...
(What happened to the clothes when you said it in such a suggestive tone? )
Let see, both puppet Dietrich and puppet Isaak managed to get their own clothes in such a disarray during their little struggle between who gets to be... I believed the word used is Seme... in this case...
(Oh the irony...)
The real Isaak then softly whimpered like a kicked puppy to me: "Master…" in which this soft voice of protest was suddenly magnified throughout the dining room with a small last sound of echo of "Master…" Did I ever mentioned that any small whisper make in this special domed-shaped room will be magnified a thousand times throughout and make it clear and crystal?
(Obviously, only just now.)
And then the real Dietrich grinned impishly and then puppet Isaak was suddenly whining: "Ahh! Master! Right there! AHH!" In which the real Isaak blushed hotly and viciously glared at the real Dietrich and his puppets. The others in the dining room looked on the show between the puppets and also the real ones with huge interest.
He never failed to amuse me.
(I strongly agreed. However, this will be a nice time to step in…)
Smiling regretfully, I politely and firmly asked: "Dietrich, please stop teasing Isaak. And put away those puppets…"
Dietrich shrugs and put away the puppets he's using to tease Isaak. However, out of no where, Dietrich produced two more puppets. This time, both the puppets are like the miniature versions of me and Abel. I silently wondered what he's planning…
(Now, this is getting interesting…)
And then very suddenly, the entire dining room was absolutely silent as they paused in their dining and conversation to stare hungrily at Dietrich, thirsting for the so-called true story behind the bloodstained bed sheet of me and my beloved brother Abel. I never feel so full of pride for my little mishief I have done so far.
(…I will get you back for that unfortunate incident...)
The entire room of audience patiently waits for Dietrich to begin his unique style of story-telling to starts. Dietrich slowly opens his sweet, gossiping mouth and the audience sits up even straighter in their chairs. Some went as far as standing up to lean over their tables so as to get closer to hearing Dietrich…
I have to admit, I'm so jealous of all the attention Dietrich manages to gather and silently gives a killer glare at Dietrich.
(Hmph. Why don't you do something drastic to snatch back your well-deserved attention?)
Like what? Killing Dietrich on the spot?
(That's not what I have in my mind.)
Give a command to both Dietrich and Isaak to shag each other in front of everybody in this dining room?
(As they said: Your wish is my command. It will be interesting to note down their behavior, but it's not highly recommended.)
So what else do you suggest me to do in order to take back everybody's span of attention onto me?
(Oh, I don't know. How about doing Abel in front of everybody?)
WHAT! You Want Me, also the Greatest Lord and Master of Rosen Kruez Orden, to Attempt to Make Sweet Sensual Love to My Sweet, Idiotic and Virgin Abel In Front Of Everybody?
(Huh? You sure are dirty-minded about it… and I never even suggested that at all in the first place…)
Then just what do you mean by doing Abel?
(I mean…)
"Our most respected Master and Lord Cain with his beloved Abel are sitting high up in a tree…" suddenly, Dietrich starts singing loudly.
My thoughts are pulled abruptly away from my Guardian Devil. Silently wondered where this leads to…
"K-I-S-S-I-N-G" continued by Dietrich in his sing-song voice. Isaak looks positively appalled about it but sighs regretfully about being unable to do anything to stop Dietrich.
(Now that's what I'm having in my mind when I suggested about doing Abel. You should try kissing Abel to snatch back attention…)
Kissing Abel. Very tempting. Yes, very, very tempting thing to do. Now why are my followers looking suspiciously at me? Do they doubt the scandalous evidence that I provided them with?
(There are some people who would rather see the truth being placed in front of their eyes to be able to really believe it.)
So what should I really do to convince them, my friend?
(Simple. Just get on with Kissing Abel!!)
You're enjoying this, aren't you?
(Yes! I want to see their reactions on their faces when they seen you kiss Abel! It will be a joy to see and write it down for my readers!!)
