Okay first of all, we don't own bleach, Sweeney Todd, or Taco Aizen.
Bleach is Tite Kubo's, Sweeney Todd is Tim Burton's, and the idea for Taco Aizen belongs to the good people of CAPSLOCKBLEACH on Live Journal.
And the lovely Cherry-chan is TheDrunkenWerewolf's.
Having said that, please enjoy our random attempt at crack. After such a long wait we finally have the prologue done. Just read, relax, enjoy and hopefully review!
- Sincerely TheDrunkenWerewolf and Crazyfeatherhead.
Oh yeah, I think we'd better put an advisory warning here:
You may not wanna eat, drink or talk on the phone when reading this. Just some advice...
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Prologue: the casting call
Aizen was sitting in his chair in the waiting room of Las Noches when Gin and Tousen came in. He was looking through a stapled booklet when they came in.
"Ah, it's about time you two got here."
"So what's this all about Aizen-chan?"
"This."
Aizen stated as he threw the stapled booklet across the white coffee table to Gin, who picked it up with a bemused expression.
"It's a script."
"You remember, we all auditioned for a musical last week and this is the final cast and script." Aizen responded casually, taking yet another sip of his tea as Gin flipped through the script that had been given to him.
"It would appear that you got your role as Lovett."
"Yeh, an' Aizen chan is the Sweeney!" Gin laughed. "An' Tousen is the Judge Turpin."
Tousen just grunted. In reality, Tousen had been the one auditioning for the lead role, but Aizen's acting abilities were thought to be far superior. Plus the fact that the directors didn't think him fit to play the role of Sweeney Todd. So naturally, it just had to be Aizen.
"An' Ulqui chan's Toby."
Flipping further through the script that he had just been given, Ichimaru Gin had come across one of the key parts in the plotline.
"Eh? Aizen chan... Apparently we gotta waltz."
"Yes Gin."
"Ya mean like romantic? What?"
"Oh come now Gin, you get to make pies, what more do you want? And I don't think it means in a romantic fashion. I think this is the directors just toying with us..."
Aizen responded casually, still sipping the tea from the expensive white mug he had in his hands. Contemplating the idea of waltzing with Gin, who seemed quite amused with the idea.
"Ah, this is gonna be fun Taichou..."
"So you say Ichimaru."
"Ah, Tousen-san's jus' jealous cause you wanted ta be Sweeney!"
"Pray tell Gin," Aizen said, looking up from his tea, "who is Johanna?"
"Umm" Gin paused, quickly turning to the page with the names of the cast. "It says here that it's..."
The door then opened to reveal the form of Kira Izuru.
Aizen and Gin just looked at the shinigami that had entered the lounge and exchanged glances. Pausing momentarily to look at the script again before both of them howled with laughter.
"What's so funny?" Izuru demanded. Eager to know what exactly they were laughing about.
"Yer... yer Johanna?" Gin was trying to restrain his laughter now.
"Why yes." Izuru responded coldly as he leered at Gin, "Do you have a problem with that... Ichimaru Taichou?" Kira glared daggers at his former superior; Izuru was not one to be messed with. This made Gin back off.
"What is everyone laughing about?" Ulquiorra inquired in his usual stoic tone upon entering the room, just as Kira took his seat, "It just gotten very loud in here all of a sudden."
Gin looked up.
"So Ulqui kun is playin' Toby huh?"
"That is correct Ichimaru sama."
"Have ya looked over yer script yet?"
"Script?"
Kira threw him one from his side of the table and he started reading it amazingly fast. After a few silent moments had passed, Ulquiorra looked up.
"This is trash."
"Eh? What d'ya mean?"
"…I can't sing…" Ulquiorra admitted almost painfully.
"EH? Then why'd ya audition in the first place?"
"Aizen sama requested me to do so."
Gin was going to say something that was certainly going to be very witty, but was interrupted by the door being flung open.
"Ahhh~ greetings Aizen sama!" Szayel said (or rather, sang) as he practically skipped into the room after slamming the door open, overjoyed at his new role.
"Ugh, please tell me that I will not have to work with this." Ulquiorra moaned as he watched Szayel prance into the room and grab a copy of the script from the pile on the table and then start to read his lines.
"Trash" Ulquiorra muttered to Szayel, who just gave him a very offended look.
There were two more voices that were getting louder as they moved down the hall, these of which belonged to Hinamori and Hitsugaya, who were both quite exited to be playing their new roles in the production. It was Hitsugaya Toshiro and Hinamori Momo. But Hitsugaya had found out rather late that Momo wasn't Johanna like she auditioned for. He was not amused that Kira has the role.
