"L for Love"
Written By Omare Alloy
Today was a gentle winter day, and if you knew me you would know I loved to take a walk during these blissful days. The snow was a sign that winter was coming and to most people that meant it was going to be cold. Yet, that didn't bother me. I loved the cold. I loved the snow. I loved the winter.
As I put on my heavy winter jacket and cozy scarf, I thought back to the ring in my pocket. So priceless and meaningful. I didn't want to cloud my mind with stressful thoughts. My winter walks were meant to be relaxing not stress inducing torture walks.
I slipped on my fashionable boats and strode out my door. I locked my door, you never know what can happen in the city. The streets were practically deserted, but that's what you expect in this part of the neighborhood.
The stress was already diminishing with every step. Each step with the snow floating around me was a step closer to nirvana. My once tense muscles were far from sore, and my pounding headache evaporated. These walks reminding me of the time when everything was calm and happy. When I didn't have to worry. When my steps had a bounce to them. When I didn't cry myself to sleep, but that's in the past and a totally different subject that I don't want to talk or even think about it.
After a couple blocks of my eternal peace, I realized that I was caressing the ring. I stopped dead in my tracks and took it out of my pocket. I was beautiful, no amount of loathing it would make me deny this fact. Even though I was pretty good at denying. It was a single diamond ring with a silver band. It was a massive diamond ring, but he could afford it with his salary. It was tough to admit that he banked more than me.
He got down on one knee. He wasn't shaking, but I could tell he was nervous. That's why he brought me here. He was going to propose. This gorgeous view, for a gorgeous princess. His words not mine.
He looked up at me with his handsome blue eyes. It seemed like he was penetrating my very soul with those eyes. He took a breath and asked, "Will you marry me?" Short yet to the point, exactly like him.
A memory from the past. I could feel the tears streaming down my face. I don't have a reason to be sad. I don't have the right. I didn't get my heart broken, or maybe I did. I know for a fact though it wasn't him that broke my heart, it was me. I broke my heart ,and I broke his.
I involuntarily gasped. I knew he was going to do it, but right now it was the real deal. It felt so real! I was on the brink of tears. They weren't sad tears, but they weren't happy tears. I didn't want to say no, but I didn't want to say yes. I was confused. I was lost. I needed time for a reason I didn't know.
"I - I - I," I looked down at him. Tears already spilling out of my eyes. I'm glad people weren't here. "I don't know. I can't. I need time to think."
These flashbacks of that night were haunting me. It hurt like hell. Didn't hurt my head, but it hurt my heart. I single handedly crushed the toughest guy that I know, and trust me I know a lot of people.
Why did I ask for time to think? Was it because I'm unsure of him? Of my future? Or is it because I'm just that little insecure girl that's afraid of commitment because I think I'll always get hurt. No, that's not me. I'm the toughest girl I know. I sighed, so much for being denial free.
He stared at me. There was no expression on his face, but I could tell he was hurt, sad, confused, and angry. I could always tell how he felt through his eyes. Something he could never hide from me. "Why?" was all he ground out. His teeth were clenched and his fist were balled up. The engagement box was at his feet. He was up by now, and staring down at me. "Why? Why more time?"
I had no excuse because I didn't even know why I said no or was it a maybe. I brought my eyes to my shoes and started to fidget. A habit of mine when I was nervous or scared. I could see his tense muscles soften a bit. He was always a softy when it came to me. I gulped and whispered, "I don't know," I was being honest. At least that could earn me some brownie points in the asswhole department. "I just don't know. I'm - I'm," I was sobbing and stuttering by now, "sorry. It just something, something is telling me I'm not ready because I haven't figured something out yet."
My feet were automatically moving bringing me to somewhere, I just didn't know where that was. I might subconsciously know, but right now in my state of mind I didn't. It didn't scare me. It felt right that I was going to this place. I felt the first smile I've had in a while begin to form on my face. I have the feeling that I'm on the verge of a metamorphosis.
"You aren't ready because," he paused. I could just sense he was hesitating saying the next part. He whispered out, "-because you don't love me?" My eyes widen. How could he think that? I then scolded myself. I would be thinking the same thing if I was rejected.
Tears were still streaming down my face. He glanced at his hand then cautiously brushed the tears away. I hiccupped, "How - ow could you t - think I don't lo-ove you?" I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him like my life depended on it. "I love you mor -re than you know it."
He sighed and gently stroked my hair. "I have the right to doubt that. After all, you did give me a negative response." He gently removed himself from my embrace and took a step back. He bent down for a reason I did not know until he placed a ring into my hands.
