Episode 13
The moment of troof has come... Mario has worked incredibly hard to get this far. The Armored Harriers were near impossible to beat without a Yoshi. It was a good thing Bowser dropped in and stomped them so Bowser could stomp Mario... But, Mario did the stomping. The Craw-Daddy was also quite an adversary. What with learning new moves, like the Spear Spin and Eye Poke. But, after many, many losses, Mario and party earned their number 1 rank... But, they still had one more match....
Jolene: Wow, I never thought [you] would get this far! OK, I was [kidding, I knew you'd make it here. ; )] ready. So, now it's [the final battle], [Vs.] [The Infernos Falcon]! I hope you've [trained] hard for this! You know [what]? [No special conditions] this time. Just get out there, and do [your] best!
The terminal screen flickers off and Mario, Spik3y Joe, and Ultra prepare themselves for the Champion Battle.
Spik3y Joe: Hoo, I've never felt this way before. I feel all sorts of nervous and serious. I just know this will be a tricky one.
Ultra: Yeah, but we'll get through it no problem at all! There's not a worry in my mind!
Mario: This is like the Final Boss Battle... Except, we're only in the Prologue chapter of the game... Imagine how it'll be like when we reach the TRUE Final Battle.
Spik3y Joe: Man, don't even mention it!
Security Guard #23 walks in and escorts the gang to the ring...
Jolene: This is it! You all thought it, and now you'll watch it! Once you do, you can't un-watch it! This match will certainly be worth 200 coins a seat!
Security Guard #69 walks over to Jolene and whispers something in her ear, then walks away.
Jolene: Oh, good! Without further stalling for time, let's see our challenger! The Velutinous Vaulter! The great Gonzales! The Muuuustache!
Mario, Spik3y Joe, and Ultra walk in waving at the chanting crowd.
Audience: Mustache Must Win! Mustache Must Win! Mushtroom Mustin! D'ooooh! Mustache Must Win!
Mario and the two jump up into the ring, as Jolene walks over for a quick interview.
Jolene: Mustache, you must be feeling all sorts of emotions right now! you must tell us, how do you think you'll fare against our reigning champ?
I'll whup him, but good!
I'm gonna lose, no doubt...
Meh...
Mario: Meh...
Jolene: Well, there you have it! He obviously could care less! His mind must be completely free of all stress!
Mario's Mind: (They're really gettin' late with the Green Coin making. They said they'd renew them, but noooo...)
Jolene: And here's our Champion coming in now! The Winged Terror! The Feathery Pecker! Theeee Infernos Faaalcon!
The right most door opens, as a Falco clone using the yellow Falco outfit jumps out, does an insane Shell Cracker (Triple Back flip with a 1620° spin), and lands in the ring, ready for his battle. Mario's thoughts are stopped completely as he notices this...
Mario: ...You're following me... I can't believe I didn't see this coming...
Spik3y Joe: Aaaaawww man....
Ultra: ....
Xion: *sigh*
Jolene: Alright, let's get ready to BRAAAAWL!
Mario: 30/30 HP
Spik3y Joe: 15/15 HP
Xion: 50/50 HP
Mario/Tactics/Bestiary/ Mario goes to the Mario Wiki to look up information on Xion!
Mario: Uh oh, that's the person I've heard legends about! He has an Attack of 4 and a Defense of 0. All his attacks are the same as Falco's, since he is a clone of him... But, he might know more than Falco, so who knows? Apparently not the Mario Wiki... This dumb website says I'm supposed to lose. I'll show you, Kahran042!
Spik3y Joe/Attack/Shell Shot/ Spik3y Joe shoots himself at the opponent! 2 damage!
Xion/Attack/ Xion performs a multi-kick at Mario! 5 damage!
Mario: 25/30 HP
Spik3y Joe: 15/15 HP
Xion: 48/50 HP
Mario/Hammer/Power Smash/ Mario uses FP to bring down a powerful smash! 4 damage!
Spik3y Joe/Attack/Shell Shot/ Spik3y Joe shoots himself at Xion! 2 damage!
Xion/Tactics/ Xion closes his eyes and concentrates...
Mario: 25/30 HP
Spik3y Joe: 15/15 HP
Xion: 42/50 HP
Mario/Hammer/Power Smash/ Mario does the same thing he did last turn... But Xion counters it! Mario takes 8 damage!
