Remembering the Forgotten

By: Ellipsis the Great

DISCLAIMER: Kingdom Hearts and everything affiliated with it belongs to SquareEnix and Disney. All I own is the plot…although the original idea came from orangediscord's one-shot 'Left Behind.'

Summary: Sometimes, I thought I was the only person who remembered him…eventual Seiner, other pairings unknown.

Rated: M.

Spoilers: Takes place after Kingdom Hearts II; I dunno how much of the plot will be included.

Warnings: Yaoi and some angst. More warnings later if needed.

Chapter Twelve: Desiderium (wish, longing; regret, grief; want, need)

"I'm back in town and everything has changed. I feel let down, the faces stay the same. I see shadows of who we used to be. When I drive so slow through this memory." –Yellowcard, 'Shadows and Regrets'

"Seifer!"

We all turned to Fuu, who had called after me, followed by Rai and Vivi. Even though I had mostly resigned myself to the idea that they had probably disappeared, I still felt a burst of relief go through my chest at the sight of them.

"You're still here." I said when they reached me, trying not to let that relief show in my voice.

She slapped me.

I jerked back a little, surprised, as she pointed a finger at me. She opened her mouth a little as if to say something, then closed it again and shook her head.

"You didn't tell us you were leaving, y'know?" Rai translated her silence. "We didn't know what happened to you, y'know?"

"We were afraid your dad did something again." Vivi piped up. "And then when we heard him yelling…"

"Nothing hap…" I trailed off, seeing Hayner frown at me. "Well, I'm fine."

Fuu snorted, then rather viciously jabbed my sides with her fingers. I couldn't help the pained yelp that escaped my lips as she hit almost the exact spot where my dad had kicked and stomped on my side.

"Dammit, Fuu!" I cursed, rubbing my side.

"Off." She said, putting her hands on her hips.

Sighing and rolling my eyes, I slipped my coat off, followed closely by my vest. I heard a few gasps from Hayner, Cid, and Sora as the huge, still not completely formed bruise on my side and back was revealed. Rai shook his head disappointedly.

"The less hurt he acts, the more hurt he is, y'know?" He said, handing Fuu some sort of cream that was supposed to be good for bruises. They kept a pretty steady supply of the stuff on hand at all times.

"Idiot." Fuu added in that monotonous voice of hers that made you wonder if she was being serious or was just teasing. Maybe both.

"That much is obvious." Hayner said. "Goddammit, Seifer, why didn't you tell us you were this fucking hurt, you friggin'…ugh!"

"I have a high tolerance for pain, so I don't think about it, okay?" I said irritably. My head was starting to hurt.

Another snort from Fuu. "Stubborn."

"I'm—oww, stop fucking doing that, woman!—not stubborn." I said, hissing when she poked me again.

"You need to start thinking about it, then, stubborn or not." Hayner scolded.

"Of course, mother, I'll get right the fuck on it." I said tersely.

His jaw clenched. "Look, Seifer, you keep talking about defending me or what the fuck ever, right? Now, how in the hell are you gonna do that if you don't look after yourself, first? And for that goddamn matter, you need to let other people—us—look after you, too. We're in this shit together, remember? We give and damn well get; that's how it's always been even when we fucking hated each other."

"Fuu, that's all you're gonna fucking get done, so back the fuck off." I snapped, standing jerkily as she sighed and did what she was told. Then I turned on Hayner. "As for you—I've been taking good care of myself so damn far, so I sure as hell don't need a chickenwuss like you to fucking 'look after me,' alright?"

"That's taking good care of yourself?" He practically screeched, pointing at the bruise on my side. "That's bullshit and you know it! You're such a goddamn—"

"Why do you even fucking care, lamer?" I demanded. "We hate each other, remember?"

"Oh, come off it!" He scoffed. "We haven't hated each other practically since this stupid goddamn adventure or whatever in the hell it is started—if we hadn't already stopped before that! And I care for the same reason that you apparently care, alright?"

"And what reason is that?" I sneered.

"Because…because you're real." He seemed unsure of himself for a moment, but quickly picked up his momentum again. "And if you're so fucking stupid that you can't even stand up to your dad when you know that what he's doing is wrong…I mean, Jesus Christ, Seifer! You know it's all wrong and you're not even trying to stop it!"

"I can't." I said.

"Bullshit." He said. "You're Seifer friggin' Almasy. And I refuse to believe that a guy who can kick my ass seven ways from Wednesday can't even stand up to a fucking drunk."

"He's my father, Hayner."

"Is he?"

We stopped glaring at each other in favor of looking over at a (surprisingly) thoughtful Sora, who was frowning and tapping his chin with a finger.

"Is who, what?" I asked.

"Is that guy really your dad?" He asked.

"…The fuck are you talking about?" Hayner asked, wrinkling his nose.

"Well…I mean, you guys aren't really from Twilight Town, right?" He asked. As he tried to relate his thoughts to us, I could almost physically see the gears grinding in his head. "So…like, I know Rai and Fuu don't really exist here. So I was just wondering if that guy is really your dad, or just some Twilight citizen with his memory twisted around…or something like that. Because you keep saying you can't stand up to him because he's your dad, right? But if he isn't really your dad…then that wouldn't be a problem anymore, would it?"

Everyone stared at him.

"That…actually makes sense." Hayner said, gobsmacked.

Sora made a face at him.

"If I can get to a computer, I can find out." Cid offered.

