Title: Story of a first love [4/?]
Pairing: ZukaFuji
Genre: Angst, slight fluff.
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: The characters are not mine, not even the plot.
Summary: They could no longer be together, but they decided they should keep in touch. Fuji finds out that his life wasn't so miserable after all.
Warning: Oh noes, the angst! Well, don't fear it because the next chapter is the happy happy ending. :)

A/N: UGH. This is terribly late for God's sake... I haven't been on FF for such a long time I almost forgot I had an account here... This fic has long been posted in my journal, (Username= chibikaoruchan), but I'm such an idiot I forgot FF!! .;; I'm sorry for those who have been waiting. You can torture me till I die, for sure!

~Renewal~

It was a perfect day outside: the sun was shining and the birds were singing. A soft wind blew, gently pushing away the white, puffy clouds. From inside his apartment, Fuji could hear children chatting and laughing together, probably playing tag. But to the honey-haired man, all that joy and happiness seemed so far away. His phone rang. And rang. And rang some more. But he never bothered to pick it up, knowing that it was a certain bespectacled man trying to reach him to explain the awkward situations they were in. Even though he knew it might all have been a misunderstanding, he wanted no explanations. Tezuka had a child while he had been waiting for him, for their future. He was mad alright, but he already forgave the mountaineer.

The one he couldn't forgive was himself. He still wondered how he fell so deeply for another man in just three months. He had known they couldn't and would never be together from the day they have met, and so he tried to keep his distances. Still, Tezuka had managed in a way or another to break through that wall he had built around himself. And now, Fuji regretted it deeply.

He didn't cry. But Eiji sure did for him. His best friend had been there, trying his best to cheer him up. The red head knew that despite Fuji's unwavering smile, he was actually torn apart inside. Judging by Eiji's expression when he told him that Tezuka had a family, he was ready to slap the mountaineer in the face if he ever saw him. Fuji chuckled at that, but it was strained, without any emotion. Nobody else noticed the difference; Fuji was still the same smiling genius to them. And he was glad that he could at least pretend he was okay.

The phone rang again. It had been three days since Fuji discovered the regretful truth and it had been three days his phone wouldn't stop ringing.

Even though the noise could get really annoying, Fuji was scared to turn it off. The incessant ringing calmed him, because it was the only proof that Tezuka still cared for him. If it rang, it must mean that Tezuka wanted to reach him, and maybe start over. It gave him hope, and that's what annoyed Fuji. He knew that in three more rings, he would give up and pick up the phone. One. The walls around him started to crumble down again. Two. It frustrated Fuji to no end that just knowing that Tezuka still cared for him, he could forgive him for anything and everything he had done. Three. As he had expected, after the third, he couldn't take it anymore and picked up the phone.

"H-hello?" his voice shook.

There was no sound at the other end of the line. Fuji could hear faint breathing, so he knew they were still connected. "…Fuji," finally, he could recognize Tezuka's voice calling for him. He rubbed the tears welling in his eyes and damned himself for feeling so hopeful just at the sound of his name. He couldn't cry now, or he would show all his weaknesses.

"Tezuka, long time no see," he said, faking a smile even though he knew Tezuka couldn't see it over the phone.

"I'm sorry," Tezuka cut him off suddenly. "I couldn't refuse when my parents when they forced me to engage and I lost your number when we moved to America," he explained hastily.

Fuji smiled a sorrowful smile. It would be just too good if it were all a misunderstanding. "Tezuka, it's not like you to have kids before marrying" he teased to lighten the mood. He wasn't sure if it was working, but he was glad his voice didn't quiver.

"He is my fiancée's child, not mine."

Great, Fuji felt hopeful again. "I wish you happiness then."

"Fuji, I…" Tezuka paused, trying to think of what to say next. He hated this awkward feeling slowly eating him up. He needed to clear everything out but admitting that he still loved Fuji in the position he was in would just not be right. He was at a lost of words.

"It's alright Tezuka," Fuji said, to fill in the unbearable silence. "I've already given up. If you are happy, then so am I. Forget me." With that, he hung up and shut off his phone.

Fuji wiped his last tears away and tried his best to feel happy for Tezuka. Saying he succeeded would be the biggest lie of all lies. He fell into a bottomless pit, and even though he could climb back up to the surface, he had no strength or motivation to do so. He would move on, but unlike Tezuka, he would never be happy. Maybe he should keep this from Eiji, he thought before leaving his apartment for work. If he told the red head, Tezuka might end up dying at the young age of twenty one. Fuji giggled and he hated how it sounded incredibly fake.

Slowly, with time, he began to drift away.

~oO~Oo~oO~Oo~

Fuji inhaled deeply the fresh morning air. He smiled to himself as he watched the familiar scenery. Picking a photo from inside his bag, he compared it to the reality before him and grinned even wider. This was the place where he and Tezuka camped at exactly five years ago and it hasn't changed a bit. Every year since he had found out the mountaineer was going to marry, he came to this place to calm himself down. Sure, climbing Mount Fuji by himself was lonely, but he did not regret his efforts for they brought back so many joyful memories. He walked towards the water stream they had fished in and remembered their first, official kiss. Flashbacks flooded his mind, so much he wished he could drown in them. Reality was cruel compared to the past.