"You're not Johanna and you didn't tell me?!"
Momo laughed nervously.
"Well you know, when I got the script details I saw that Johanna's part didn't really get a lot of time with Aizen Taichou, so I didn't try out for that part…Sorry Shiro chan!"
"But the beggar woman doesn't have a lot of interaction with that bastard either!"
"But we were once married!"
Toshiro's face dropped. "What?"
"Erm, I mean the characters, they where once married! And they had Johanna together! Hey your short enough, why don't you be Johanna as their baby during the flash back scene!"
Hitsugaya felt his left eye twitch rather violently and started wondering if it was too late to go back to soul society and forget this whole thing.
"Well then… who's playing the beadle?"
"I have no idea…"
The door then randomly got slammed open again.
"AIZEN!"
It was Kurosaki Ichigo.
Aizen was the one sitting nearest to the door. Getting a deafening earful of the monstrous yelling of his name.
"My GOD PEOPLE! I'm only three feet away from you; I can hear you just fine! There's no need to yell!"
He shouted back in annoyance as he popped an aspirin into his mouth just like House for his oncoming headache. "What? What do you want?"
"I hear you have Taco's!"
"….So?" Aizen smirked, giving out one of his signature evil grins.
"GIVE ME ONE!"
"Quick Gin get me the taco."
"Heh heh heh, Hai, Aizen-chan." Gin smirked evilly, snickering to himself like the evil fox that he was when he handed it over to Aizen.
"Is this what you're after Kurosaki kun?"
"y-yesssss…." Ichigo drooled.
"But before I give it to you, I need you to do me a favor first…"
"Anythiiiiing… anything for THE taco…"
"You are to play as the beadle in TheDrunkenWerewolf's production of Sweeney Todd."
"DONE!"
Gin smiled as Ichigo devoured the taco, then turning to Aizen. "Wow that was easy."
"Hmm yes. Although why he didn't just go to the Taco Aizen in Karakura town I'll never know…"
-
So now after all the cast members had gotten together, they decided that it was time to start learning their lines ready for rehearsing. Gin had his script copy on his lap when he then looked up and over to Aizen.
"Ne, Aizen-chan?"
"What is it Gin?"
"Why why'er we doing this again?"
Aizen set down his script that he'd been looking over for the past three days and looked at Gin with a bemused expression.
"Our popularity ratings have been falling lately, so in order to bring them back up we must give our fans what they want. I believe they call it 'fan service'." Aizen said, almost too happily.
"Ohhhh… I see… Are ya sure it ain't just cuz ya wanna kill Tousen?"
Aizen just smiled his signature grin and went back to learning his lines.
-
And after so many weeks of learning their lines, songs and moves it was soon time for the costume fitting. Aizen felt that he looked quite good in his. The clothing seemed to flow with his every movement, unlike the shihakusho he always hated. Though the vest did get a little warm…
Tousen however really didn't care how he looked, mostly because he was still moping about the fact that he didn't get the lead, and well he couldn't see how he looked if he wanted to.
Aizen was still admiring himself in the mirror when all of a sudden the door to the dressing room slammed open to reveal a very distressed Gin in his Lovett dress.
"Aizen! You know I'll always follow ya…but this, THIS, is too much!" He yelled, gesturing to his dress.
"I see no problem with it Gin."
"…No problem? NO PROBLEM? I tell ya the problem! I'm a man!"
Gin heard Tousen snicker in the corner he was occupying, and if Gin could walk in these god forsaken heels he would go over there and beat him. But not having any experience in doing so, he chose to stay where he was and just shoot him the evilest death glare he could muster. Not like Tousen would be able to see it, but it made him feel better all the same. If only he had Shinsou on him…
"I think it looks very becoming on you Gin." Aizen added with a straight face, though his eyes did seem to be mocking him. Gin was about to remark at that but the door opened once again and Kira walked in.
"What's all the noise about Taichou?"
Kira was wearing his Johanna dress, a sleek blue gown that was slightly too long for him, which was probably for the best since his legs always started shaking when he was stressed. But the biggest difference was that for the first time since his academy days, his hair was down. He kind of liked this new style. He found that it was much easier to see and he didn't bump into to things as much as he used to.
Plus he kind of needed to see to be able to walk properly in his heels without tripping over his dress. After all, he didn't want to wreck it. The people at the costume department would be furious if he did.
"You see Gin, Kira isn't complaining"
"Why would I complain? I auditioned for this role."
