A/N: As usual, I apologize for the incredibly long wait. But I'm sad to say that this is probably going to become the norm for a while. I'm just too busy with work and school and other writing projects to devote the time to this story that I did in the beginning. The good news is…. We're approaching the beginning of the end… so even though the wait between chapters might be longer than you all would like…. Things are about to heat up.
Disclaimer: Picking petals off a daisy Edward is mine. Edward is not mine. Edward is mine. Edward is not mine. Pouts
Also…. I just need to once again say how much I love my reviewers! This story has officially passed my Potter fanfic in the amount of reviews, and yet it only has half as many hits! That means that even though there are less people actually reading this story than my other, you all are much better about giving feedback! And for that… I am very thankful! As an author, I thrive on your reviews!
Just a warning… I didn't have time to re-read and edit this… so there may be quite a few typos. I apologize.
Chapter Twenty-Two
December 31st, 2008
5:46 A.M.
It's been a strange week for him. He's seen Bella far less than he's comfortable with—too busy working his final shifts at the hospital and setting up things for their week away—the first week of a new year. He had intended for the week to be the metaphorical beginning of something new for them. He had hoped, foolishly perhaps, that they might begin this new year together with the prospect of a wedding in their future. It was a vain hope, he realizes now. Why would Bella want to waste her life on someone like him? He couldn't give her half the things she wanted… she needed.
He thinks that Bella's week has probably felt just as strange. Angela and Ben arrived back in town, and they began the process of working through the destruction in their apartment. They had gone ahead and filed a police report, though Edward knew it wouldn't do any good. But keeping up appearances was important. Most of Bella and Angela's belongings were not destroyed. In fact, almost everything was in fine shape besides the living room.
Nothing looked as though they had intentionally tried to destroy it. Edward theorizes that the Werewolves probably hadn't meant to cause any real destruction. From Bella's description, he knows that they are young werewolves, and the scent of a vampire probably set them off. Bella's living room just got in the way of their transformation is all.
But as he watches Bella sleep, he doesn't want to think about everything that has gone wrong these past few days. Because it's a new day. A new week alone with Bella.
And almost a new year.
December 31st, 2008
2:01 P.M.
"Stop frowning like that." Bella insists, "We're only a minute behind schedule."
Edward's frown deepens.
"Don't remind me."
She rolls her eyes and buckles her seatbelt.
"I'm sorry." He apologizes. "It's just… I can't wait to have you all to myself."
She tries to hold her glare, but the beginnings of a smile are spreading on her face.
"We're alone now, silly boy."
"We are, but not the kind of alone I want. I want you and me to be the only people around for miles. I want all the thoughts in my head to be completely silent, so I can focus my own thoughts completely on you. I want to be locked away in that cabin with you non-stop so that by the time the week ends, I will have forgotten how to breathe air that isn't saturated with your very essence."
She blushes deeply. "I wish you knew how your words affected me. I feel like I'm dating a poet."
He laughs heartily.
"Don't tell me you actually are a poet!"
He grins. "For a very brief period, I tried my hand at it, but gave up. I didn't have the zeal for life then that I have now. Perhaps I'll try picking it up again."
She continues to redden, but doesn't refuse his suggestion. And he thinks maybe he'll write something for her this weekend. He's written music that portrays his love for her—why can't words be used for the same purpose?
He puts the car into drive, and he can feel his excitement building along with the speed of his Volvo. Bella had refused to let him take her anywhere extravagant, but that suited him just fine. He would rather not share his Bella, even with tourists and famous places of the world. Instead, he'd be taking her away into the wilderness, where nothing could interrupt their time together.
Alice had helped him find the perfect place—it wasn't too far away from Forks, about a thirty minute drive north, but it was excluded and beautiful and perfect. The cabin was deep in the forest, just a few miles from Bear Creek Falls (in case they felt like getting out of the house and doing some exploring).
Alice and Esme had been a huge help in getting the cabin ready. He wanted it to be extravagant, but not enough so that Bella would complain. He wanted her to feel absolutely relaxed and comfortable.
Which she appears to be neither of those at the moment.
He glances at the clock to see that he's been driving for about half an hour. Bella has her legs tucked up underneath her, and her head lolling against the window. She'd been having trouble sleeping since they returned from her mother's. He wanta to blame it all on the incident at her apartment, but somehow he knows that it is him that is making her so restless. They'd had far too many arguments as of late, and he feels as though he might be seeing the beginning of the end.
He has always known she would outgrow this thing between them. Human emotions fluctuate, and it isn't as though he has much to offer her anyway.
"Jake." Bella mumbles in her sleep.
Edward stiffens in response.
