Chapter Three: What All Schoolchildren Learn

Author's note: Thank you so very much to all of those who reviewed! Reviews are like wonderful Christmas presents; please please keep it up! I do actually try to incorporate your suggestions, because I'm still not very clear on where I'm going with this story.

Happy holidays!

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I and the public know

What all schoolchildren learn,

Those to whom evil is done

Do evil in return.

--W.H. Auden, SEPTEMBER 1, 1939

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"That's…crazy." Nate shook his head, bewildered. His mouth was dry. "Insane."

Serena sighed. "I know, Nate, but—"

"What if it backfires?" Nate demanded. "You don't know how Chuck will react if he's provoked like that—there's no way to really know that." He paused. "He's dangerous. You don't even know…"

"Yes, we do," interrupted Serena in an annoyed voice, "I think it's safe to say we've been fully exposed to his evil side. If he even has any other sides."

Nate ran his hand wildly through his hair so that it stuck up at the ends. He sank down onto a sofa. "No, Serena, I don't think I can do it. You haven't thought this through. It's…risky."

"It could work," Serena snapped. "We need to try it. They're in an emotionally abusive relationship. Non-relationship. Whatever. It's an endless cycle—he won't talk to her, she tries to confront him, he insults her in public, she cries, she makes herself sick—"

"I know," protested Nate, "but—"

"She's wasting away." Serena placed her hands on her hips and stared him down. "She can't take it anymore!" Her eyes flashed. She took in a deep breath and continued, her voice forcibly calm: "We need to break the pattern. We need something to jolt Chuck—she's not going to change her behavior on her own, she's too weak." She saw Nate's eyes widen, saw him nod as he acknowledged the truth of the statement. "We need to provoke him if we want anything to change at all. This is the way of doing it that we came up with. If not this, we need to do something just as bad."

Nate sat and thought about it for a minute. "It's a really sketchy plan," he opined.

"We know that," asserted Dan hastily, "it's a work in progress."

"Good," said Nate firmly, "I'm only doing it if I get a say in how it all goes down."

Dan smiled. "Don't worry man, we have plenty of time for planning."

Serena threw her arms around Nate ecstatically and almost squealed. "So you're in? You're definitely in?"

"I guess," said Nate doubtfully, awkwardly patting her on the back.

"I think that calls for a drink!" said Dan loudly, getting to his feet and offering a hand to Nate, who was still entangled in Serena's arms. He glanced around the room. "Do you have a liquor cabinet or something in here?"

Half an hour later the three of them were sitting on the floor, Serena cradling a half-empty bottle in her arm; Nate punched her lightly in the shoulder and told her to 'stop hogging the whiskey.'

"Shots, anyone?" asked Dan, pushing shot-glasses towards Nate and Serena. He downed one himself.

"Since when do you drink, Dan?" inquired Nate with a grin.

"Oh," said Dan, waving his arm expansively, "it's you upper-east-siders…all your bad habits have rubbed off on me."

"We have plenty of bad habits," Nate agreed.

"Natie, for instance," giggled Serena, "has this bad habit of never quite being able to make up his mind about which girl he likes. He likes them all! He can't choose." She tittered.

Nate had the grace to blush a bit. "That's not true!"

"Oh, please." Serena rolled her eyes. "Just this past year you've been in love with countless girls. First Blair, then me, then Blair again, then Vanessa, then that creepy old woman over the summer, then Jenny, then Vanessa again.." she paused thoughtfully. "Actually, are you still with Vanessa? Or back with Jenny? It's so hard to keep track."

Nate blushed further. "I've been dating Vanessa sort of on-and-off….off this time for a while. I've sort of been dating a few different girls."

Serena snorted.

"Not Jenny, though, right?" asked Dan.

"No."

"Good," said Dan forcefully.

"Oh no," Serena rolled her eyes again, this time at Dan. "Let's please stay away from protective-older-brother territory."

"Good idea," Nate said eagerly. "New topic."

"I'm pretty sure Aaron will break up with me when he finds out he won't see me at all during Christmas break," Serena offered.

"Really?" Nate cocked an eyebrow.

"Do we really need to talk about Aaron?" Dan whined.

"Shut up, Dan," said Nate. "Will he really mind so much, Serena? Is there anything we can do about it? Maybe he could come with us…"

Dan looked up in alarm.

"No," Serena shook her head, "that really won't be necessary." She giggled a bit in spite of herself. "That would be awful. None of you like him."

"I don't really know him," said Nate neutrally. Dan didn't say anything.

"Honestly, guys, I don't really care. I was thinking of breaking it off anyway."

"Why?" asked Nate.

"I don't know," sighed Serena. "I don't think we really have much in common. We run out of things to talk about so easily. And we fight a lot. About Blair, mainly. He overheard her call him a 'greasy-haired wannabe artist' once, so he doesn't like her, and doesn't like how much time I spend with her." She stared down into her glass. "And to be honest, I don't enjoy spending time with him as much as I used to."

Dan grinned suddenly as he poured himself another shot of whiskey.

"Anyway," said Serena, flicking her hair, "we have more important things to discuss right now. Are we ready for phase one?"

******

"Wake up, Miss Blair. Miss Blair—"

"Ugh, Dorota, leave me alone," Blair frowned, her eyes still closed, and nestled back into her pillow.

"Miss Blair, your friends come to visit you."

"Blair—" came Serena's voice.