He smiled softly, and settled himself on the grass. As he closed his eyes, he could almost feel Tezuka's fingers gently toying with his hair. He wondered what Tezuka was doing right now. And his heart ached, knowing that his friend was probably taking care of his children with his beautiful wife right now. He quickly shook those depressing thoughts away; they couldn't come back to haunt him when he was feeling so content on Mount Fuji! He only had three small months of break every year and he wasn't going to waste them, thinking of immoral things. Bathed in his past, Fuji slowly drifted to sleep.

"Catch me!" a little boy yelled, laughing and running away from another boy.

"Wait…!" the other, smaller kid wailed.

"Don't let your guard down, boys!" Fuji's eyes snapped open at the familiar voice. In a millisecond, he was up and fully awake. Scanning around him, he saw Tezuka, the one he most dreaded to see, strode dangerously towards him. What was he doing here on Mount Fuji? Wasn't he studying in America? Why did he return to Japan?

Without a sound, he hid behind a bush, his mind still too clouded and too surprised to think straight. All he knew was that Tezuka couldn't find him here; he had changed his phone number and had moved out from his previous apartment to escape his past. He even changed company, no longer working for Atobe (for precaution, should Tezuka be searching for him) in order to run away.

He shook away his thoughts and focused on the mountaineer standing now not so far from him. He shouldn't have been surprised to see a woman about his height walking next to his significant person, but he could help frowning. She was indeed a pretty woman, her silky honey colored hair falling a little below her elbow. She was smiling slightly, her lips barely curving up. And Fuji noticed how she resembled him in so many ways. The way she walked, the way she talked and smiled, even her voice sounded like his from afar. The photographer couldn't help a small melancholic smile stretching across his face. If only he had been born as a girl, Tezuka might still be with him…

Fuji turned his gaze to the kids playing together. He counted them one by one… and was really surprised to find there were about ten of them. His lips twitched on the side in disbelief. Just how many times did they do it to have so many kids?! He shook his head again, to set his mind straight. There was no way that they could have so many of them in such a short period of time. Maybe they adopted some… but ten kids! Fuji never thought Tezuka was one to like children.

The smallest boy who was probably five years old, Fuji guessed, was about to fall to the ground when the bespectacled man caught him. "You shouldn't run so fast if you can't balance yourself," he scolded the child before throwing him up in the air. The boy giggled excitedly and Tezuka threw him three more times before he set him on the ground. "Go now, and don't let your guard down," he said, flashing one of his rare smiles.

Fuji watched the tiny honey haired boy run away happily and felt slightly envious. He wondered if he could still smile so purely, so contently in his life again. He let a single tear trail down his face silently and wiped it dry. He flipped his cell phone open and sent Tezuka a text before walking away.

'I'm glad you are happy,
--Fuji'

To his surprise, his phone rang almost right after. He quickly fished it out from his pocket, afraid that it would alert Tezuka of his position. "Yes?" he whispered so that he could only be heard over the phone.

"Fuji, where are you right now?" Tezuka asked urgently, without even a proper greeting.

Fuji frowned. "Why, I never knew my emplacement mattered so much to you."

"Please tell me where you are," Tezuka sounded almost desperate. "If you are near, show yourself."

"Is there something I shouldn't see if I were near you?" he asked, angry that Tezuka would hide his new wife and his children from him. Was he so much of a threat?

"Fuji…" the bespectacled man warned.

And Fuji truly couldn't take it anymore. Tears were running along his face uncontrollably. Why couldn't Tezuka face him? Why did they have to hide from each other? All he wanted was to stand beside his friend… if he could have only that, he wouldn't mind even if Tezuka had a wife and children. He quickly composed himself so that his voice would remain normal. "I'm sorry Tezuka, but it seems I can't stay away from you even after all these years…" he admitted, trying to force himself into smiling. "Is it alright if I keep calling you?"

There was a pause, just a moment of hesitation before the mountaineer agreed. "Call me anytime, I'll be waiting."

"Thank you," Fuji whispered before shutting his phone.

~oO~Oo~oO~Oo~

Ever since he returned to Japan, Tezuka never stopped searching for his long lost friend. Fuji had changed his phone number and had moved out from his previous apartment. What made it harder for Tezuka was that he had been in America the whole time. Returning to Japan and trying to find a man with only his name as a lead wasn't very easy. Even though he would often see 'Fuji Syuusuke' labeled under many magazine photos, it was all he had as a clue. The prodigy no longer worked for Atobe's company so asking the diva had been out of question (unless he wanted Atobe's private spies to stalk Fuji). When Tezuka thought he almost had him, the honey haired man would always choose that exact time to disappear again, changing his number and his apartment location. And when Tezuka was about to give up after a year worth of search, he settled himself on Mount Fuji, thinking of the old times.

