Disclaimer: I do not own One Tree Hill or its characters...I own nothing but this story's plot!!
Chapter 10:
A New Day
Lucas was going to go home and relax before he headed over to talk to Peyton. He knew it was something he had to do, but he just wasn't ready to face it. Because with all the recent information that had come to light, he just didn't see any way he and the blonde could go back to that way things had been.
Unfortunately, when he pulled up in front of his house, he found Peyton's car waiting in the drive. He knew that she had to be inside and silently curse himself for ever giving her a key.
But he knew this had to be a sign of some sort, so he turned off the car and proceeded into his childhood home.
Upon entering through his bedroom door, he was greeted by a version of his fiancé he hardly recognized. She looked like a shell of the person she had once been, and meeting her eyes, all he could see in them was emptiness and shame.
"Luke, I'm glad you're back," she spoke, her voice was hoarse no doubt from all the crying she'd been doing.
"Yeah, I had to sort some stuff out," he mumbled and took a seat on the corner of his desk. He didn't want to be that close to her, it was still hard to look at her without reeling in disgust.
"I figured that," she muttered and looked down at her hands in her lap. "I've been here almost all night waiting for you," she admitted.
Lucas just looked up at her. He didn't know what to say, part of him wanted to apologized, but a much longer part didn't really care that she had suffered in pain for a few hours, because he had been doing the exact same thing. And how long had she been letting him suffer in silence? Almost four-freakin'-years! She could deal with a few hours.
"I feel like I owe you an explanation," she began, looking up and into his face.
"You're damn right you do," Lucas yelled, not realizing his voice was going to come out in that way. He chocked it up to him being angrier than he had originally thought.
Peyton visibly flinched from the sting of his voice. She had known this was going to be the most difficult conversation of her life and she hoped she never would have to have it. She took a deep breath and began again. "And I want you to hear it from me," she told him. "Not from someone else."
"Okay," Lucas urged her to continue. He was trying to be calm, but it was so hard. Her way of prefacing the story was aggravating him.
"Well," Peyton began, looking down at her lap once more. "You have to remember this was right after my attack. Right after we got together and I found out I would never be able to make you a father—that we would never be able to have children of our own."
Lucas nodded, trying to be understanding. He hoped he was keeping his face in check because on the inside his blood was boiling, no excuse she could come up with would ever make this right.
"And remember I moved in with you because I was so scared of being alone. You were all I had Lucas," she said, tears starting to fall down her face. "And then you got this letter from Brooke. And still being the insecure, selfish girl I was, I read it. But I wish I hadn't. The contents of that letter broke me. And inside I turned into a person that I am not proud of. I had just lost her as my best friend, lost Ellie, my dad, and with reading her words I could feel you slipping away."
"What did you do, Peyton?" He asked, his voice even but accusing.
"I did the only thing I knew to do, to keep you and stay safe. I wrote her back, pretending to be you. I told her we were happy and for her to leave you alone, to not contact you again. That you didn't want any part of her child's life," she cried, looking up at him.
"How could you do that?" Lucas screamed at her. "What gave you the right to make that decision for me? You wrote me out of my child's life and then carried on as if everything was fine. And all the while you had this huge secret you were keeping from me!"
"Lucas," Peyton breathed between sobs, rising from the bed. "I was just a scared little girl, scared and stupid. I don't know why I did it. But I am glad you know. I had always wanted to tell you, especially after you proposed, but I knew telling you would be losing you."
Lucas just glared at her. He angrily blew air out of his nose and stared. "Well you were right," he told her. "You have lost me. But as strange as it sounds, I guess you never had me. Considering our whole relationship was based on lies and false trust."
"Don't say that Luke," Peyton pleaded. "I love you. And I know you probably hate me right now. But part of you has to still love me. It isn't possible to turn your emotions off like that."
"No Peyton, you're wrong," He began. "I loved a girl who didn't exist. She was a girl who was my best friend and she would have never kept something like this from me. She was confident and honest, and full of life. Looking at you now, it is as if that girl never existed. Because Peyton, you are a malicious and conniving little bitch. How you could look me in the eyes and say you loved me I'll never understand."