"Yes Gin, you auditioned." Aizen then added, almost sarcastically, making it seem like nothing was forced upon Gin. Then taking yet another drink of tea from his expensive mug as Gin continued to express his distaste for the Lovett dress.
"Yeh, against my will I auditioned…" Gin muttered, still showing his disdain for his new attire.
"What was that Gin?"
"Nothin!"
Hitsuguaya then strode into the doorway currently wearing his costume, looking the part as Aizens complete opposite with a very serious expression and distaste for his new co-workers.
"Aren't you two ready yet? And Ichimaru, stop complaining."
"Bu' Shiro kun…"
"How dare you address me in such a familiar manner!" Hitsugaya yelled, with a vein starting to appear on his forehead.
Ulquiorra then sheepishly walked in amongst all of the bickering and all heads turned, having sensed the dark reitsu pouring out of him.
"I feel like trash."
Szayel then turned around and snapped at him for the insulting comment he made earlier. "You are trash!"
"Silence octava!"
"Espada!" Aizen then reprimanded, making them both silent before any catfighting could occur. "Ulquiorra looks fine. Anyone who wishes to speak ill of him will have me to answer to."
To Aizen, nobody spoke ill of Ulquiorra. Ever. [that's right Szayel, stop bullying L kun!]
Then Ichigo and Momo came in. Ichigo seemed to like his role as the beadle, but then again he had no idea as to what would happen later on in the filming since he hadn't even read the script yet. Then it dawned on him that he would have to be working alongside Aizen and company. Rolling his eyes in annoyance, but the taco was worth it.
"Why Momo, I must say you do look the part." Aizen smiled, now looking at his former subordinate. "Very cute"
"Whaaa~ Aizen taichou! Do you really think so?" she asked gleefully, giving him a twirl in her new outfit as the beggar woman.
"Oh yes, very stylish" he answered, vexing Toshiro.
"Aizen you better not be planning anything!"
"And what makes you think that?"
"I distrust you."
Aizen gave him another sarcastic remark and feigned innocence. No, he wasn't really planning anything, but he just liked to wind Toshiro up.
"Okay everybody, places places!" the directors shouted, pushing them all out to the set. Ushering them all out ready to start the final rehearsing and camera tests.
"Come on people, we don't have all day!"
It was time for the photo shoot for the flyers and poster that advertised the opening night. They had already gotten the group shots done, so now it was time for the pairing shots of the main leading characters.
"Ok Aizen, Gin, we need you to pose for the Todd and Lovett poster!"
The directors where standing near by to make sure everything was to their liking. One of which had a messy mop of black hair much like Ulquiorra's, which according to her nii-sama, made her look like one L Lawliet. And she was wearing a white Cherry-chan T-shirt with the famous white fox drawn on it along with some dark blue jeans. She was the taichou director. The other, the fukutaichou, had pink hair that made her look somewhat like Shuichi Shindou, or Szayel. They where somewhat alike, the way that they sang their words and laughed loudly about random things. Like spoons. [those who have read 'The consequences of losing a bet' will know]
They had been watching the shoot for some time until the taller of the two (if only by a half), the fukutaichou spoke up
"Oi Gin, could you more a little closer to Aizen please?"
"Uhh, is this good?"
"A little closer….Why don't you put your arm-"
"OH WILL YOU STOP IT! This isn't an outlet for you sick fantasies! Sweeny Todd is not yaoi!"
"But, but, but, I just…"
"We've been through this a thousand times before. NO YAOI!"
Aizen and Gin just watched as the directors bickered. The taichou director now trying to make a point to her fukutaichou about not altering the plotline from the musical as a yaoi outlet as she ran her hand through her messy mop of wild Ulquiorra style hair. Much like Aizen changing his hairstyle…
"Ne, Aizen chan?"
"Hmmm?"
"What's yaoi?"
Aizen rubbed his temples, he really needed some tea right about now.
"You don't want to know Gin. Also stay far away from that one, I think she's crazy-"
"I HEARD THAT! Aizen your fired!"
"You can't fire him! That's a whole different fic!"
Aizen then realized that this whole movie was going to take a long, long time. And made a mental note to himself to never work with fangirls again after this was all over.
-
And so after all of the costumes were fitted, all the sets got made and painted, and TheDrunkenWerewolf promising Crazyfeatherhead a yaoi fic, each of the actors began the rehearsals. And eventually, after so many weeks of nothing but pie eating, singing, line readings, rehearsing the songs, waltzing, falling over, bitching about the costumes and whining about the script, the shooting would finally begin. The actual filming of Huecco Mundo's adaptation of Sweeney Todd would start.
Whether they liked it or not.