Mornings After
by hye kyo
Disclaimer: Nope, RK isn't mine...
Author's Notes: So this is chapter 20. I know I have problems with tenses and sometimes I tend to confuse you with my pronouns. But don't worry, I'll be doing some editing as soon as I'm done with this. And then like chapter 16 I'd be reposting this whole thing. Anyway, I haven't yet replied to most of you. I'd be also doing that soon. Don't worry. Anyway, thanks for thsoe who reviewed. many thanks to those who reminded me to edit. Thanks again.
Chapter twenty: falling out
--
Tomoe looked across the table. He wasn't looking at her. "I'm sorry," he said.
"Sorry?" she asked. She gritted her teeth.
"It was not right. Since the beginning."
She fought the urge to cry. "Since the beginning. You know what I have given up for you."
"It wasn't my fault."
She looked away. She was mad. She was pained. "Now you're telling me this."
"I've told your parents about it."
She didn't respond. There was no point in arguing.
"I understand if you are angry at me."
"Angry?" she stood up, "You don't know what you are doing to me."
"Don't make a scene."
"I am not making a scene!"
He stood up, walked over to her and made her settle down on the chair. "I am sorry. Don't call me again." And he stood up and walked away.
She glared at his retreating form from the corner of her eyes and started to cry. Now it's all over.
--
Kaoru was already sitting on the couch watching TV. She kept on looking at the clock and then glancing at her door. Kenshin told her he'd be coming and she was becoming nervous about it.
She tried calming herself by drinking tea. But it didn't work.
Why the heck was she excited about it anyway? She was used to seeing him. There should be nothing special about it. Or should there be? Or was there?
--
"You hungry?" he asked as he removed his shoes.
"Yeah. You're late."
"Had to finish some stuff," he grinned at her and dropped his coat on the couch.
She followed him to the kitchen and as he put on an apron she said, "Did Misao ask you where you are going?"
"I told her I need to do some late night work at the office."
"Really?" she laughed.
"Anyway," Kenshin said as he turned the stove on, "Why are we lying to her?"
She looked at him in a can't-you-see-the-obvious manner. "Of course."
"Of course what?" he asked, putting oil on the pan. He was waiting to hear something. Something he couldn't pinpoint right now. "We aren't doing anything wrong."
She furrowed her brows and dismissed the topic. "I'm going to watch TV. Call me when you're done."
He only laughed.
--
They were watching TV. Kaoru made coffee for the two of them. Kenshin had already put the dishes in the dishwasher. Kaoru placed her hands around the warm cup and brought one hand to her cheek. She took a deep breath.
"Are you cold?"
She abruptly turned to him. "What?"
"Come here," he said and pulled her closer.
Kaoru looked away as he was making her more comfortable beside him.
"You know why," he started, looking at the TV.
"What why?"
"Why she came back."
She fell silent. So now they were going to talk about it. She cleared her throat and though something tells her she doesn't want to listen she said nevertheless, "You tell me."
"She's…she's getting married."
And at that instant she turned to him and studied his face. He was pokerfaced, his eyes devoid of any expression. She looked down on her cup and foraged her mind for something to say.
"Don't worry about me." He said, smiling, turning to her.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah," he said and laughed.
"It sounded forced."
He frowned, "It did?"
"Yeah. Details if you don't mind."
He swallowed hard, looked at the screen again and said, "She was going to get married three months from now. She had been asking me to help her prepare."
"Why?" somehow she was vexed at that fact. How naïve could Tomoe get? After hurting him, why could she be so cruel? "Why you?"
He smiled but did not turn to her, "Because her fiancé isn't here. I'm the closest person she knows here in Japan."
She didn't speak. She was afraid she might say something bad about her.
He fell silent.
"You are stupid," she mouthed. She turned slowly to him, only to find him smiling.
"I am." He laughed but it sounded dry.
She hesitated but nevertheless asked, "Are you sad?"
"Sad?"
"Yes."
"Why would I be sad?"
She looked down on her cup, placed it on the table and turned back to him, "Because you still love her."
"I don't know," he shrugged, "Maybe I am sad."
She knew. So now she knew. He still loves her.
"I am sad maybe because I am so stupid."
"You are." She took in a deep breath and then asked, "Does Misao know about this?"
"I don't know. I never mentioned anything. We never even talked about it when we had dinner with Tomoe."
Kaoru knew Misao doesn't know about it. Otherwise Kaoru would've known since then. She turned to him, "You are stupid."
He laughed and stopped laughing abruptly. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and said, "I guess…I guess I should've said no to her. I guess I shouldn't be helping her with her wedding."
"Yeah…but it's against your nature not to be stupid…to be so kind…" the last words were said like an endearment as Kaoru realized it she quickly shook her head.
He turned to her and smiled. "And it's against your nature not to be so cruel with me." And he stood up, turned off the TV and said, "I'm sleepy. Come on."
--
They were lying on the futon. Kaoru was facing the wall. He was looking up at the ceiling.
"Kenshin," she whispered.
"Hn?"
"Are you…are you still sad?"
He looked at her and then went back to gazing at the ceiling, "Yeah…"
She scratched the back of her head as she sat up. She slowly turned to him. He sat up too and leaned against the wall.
He frowned, "What?"
She looked down, inched closer and slowly slid her arms around him, pulling him tight into a hug. She rested her head on his shoulder and felt tears forming at the corner of her eyes.
He broke into a smile as he scratched his forehead.
"Are you still sad?" she asked softly after a while.