"Lucas," she cried, letting her body fall back on the bed. "But we're getting married in less than a week. We have to work this out."
Lucas actually laughed back in her face. He hadn't wanted to be so mean, but she had to be crazy, right? "Peyton, you know as well as I do that we are not getting married," he said, trying to be calm. "That wedding was over the moment you showed me who you really were. And I have to thank you, for keeping me from making the second biggest mistake of my life," he told her.
"What was your first?" She asked him, almost afraid to hear the answer.
"Ever trusting you in the first place," he said, and shook his head at her. "You disgust me. You are a broken, pathetic excuse for a person."
Peyton rose from the bed. She knew there was nothing more she could say to Lucas, nothing that would change anything for her anyway. She couldn't explain how she had acted. She was so young and stupid. She pulled some papers from her back pocket and handed them to Luke. "Here, I thought it was only right that you see these. I know it doesn't make up for what I did, but maybe it can be a start," she said before retreating to the door.
Lucas took the papers and nodded his head at her. He examined the old faded papers and then he watched her leave.
She turned around when she was halfway out the door and called back to him. "I've always loved you, Lucas Scott. And I know I always will. And if you can ever find a way to see me as the girl I once was, the girl I still know I can be. I will be here, waiting for you," she said, and she closed the door behind her.
Later that afternoon, Olivia and Jamie were down for a nap, giving Brooke some much needed relaxation time after the eventful morning she had had. Nathan and Haley had gone out to do some shopping and have dinner and a movie later on, so Brooke knew she needed to rest so she could keep up with the kids for the rest of the night.
She walked into Rachel's room to see what the red head had been up to all day. She had hardly seen her since that morning when the kids had gone swimming.
"So what goes on with you, Sluttle?" Brooke asked upon entering the room, noticing her friend standing in front of a full length mirror holding up two different tops.
Rachel flashed Brooke a smirk and peeled off the current shirt she was wearing. "You were thinking the blue one, right?" She asked, turning to face Brooke as she threw the yellow shirt to the floor.
"Totally," she nodded. "And it still freaks me out how you can do that, by the way," she remarked, pointing at Rachel as she took a seat in an old-looking armchair.
"I know, and I love it," she said, twirling back around look admire her reflection once more. Blue was definitely the one.
"So you never answered my question," Brooke confronted her. "What have you been up to all day long?"
"Hmmm, nothing really," she answered, pulling her hair into a loose ponytail. "Just being lazy and trying to get ready."
"Get ready?" Brooke questioned her. "Get ready for what? Do you have plans that you didn't tell me about?"
"No, I mean yes, no," Rachel stammered, tripping over her words.
This caused Brooke to laugh extremely hard. Rachel was not one to be tongue-tied…ever. "Do what now?" Brooke asked for clarification as she tried to calm her laughter.
"I have plans, but I told you about them," Rachel explained her answer from earlier.
"Ummm, no you didn't," Brooke corrected her, following her friend to the bathroom and leaning on the door frame.
Rachel looked up from the mirror and glared at her friend. "Yes I did tell you. I told you I was going to hang out with Dean. You know that guy I met?" She tried to remind the brunette; she was almost positive she had told her.
"I know the guy but not the plans," Brooke said, shaking her head at her. "So what are you guys doing?"
"I'm not really sure," Rachel admitted. "Since he's never really been here I guess I'll end up picking. We might go to Tric, or to the Blue Post. Who knows? The possibilities are endless…well, not really endless since this is only Tree Hill," she added, laughing at her own little joke.
Brooke smiled, happy that her friend seemed to be finding some time to enjoy herself. She had been worried Rachel would focus all her time on her situation and wear herself out. "Well have fun…but not too much fun," she winked, walking away from the bathroom.
"Oh I will, don't you worry," Rachel called to her. "I'll be sure to have enough for both of us and give you the details later!"
Brooke rolled her eyes and left the red haired girl alone to finish getting ready. Instead, she opted to go take a nap. Since tonight, she was obviously going to be watching the two children alone.
Brooke had only been asleep for what felt like ten minutes when she was awoken by the ringing of her cell phone.
