A/N: Hey! Look…. It didn't take as long as you all thought! Or as long as I thought, for that matter! The first week of my senior year in college is now underway! The good news is…. I have some free time at the moment because classes are still in the beginning phases and we aren't really in the thick of things yet… which is allowing me to write this chapter! Bad news is… My assumptions on being very busy this semester look to be very correct.
As I told you before, I began this story to take a break from my other fanfics and my original works. And I'm afraid it will continue to be that. I'm hard at work on some original stuff, and I'm taking a writing class this semester that looks to be pretty demanding, so this might have to take a back seat. But I love this fic just as much as you all do…. So it will get updated… you all just may have to be a bit patient and bear with me. And of course, you're all welcome to send me emails and pms that tell me in a kind and loving way… "Hurry up!"
On to the chapter!
Oh yeah, Disclaimed!
Of Curses and Cures
Chapter Twenty
December 25th, 2008
Evening
Bella looks exhausted by the time they arrive back in Seattle and pick up their baggage. She is leaning heavily on him, but he doesn't mind. He could carry her for all eternity, and he wouldn't mind. He feels a twinge of guilt at his wishful thoughts. He had meant it, but not necessarily the connotations that the word brought with it. Eternity. Forever. As badly as he wanted it, it wouldn't be right for them to share eternity. But he would always be there to carry her if she needed it. There were some things he couldn't grant her, but that wasn't one of them.
She is silent, but smiling as he helps her climb into his Volvo in long-term parking.
"It's been a good day." He grins at her drowsy form.
"It's been an amazing day." She corrects. "And an amazing trip."
He nods his head in agreement.
"My mother absolutely loved you. I'm fairly certain if we weren't dating, she would have gone for you herself."
He snorts, remembering Renee's slight hesitancy towards him.
"I doubt it." He shakes his head.
"I'm serious. She looked at you in wonder for most of the weekend."
He snickers, and wants to tell her the real reason behind Renee's glances. She had probably been in shock from seeing a vampire with her daughter, a vampire who was fundamentally different from the ones which she'd encountered.
"Speaking of your mother," He begins, "You should let her know that we have arrived safely."
"Oh, right!" She reaches for Edward's cell phone, dialing the number from memory.
He watches her speak to her mother, easily tuning out her words. The world is never quite as silent as when he is with her. He is able to concentrate more fully, he doesn't have to sort through thoughts of others to get to his own. And now he is concentrated completely on the devastatingly beautiful woman before him. He doesn't understand anymore now than he did in the beginning—Why can't he leave her alone? At this point, someone would have to tear him limb from limb to keep him from her. He is so attached to her that he can't even contemplate life without her.
And there is so much fear. Her human life seems so short in comparison to his own. He feels as if he'll blink and it will be over. It doesn't help that she holds an otherworldly pull for all things dangerous, himself included. He has been thinking about it for a while, and he had decided that Christmas was the perfect time to tell her of his decision.
He waits until she hangs up the phone before beginning, "Bella, there is something I wanted to talk to you about."
She looks a little fearful as she replies, "Oh. I thought this might be coming. Listen, about this morning, I didn't mean to overreact so much. I just… hadn't really thought about it, and it caught me off guard." She sighed. "I'm a girl, and I tend to get emotional sometimes, that's all."
He pulls the car over to the side of the road, and takes her hand. "Bella, you're not a girl, you're a beautiful woman. And you had every right to be upset." He wonders how long she'll stay with him. Why would she stay with him when he couldn't even be with her in that way? When he couldn't even love her like that? "I wish I could give you that, Bella. You have no idea how much I want that for us. But I want to keep you safe even more. Life is short enough as it is."
Oddly, her face seems to fall even more, and he hears her mumble under her breath, "Only for me."
He sighs. "That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about, not about this morning. I, um, I wanted to ask you something."
She looks at him peculiarly, and he sees excitement in her eyes.
"Yes?" She asks.
"Well it actually has to do with one of your Christmas presents."
She bites her lip, but gestures for him to continue. The look in her eyes is unfathomable, brimming with both fear and exhilaration.
"I know I told you that we would spend New Year's and your last week before school in Seattle, but I want to take you away, just the two of us. Would that be okay?"
"Sure. I'd rather you not spend too much money, but if you think it's for the best, then that's what we'll do."
He frowns. "It's not about what I think is best, Bella. I just, I know that your mother travelled a lot after she left Forks, but you never went with her. I thought there might be somewhere you'd like to go. Anywhere you'd like, it's your vacation."
She smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes. "Vacation, right. Wow… That's very sweet, Edward, but it's too much."
"As much as I'd like to take you to see the world, we don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with doing. It doesn't have to be anything extravagant. I just want a week with only you and me."
"A week? Edward, what about your work?"
"Well… that's what I meant. I've been thinking, and I think life is too short for me to waste time at work when I don't have to. As much as I like my work, it keeps me away from you. And that I don't like."
"So you're resigning?"
She sounds surprisingly disappointed.
"Bella, I have forever to be a doctor."
Her hand is limp in his. "But you don't have forever with me."
He thinks that it had sounded like a much better idea in his head than when she says it aloud, but he is unsure of how to comfort her, or even what is wrong.
He holds her hand for a moment longer, and then presses a chaste kiss to her knuckles.
"Are you ready to head home?"
"No." She whispers.
"No?"
"I don't want to go home."
"Are you trying to avoid my last Christmas present?"
"No. I just… I'm not ready to go home yet. Let's do something! Anything!" There is an edge to her tone, a desperation.
He will give her anything she asks of him.
"Like what?"
"Something exciting! I just need you to distract me!"
Edward places his hands on her shoulders, to calm her frenzied movements.
"Distract you from what?" His face is racked with confusion.