I suddenly began to recognize the surroundings; it was his lavish neighborhood. I've been here millions of times, and I didn't realize till now that I was here. I guess the reason I never really said yes was because inside I am a little girl. I'm the naïve little fairy tale princess that can't understand the world, and I didn't realize till now that he's not my prince. He's my peasant that will show me what the real world is, and actually have a life to actually let me experience it. I wouldn't have it any other way though.
What why is he putting this ring into my hands? I said I wasn't ready. Why is he doing this? Is he doing this to mock me? Questions and questions were overflowing my head. I looked into his eyes then at the ring. He could tell I was confused.
"Keep it. It doesn't matter what your decision is; I bought it for you and only you. I'll also give you all the time in the world. We should have some space while you think this over." I was more confused then ever. This isn't the man I knew and loved. Why was he acting so mature? Instead of questioning I nodded and tightly closed my fist locking the ring inside of it.
I gulped, "I guess this is goodbye for now."
He smiled a bit or was that just his usual expression? "Yeah, goodbye for now."
I nodded numbly and turned to leave, but his hand on my wrist stopped me. He leaned down and whispered into my ear. "I'll always love you." The dried tears were replaced with new ones. I was numb and was oblivious to the world. When I turned to reply, he was gone.
I had a bright cheerful smile on my face as I stood in front of his luxurious abode. I was nervous and terrified yet I was excited and exuberant. I held the ring tightly afraid it was going to fall as I climbed his steep steps. I knew what I was going to say. It was a simple word matched with a simple phrase.
I was afraid he was going to reject me though. It has been at least one month since we last talked or seen each other. He probably hates me. I shouldn't even be here. I need to be confident, I need to be brave like I usually am, but he makes me queasy, makes me feel different.
I tentatively rang the doorbell, rocking back and forth on my heels waiting for someone to answer the door. I heard footsteps and the rustling of clothes. I gulped expecting the worst, but as soon as the door opened I saw a disheveled Duncan. He looked surprised and happy. He just stared at me though.
I cleared my throat, "Ahem." That brought him back to life.
"Oh, yeah sorry. Come in, Courtney." I missed how he called me Princess, Sunshine, or any other of his little pet names. He opened his door and allowed me to come inside. I always liked his place. It was so much better than mine. As I came inside I removed my coat, but remembered to keep the ring. I then removed my scarf and placed it on his coat rack.
I turned to him and saw that he closed the door and was staring at me. All that came from my mouth was the word, "Yes." Stupid. That's all I can say after being away from each other for so long.
He blinked, "Yes?"
"Yes, I'll marry you." I glanced up at him then quickly recovered, "I mean if the offer still stands because I think you hate me right now, and I thought a lot. Now I came here ,and I know I'm kind of nerv-" His lips were on mine. He was kissing me. Duncan, my ex-bad boy, was kissing me. I felt like the universe was smiling at me. I smiled into his kiss, and oh so shockingly kissed him back.
It was the sweet kiss that said I missed you but with a hint of lust. He pulled away and smirked at me, "You talk to much." I smiled and laughed. I then remembered the ring in my hand. I gently nudged him.
"I still have the ring. You can propose to me again. This time I'll react perfectly," I said with a giggle. I opened my hand and slide it into his hands. "What you waiting for, boy, time for you to be a man."
He laughed and got down on one knee. He glanced up at me and was shivering violently. Faking it most likely. "Will you, Courtney Ricci, marry me, Duncan Lawley?" I pretended to be in deep thought, but as most would suspect I jumped into his arms in a matter of seconds making him fall to the ground with me on top of him.
"Whoa, lets save this for the honeymoon, Princess." He laughed then whispered into my ear, "But I wouldn't mind if we did a thing or two now." I giggled same old perverted Duncan.
"Mhm, maybe, but you have to put that ring on my finger." He nodded and took my left hand and softly put it in its place.
"Is that better?" I nodded. "Well now lets get upstairs to do our daily business." He winked at me.
"Alright," was all I said. He pulled me up and took my hand and laced it with his fingers. I'm glad I said yes because there's no better feeling than this.
He stopped me abruptly though while we were climbing the stairs to his room. He turned around and asked, "What changed your mind?"
I smiled at him, "Lets just say the princess didn't want to be naïve anymore."
Sorry about the long wait. Hope the lengthfulness of the one-shot helped. Hated the ending (but thats my opinion.) Well, in news I have lost interest in Total Drama Island/Action, but that does not mean I will abandon this story. I will finish it, but its gonna be slower updates. Way slower. GO AVATAR! haha my new obsession.
Like always: Criticism is appreciated.
Read and Review. Relax too.
If you want me to update faster please tell me, it boasts my confidence.
On another note, lots of mistakes in this so if you notice a few please point it out, and who else is participating in Zutara week?