"What?" Blair sat up in bed, stifling a yawn. "Is that you, Serena? For god's sake, it's six-thirty a.m.—"

"And me," said Nate, stepping into the room along with Serena.

"Nate?" Blair was shocked.

"Brace yourself," said Serena in an amused voice, "you have a third guest. Try to refrain from screaming."

Dan stepped through the doorway cautiously. "Morning, Blair."

Dorota smiled and turned to leave, saying, "I leave you alone." The door closed behind her.

Blair stared at Dan for a moment, her mouth hanging slightly open. "Ugh," she finally said in disgust, and threw her pillow at him. She glared at her friend, who was laughing at her expression. "Why the hell is Humphrey in my bedroom, Serena?"

The pillow bounced off Dan harmlessly, and he appeared to be only mildly annoyed. "Nate and I will go downstairs and wait while you guys get ready," he said to Serena, and the boys left.

"Serena, what—?"

"Get dressed, B," said Serena firmly, throwing open her closet. "I'm going to help you pack."

"Why?" Blair demanded.

"Because we're going to France."

Blair rubbed her eyes vigorously, wondering if this was all just a very strange dream.

"What drugs are you on, Serena?"

Serena chuckled. Blair had not seen her in this good a mood in a long time.

"None at the moment," she said breezily, pulling aside the curtains so that early morning sunshine streamed into the room. She reached into a bag she had slung over her shoulder. Out came a pair of gray sweatpants and a shapeless black sweater, which she tossed onto Blair's bed.

Blair glanced down at them and wrinkled her nose. "I hope you're not expecting me to wear that." She pushed the offensive items of clothing off her bed with her foot.

Serena promptly picked them up and threw them at Blair's head.

"Hey," Blair sputtered, fixing her mussed hair and looking indignant. "Blair Waldorf would never ever don such a ghastly ensemble. You should be ashamed of yourself."

"We're trying to be incognito," said Serena absently, taking items out of Blair's closet and piling them on the bed. Blair noted that Serena herself was dressed discreetly in cheap-looking jeans and a baggy sweater that sported the NYU logo; her distinctive golden mane was tied up in a severe bun.

"Why the hell are we surreptitiously boarding a plane to France anyway?"

"The three of us thought it'd be a nice way to spend the holidays," said Serena. "Christmas in France. What do you think?"

"Yeah, that does sound nice," acknowledged Blair, nodding slowly—and then suddenly paused. "Wait. The three of us?! Surely you don't mean—"

"Dan's coming too," Serena clarified. She got on her knees to zip open the empty suitcase she had brought with her, trying to suppress a grin.

"WHAT?" Blair's face was almost comical. "Why?!"

"I invited him," said Serena. "Don't worry. It'll be fun."

Blair's eyes narrowed. "Serena, are you and Humphrey—"

"No," said Serena quickly. "We're just friends."

Blair still looked suspicious.

"Look, we need another guy to come along, or Nate will go crazy by himself with two girls. And Dan's a friend of mine, and he and Nate are friends too."

Blair did not seem persuaded by this reasoning. "Why this sudden mad dash to the airport anyway? I thought we were spending Christmas in New York with family…"

"Sort of a last minute idea," said Serena evasively. "Your mom is fine with it, I already talked to her."

"Serena, you can't just—" Blair made a frustrated gesture, "sweep in here and order me to go to France, I have holiday plans—"

"No, you don't really, B," Serena corrected as she pulled Blair out of bed. "You didn't make plans this year, remember? You've been…distracted." She alluded gently to Blair's extended depression and was pleased when it had the desired effect.

"I guess you're right," said Blair awkwardly, blushing slightly. "And it would be nice to get away for a while…maybe this is a good idea," she conceded, finally. Serena smiled and clapped her hands.

"I wish you'd mentioned it to me sooner, though," said Blair resentfully. "It's not fun to be woken at the crack of dawn and have Cabbage Patch shoved in your face."

"Oh, you'll get used to him."

"I'll only come if you withdraw his invitation," said Blair mutinously.

"You're both coming," asserted Serena, pushing Blair towards the wardrobe. "Now get dressed." She had a feeling that if Blair were her usual self she would have put up a much bigger fight, and she took a moment to appreciate the unexpected silver lining she had discovered. Blair seemed to have reached a similar conclusion because she turned around to fix Serena with an impotent glare.

"Come on, B, we haven't got all day; flight's at nine thirty," she smiled sweetly.

Blair held up the sweater and sweatpants to the mirror. "I can't believe you're making me put this on," her lip curled in disgust. "It's truly heinous. My mother would kill herself if she saw me wearing it."

Serena rolled her eyes. "We need to be discreet if we want to avoid Gossip Girl."

"Fine," snapped Blair, pulling on the sweater so that it engulfed her tiny frame. It made her already pale skin even paler in contrast to the black wool, and her wrists protruded from the baggy sleeves looking oddly frail and vulnerable. There were blue circles under her eyes.

"Have you—" she began hesitantly, "have you told anyone else that we're going?"

Serena thought she knew what Blair meant and hugged her from behind, placing her chin on her friend's shoulder. She addressed Blair's face in the mirror.

"No," she said softly, "just the parents. And Eric and Jenny."

"Good," said Blair, freeing herself from Serena's embrace and reaching for the sweatpants, "I want him to be surprised." She avoided looking at Serena. "Hopefully it'll be an unpleasant surprise."

Serena smiled encouragingly. "Oh, I'm sure it will be."