"Hello," she groggily answered, rolling over to lie flat on her back once the phone was in her grasp. She pulled down on her tiny tank in an attempt to straighten her rumpled clothing. Man, she had been sleeping hard.
"Brooke, are you alright?" A concern Nate asked on the other end of the phone line.
Brooke tried to pull herself together. "Yeah, yeah," she told him. "You just caught me in the middle of a little catnap."
"Oh, I'm sorry," he apologized, knowing she didn't get many of those. "You must really be enjoying your time away then."
"Yeah, it's great," she answered him, totally lying through her teeth. She wanted to tell him everything that was going on, but it could wait until he got here. "I can't wait till you get here. When is your flight?" She asked him, looking forward to the distraction.
"About that," Nate began and already Brooke did not like the sound of that. "I'm actually not going to be able to get away from work. Tina caught some kind of summer flu and with her out and you gone, they say they can't afford to let me off," he explained to her.
Brooke was clearly disappointed. She had wanted Nate to see her home and meet some of her friends, but maybe it was for the better. He wouldn't have to see her inability to contain herself yet again, causing her to look like a ticking time bomb in front of the one guy who might actually think she was somewhat stable. "Oh, okay," she said, trying not to let on how upset she was. "I understand." And there went her one distraction from the wedding from hell.
"Brooke, don't be upset, please," he said, hoping she really was alright and not just faking it. "I would be there if I could, but when they basically told me it was vacation or my job, I knew I had to stay."
Brooke nodded, even though he couldn't see her. "And you're right, that's what you should do," she told him. "I don't know how much a vacation it would actually be anyway," she admitted, trying to make him feel better for having to cancel. "You know, with Liv running around like a crazy girl, staying with my overly-protective friends, and Rachel and her usual antics."
"It sounds like just the type of vacation I'd like to be on," he said, adding, "Especially if you were there."
"Well that would be part of it," she teased him back, turning on her charm. Then a stirring noise downstairs caused her to stop talking and listen, she thought she heard Olivia and Jamie. And those two unsupervised, downstairs, was absolutely not a good thing. "Hey, I hate to rush off the phone, but I think the kids are up," she told him. "I better go see what they are doing before the burn the house down or poke each other's eyes out," she laughed.
Nate chuckled a little too, sad that he wasn't getting to see the brunette and that their phone conversations were shortened to the bare minimum. "Alright. I miss you, Brooke," he told her.
"You too," she whispered. "I'll call you tomorrow," she added, hanging up the phone and throwing on a pair of sweat pants before heading downstairs.
Brooke walked out of her room and down the hallway to see if in fact Olivia and Jamie had woken up. She slowly opened the door to Jamie's room and poked her head inside. And there were the two little angels, curled up on the pallet she had made them on Jamie's floor.
She sighed and took a seat on Jamie's bed. Maybe she had heard Rachel leaving. Judging by the fact that the sun had already gone down, she knew her friend had to have already left for her date. And if it wasn't Rachel, maybe she was just imagining things. After all, she was practically alone in an unfamiliar house.
The more she thought about it, the calmer she got. That was until she heard another noise downstairs that sounded a whole lot like footsteps. She wasn't quite sure what she was hearing, but she knew the only way to ease her now frantic mind would be to go check it out.
So she closed the door behind the children, and armed with her cell phone she descended Nathan and Haley's staircase.
Once at the bottom, she turned on the light, surprised not to see someone standing in front of her just waiting to grab her.
She heard another noise in the kitchen and she got brave. "Ummm, whoever you are, you should know that I have a gun," she called, hoping to intimidate them. But as soon as the words had left her mouth, she regretted saying them.
"If I ask nicely, will you promise not to shoot me?" Lucas asked, appearing from the dimly lit kitchen and into the bright living room. He was glad he could keep it light with Brooke. Though he had come with her to talk about some serious stuff, he didn't want to let his emotions get the best of him. He wanted to be civil.
Brooke dropped her arms to her sides and stared at him. "Lucas, what the hell?" She screamed, and tossed her phone at him. It missed and hit the floor, breaking into about five pieces. "Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"
Lucas jumped back into the spot he had been standing in after dodging the flying object and tried to hold in the smile that was pulling on his lips. It was the first time he had actually felt a moment of happiness all day. "Sorry," he muttered, still trying to keep his emotions in check.
