Disclaimer: I do not own One Tree Hill or its characters...I own nothing but this story's plot!!!

Chapter 15:

I Still

Brooke abruptly woke up the next morning feeling surprisingly calm and at peace. These were not the usual feelings she had after waking up after a night of not nearly enough sleep. She was glad Nate had offered to sleep in another room, because she wasn't sure what might have come out of her mouth last night, especially with the dream she had.

It wasn't that it had been a nightmare. It was just…strange.

The whole dream started with Brooke, Olivia, and their friends; consisting of Rachel, Haley, Nathan, Jamie, and Nate; all playing soccer together in the park.

All of a sudden, Olivia ran off the field smiling and laughing. Even though her daughter seemed to be in a good mood, Brooke felt compelled to run after her. But her run wasn't driven by panic either, it was by happiness.

As she and Olivia ran, the surroundings seemed to disappear. Well, not so much disappear but fade into a bright light. And the more they ran, the further Olivia became in front of her.

When Olivia had almost disappeared from her sight, a brief moment of panic washed over her. But it was completely erased when she heard her daughter's voice cry out, "Daddy."

"There's my girl," she heard a man's voice say. He wasn't visible to her, but she would know his voice anywhere.

It was Lucas.

And surprisingly, she was totally at ease. Just hearing his voice, and Olivia's voice, brought total peace to her entire body. And she could feel herself smile. It was perfection.

But then the voices faded out, and she woke up rather quickly. But she didn't feel startled like you usually do after being aroused from a dream, she was serene.

And serenity is not something she would associate with Lucas Scott, at least not as of late. But maybe that was exactly the point; maybe she needed to reevaluate her feelings. I mean, dreams are windows to our inner subconscious, no?

"So you just attacked him?" Haley asked her best friend the next morning when she came over to check on him. After the bar fight the night before, she wanted to make sure Lucas had made it home in one piece and was doing alright.

Lucas rolled his head over to look at her. "I didn't attack him. It was more like he was provoking me, and yes, I had a little bit to drink, so he pushed me over the edge."

"But what did he say that drove you to attack him?" Haley asked again. She still was not fully grasping the situation. All she had gotten from Dean and Rachel was Lucas was an ass and Brooke wasn't talking so she really had nothing to go on.

Lucas shrugged his shoulders, "He was just all in my face. And he was butting into situations that he had no business being in."

"Like what?" Haley wondered. Dean seemed like a pretty nice guy to her, though the fact that he had gotten into a fist-fight with her best friend was not moving him too high up her friend list.

"Screw it," Lucas thought. Last night through all the haze his mind was in, he had finally had a moment of clarity. "He was flirting with…with Brooke," he spat out, quickly averting his gaze from Haley's face so he didn't have to see her reaction.

"Lucas, no," Haley started, placing a gentle hand on his arm. "Brooke is not your property. You let her walk away a long time ago an—" she was cut off by Lucas.

"And maybe that was a mistake," He spat out, looking up into Haley's face once more.

"Luke," she started once more. "You cannot do this to her. You cannot just rush back into her life and pull the rug out from under her when she is happy."

"I can't do what to her? Tell her how I feel and try to make things right. The way things are right now; this is not the way they should be. Things should be different now, with me, and her, and Olivia," He tried to explain.

Haley sighed. "Maybe it's not the way things should be, but it is the way they are. And Lucas, you have got to accept that. You can't just crash in and destroy their world."

"But Hales, don't you see. I am not doing that. I am righting a wrong that should have never been made in the first place. I am through sitting back and letting things happen to me. I am the master of my own fate," He said, speaking loudly and with conviction.

"I know you feel like you have been wronged, but so does Brooke. She's not the same happy-go-lucky girl she once was. She has changed, and frankly she is a little damaged," Haley said honestly.

"Haley, I know she has changed. But inside, she's the same Brooke she always way. I can feel it. She's opened up to me. And in the little time she has been here, I can feel it. That connect we had…it never died," he tried to tell her, becoming frustrated that his friend wasn't automatically taking his side. But he understood, she was stuck in the middle—trying to protect one friend while still trying to be supportive of the other.

"Are you sure that connection you're feeling is not just because of Olivia?" Haley asked him, trying to be rational. I mean, someone had to bring some light to the situation.

"Yes, I'm sure. I feel connected to Olivia, I do. And that connection is unbelievable. I never told anyone this, but while Brooke was gone, I felt I had lost part of myself. It was a part I tried to fill, and I misguidedly did it with Peyton. But I never felt completely whole. Then she comes back and it was as if I was myself again. And everything made sense," he spoke. "I know I am probably making no sense right now though, going on and on like this, but it is unexplainable."