"I'm sorry… just all this Christmas stuff, and life is short talk. I just want to forget about everything but you."
Edward's expression is sorrowful. He doesn't want to make her sad. He doesn't want her to think about her life being short. He wants her life to be full—full of love and fun and experience. So he pulls her out of the car and does what he does when he wants to forget.
He runs.
He cradles her in his arms, and she clings to him, her arms tight around the back of his neck, and he runs. His eyes stay locked on hers because he doesn't need to watch where he's going. Everything blurs around them, and the only thing that is clear is her. Everything else in the world falls away and they only have each other.
"Thank you." She whispers into the wind.
He watches her hair dance around them, and he resists the urge to bury his free hand in it.
"For what?"
"For making time stand still."
He isn't sure what she means, but he is scared to ask, fearful of her answer.
This entire day has been full of surprises for him. Before visiting Renee, he had thought he knew Bella, or knew her as well as he could know someone whose thoughts weren't open to him. But he couldn't read her now. He felt as if so many things had gone wrong today, this morning in the closet and just now in the car. Without hearing her thoughts, it is impossible for him to know exactly what is going through her head, what he did wrong.
He slows to a stop deep into the forest. He crushes her to his chest, her feet dangling above the forest floor. Automatically, her legs wrap around his waist. His is struck by how eerily similar and entirely different their position is from their position in the closet this morning. Technically, their bodies are
aligned in much the same way, but the intention is entirely different. The feeling between them now is electric and frantic.
She kisses him carefully, and then bites down on his bottom lip. He wants to pull back, and tell her to be careful, but he doesn't. Instead, in an uncharacteristically bold moment, he opens his mouth against hers. She freezes against him, and he opens his eyes to see that hers are wide and questioning. He tries to tell her with his eyes to stay calm, to be careful. He can't take the risk of injuring her with his teeth.
He allows his tongue to push forward into the warm cavern of her mouth. Her eyes flutter shut and she moans against him. Her arms and legs tighten around him like a vice, but he relishes in it.
He explores her mouth, tracing the ridges along the top. Her tongue swirls with his, but she is careful to let him maintain control. He had always enjoyed the warmth that she brought him, but the heat of her mouth now is incomparable. And he thinks that if it had been hard this morning to tell her no, it will be even more difficult after this.
He pulls back, but only centimeters, because he doesn't want to lose the connection he feels in this moment.
"God, I love you." He kisses her again.
"Then keep me." She pleads.
"Always."
She pulls back, but her hand holds his jaw, almost tightly.
"No, Edward. I mean it…. Keep me. Forever."
He feels like he's falling, and then he is. He's crumpling to his knees, Bella in his arms.
"Don't ask me that, Bella."
His face contorts as though under pain of torture.
"I am asking you, Edward. You were right. Life is short, but it doesn't have to be."
"You don't know what you're asking."
She pushes a fist against his chest. "Yes, I do. I know that you think you're a monster, but you're not. I know that it's an incredibly hard life, and that there is so much sadness and pain in it. I know that it's a long time to live with my decision. But I also know that you are worth it. I don't want to just have one short life with you. It's not enough, and it will never be enough. So, keep me. Promise, you'll keep me."
He hesitates for a long moment.
"Bella, I love you and I want to keep you. Selfishly, I want to change you and keep you with me forever, but I can't."
"Can't or won't?"
He lowers his eyes.
"Both."
When he looks up again, she is crying. This is the second time today he's made her cry.
"Bella. I hate to see you cry. I hate that I've made you cry. But I would hate myself even more if I damned you to this life. And you would hate me too, eventually."
"Damn me? You wouldn't be damning me! I'm choosing this! And I could never hate you!"
Frustration seethes in him, and he loathes himself for wanting to give in. He can feel himself leaning towards her, eager to give her anything she asks. But she doesn't know! He has to be the responsible one now, the reasonable one. She's blinded by her attraction to him.
He stands, her arms and legs still wrapped around him.
"This discussion is over."
She tries to push off of him, "No!"
He wraps his arms around her, holding her arms at her side.
"Stop!" She sobs.
"Leave me alone!"
He tries to keep the pain from showing on his face. "Bella. I'm not leaving you. I can't."
"Can't! Can't! Can't! I never knew there were so many things you can't do!"
Her blow is tiny, like a miniscule pinpoint, but he feels as if his whole body is torn by it.
He doesn't answer, because he has no words. This is all his fault. He'd been so selfish all this time, staying with her even though he knew it wasn't right. Now, look what he's done to her. He doesn't answer as he sprints back to the car. Halfway through the run, she gives up fighting and sags against his chest.
By the time he sets her in his car, she has withdrawn completely into herself, leaving a mere shell of the brazen woman from minutes ago. She is silent for the rest of the ride home, and he doesn't try to make her talk, because not even he knows what to say.
He glances at his cell phone that is lying in the cup-holder, to see nearly a dozen missed calls from Alice. But she was too late.
He opens the car door for her, and she heads to the front door alone, while he grabs the bags. He hears the door creak open, and then her gasp.
He drops the bags immediately and flies to her side. He gazes in at the living room to see it nearly demolished. Chairs are overturned and the upholstery on the furniture has long, deep gashes. Things have been smashed, papers and clothes thrown around. Bella's jaw is open and the devastation of the room is nothing compared to the devastation he sees in her eyes.
"Who could have done this?" She asks.
He wraps an arm around her and pulls her soft body against his chest.
Edward doesn't need to think about who had done this. He would know that scent anywhere.
Werewolves.
A/N: Ahhhhh! I know. This may be one of my favorite chapters so far! I know it's not as happy and fluffy as you all are used to, but I love me a little bit of angst.
Was this chapter one of your favorites too?
Leave me some love, and I might just write the next chapter during my classes instead of taking notes… yay!