He later wore his engagement off and restarted working as a mountaineer. One year, he had even worked as a guide for a kindergarten. Despite being not very good at handling children, he still agreed because their teacher, Minami-sensei, reminded him of Fuji. It was silly, but he had brought them exactly where he and Fuji fished exactly seven years ago and he felt somehow content. The kids seemed to like him despite his cold façade, especially the smallest one of them all, who looked like Syuusuke in a mini version.

And Tezuka wondered where Fuji was. He wished he could find him soon and hopefully start anew.

His phone rang suddenly, and his eyes widened seeing a text message from Fuji. He quickly dialed the number flashing on the screen and hoped the prodigy hadn't shut his phone off yet. He was so glad when the other side of the line picked up that he forgot to even greet Fuji. He knew for some reason that his friend was near, and he desperately longed to see him. He might have sounded too harsh, because Fuji's voice was cold and distant. He wanted to tell him how much he loved him, how he hadn't forgotten him at all, but he was afraid that Fuji wouldn't forgive him for what he did.

When Fuji asked him if they could keep in touch, he started hoping again.

He was ready to wait for eternity if it meant that could gradually close the distance between them and start anew.

~oO~Oo~oO~Oo~

From that time on, Fuji would call Tezuka once every month to talk and catch up with the other's life. They never talked about Tezuka's children or his wife and simply enjoyed listening to the other's voice. They helped each other endure hardships but they never met since the Mount Fuji incident and kept their relationship platonic. Fuji was happy with just that, and Tezuka always picked up his phone calls after the first ring.

And they both secretly longed for each other.

~oO~Oo~oO~Oo~

The long chase finally ended a fair day, when they turned twenty five. It had been very sunny that year and, settled on Mount Fuji, Tezuka fell asleep on the grass. It had been inevitable for Fuji to spot him when he would arrive, for the mountaineer was lying where he had lain six years ago, near the river stream. Tezuka nearly jumped up when he felt someone embracing his left arm tightly. Reluctantly opening his eyes, he feared what he would see.

There was Fuji, snuggling against his arm, his whole body shaking from the overwhelming emotions. "Please, Tezuka," his trembling voice called, "let me hold you for a while. Only your arm will do…" Tezuka could feel Fuji's tears sink in his sleeve, and his heart ached because he knew he was the cause of it. He desperately wanted to hold the boy and reassure him.

"Fuji, let go," he commanded.

The boy hesitated, not moving from his position.

"Let go," he demanded, his voice much rasher this time, and Fuji had no choice but to obey. The honey haired man slowly stood up and began to walk away when Tezuka grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him back down into a warm embrace. Lifting Fuji's head up, the mountaineer kissed those pliant lips hungrily, his rationality and logic were thrown outside the window. Shifting their position, Tezuka pushed Fuji down on the grass, pressing his own body atop of his friend's so that there would be no space between them. The smaller man eagerly returned the kiss and, unable to bear the pain, let his tears flow out without holding back. They clung to each other as if for life, for they have spent too much time apart. Fuji knew that even though he felt bliss just being able to stay beside Tezuka, this joy wasn't going to last long. So slowly, he pulled away from his long lost friend, wiping his embarrassing tears away.

"I'm sorry… I'll go now," he faked a smile. "You should return to your wife too. I won't be a bother anymore." With that, he ran away towards a random direction. He felt like crying again. If he knew that leaving Tezuka for a second time after having held him in his arms would hurt so much, he wouldn't have ever tried to embrace him.

When things processed in his mind, the bespectacled man started running after Fuji. The latter didn't know that he wasn't married and had no wife and no children… Tezuka cursed himself. He should have known Fuji wasn't aware of it! How careless of him to have kept it to himself! "Fuji!" he called, and doubled his pace to catch up with his friend.

He was about to grasp hold of the photographer's wrist when Fuji tripped on a tree root that stuck out of the ground and fell down. Then, the inevitable happened: Tezuka was unable to stop himself from his intense dashing and fell on top of Fuji. He quickly sat up and caught Fuji's wrists so that he couldn't struggle to be freed. Leaning down again, he whispered in his ears. "Are you willing to become mine?"

Fuji froze, tears overflowing from his eyes. He shut them close and opened his mouth to refuse. He wasn't surprised when nothing came out; his voice betrayed him again. Tezuka, seeing him so pained, pressed a tender kiss on his forehead and explained that he had canceled his engagement. Fuji stared at him incredulously, his previous dull blue eyes finally gaining some lively color. The prodigy wasn't sure yet if it were all true, but he wasn't strong enough to run away anymore.

And he obviously couldn't stop himself from claiming Tezuka's pliant lips once more.

~To be continued~

A/N: Please leave a comment if you have the time! ^___^ And I'm sorry for the lateness of this again... But I'm permanently back, with my computer's internet fixed, so next chapter shouldn't take so long~ Thank you so much!