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Chapter 10 – Part 1

"What are you doing?!" Jessica suddenly snapped from the kitchen's door, eyeing me with a piercing look.

Oh. My. God. What was I doing?! In that moment, a wire that had been unconnected to my head suddenly plugged again. Shocking me in that place, bringing me back to reality...

When I saw, with clear eyes, where I was and what I was about to do, with a panicked look I went to sit at a table far from where Liam was. He just stayed there eying me, confused.

I stayed at the table for a moment, asking myself over and over again what I had been doing. I realized I hadn't really wanted to know the answer just yet when I figured it out. I had almost kissed Liam! If Jessica had come a second later my lips would have been attached to Liam's!

Jessica's expression had turned from anger to anguish. She was hurt; I hurt her… But what could I tell her? In that second, a million excuses passed through my mind, but in just as soon as I thought them, I declined them all. None of them seemed good enough.

And anyway, how could I tell her anything after what she saw? There's a saying, that some images say more than a thousand words, and this was surely one of them.

"Jess, I swear we—" I started when Jessica cut me off.

"Don't explain me anything, I don't really want to know," she stated with almost-tears in her eyes, and went to look through the window, clearly not wanting to show Liam what she really felt.

Liam looked at her confused; he seemed to be going to start talking, but let it off, shrugging.

And I again just stayed there, in my seat, unable to speak. I tried not to think about the repercussions of this, suppressing every situation I imagined… It was too stressful. Suddenly one hit so hard, that it was impossible not to see.

Liam looked at me with a worried look, so my face must have showed my dilemma, but I didn't care; I continued drowning in my own misfortune. The situation grew clearer with every passing second, and my condition of anguish accompanied it. If Jessica had seen it, she was going to think about it, and possibly exaggerate the situation… So, if she thought about it… Oh, I couldn't even think it myself. That meant—that would mean Edward was going to see it too….

And with that, I couldn't handle it anymore, and I just collapsed. My breathing

literally stopped; I couldn't let the air come into my lungs—it didn't

deserve entering into a place like this, so disgusting, so bitter, so…

"Bella breathe!" Liam shouted, appearing behind me and shaking me by the shoulders, obliging me to fulfill his command. I took a deep breath, and tried to calm myself. But I couldn't. My vision was starting to blur from the tears that were threatening to spill. I could just think of one thing: Edward, Edward, Edward…

My impulses won out over my rationality, and I begged without thinking, "Please don't tell Edward, he would misunderstand it, and not see how things really were," I pleaded to Jessica.

"Oh, really? And how were things, really?" she said sarcastically, but when I was about to answer her, Edward walked back into the room.

I begged Jessica with my eyes, against all common sense. It didn't matter if

Jessica told him or not, he was going to see it anyway. Even worse than hearing from someone, he was going to see the entire situation as if he had been here when it almost happened.

Jessica just nodded once, still wearing a dead expression. Thank you, Jess. Even after I was such a bad friend, she helped me. I suddenly regretted all the times I had thought badly of her. Why did I think I had the right to judge her? Now that seemed so hypocritical…

Edward expression was nameless. His mouth tightened, his fists closed, and his eyes filled with a feeling I'd never seen on his face. It hurt me more than any other feeling—more than fury or anger. He was… he was disappointed, ouch. So he had seen it, and probably also heard those stupid words I just had to say to Jessica to make the situation even more 'wonderful'… Instead of doing what I was about to, I told Jessica to stay quiet? I had to do it behind his back? He should be disappointed, but I deserved much worse…

I looked at him with regretful eyes, with a childish hope that he would look

at me as always, with that crooked smiled he only had for me. But he didn't

even look at me; he just stared at some invisible point in a faraway place, and that

made me ache inside even more.

We stayed there for what seemed like an eternity—me staring at Edward, and Edward looking away, with worry, anger, and anguish. When Adeline reached us, she just stared with confused eyes at each one of us, lingering a bit longer on Edward's face.

When I thought everyone was going to get insane with that deafening silence, Edward started off, "We should finish showing you the center; it's getting late." Edward—Edward just said that?!

"S-sure, you're right; we should go now," Liam replied nervously, subconsciously running fingers through his hair.

Edward glared at him, and started walking with determination to the car. Everyone followed in silence, his walk was so sure that made the rest of us hesitant.

We entered the car nervously, feeling all of the tension. Edward made the engine roar because of how hard he pressed the pedal. He went through the driveway, staring towards the road, with his hands really tight to the steering wheel, and his foot pressing hard the gas pedal. 30 mph, 40 mph, 50 mph, 60 mph, 70 mph! And this time Liam, didn't even dare to say anything.

Adeline was the one breaking the silence this time, and I had to admit I appreciated what she did. "Umm, don't you think it would be better if we get back to school, it is really going to be late soon and, umm, I just remembered I have a test tomorrow, and I need to study," she said faking indifference. Thank you, Adeline.

"As you wish," Edward muttered, twisting into an 180º turn with a piercing sound, and headed back to school.

This scene in the car was the total opposite of the one before everything happened. It seemed unbelievable—all the things that changed between the two trips. We stayed as silent as before, but while the other was full of implications and implicit activities, this was dead, awkward silence. Everyone looked to everywhere but at each other, immersed in their thoughts, too afraid to glare to the other. I was waiting, impatient to be out of here, hoping that this nightmare would end when I got out of the car. Of course, I knew, deep inside, there was a time when the worst would come…

The worst… Was it worse than James biting my hand? Worse than watching Jacob crying for his unrequited love? Yes, worse than all that together, because I had let Edward down. Though I didn't really kiss Liam, I had betrayed Edward in some way, and even worse, I had betrayed myself.

By this time, Edward was already parking in the school lot. Everyone said a quiet 'goodbye', entered their cars and drove away, leaving Edward and me in the

isolated parking lot, alone in the twilight.

I hesitantly got out of the car without looking at him; I was too ashamed to look at his eyes. I walked around his car by the front, and passed by his door, but when I did this, with a superhuman movement, he reached out of the car, grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me into the car with him. His hands rested on each side of my body, locking me there, with his face just inches from mine

He moved his head slowly to mine, eyeing me intently at every single second, and kissed me. Strongly, fiercely. And then in what it seemed a fraction of a millisecond, he pushed me out of the car, slammed the door, and gunned the engine. Driving away… Leaving me there, alone, confused with my heart residing in my mouth.