Brooke crossed her arms over her chest. He had no reason to be smiling at her. Then she realized she had on a tiny tank top with her hair probably sticking out all over the place and was yielding a phone as a weapon, and then she began seeing the humor in the situation. "This is so not funny," she complained. "What are you doing here, Lucas?" She asked him. "If you came here to talk to Nathan or Haley, they went out for the night," she added, hoping he would leave.
"Actually," he said, looking up from the hardwood floors to look into her eyes. "I came here to talk to you," he told her, hoping to get some kind of read on how she was feeling.
And did he ever get one. Brooke's jaw slightly dropped, but she was able to regain her composure before it totally hit the floor. She nodded her head awkwardly. "Okay," she quietly answered and she led him towards the living room couch where they both took a seat.
"So, what's on your mind?" Brooke asked him, trying to play it cool, even though she knew exactly what this conversation was going to be about. She had played it over in her mind a million times, and despite that fact, she still wasn't ready for this. But really, would she ever be?
Lucas reached into his back pocket and pulled out some folded pieces of paper. He looked at them for a moment, fingering the frayed edges before handing them to Brooke. "Here," he told her, not saying much else for the moment.
Brooke looked from the pieces of paper and up to him, confusion covering her features. "What's this?" She asked before even unfolding the papers.
"Something I wish I would have seen a long time ago," he said. And as he continued to speak, Brooke unfolded the letters. "I get why you wrote it. But seriously, why would you not try to contact me? Do you really think I could just walk away from my child the same way my father did to me?" He asked her. His voice was dripping with hurt, but it was slightly rising to show in fact he was angry.
Brooke looked up from the letter she had written so long ago and into his eyes. She could see how much his heart was breaking over this. But what about her? She felt like the lowest of the low. She knew it was her fault Olivia and Lucas weren't together, and now he was throwing it in her face. So she did what she did best, she got defensive. "What was I supposed to think, Lucas?" She asked him back, her tone a little louder than she had intended. "Or did you not read this letter?" She asked, holding up a fresh copy of the typed letter that had broken her heart and shattered her world.
Lucas just stared at her, she was actually getting angry? He was the one who a right to be angry. She had spent every day with her child. She had seen her grow and been there for her. He on the other hand had no idea she even existed. He just found out he had missed nearly four years of her life…and he was pissed.
"You couldn't have actually thought that I wrote that," he said, pointing at the piece of paper. "One, that sounds nothing like me. Two, I would have written you a hand-written letter, if I had in fact wrote you. And three, do you honestly think I would say that you never mattered to me? That we were never in love?" He asked her, over the anger in his voice, the hurt was still evident.
"What else was I supposed to think, Lucas?" She asked him. "Tell me that, please. I know I did everything wrong, okay! I know I was a young and stupid child back then. I felt alone and betrayed. And unworthy of anyone, I had felt that way for so long, Lucas. And this," she said, waving around the piece of paper. "This just solidified all those insecurities and little truths I didn't want to believe. So I had no choice," she ended, tears welling up in her eyes.
"Brooke, I—," he said and tried to wipe a tear from her cheek. He knew this whole ordeal was hurting her as bad as it was him. He couldn't take all his frustrations out on her. They had to work together in this…they had both been played.
She swatted his hand away and stood from the couch. "Don't Brooke, me," she screamed at him. "Don't give me your sympathy because I know I don't deserve it. It will always come down to this being entirely my fault. I didn't keep trying to pursue you about Olivia. I stayed away for so long, and I—I. I can't do this, Luke," she said, tears flowing freely down her face.
"Do what?" He asked her. "Talk with me about this?" He asked, "Because I hate to tell you this, but this is a conversation we should have had a long time ago. And I need to know."
"I know, I know," she said, shaking her head, her voice low. "I just, I can't face any more disappointments. I can't watch your face as I tell you everything and see it change to a look of self-pity. And I can't rehash our past when you are about to get married! I just can't do that," she said, her voice rising in volume with every word.