Haley squeezed her friend's hand, giving him her support, "No, Luke, I understand. That is how I felt with Nathan. I mean, people thought we were crazy getting married in high school, after we had only been dating for a few months. But Look at us now, years later and we're still going strong. You can't fight your heart. When it's right you just know, whether or not it makes sense."

"The heart has reasons that reason cannot know," Lucas quoted, remembering another time he had used that same quote to describe his feelings for Brooke. "It's Pascal. And somehow Brooke always brings me back to this quote. She just does things to me that I can't even fathom."

Haley let out a chuckle as she began to speak, "All right there, I don't need to hear all the gory details."

Lucas laughed too. "But I mean, this is crazy right?" He asked, starting to doubt the reality of the situation. "I mean, there is no way she's feeling the same thing. There's not a chance in hell that we could ever be together again, is there? We've been through too much."

"I've seen couples who've been through a lot less give up quicker than either of you did. You're never going to know unless you tell her," Haley said wisely.

"I know, but I don't want to hurt her anymore. I feel like I've caused her so much pain," Lucas reasoned, now trying to talking himself out of his feelings.

"Lucas, that pain was caused by Peyton. Sure, the being away from you was painful for her, but it was for you too. And I think now that Brooke knows the truth she has been letting it go. I mean, she has been talking to you, hasn't she?" Haley questioned, hoping he would grasp her point.

"Yeah, I guess," he reluctantly admitted, kicking his foot into the table where the two were sitting.

"Good, then just talk to her," she instructed. "But promise me one thing," she said, looking into her friend's eyes.

"Yeah, anything," Lucas said, encouraging Haley to continue.

"Promise me that no matter how Brooke feels, and no matter what she decides, that you will respect her decision," she said, her stern motherly glare masking her features.

"I promise," Lucas smiled. After all, he wanted Brooke to be happy. And if by some chance being a family with him and Olivia would do that, then he wanted to let her know that she had that option.

"So it's our last day in Tree Hill," Rachel practically sang. "What are we going to do to make it special?" She asked Brooke as the two of them laid in lounge chairs watching Jamie and Olivia swim in the pool with Nathan and Nate.

Brooke rolled her head over to look at her all too bubbly friend, "You're really excited about going home, aren't you?" She asked, somewhat surprised because of how Rachel had become so friendly with Dean.

"You have no idea," Rachel admitted, practically breathing a sigh of relief. "Just to get back to civilization, you know. I feel like we are living under a rock when we're here."

Brooke couldn't help but laugh at her friend's dramatic and exaggerated words. "You are so insane," she told her. "It is just peaceful here. You can actually hear yourself think."

"Yeah, and that's something some of us don't really like doing," Rachel told her. "I like the hustle and bustle, getting wrapped up in other people and their twisted lives. There no one cares if I go out table dancing, but here it would be front page news."

"Yeah, I guess you are right about that. I do like being somewhat anonymous at home. But I mean, it is a nice change to be surrounded by people who care about you," Brooke told her. And it was true. She loved her home in California, but if she was completely honest with herself, she loved her old home in Tree Hill more. "So what about you and Dean?" She asked, curious to see what her friend's answer would be.

"What about us?" Rachel practically scoffed. This was an indicator she did not want to approach the topic. And from the way the redhead had been talking, Brooke could tell Rachel was in deeper than she had ever been.

"You know," Brooke began. "What is going to happen with the two of you when we leave? I mean, you have gotten so close, and he seems like a really great guy Rach."

"Yeah, I guess he's okay," Rachel tried to act nonchalant about the whole situation. "But we both knew this wasn't a permanent thing. He lives in Charlotte where he plays basketball, and I have a life in LA with you and Olivia. There is just too much standing in our way."

"Well don't let it," Brooke practically interrupted. "What do you always tell me, 'that I deserve to be happy', right? Well you deserve to be happy too," she explained. "You have put your life on hold for too long for me, and I won't be that selfish girl who allows you to do it anymore."

"Brooke, it's not like that. I want to help you and Olivia, you guys are my family," Rachel said, looking Brooke straight in the face.

"And you will always be a part of our family. You will never get rid of us, no matter how hard you try. But I have seen a special spark between you and Dean, just don't give it up because you feel you have something tying you to California. Me and Olivia, we want you with us, we do, but we also want Auntie Rachie to be happy. So just agree with me, that you won't shut down this relationship because of the distance factor or because of us, or because you're scared," she said, taking her friend's hand in her own.