He rarely hears her say any names in her sleep besides perhaps her mother's and his own. But there have been a handful of occasions when he's heard the name of her old werewolf friend.
He wonders if she's been thinking him of late. Even he, a supernatural being as well, he could still offer Bella so much more. He could live with her, grow old with her, love her in a way that Edward wishes he could.
"Jake." Bella whimpers, "You smell."
He has to agree with her there. There's nothing quite as pungent to him as the scent of werewolf.
"I'm sorry. Don't hate me." She pleads in her sleep.
His heart clenches at the pain in her voice.
"Not stupid…" She whispers, "Made my choice. I don't regret it. I like being a vampire."
His hands tighten on the wheel and he swerves slightly.
Is this what she dreams about? Becoming a monster?
He tries to be reasonable, tries to understand her desires.
He wonders what he might feel if the situation were reversed. He knows without a shadow of a doubt that he would do anything for Bella, including accepting his fate as a vampire. But he still thinks it's different. He knows that his love for her is unfading; vampire emotions are different. He can say with complete confidence that he was like half a person before she came along. And even that half a person—he despised. But now he felt different, changed to his very core. And he was beginning to even like this new Edward—the Edward that Bella loves.
But can he be so arrogant as to say that Bella's emotions might fade? He hopes not. God, he would love nothing more than for her to love him in the way he loves her.
He is deep in thought for the rest of the drive. Trying to understand his emotions, and even more desperately so to understand hers.
"You look troubled." Her quiet voice interrupts his thoughts. For a moment, he assumes she is still asleep, until her mouth opens wide in a yawn.
He apologizes.
"Don't be sorry. Anything I can do to help?" She asks.
He pauses for a long moment.
"How do you know you love me?" He asks.
She laughs, "Fishing for compliments are we?"
He forces a smile.
She looks pensive, and she thinks about her answer for so long, that he resigns himself to not even receiving one.
"Well there's the obvious of course."
He's taken aback by her quiet words.
"What's obvious?"
"You're perfect." She whispers, "You're loving, and so kind, and brave. And strong. Not to mention to mention inhumanly beautiful."
He tries to keep his shoulders from slumping. Of course she would love him for those things. It's the way he was made—to attract his prey.
"But those were only what caught my eye in the beginning."
He gazes at her from the corner of his eye.
"Now I feel like I know more than just the supernatural aspect of you. I know your soul. Your heart may not beat anymore, but you still have more capacity to love than anyone else I've ever known."
"Wait till you get to know Esme more."
"I'm serious, Edward. Maybe it sounds stupid, but I feel whole when I'm with you. Like I've been living my entire life as only half a person, until that day in the hospital when you touched my wrist. I've never been so overwhelmed by emotion. At your mere touch, I felt this strange shock go through me, and when you pulled away, I felt different. Like a totally new person. Maybe it's just hindsight now, but I knew then that my entire life had changed… like that day was the first day of the rest of my life."
He can't help but smile in return.
"Should I go on?" She asks. "I could tell you about how your very presence overwhelms me so completely that I can barely have a coherent thought. Or that of all the times I've been hurt, some of them even life-threatening, nothing has ever hurt as bad as those moments when I'm holding you and have to let go. If I could, I would go my entire life without ever letting you go. Or on a simpler level, I could just tell you that I've never really liked myself until you loved me. I can't imagine my life without you. But I also can't imagine that you didn't already know these things."
They've reached the cabin, and he's thankful for the excuse to pull over. He doesn't want to admit that her words created such a strong passion in him, that he, even with his near perfect coordination, was having trouble driving. The feeling in his chest is like a combination of every emotion he's ever know—joy, relief, happiness, sorrow, guilt—anything and everything.
"I didn't… I didn't know." He whispers.
"Edward." Bella's warm hand touches the skin of his neck. "I love you. In every sense of the word. What brought this on?"
"Just needed a bit of reassurance, that's all."
She smiles, and he vows to never take that expression for granted ever again. He wants to feel as moved by every one of her smiles as this one or as the first time she smiled at him.
"I guess you're more human than we thought."
"Perhaps." He smiles.
He exits the car and speeds around to her side. He lifts her into his arms and out of the car. She looks around at the deep forest around them, the dirt road leading up to the cabin being the only sign of civilization.
"Alone." She whispers.
"Alone." He agrees.
"And just what were you planning to do to me, all alone and in the middle of nowhere, Mr. Cullen?"
He grins. "A little of this, little of that."
She loops her arms around his neck.
"Well let's get started then."
A/N: I figured it was only fair not to leave you guys with a cliff-hanger since my updates are irregular.
And I know that not a lot actually happened in this chapter…. But if I were a pirate, I might say, "I feel a change in the winds, says I."
That's all I'm saying.