Remembering the Forgotten
By: Ellipsis the Great
DISCLAIMER: Kingdom Hearts and everything affiliated with it belongs to SquareEnix and Disney. All I own is the plot…although the original idea came from orangediscord's one-shot 'Left Behind.'
Summary: Sometimes, I thought I was the only person who remembered him…eventual Seiner, other pairings unknown.
Rated: M.
Spoilers: Takes place after Kingdom Hearts II; I dunno how much of the plot will be included yet, though.
Warnings: Yaoi and a little angst (probably). More warnings later if needed.
Chapter Five: Expositum (to set forth, explain, expose)
"When my head is strong, but my heart is weak…I'm full of arrogance and uncertainty, but I can find the words, you teach my heart to speak—you make it real for me." –James Morrison, 'You Make it Real'
Once both of us had finished getting ready, we went downstairs to the kitchen. Cid and Merlin were already there, arguing vehemently in technical terms that I doubted even they understood. Aerith was sighing and rolling her eyes at them while simultaneously serving them breakfast, apparently knowing that trying to break them up would do no good. (Kind of like when Hayner and I fought, probably.)
Aerith smiled at us when she saw us in the doorway.
"Good morning, boys." She said, interrupting the argument. "Are you feeling better?"
"Maybe after I eat something." I grumbled, still a little groggy in spite of my shower. My stomach growled its agreement, causing Aerith to giggle.
"Alright, then, sit down. There's bacon and toast already made, and I'm finishing up another batch of scrambled eggs now. I can make something else if you want it, though."
"Sounds good to me." I said, sinking into a seat and piling some food onto the nearest clean-ish looking plate.
"Hayner?"
"…Do you have pancakes?" Hayner asked hesitantly. Though he seemed to have recovered from his episode earlier, it sounded like he still wasn't comfortable with anything just yet.
Aerith's face filled with a sort of apologetic sympathy. "We just ran out of pancake mix yesterday, and I haven't had time to buy anymore."
"You just make the eggs." I stood back up. "Pancakes happen to be one of my many specialties; you have all-purpose flour?"
"Seifer, you don't have to—" Hayner began.
"Chickenwuss, sit the fuck down, shut the fuck up, and get the fuck over it before I shove this griddle up your ass and burn the lame out of you." I said. "If I didn't want to make the goddamn pancakes, I sure as hell wouldn't have volunteered."
That was apparently the right thing to say, because Hayner puffed up into his 'pissed off mode,' which looked something like an angry kitten (in other words: he looked cuter than he did threatening). "Yeah? Well who said I even wanted your lousy pancakes anyhow, dick face?"
"I did, and you'll eat 'em and like 'em." I snapped, simultaneously waving a spatula at him and mixing all of the ingredients together (because, yeah, I'm that damn good).
"You gonna make me?" He asked, chin tilted up into a challenging look.
"You think I won't?" I asked.
"I think you can't." He corrected.
"And you think you're gonna stop me?" I sneered. "You couldn't stop a sleeping chocobo, lamer."
"Boys." Aerith finally broke in, giving us a stern look.
"Yeah, yeah." I said, not really minding (for once) that someone had stopped our argument. Instead of continuing, I turned to Cid and Merlin. "So what'd you find out?"
"The codger thinks you shouldn't exist." Cid said without missing a beat.
Hayner blanched.
Merlin glared. "I do not think they shouldn't exist." He said, obviously raring to go for a fight.
"Don't argue, or I'll throw bacon grease on you." I said.
They gave me a look as if to say 'like you're one to talk,' but seemed to realize that I was only halfway joking.
"Just tell me what in the fuck you know." I added when they stayed quiet for a moment longer, stuck between actually answering or trying to test my patience.
"Hmph." Merlin said with the air of someone unimpressed with the younger generations. "I don't think either of you are supposed to exist as you are." He explained, giving Cid a sharp look. "I'm not entirely sure about Hayner, but I am almost completely sure that you," he pointed at me, "were working for Ansem."
"Which means…what exactly?" Hayner asked.
"It means that the Seifer you see isn't the real Seifer." The jackass—I mean Leon said as he entered the house, a hand on his hip. "Or rather, that he's a very much changed Seifer." He looked me over and snorted. "Well, maybe not all that changed."
"Fuck off." I snapped, then looked back at Merlin. "You were saying?"
"Well…hm." Merlin frowned. "It's a bit difficult to explain."
"Just gimme the basic facts." I said.