"Fine," Rachel snapped, jerking her hand back from Brooke in a playful manner. "Besides, he is pretty hot, it would be a shame to let him get away," she added with a laugh to lighten the uncomfortably serious mood.

Brooke did the same thing. "Oh Rach," she said. "Don't ever change."

"So this is some way to be spending your last day here," Haley teased her friends as she walked onto her back patio. Her friends were lying in lounge chairs, Brooke's face in a magazine and Rachel looking relatively asleep with her iPod in. "Isn't this like all they do in California anyway?" She asked them.

Brooke laid down her magazine and looked up at her with a smile. "No, sometimes we go shopping and ride around in our convertibles with our hair blowing in the wind."

Haley laughed at Brooke's quick wit. "So what's the deal with Rachel?" She asked, gesturing towards the redhead who seemed to be completely knocked out.

Brooke turned from Haley to Rachel, then back to Haley and shrugged. "Who knows? I guess she can't deal with everything. Sleep is an escape."

"Sounds like you know a thing or two about escape mechanisms," Haley noted, taking a seat at the foot of the chair Brooke was occupying.

Brooke curled up her legs to give her friend more room and nodded in agreement. "That I did. But not anymore," she admitted. "If there is anything this trip has taught me, it is that I need to grow up and let go of the past. Everyone, especially me, makes mistakes and I am no one to judge."

"Well, look at you, Brooke Davis, being all forgiving and insightful," Haley complimented. "I'm proud."

"Besides," Brooke shrugged, bringing the subject back to the previous one. "I have found my dreams aren't so much of an escape as of late."

"What do you mean?" Haley asked growing concerned.

"It's nothing really," Brooke tried to brush her worry off. "It's just that I seem to be confronted with my reality in my dreams, not escape from it."

"Well that's how it is sometimes," Haley explained to her, trying to rationalize the situation with what little information she had. "Sometimes our dreams show us the things we can't see on our own. We get to see our actual 'dreams.' It's like a window into our souls or something."

Brooke backed away and tried to laugh off Haley's explanation. "Thanks for that psycho-analysis," she teased. "It's good to know that you learned something in college."

"Hey, don't make fun," Haley said, pushing her friend in the leg.

"I'm not, I'm not," Brooke reassured her. "I admire you for doing it, with Jamie and Nathan. You're pretty amazing, you know that?"

Haley smiled, "Well I think you're pretty amazing too. You've raised Olivia into a beautifully smart little girl."

"I appreciate that, Hales," Brooke smiled. "But I still feel like I've held her back in some ways. I know she hasn't missed out on any amount of love, but she needs a male influence in her life. And that's something I can't give her."

"I think you can," Haley said, standing from her chair. "You just need to be open to it," she added, to which Brooke smiled knowingly to herself. "Now, I'm going to go make dinner for you guys."

"What? Haley, you don't have to do that," Brooke told her, dropping her arms to her side.

"Yes I do. This is your last night here, and you guys deserve a proper sendoff," she said. "I hope you won't mind that I invited some people."

Brooke shook her head from side to side. "No, that sounds perfect," she said, as she watched Haley walk off and laid back into the lounge chair.

Hours later a small group had gathered at the already overly-full Naley household. Mouth, Lucas, and Skills had come to join Nathan, Haley, Jamie, and Dean as they said goodbye to Brooke, Olivia, Rachel, and Nate.

"Everything smells great, Haley," Nate complimented as he came down to join the guests in the living room. "Brooke and Rachel said they'd be down in a minute."

"That sounds about right," Haley shrugged. "They never could do anything quickly, and getting ready would definitely be at the top of that list."

This caused a laugh from everyone in the room, everyone except the brunette who had just entered.

"I resent that," Brooke said, having heard Haley's comment. "Rachel is the one who takes an eternity to get ready if you have to know."

"Sure," Nathan chimed in. "You forget some of us here have known you your entire life," he said, gesturing to himself, Lucas, Mouth, and Skills. "And some of us remember just how long it used to take you to get ready for parties after the basketball games."

Brooke slightly blushed but quickly regained her composure. "Oh please, I was just giving you all time to shower so that you didn't stink."

"Mommy, mommy," Olivia sang, running up to her mother. "Can we play a game please?" She asked, looking up at Brooke, her big blue eyes shining.

"Sure Livvie," Brooke smiled down at her. "What do you want to play?"