I turned to look at my sweet brother and greedily drink in his innocent beauty as he sleeps. His soft white hair frames his fair delicate sleeping face, those beautiful lips that are just the right curves and shape... I wondered how soft they feel against my own lips...
(Ohh… look at that exposed white neck… Don't you just want to lick it?)
Damn you and your naughty encouragement!
(Ha. That's your curse of the day! Get it? You are being cursed! Wahahahaha!)
That's got to be the lamest.
(You mean how lame? Did you break your leg?)
Yes... I mean I did not even break my leg in the first place. Where did you get the idea?
(Oh, sorry. I just thought it up. You see since you answered 'Yes' to my question of you breaking your leg, you are lame. Wahahahaha! You are lame! You are lame!)
That was not funny at all…
I can sense strongly the tension and anticipation of the roomful of my followers looking hotly on my handsome face and glaring a little angrily at my beloved brother a little too much… How dare they try to touched what's mine!
(My dear, they are just glaring with their eyes not touching Abel indecently with their eyes…)
A sudden image of my followers trying to undress my sweet Abel came unbidden in my mind. NO! ABEL IS MINE! MINE!
(You got the issue of getting too possessive. No wonder Abel throws you out of the spaceship those 900 years ago.)
I really can't help it when Lilith tried to take away my love of my life from me and I decapitated her because of it.
(Dude, you really need to get laid more often…)
So you say. Beside, since I'm now the centre of everyone's attention I might as well use the opportunity to do what I have always wanted to do.
(And that is?)
I elegantly moved my body closer to Abel and slowly, slowly as I lowered my lips with my eyes focused on my followers underneath me, I kissed Abel to seal the stories circulating around.
On the lips.
(Oh. Mai. Jesus Christ.)
Whose currently not with you at the moment. Please leave a message after the 'beep' tone.
(I really need to run the lame joke a few times to actually get the meaning behind it… And you're enjoying this far too much…)
Everybody else in the dining was doing different animation acts to express their disbelief over the actions of their most respected lord and master.
(I'm trying very hard to laugh, but I find myself rather speechless with the variety of displays...)
I try to comprehend the strange situation in front of me. I see there are some who decided to cast upon themselves the twirling circle of bright yellow stars in front of their eyes as they are being floored. A famous tune, or should I say infamous, was also heard as the yellow stars start singing by themselves…
(Now that explained why we're hearing the tune of 'Twinkle, Twinkle Little Stars' being sung along too every time we see those very famous stars that seem to always appear in front of our eyes…)
Some opted to be floored theatrically onto the ground…
(Any kind of pattern you can detect?)
Yes, I see them as clearly as the Sun shines down on Earth. They got the options of:
A) Start foaming at the mouth and rolls their eyes back, and then be floored.
B) Make do with a scandalized face and then be floored either with utmost grace or with utmost embarrassment.
C) Lift a hand to their forehead and said: "Oh G0D…" and then be floored.
(I feel really flattered by that last option when they tried to call upon my other name.)
Others are doing the animation of either the sweat drop or having three straight and black lines slowly appearing on their foreheads…
(Okay, that's another weird way to express their feelings.)
There are also others, who prefer to cast a small cold wind twirling and swirling in front of them or beside them. To add a touch more to the effect, some little green or dry yellow leaves are used to make the effect colder and a more physical appearance of the wind…
(I think they are trying to say that they are feeling rather cold at the moment...)
Last but not least. There are some who decided to release a big black crow from out of no where, that totally fly above them crowing: "Caw… Caw… Caw…" and not surprisingly also magically leaves behind a trail of black "dot, dot, dot." as it flies past…
(This had got to be lamest chapter I ever wrote here… No one is laughing at all…)
Obviously, this is not a laughing matter at all.
(End of chapter 10.)
A/N: Hopefully, you people are not too disappointed with this chapter. Please read and review to tell me what you think about it!
By the way, I also got another new story uploaded too. It's called Rainbow Life, a story hopefully to make you laugh too. Do go and read and review this story too!!