"He could use the one in the mansion." Hayner added as they all looked at me expectantly.

I shook my head. "You don't have to find out anything. He really is my dad."

"You don't know that." Hayner insisted.

"Yes, I do, just like I know that Sora is also Roxas and Leon is also Squall Leonhart." I said. "As much as I wish Sora was right, he really is my dad. I don't know how, but he is. Maybe Ansem made him out of my memories or something, but it's the same damn thing either way." Agitated suddenly, I waved my arms around, half-heartedly motioning at everything. "I mean, maybe all of this just…just repeated my former life but with a different rival and a different setting or what the fuck ever. Either way…either way, it doesn't fucking matter, because we're leaving now, right? And there'll probably never be any reason for me to come back and see him again, whether he's my real dad or my fake dad or…both."

"So you're just gonna fucking run away?" Hayner asked incredulously.

"I…don't know. I guess so. I really just…don't give a fuck anymore."

"You can't. Seifer, you can't." He said.

"Yeah, I can. And I will." I said. "Maybe someday I'll come back, after all of this is over and I've had time to…to adjust to everything that's going on, but for right now…I'm tired, Hayner."

"No. No." He said. "You can't…I mean, you're too strong to just…just give up."

I scowled. "Yeah? Well maybe I'm fucking sick of being strong. Of fighting and struggling and going through all of this bullshit. I'm just…I'm so…tired…" And suddenly, I really was tired—physically as well as mentally and emotionally. I guess all of the adrenaline from before was finally wearing off, or something. With a sigh, I put a hand to my head. "Look, lamer…I'll have to face him someday. Probably. Maybe. But for now…for now we've got enough shit to deal with without throwing my fucked up home life into the mix."

He opened his mouth to argue some more, but for some reason seemed to think better of it and instead let out a low, frustrated growl and shook his head. "Fine. Whatever." He said finally. "I…I'd like to go say goodbye to my folks, and Olette and Pence. You want to come, Sora?" He asked, very carefully avoiding my gaze.

"Yeah, sure." Sora said quietly, oddly subdued. He gave me an apprehensive look, then he and Hayner walked off.

"It'll be okay, y'know?" Rai asked, putting a hand on my arm.

"You think I need you to tell me that?" I huffed, looking at Vivi so I wouldn't have to see Rai and Fuu's sympathetic looks. Those two drove me fucking barmy sometimes. "Go back to class, shrimp."

Vivi giggled, having long since grown used to my gruff ways of showing I cared. "You got it!" He said in that ridiculously high-pitched voice of his (I mean, what the hell? He was in high school and sounded like a fucking first grader), then turned and scampered back into the school building.

I turned to Rai and Fuu. "You guys…will you disappear?"

They exchanged a glance.

"Eventually." Fuu said.

"Once we're not useful anymore, y'know?" Rai said.

"Well, make yourselves useful, then." I snapped. "Make sure Vivi doesn't fuck anything up, alright? Watch out for the little brat."

They nodded. A corner of Cid's mouth quirked upward. I ignored the bastard.

"And look after the chickenwuss's lame friends, while you're at it." I added. "He'll get bitchy if something happens to them, and he's bitchy enough as it is."

Fuu rolled her eyes.

"And…" I hesitated, rubbing the back of my neck. "Watch out for my old man, too, okay?"

"Seifer." Fuu scowled at me.

"I know he's an asshole and all, but he's still my dad." I said, just like I always did when he came up in conversation. Why couldn't I just…let him go? "And I'm not asking you to go out of your way or anything, just…if you see that he's in trouble, and you can help him…then help him. Please."

They looked at each other again, and nodded, though neither of them were happy about it. Then, with a short wave, they went back inside. I sighed as they disappeared from sight.

"C'mon, twerp." Cid said. "If you don't have anything else to do, we might as well go back to the ship to wait for the other two."

I shook my head. "Let's go to the cemetery first."

(PAGEBREAK,Y'KNOW?)

"This…is my mom." I said, putting a hand on the gravestone.

"Mrs. Almasy." Cid said with a respectful nod of his head.

"Edea." I said. "Her name was Edea."

He didn't say anything, but nodded again.

"I don't…think she was ever really my mom." I added. I wasn't sure if I was talking to Cid, still, or just myself. He stayed quiet either way. "So I guess she only exists in my memories now, huh?"

"Maybe she existed before." Cid suggested. "And she was like your mother, or some shit like that. It would explain why you remember her."

I shrugged, kneeling next to the stone and leaning against it. "I'd like to think that…she existed somewhere. If my memories aren't all complete bullshit, I mean. She was a good person."

"I'm sure she was, twerp." He said.

I laughed bitterly. "I wonder what she'd think of me now."

He snorted. "If she had half a brain she'd be fucking proud of you. You're a good kid, even if you're a fucking idiot half the time."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence." I sneered.

"'S what I'm here for." He said, then stretched a little. "I'm gonna go on back to the ship."

I nodded wordlessly, closing my eyes and listening to his footsteps growing farther and farther away.

For a while after the sound of his footfalls faded away, everything was quiet.

"I'm sorry, Matron." I at last broke the silence as I stood up. I took my beanie off and hung it off the side of the gravestone. I straightened my back with a new sort of resolve and stuffed my hands in my pockets.

"Now." I said, forcing myself to smirk. "It's time to go blow some shit up."

End Chapter Twelve