Spik3y Joe/Technique/Shell Loop/ Spik3y Joe shoots at Xion... But, Xion counters that too...6 damage to Spik3y Joe!
Xion/Attack/ Xion cuts Spik3y Joe with his sharp feather things! 4 damage!
Mario: 17/30 HP
Spik3y Joe: 5/15 HP !
Xion: 42/50 HP
Mario/Jump/Normal bounce/ Mario jumps on Xion twice! 1+1 damage!
Spik3y Joe/Attack/Shell Shot/ Spik3y Joe does the move he keeps doing... 2 damage!
Xion/Attack/ Xion does a fully charged Smash attack on Spik3y Joe! SMAAAAASH! Poor little Buzzy Beetle... 8 mortal damage to him!
Spik3y Joe is defeated!
Will Mario use next Pokémon?
Mario: It's Ok, SPIK3Y JOE! Come back!
Mario: Hang in there, ULTRA!
Mario sent out Ultra to fight at his side!
Mario: 17/30 HP
Ultra: 30/30 HP
Xion: 38/50 HP
Mario/Bros. Moves/Bro. Toss/ Mario does a Bros. move!
Ultra: What? But, we're not brothers...We're hardly related.
Mario: Close enough!
Mario picks up Ultra, spins him right round, and throws him at Xion! 5 damage!
Ultra/Attack/Hammer Throw/ Ultra throws a lone hammer! 4 damage!
Xion/Technique/ Xion charges up power! Attack +4!
Mario: 17/30 HP
Ultra: 30/30 HP
Xion: 29/50 HP
Mario/Jump/Power Bounce/ Mario uses FP to do many bounces on Xion! Xion rolls his eyes and stops Mario with a kick in the face? Aw, he's cheating now... Mario loses 3 HP...
Ultra/Attack/Hammer Throw/ Ultra throws a hammer at the opponent! 4 damage!
Xion/Attack/ Xion unleashes a hard attack on Ultra's weak point! Massive damage!
Mario: 14/30 HP
Ultra: 18/30 HP
Xion: 25/50 HP
Mario/Hammer/Normal Hammer/ Mario whacks Xion with his hammer! 2 damage!
Ultra/Attack/Hammer Barrage/ Ultra throws many hammers at Xion! 10 damage!
Xion/Attack/ Xion unleashes a fierce combination of attacks on both Mario and partner! 6 damage!
Mario: 8/30 HP
Ultra: 12/30 HP
Xion: 13/50 HP
Mario: Hey, I think we can win this! You just need to use your Hammer Barrage, ultra!
Ultra: Yeah! See, this ain't a problem!
Mario/Hammer/Normal Hammer/ Mario swings down his hammer! 2 damage!
Ultra/Attack/Hammer Barrage/ Not enough FP for this move!
Mario: ...We're doomed...
Ultra: No! We can still win! There's no giving up!
Ultra/Attack/Hammer Throw/ Ultra throws a lone hammer at Xion! 4 damage!
Xion/Attack/Infernos Falcon/ Xion performs the signature move he made up two minutes ago! He somehow gets set on fire and charges at Mario and Ultra at full speed! Ow... 7 damage!
Mario: 1/30 HP !
Ultra: 5/30 HP !
Xion: 7/50 HP
Mario: OK, we can win as long as we both do our moves perfectly... You go first, Ultra...
Ultra/Attack/Hammer Throw/ Ultra throws a lone hammer at Xion! 4 damage!
Mario/Jump/Normal Bounce/ Mario jumps on Xion! 1+1 damage!
Xion: 1/50 HP !
Ultra: Way to go, man, you added it wrong!
Mario: Waaa!
Xion/Attack/ Xion shakes his head, and flicks Mario in the nose... 1 damage... Mario fainted....
Jolene: Woah! That was a heated match! The Infernos Falcon holds his spot as the Champion of the Glitz Pit!
Half of the audience cheers for Xion, while the other half is booing at Xion, while a quarter of the audience is booing Mario. Mario lies unconscious as Ultra angrily carries him and Spik3y Joe back to the locker room...
Mario wakes up in the Major League Locker Room with Spik3y Joe, Ultra, and the Koopinator staring at him.
Spik3y Joe: :\
Ultra: :(
Koopinator: Just pitiful...
Mario: :'(
Spik3y Joe: Mustache, Xion wanted to see you in his room. I think we should get going.