He placed a hand on her back, on her hair and stroked it softly. "Maybe not that so…"
Kaoru woke up. The space beside her was empty. She was already expecting to find a note on her fridge. And it turned out to be true. She was becoming better at fortune telling. And at acting like a shock-absorber. Or a voltage regulator. Or something similar.
He visited for a certain reason. And it was becoming concrete. It had a pattern. Kaoru now knew.
She called Enishi that afternoon, realizing how unfair she had been to him, how ill she had treated him. But he wasn't home, or so she assumed, for no one ever answered the phone. She also called him on his mobile phone, but he was out of coverage area. Or maybe his phone was just turned off.
"Hello," Tae said as she joined her in the cafeteria that lunch.
She smiled.
"You look…weird," Tae remarked.
"Yeah?" she frowned.
"Anything you want to tell me?"
She took in a deep breath, thought for a while and said, "Nothing really."
She laughed, sipped from her Diet Coke and asked, "Yesterday you were very happy. Now look at you."
"Why?"
"You look…sad."
She furrowed her brows. Okay, so maybe she was sad. The coat on her couch, the smell of cooking food in her kitchen, the warm space on her bedding, the note on the fridge, the realization that his coming over was for a reason other than what she had hoped for. Yeah, she was sad.
"What happened?"
She took a deep breath and for the first time in her life she had admitted to someone how weak she was. She spilled her story, his story, their story, and possibly the future of everything.
--
Tae said, "I don't know what to say."
"Yeah, I guess you don't have to say anything either." She smiled. She hadn't cried. She was beyond that. She knew there was nothing to cry about. But last night, when she consoled him she felt like crying. Maybe she was not merely sympathizing with him. She was sympathizing with herself. After all, compassion is one of the most basic natural feelings. And compassion for oneself is even much more basic. It is amour de soi. She loves herself. And she pities herself.
"Do you…do you mean…" Tae ran out of words.
She laughed, "Don't think I'm depressed. I'm just a bit…lost…lost within my feelings…"
"As if there's a difference," Tae joined laughing.
--
She went to Enishi's flat that evening. She told Kenshin, even before he could think of calling, that she wouldn't be free this evening. She didn't tell him what she was going to do. She wouldn't want him to know.
She pressed the buzzer for the nth time. How come there was no one? Maybe she should just go home, eat and have a good night's rest instead. Maybe she was wasting her time. Just wasting her time.
And then the door opened. It was Enishi wearing a shirt and a pair of khakis. She smiled at him. "Hey," she said.
"Hey," he said with the same dullness coming from her greeting.
"I just…I just came over to tell you something…" she cleared her throat. "Do you mind if I take the liberty of inviting myself inside?" she took a step but stopped when she heard a female voice. A very female one at that.
"Enishi," a woman called. She was inside. That told Kaoru to stay where she was.
"In a minute," Enishi called back. And then he turned to Kaoru.
"I guess," she cleared her throat, "I guess you have moved on quite fast…"
He looked down on his feet.
"Well…I think whatever I was about to say would not matter anymore, would it?" she smiled. And then slowly, with palms outstretched, she hit his face. "That's not because I felt cheated. That's because I allowed myself to be almost cheated." And she turned around and stomped to the elevator.
--
It was in this park. It was in this park where she watched Kenshin asked that girl out for the prom. It was in this swing where she spent the whole night thinking why she had felt bad seeing them, hearing him ask the girl and hearing the girl say yes. It was here. It was here where she felt so foolish.
She looked up at the sky and remembered the time she found out she got pregnant and the time she found out that the tests got mixed up and that she wasn't pregnant after all. She was wondering if she'd rather be pregnant by now.
Her mobile phone rang. She ought not to answer it because it was only Kenshin. But the ringing insisted and she doesn't want to break the silence and the tranquility of the night so that in the end she picked it up.
"Hey," Kenshin's voice came loud and clear.
"What?"
"Sano was trying to call you earlier," he said.
"He was?"
"But your phone was off."
"Yeah…I turned it off."
There was a pause. She wondered if he was expecting to hear, 'Yeah…it ran out of battery' or 'Yeah, there was no signal'.
"What did he say?" she asked.
"Where are you?"
She paused, thought and then kicked sand until her shoes had gone dirty. "At the park."
--
He looked at her from the corner of his eyes. "What happened?"
"Nothing," she said casually. She turned to him, "Did you see her today?"
He looked down, felt it necessary to lie but nevertheless said, "Yeah…I saw her today."
"So that's why," she murmured. He hadn't called. There was nothing on the note except thanks and I'll call you. There was no specific time, no mention of meeting that lunch or that evening. So that was why. It was because they were going to see each other. She felt mad.
"What happened?"
She stood up, walked over to him and said, "Could you give me a hug?"
He stood up and flashed her a puzzled look, "Are you sad?"
"Not really."
And without a word he pulled her close, until her face was buried in his chest.
Kaoru began to cry.
He didn't say anything.
"I'm crying not because he has someone else already," she murmured, "I'm crying because I almost let myself get fooled again."
He smiled, "Good then…"
She pulled back. "Am I stupid?"
"Yeah…I think much more foolish than I am," he joked, trying to make her laugh.
She rubbed her eyes, drying them.
Kenshin quickly got his kerchief, dabbed at her wet eyes and pulled her close.
She smiled at the concern. "I'm glad you're here."
"I'm glad we're here." And he smiled.
--
A/n: OKay, so no cliffies here. Anyway, aout The Floating, some may think I'm not actually pro KK, it's just that I wanted to try my hand at exploring the possibilities of an unrequited love. Besides thsoe one shots are open ended. Anyway, please do check out that one too and I hope you'll like them just as much. Thanks!
REad and Review please...
P.S. I haven't thoroughly edited this one too...