Lucas nodded his head at her. He guess now wouldn't be the best time to tell her that said wedding wasn't going to be taking place. He wanted to hear this story. And he did not need to give the brunette any reason to change the subject; she seemed to be doing enough stalling on her own.
"So can you tell me?" He asked her. "I want to know everything. I mean, I read your letter and it said a lot, but I mean. I want to know how Liv's life has been growing up," he said, patting a spot on the couch for her to sit back down. "So please, tell me." His voice was now calm and inviting.
Brooke reluctantly walked back over to the sofa and took a seat as far away from the blonde as she could possibly get. The last thing she needed was him invading her personal space again, when she was a vulnerable mess. "Well what do you want to know?" She asked him, gulping down a lump in her throat.
Lucas looked into Brooke's eyes, now as his chance. "Well has she been happy? Who are her friends? When is her birthday?" He asked her, throwing out multiple questions.
Brooke nodded. "Yes, she has always been a very happy little girl. She's active and full of herself. She doesn't go to school, so I guess her friends are Rachel and myself. God, she loves Rachel, it's almost scary to see the way they interact. I never would have thought that girl would even be remotely motherly. But she's great with Liv. She keeps her for me while I work," she said, getting a little off topic. It was easy to see talking about the little girl could make her feel at ease not matter what was going on.
Lucas laughed; he couldn't see Rachel as a motherly-figure either. Then he focused his attention back on Brooke and the conversation at hand. "Has she ever asked about me?" He wanted to know. How could he not? He wanted to know what she thought of him, what Brooke had told her.
Brooke gave him a closed-lip smile and began to speak. "To be honest she never has. She's not really at that age yet. I mean, she has so many people that she loves to take care of her. And we haven't really been around many other families that would make her think that she is missing something in hers."
Lucas's face fell. He wanted to be in his daughter's life and be needed. But at least Brooke hadn't poisoned her on him, not that he thought she would do that. "And what about you?" He asked her. "What did you think about me?"
"Lucas, does that really matter?" She questioned him back, shaking her head from side to side. "Everything I thought was based on lies and the stupid decisions of hormonal teenage girls. Let's not rehash it," she told him, trying to be adult.
Lucas slowly nodded and stood up. "Can I see her?" He asked, not really knowing why he was asking permission to see his own child. But I guess it was because technically he hardly knew her.
"She's sleeping," Brooke said, standing as well. "But soon, you'll be able to see her soon."
"Okay," he mumbled, and began fiddling with his hands. "I guess I better go. But Brooke, I just have one question," he said, turning back around to face her. "What you said in your letter, do you really think things would have turned out differently if I actually would have gotten it? Things with Olivia, and with us?" He asked.
Brooke looked at him and tried to give him some type of smile. If he would have just asked her this question a month ago, he might have gotten a totally different answer. But now, with him marrying Peyton and with Nate, she had to go with her head on this one, closing out all the other emotions that were screaming at her. "Lucas, things might have been different with Olivia, yes. But with us, we were never the epic couple of Tree Hill. We weren't the ones meant to be together forever, not in that way anyway," she said forcing a smile onto her face. She hoped it didn't read as too fake.
Lucas just nodded and turned to the door. He walked out and left Brooke standing alone.
She walked over to the door and flipped the lock, slumping down in front of it. How could this be happening again? How could a few days with Lucas Scott be causing all these old emotions to come back? Maybe because they were never really gone. They were always there, just below the surface.
New chapter time!! YAY! So I hoped you all enjoyed it...Brucas finally talks!! :) And sorry the whole Peyton smackdown was kind of tame...Lucas was emotionally tapped out, and for P, well I like to devote as little story time to her as possible. So for now it is buh-bye P--though I am not going to promise she won't pop back up because I am not sure about that or not!! Special thanks to everyone who took the time to review last chapter: dmpanda5, othlife, Long Live BRUCAS, tanya2byour21 (Tanya), Iz-Belle91 (Izzie), bella, and TeamSophia. So what did everyone think this time?? Loved it or hated it...let me know!! I wil try to get better! :) Oh, and snagged the title from a Celine Dion song...
Audra