Mario and co. exit the Locker Room with the Koopinator following them.
Mario: Yo yo, don't follow us! What you doing?!
Koopinator: I just wanna watch the show...
Mario rolls his eyes and continues his way to the Champion's Room.
Security Guard #8: Hey, bub. The champ invited you in. Yer pretty lucky. Ok, go on ahead.
The Security guard gets out of the way and Mario with the other people go inside. It's just like it was when Mario was last here. Just with a big poster of Xion on the wall over the bed...
Mario: I miss my good ol' poster...
Ultra: Hey, where's Xion? Are we early?
Spik3y Joe: Well, there's a piece of paper on the bed.
Mario examines the piece of paper.
Mario: "You almost had it, but you're just not good enough. *coughnicemathcough* But all you wanted was the GBA Piece in Jolene's room. So, just search around under the paper's initial position and you'll know what to do next." Hm... Initial?
Spik3y Joe: There's something under the bed, Mustache.
Mario: What are you looking under people's beds for, huh? I oughtta go under the bed and pick up whatever's in there so you can't have it!
Mario pulls out a cake that has another piece of paper on it.
Mario: Moar paper? "Remember the Fat-Headed Kid's line from Ed, Edd, & Eddy: 'There's a hammer... in the cake. Wait up, Kevin!' "
Mario stares at the cake, thinking about Portal, and if the cake is a lie or not... He finally decides on an action to do... He slams his head into the cake!
Spik3y Joe: Mario, what are you doing?!
Mario: Ah, delicious!
Ultra: Mario, it's on your head.
Mario: What? What's on my head?
Ultra: The Super Hammer! Can I have-
Mario: A Bugzy?! GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF!
Spik3y Joe: I just knew this was gonna end like that episode of Ed, Edd, & Eddy... just without us being stuck in a cement block...
Mario grabs the hammer on his head and pulls it off his head. Mario received the Super Hammer! His hammer Attack power increases by 1, and can now break yellow blocks and other similar objects!
Ultra: This episode is a stub. please make it better, by getting the creator to use more jokes, and not just quotes from copyrighted shows and web sites.
Mario: Hey, I'm the one who makes the quotes, 'K?
Mario knows what to do next. He jumps on top of the presents on the left side of the room, jumps over to the door, footstool jumps off of Ultra's head, and grabs the ledge on the right side of the room, which has a vent on it. Mario gets his hammer ready, twists himself up into two or three knots, and swings his hammer at the vent, breaking it down. His partners magically warp to him, and they continue through inside the air ducts.
At the end of the ducts, they can hear Jolene talking about something...
Jolene: Now please ensure it doesn't happen again, OK, Bandy?
Bandy: Yeah, yeah, sure. No more followin' you around...
Bandy Andy exits the room as Mario breaks down the vent of Jolene's Office.
Jolene: ! Mr. Mustache! You do realize it's illegal to break down air vents, am I right?
Mario: What? I've done it before... I just need to scour your office for a couple of hours...
Jolene: Excuse me?!
Mario: No u... Er, I mean, me... No me.
Mario walks over to Jolene's desk and opens up a drawer to find a
Star Piece! : D
Mario then opens another drawer to find a GBA Piece! That's all seven! Er, wait, I lost count, wasn't it four? Uh, three in Forever Forest, one in the Ice Place, and Glitz it is one. Yeah, it's five. That's all five!
Jolene: Mustache, I really find this disrespectful to my privacy.
Mario: Who cares? I got what I wanted and moar, so I'm just gonna leave now.
Mario and the gang quickly run out of Jolene's office and onto the Cheep Blimp to Rogueport.
Jolene: *sigh* Well, at least I still have my picture of... *gasp* HEY!
Immediately after, on the Cheep Blimp...
Mario: Haw haw hee! Man, look at this hilarious picture! Oh, how humiliating for her!
Spiky Joe: Aw, man, that's so mean, but sooo funny! XD
Ultra: You just can't look at this without laughing, I'm sorry!
Koopinator: Oh hohoho!
Mario: ...Will you get out of here?!
Koopinator: ...I thought we were good buds... Fine... I'm still sticking with you, though. I'll just be silent, like a True Warrior...
Mario: Yeah, if you were a true warrior, you'd be champ, but are you? No.
Koopinator: I must re-quintuple my training... You'll see.....
END