Olivia put her finger up to her cheek as if she really had to contemplate the game she wanted to play. "Hmmm, how 'bout we play hide-n-seek. Everybody!" She shrieked as she jumped up and down.

Brooke laughed, "Alright, settle down, Little Miss. I don't know if everyone wants to play," she told them.

"I'll play," Nate announced. "I wouldn't miss a game with my two favorite girls."

"Yay, Natie!" Olivia cheered, flinging her tiny arms into the air.

Lucas stood up and walked over to the others. "I'll play too," he said, eager to have whatever time he could to spend with his daughter.

"Lukie, yay, yay!" Olivia screamed, bounding over to him and hitting him on the butt.

"Olivia," Brooke scolded. "No one is going to be playing anything if you keep hitting people. You need to calm down."

"Sorry, Mommy," she apologized bashfully. "I be's good."

"Good," Brooke nodded, "Because I'm sooo going to win this game."

"I don't think so," Mouth chimed in. "I was hide and go seek champion at summer camp for four straight years. And Skills, well, have you ever met anyone sneakier than he is?"

"Hey, I resent that, Dawg," Skills said as everyone else laughed.

Soon, everyone except Rachel, Dean, and Haley had agreed to play Olivia's game. The party-poopers claimed they had to watch the food and get the table set up. But the others descended on the yard, eagerly ready to play.

Nate had volunteered to help Olivia count and hunt for people, so while they counted, all the others dispersed across the backyard to try and find places to hide.

Brooke ran back to the tree line at the back of the property. She then situated herself behind a row of bushes, somewhere she knew she wouldn't be quickly found. Boy was she wrong.

"Hey Brooke, can I talk to you for a second?" Lucas asked her, creeping up beside her behind the wall of shrubbery.

Brooke looked at Lucas, a little confused. He didn't look like himself; he had a somewhat nervous look in his eye. "Yeah, I guess," she answered him. "We're kind of in the middle of a game that requires us to be quiet so I'm going to have to say you're timing isn't the greatest," she added with a giggle.

Lucas chuckled along with her. In reality she was right, but he knew there was not really going to be a real time to tell her this, plus this was probably going to be the only time he was able to get her alone with Nate swarming like a hawk.

"So what's going on?" Brooke prompted him after he had been silent for some time.

Lucas cleared his throat. He wasn't really sure where to begin so he just thought, 'what the hell, better to get it out then leave things unspoken and wonder what might have been.' "Well," he began as he ran his hand along the back of his neck. "I know this is probably the last thing you want to hear right now. But I feel like I need to tell you what's going on with me before I let you slip away like you did all those years ago."

In his pause Brooke began to speak, she knew what was coming. "Lucas, don't," she pleaded with him, her eyes speaking far louder than her words.

"Brooke, I'm sorry," He started once more. "But I never should have let you just walk out of my life all those years ago. I know it, and I know deep down you know it too. It shouldn't be like this. We should be together. We should all be a family, you, me and Olivia."

"Lucas, stop," she begged once more. "This is the way things are now. We can't just change the past. We can't rewind time like nothing has happened. Real life doesn't work like that. It…it just can't."

"But why not?" He asked her, why did this simple request have to be so damn complicated. "Brooke I still care about you. Even with all the time you were away and I was with Peyton, there was always this void in my heart. And I never knew what it was until you came back here. It was the first time in a long time I felt complete. And now, finding out about Olivia, it just reinforces what my instincts have been screaming at me since I first met you. That I'm the guy for you."

"No," Brooke breathed her voice barely a whisper as the tears ran down her face. "How can you say that to me, now after everything that has happened? I'm sorry, Luke, but I can't do this right now," she told him quietly as she stood up and ran from the bushes towards the house.

"Brooke, wait," Lucas called after her, standing up from where they had been hiding as well.

"Found ya, Mommy," Olivia called as she pointed to her mother who was running towards her.

"Brooke what's wrong?" Nate asked, his voice full of concern as Brooke approached.

But she just ran past them both. She couldn't deal with this bombardment of information right now. She couldn't be around Nate and be feeling conflicted about Lucas, or vice versa. She needed to be alone; she needed time to process what she had just heard.

"Brooke, our flight leaves in an hour and a half. Are you almost ready?" Rachel called through the door of her friend's room.

Brooke had been surprisingly absent from the little going away party for the majority of the night. She has barricaded herself in her room, claiming she felt sick with a migraine and just wanted to sleep and be in the dark. The only person she had talked to had been Rachel and Olivia, when she came up to get ready for bed.