"Alright." Merlin shrugged. "When your world was destroyed—"
"Not that basic." I interrupted. "What world was my world?"
"Balamb Gardens." Leon said. "Same as me."
"In that case, to hell with it." I decided immediately, more out of spite than what I actually felt about it.
"Ahem." Merlin cleared his throat loudly before Leon could start yelling, which he looked two hops and a skip away from doing. "When your world was destroyed by the darkness, the survivors were scattered."
"Who survived?" Angry that he was probably the only person present who could answer me, I looked at Leon.
"As far as I know, only us." Leon said, almost (almost) apologetically. "I don't know about anyone else…Rinoa, Zell, Raijin, Fuujin…I didn't even know you were still alive to piss people off until you popped out of the computer."
"Rai and Fuu are in Twilight Town." I said. "But they don't seem to remember anything."
"They aren't the Raijin and Fuujin from your world." Merlin said. "Ansem created them to be with you."
"Because no one in Twilight Town's stupid enough to befriend a prick like you." Hayner said.
I threw an unopened stick of margarine at him. "Shut the fuck up, lamer."
"You're just pissed because it's true." Hayner retorted, blowing a raspberry at me as he rubbed the side of his head where the margarine hit.
"I could have made friends if I'd wanted to." I said petulantly.
"Actually, you couldn't." Merlin said.
Hayner let out a barking laugh, and I half wished I hadn't already thrown the margarine at him (anything else was either being used or too dangerous to throw with Aerith around to force me to clean up the bloodstains).
"You were under specific orders to befriend no one except for Rai and Fuu." Merlin continued, ignoring us. "The spells Ansem used were rather fragile, and close contact—emotional contact in particular—with any of the true citizens of Twilight Town would have disrupted them. He was very lucky that Roxas' friendship with Olette and Pence didn't disrupt them."
"But…but why?" Hayner asked before Merlin could continue.
"Why, what, my boy?" Merlin asked.
"Why'd Seifer agree to do it?" He asked. "I mean, he's an asshole, so he sure as hell didn't do it out of the goodness of his heart."
"Fuck you, too, lamer." I grumbled as I flipped the pancakes—which I was making out of the goodness of my goddamn heart, thank you very fucking much!
Merlin hesitated, then pulled a stack of papers out of his sleeve. After staring at him oddly for a moment, I remembered he was a wizard.
"I have Ansem's notes on the subject—the man was very meticulous in his note taking." Merlin said as he thumbed through the stack thoughtfully. He finally pulled a small pile of papers out, scanning them quickly. "Ah, here it is. It says…oh. Oh, my, how sad."
"What's sad?" Hayner and I asked in unison.
Merlin began reading aloud. "While looking for recruits to assist me in my project today, I came upon a young man. He was laughing and crying at the same time—a bit hysterical, I think—and when I asked him why, he said that it must have been cosmic irony. He spent all of his life trying to be strong, but he was too weak to do anything useful when his strength had finally been called upon. In the end, he said, it had been his friends that he'd really needed, and he had just realized that he didn't have any. And any that he might once have had…were gone."
No one spoke for a long time, though I could feel them looking at me.
Finally, Merlin interrupted the silence, clearing his throat. He continued reading, "I told him about the project, and that his memories would be heavily suppressed in the process. When he agreed, I warned him that he would not be allowed any true human contact while working for me. But all he said was—"
"There's no point in having friends if you can't even protect them." I said, nearly choking on the words as they sprang into my head and out of my mouth. I rubbed at one of my eyes with my free hand viciously, willing away the headache that was forming. "Shit." Hoping to overcome the awkwardness I was feeling as quickly as possible—I've never dealt well with emotions of any sort—I pushed forward. "And what, exactly, was I supposed to be doing?"
Merlin shrugged, seeming relieved that we had moved back into more comfortable topics of discussion. "I'm not entirely sure. I believe that mostly you were there to ensure that Roxas had as normal an experience as possible. Also, Hyperion," He nodded at my gunblade, which was propped up against the wall, "was charmed to ward the heartless away from Twilight Town. I suppose that when you and Hayner left, the charm was broken, which enabled it to come to you when you needed it this morning."
"No, the charm must have broken before that." Hayner said with a slight frown. "We ran into a heartless in the Mansion."
"The charm was probably weak, since the alternate Twilight Town was destroyed and Ansem died." Merlin said. "But I think there would have been far more than just one heartless if it had been completely broken before you left."
Hayner sucked in a sharp breath of air. "You don't think they—"
"They're after you, remember, chickenwuss?" I cut him off. "Twilight's fine for now."
