Another Sunset
Five more minutes! God, that's all he needed...just five more minutes! Heart pounding, he checked his watch for the tenth time as he forced himself to run at an even faster pace. Breathing hard, he was aware of his lungs burning as he took the station steps two at a time. He felt sick. Unsure if he was feeling this way because he might be too late, or because he might actually get there on time and have to face up to where the hell this was all heading, he wasn't sure...What he was sure of right now though was that he had to ignoring the churning in his guts and keep on telling his legs to move.
Finally reaching the platform he felt his heart lurch as he came to a sudden, grinding halt. The train he had been intent on catching was leaving, the person he'd been so desperate to see was no longer here. Grasping his holdall he lifted it to his chest in helpless despair before slamming it down in frustration onto the ground in front of him.
Shit.
Staring round in disbelief he saw other people nearby, going about their everyday lives as if everything was fine. Wanting to laugh hysterically, wanting to cry even more, he bent over trying to draw in air. He couldn't believe he'd been minutes late, that he'd blown it by mere seconds. His eyes drifted along the now deserted track as if he could will the train back...will a certain boy back with it. But it was long gone, he was long gone.
Gripping the bag at his feet he straightened up, a cold numbness seeping through him. Seems Niall was right about happy endings, especially for the likes of him anyway...and after everything that had happened these last few weeks with Kieran, who said he even deserved one? He just wished it didn't have to hurt so much, that losing Craig Dean for a second time wasn't already killing him inside.
***
Reaching his front door, he paused, trying to ignore the tightness in his chest, as he braced himself to face the onslaught inside. He'd been here before, a year earlier, the sympathetic looks, the pity, the questions. How many times was he going to force himself through this for the sake of a love that seemed destined not to be? How much of a fight did you put up to hang on to something that was forever just out of reach? How many chances could they throw away? He felt tired, defeated. Taking a deep breath he was about to reach for the handle when the door opened, his mum stepping out, coat half on, half off.
"Took you long enough to decide to come in...I thought you were gonna stand out here forever." Pushing her other arm through her coat sleeve, Myra shook her head. "Anyway, now you're finally here, maybe we can get back to some kind of normality." Seeing her son flinch at her words, she gave a kind of apologetic half smile before nudging him inside. "I'm off to the chippy, thought it might cheer you up, a good meal." Ignoring her son's grimace she gave him a surprisingly gentle pat on his arm before beginning to move off. "Oh and John Paul," pausing she gave him a strange look, "something came for you, I left it upstairs in your room." Not giving him a chance to ask what the hell she was talking about, she scurried off, muttering under her breath about children being the death of her.
Shrugging, he closed the door, leaning back against it as he scanned the living room, grateful that the house seemed empty for once. Slowly he let out an unsteady breath. Eyes closing, he allowed his head to fall back as he fought off tears. This was so not where he wanted to be.
A slight noise from upstairs caught him off guard, captured his attention. Who the hell was in? Just for once it would have been nice to be sister free. Dropping his things at the foot of the stairs, he started to make his way to his room, hoping to reach it undetected. Nearing his door, he heard the sound again from inside, making him pause. Who the...? Suddenly he felt light headed, not really wanting to acknowledge the small flicker of hope. 'Something came for you...I left it upstairs in your room.' Dreading not finding what his heart was praying for...he pushed against the wooden panel in front of him and stepped inside.
"Hey."
The slightly husky voice made him swallow with difficulty as a wave of relief hit him so hard he thought his knees were going to buckle. His eyes stared hungrily at the man stood leaning casually against his window fame.
"I hope you don't mind, but your mum said I could wait up here 'til you got back?"
Words...he needed to find some, instead of standing there like a love sick fool with his mouth open! "She did...I mean she never ..." Giving himself a metal shake, he tried again..."What the fuck are you doing here, Craig?" His voice sounded weak even to his own ears. "I thought you were on a train to the airport?"
The crooked smile he got in response, forced his gaze to Craig's mouth, his stomach clenching with a need that was as familiar to him as breathing.
"For a while I thought you were too, which would have been kind of ironic." Seeing John Paul's confused look, Craig rolled his eyes slightly. "Your mum said you went after me to the station...I thought that you might be half way to Dublin yourself by now." His soft laugh was nervous, slightly unsure.
"I missed the train...I got there too late." Shaking his head, he tried once again to make sense of what the hell was happening. "What I still don't understand is why you aren't on it?"
Brown eyes suddenly met his own, intense.
"I made that mistake once...I'm not stupid enough to make it a second time."
The air between them became heavy, full of a desperate anticipation. Neither moved, each waiting for something more from the other. John Paul let his eyes drift over the boy he had loved so long. He didn't know how they kept finding themselves here, he really didn't!
Unable to help himself, he asked the question he so needed the answer to. "What mistake, Craig?"