Brooke slowly walked over to the wooden door and opened it. "Yeah, I'm almost ready," she told Rachel. "Just give me a few minutes."

The red head took in her friend's puffy, red eyes and knew there had to be more to the situation than what the brunette was letting on. "So what's really going on with you, Brooke," Rachel asked, not one to ever beat around the bush.

"Nothing's going on, I'm fine," Brooke quickly lied as she threw the rest of the toiletries into a suitcase.

Rachel walked over and stood right in front of her friend, face to face. "You forget you can't lie to me, don't you," Rachel told her, taking her friend's hands in her own. "So tell me, what is going on?"

Brooke looked at Rachel; she couldn't rehash this, not now. She couldn't deal. After she had been up all night last night pouring over the facts, her rational thoughts and all her rational feelings. Absolutely nothing made sense. It seemed that nothing could ever be the way she planned. And every time she was comfortable someone just had to slip the rug right out from under her.

"Brooke, what is it?" She prodded once more after her friend's extreme moment of silence.

Brooke sucked in the emotions that were threatening to spill over and put on a brave face. "It's nothing," she quickly dismissed Rachel's concern. "I just don't know how I managed to convince myself that coming here and leaving again would be some simple thing…because it's so not."

"I know, honey," Rachel tried to soothe her. "I don't really want to leave either but we have to get back to our lives."

Brooke nodded her head in agreement. If she could just get home, all of these conflicting feelings would go away, and she would be able to go back to her life as it was, right?

After tons of tears and heartfelt goodbyes, the little group was finally on their way back to L.A. Rachel, Brooke, and Olivia were all sitting together in one row of seats, while Nate, having booked his flight separately, was in a totally different section.

Olivia looked somberly out the window, seeming somewhat distracted. This was a totally uncharacteristic-like behavior for the bubbly little girl, and one that did not escape her mother's notice.

"Are you okay, Livvie-love?" Brooke asked her baby as she stroked her light blonde hair.

Olivia turned and looked at Brooke. "I not want leave there, Mommy. I miss my friends," she told her, her voice matching her pouty face.

Brooke wrapped the little girl in a hug. She hated that she had done this to her, to herself. Everything would have been so much simpler if she would have stayed in California and let yet another chance to visit Tree Hill pass her by again. Damn that Lucas Scott and the power he still held over her.

Brooke looked down at Olivia after a moment of silence. "It will be okay sweetness. When we get back, you, me, Aunt Rachel, and Nate can all have a pizza party," she said, trying to raise her daughter's spirits. Not like she actually wanted to have a pizza party, but when you're a parent you have to make sacrifices.

"But what about Jamie and Haley and Lukie?" Olivia asked. "I wanna have a party with them too. They are my friends too," she said, now beginning to sob. Thus evoking looks from everyone around them on the plane.

Brooke felt bad for the other passengers for a second, but only one before she turned her sole focus on her little girl, not caring what anyone else thought. "I know, baby. They are my friends too. But we have to go back home, Mommy has to go to work. And they have to stay in Tree Hill that is there home."

"Why can't that be my home too?" Olivia asked between sobs. She was never one to get too emotional about things, but now the waterworks were free flowing.

"It just can't honey," Brooke tried to explain, but how can you even begin to rationalize something like this with a three year-old. "We can go back and visit sometime, and we can invite Haley and Jamie out here," she suggested, trying to quiet the little girl's tears.

"And what about Lukie too?" Olivia asked, wiping a hand across both her eyes.

"I'm sure Lucas would love to come see you," Brooke said, smiling down at the little girl as Olivia nuzzled into her, her sobs subsiding into labored breathing, and finally sleep.

The rest of the plane ride, Brooke thought about what she had to do, for Olivia. She had to tell her the truth about Lucas. It didn't matter who thought she was doing the wrong thing by telling her, it didn't even matter if she was unsure about the timing. All the mattered was that she did what she thought was best for her little girl. That is what she had always done in the past. Why should she let her selfish feelings get in the way now? She couldn't, she wouldn't, be that person to Olivia.

So here is the next installment! I am sooo sorry it took me so long! I have been incredibly busy, but I actually have some down time now and guess what? I finished this story today! So yay!! I am excited...I hate to see this one end, but now I can focus my energy on my new one, an OTH/GG crossover, and my neverending story "Remember Tonight" :) So there is like one more chapter after this, but it is a pretty long one! Just letting you guys know ahead of time. Thanks to all of you who have been reading and reviewing...I really hope you liked the chapter! Let me know either way! Title of the song is from Backstreet Boys.

Audra