"What do you mean: they're after him?" Leon asked.
I scowled at him. "None of your fucking business."
"It is my business if heartless start showing up here again." The older man growled.
"They won't stay once we've left, dumbass." I snapped.
"You don't know that; they're heartless." He said.
"Look, Leon, or Squall, or whatever in the hell your name is," I said as I shoved the pancakes onto a plate. "Even if I knew what in the hell was going on, it wouldn't stop any of this shit from happening. Those…sons of bitches would still be going after Hayner, and there's jack shit you can do about it, alright? All we want to do right now is figure out what in the hell is up with all the shit that's happening right now, and then we'll be on our merry little fucking way. And consequently, all you can do is hope I'm right and beat the fuckers back if I'm not. So please, please, just shut your goddamn annoying mouth, would you?"
"Seifer, would you just calm down? We really don't need this right now." Hayner said.
"I can't calm down! I don't even know why I'm fucking angry!" I said, ripping my beanie off and running a hand through my hair.
"I can give you two good reasons." He said with a smirk, holding up two fingers. "One, you just found out you're not you. Second," he pointed at Leon before continuing, "he's an asshole and could try even Olette's patience." His smirk widened. "And gods know you don't have any patience at all."
I deflated, muttering darkly as I slipped into a chair and slid the plate of pancakes across to him. "Just eat, chickenwuss."
He didn't eat them, instead picking at them with his fork as he suddenly sobered up. "At least you know you're supposed to exist, even if you, y'know, got changed around a little."
"And what happened to believing that everything has a purpose, huh?" I demanded. "You're supposed to exist, too, lamer—"
"Not like this." He said, waving a hand at himself. "I'm not real, Seifer. I'm not…" He trailed off and stood, looking a little green. "Shit, I think I'm gonna be sick."
"You just don't get it, do you?" I asked, grabbing his arm as he tried to run past me to the bathroom.
"Get what?" He asked. He really did sound like he was about to blow chunks.
"Right now…right now, you're the only thing that's real to me." I said, standing.
"I'm not real!" He said. "Once the Queen…"
"You're real because I damn well say you are." I snapped, shoving him up against the wall. "Get me, chickenwuss? You're all I have. My world is gone and whatever existence I had in Twilight Town is bullshit—I don't have anyone but you! I mean, maybe I've got that little shit," I jerked a thumb at Leon, "but not only do we obviously not get along, he's already fucking moved past me! He has a new life and I'm not in the damn thing! And my new life is nothing. It's a goddamn farce. Right now you're the only thing I've got, and I'll be damned if some bitch with a crown and a God complex is taking that away from me."
"Well then you're probably damned." He said, looking like he was about to cry. "Because I get the feeling nobody's gonna get a choice in this."
"Oh, fuck you." I said, releasing him roughly. "You spout all this shit about how you don't believe in coincidences, and then one little bump comes along and you give up. Shit, maybe you're just not the real Hayner, because the Hayner I know wouldn't let anyone rule his life, Queen or not."
"One little bump?" He asked incredulously.
"Yeah. One little fucking bump. Think about it: we were basically programmed to hate each other, right? And then, somehow, this weird thing we're involved in fucks up, and we're the only ones effected? We have to travel together all of a sudden, and we end up going to exactly the right place to get where we are now, so we can find out what's going on? Shit, lamer, something really fucking huge is going on here, and we're part of it. Hell, we're frigging central to the whole thing. And now you wanna back out of it because some narcissistic bitch is trying to…to…do whatever in the fuck she's trying to do to you?"
"We don't know that I was supposed to do anything but help you get here." He said. "Maybe that's the only part I'm supposed to play in this."
"Yeah, well you don't know that. All you can do is keep trying your damn hardest."
"But I—"
I threw my hands up with an annoyed sound. "Fuck it. Just fuck it." I snapped, grabbing Hyperion and heading for the door. "I'm going for a fucking walk."
"Seifer—" He began.
"No. Forget it. You're too much of a goddamn pussy to deal with this, so fuck you. I don't need you any fucking way." I said, throwing open the door.
"I…"
"Why don't you just go back that to Queen bitch and leave me the fuck alone?" I asked, then stepped out and slammed the door shut behind me.
I scowled at the door for a moment, wondering if it would be worth it to go back in and beat some damn sense into Hayner, but decided against it and turned, freezing immediately.
A veritable sea of those creepy yellow eyes blinked up at me.
End Chapter Five