Craig deliberately stepped closer towards him, making him tense slightly, making his lips part subconsciously.
"Last time I left..." The words came out low, soft. "...I went because I was scared of what I felt, of who I might be if I fully let you in." Hesitantly a hand reached out to cup the side of John Paul's face, fingers gently nestling in his hair, a thumb brushing across his skin. Their eyes locked, saying more than they both knew. "This time I stood on that platform waiting...and I knew I couldn't leave because I was scared of not having you in my life...of never truly sharing with you all that I feel. I couldn't go without you John Paul, it was that simple... And I know it's selfish..." Suddenly the words became more rushed. "...that you might not be ready, that you might not want me right now as much as I want you...but I..."
Placing a finger against Craig's mouth, John Paul stopped him, shaking his head in denial. "I'm ready...and you better believe I want you...sometimes it seems like I've wanted you forever."
The kiss when it came was soft, intimate, knowing. Pulling back slightly they both breathed deeply, sharing the same air, before resting their foreheads against each other.
"I love you John Paul McQueen."
"Why wouldn't you?" Grinning lazily, he rested his hands possessively on Craig's hips, his thumbs sneaking up beneath his T-Shirt, to brush against his abdomen. Hearing the sudden intake of breath Craig couldn't hide, the grin became even wider.
"And you call my ego?" The effect of the reprimand was lost in its breathless delivery, in the desire that lay heavy between them. The kiss this time was deeper, tongues challenging, duelling. Craig's next whispered words almost became lost in John Paul's mouth "And you were going to come with me this time? You weren't at the station just to see me off?"
"I love you. There is nowhere I would rather be than wherever you are...that's if you still want me?"
The warmth in Craig's eyes and the slight nod were all that was needed.
"We might screw this up."
"Mess it up!" John Paul tugged softly on Craig's lower lip before continuing. "This is us after all!"
Suddenly words were no longer necessary. Their hands began to explore, tearing off clothes to give better access. Mouths followed, nipping, biting, tasting, until they were both ready, positions changing as each sought to dominate, before reversing roles as they so often did. Perfectly balanced, totally in sync, they revelled in the heat and passion, the intensity that their love only added to....until they both lay spent, limbs entwined, savouring the aftermath.
The sound of the door slamming below shattered their idyll, bringing them to their feet guiltily, making them feel like children again. Wry glances were exchanged, as Myra shouted up to them. "Grubs up...don't make me 'ave to come get the pair of you...besides a mother has the right to know what's been said up there in her absence don't you think?"
Pulling his clothes back on, pointedly staring at John Paul's still naked body, Craig raised his eyebrow. "She thinks we talk up here...she doesn't know us very well does she?"
"Oh, she knows I just want you for sex, she's just being tactful."
Choking, Craig swiped at his lover with his own shirt before tossing it to him to get dressed. "Just for sex huh, well being as I've served my purpose maybe I'll just leave you to face your mum alone." Planting a chaste kiss on John Paul's cheek in passing, he made his way to the door.
"Don't you dare." John Paul gave him a mock desperate look as he tugged on his jeans. "Oh God, she's so going to give us the third degree. We'll be stuck down there with her all night."
Glancing down at his watch, Craig smiled smugly. "We could always tell her that we have a plane to catch?"
"What?"
"If we get a taxi, we could still make it. If not we hang around the airport til we get another flight. You up for it?"
The challenge in his eyes made John Paul laugh out loud. "What do you think?"
Already flipping open his phone, Craig grabbed his jacket and bag from the bed as he booked their ride. Reaching for the door handle he looked back. "So whatcha waiting for, McQueen?"
"Not a thing." Smiling he went to follow him downstairs, giving a quick glance back over his shoulder at his room, before firmly shutting the door on his old life.
***
The airport was crowded as they stood in line at the ticket desk, Craig's arm resting casually around John Paul's shoulders.
"Oh by the way, when we get to Dublin you have to pretend to be my cousin Steve...everyone still thinks I'm straight." Gazing forward, Craig deliberately kept his eyes on the queue in front.
"What?" The words made John Paul feel sick.
For a moment there was silence before a grin appeared and brown eyes laughed across at him. "I'm messing."
It took a split second for the relief to hit and then with a grin of his own he reached over to kiss Craig's neck.
Keeping him close, Craig gave him an infectious smile. "That's it, that's all I get for all the effort I've put in today?" Without hesitation he leaned over, bringing their mouths together, not caring where they were, not caring who saw. Holding John Paul's face he took his time, exploring his mouth at leisure. It was a kiss long overdue, something owed from the past, gifted in the present, full of promise for the future.
And in the great glass windows behind where they stood, as the noise and the bustle swept over them regardless, the sky turned a golden reddish hue as the sun slowly began to set.
***