Lol, I left last chapter with quite a weird ending, huh? Sorry, it's just that, when I write I don't tend to sort by chapter; it's just a whole bunch of text with a break every so often so it's a pain sorting out which chapter should begin and end when, and it's troublesome because sometimes, the break between huge chunks of text can come after many pages and I try to keep one chapter as long as five pages, and sometimes it doesn't work out...sorry!

Oh, and yeh, this story is AllenLenalee on the side too so I do apologise to anyone who is not a fan of the pairing but there's only one more tiny little fluffy bit to go before their moments disappear from this story...cuz this is a story about Lavi and Kanda :)

Thank you all for taking your time out to reading this! ^_^

Kanda had been meditating, trying to take his mind off of Lavi's current situation, when he was interrupted by a knock at the door. He sighed and went to answer it.

He was a little surprised to find Allen standing there. He cocked a dark eyebrow. "What is it? Giving up already? It's barely been forty-five minutes."

"What, you're keeping count?" Allen retorted. Without waiting to listen to the response he'd get, he turned on his heel and strode away. "Follow me."

"What, you really expect me to come?" Kanda snorted.

"You don't have to. I'm just putting my pride to the side awhile because I care about that child's wellbeing. I thought you might do the same." Allen shrugged without turning back. "But you're free to prove me wrong."

Kanda gritted his teeth. Was that bastard trying to mock him? Couldn't he go one day without actively trying to get on Kanda's nerves?

After deliberating awhile, he heaved a sigh and stepped over the threshold of his room and closed the door behind him. "Tch…what a pain…" he muttered as he caught up to Allen. "So, what, you couldn't just bring him over?"

"He's sleeping. If I picked him up he might have woken up and then he'd start crying again. He cried himself to sleep, you know. It was really bad."

Kanda didn't want to imagine it. He felt terrible for having instigated something like that. What kind of a guardian would be okay with their charge bawling at the top of their lungs?

There was silence as they walked to Allen's room. But before Allen opened the door, he stopped and moved to face Kanda. "I wanted to apologise."

Thrown off a little, Kanda's response came out quicker than he'd meant for it to. "What? What for?"

Allen shrugged. "I'm not really sure."

And before Kanda could mock the boy for providing such a vague answer, Allen opened the door and stepped inside.

Lenalee was there, sitting at the foot of Allen's bed, watching over the infant fast asleep on the other side as she read a book. Kanda didn't bother closing the door behind him. All he had to do was get the baby and go. He strode over to the bed but as he made to lift Lavi up, Lenalee spoke. "Why don't you wait for him to wake up?"

"What for?"

"Because…hopefully, if he wakes to see the two of you on all right terms then he won't feel any antagonism towards Allen." she replied, holding his gaze in all seriousness.

"It doesn't really matter; it's not like he's going to retain any of the feelings he's showing towards you guys when he turns back to normal." Kanda said.

"He might."

Kanda sighed. "Whatever." He turned around and, not seeing a chair or any other place to sit, he strode over to the window and perched on the ledge.

There was an awkward silence in the room. Lenalee studiously bent her head over her book to avoid looking at Allen and his guest. Kanda's gaze kept flickering between the view outside Allen's window and the sleeping baby, willing the child to wake up so they could get out of this place…but Lavi's naps usually lasted two hours, at the least.

Allen was standing by the door, leaning back against the wall looking casual but feeling anything but. His earlier discussion with Lenalee was still running through his mind. He cared deeply for all his friends (even Kanda, though he wouldn't ever admit it out loud); like Lenalee, he'd come to think of everyone here as family and the Black Order HQ as home, and he didn't want any part of his family to be suffering. But he'd been worrying incessantly about Lavi since the time when they'd all gone to see Bookman off.

Standing amid the Exorcists and the other HQ personnel who'd become friends with Lavi and his mentor, Allen was confused. They'd all come down to see Bookman and his apprentice off…or so they'd thought. But Bookman was the only one dressed in a long coat with bags in his hands, standing before the entrance to HQ looking set to go.

Kanda and Lavi stood opposite where Allen and the others stood. The redhead was dressed in his usual attire, not at all like he was about to embark on a long journey. He was facing his old mentor but he was looking down at the floor.

"Gramps…"

"I have nothing to say to you." Bookman said blankly. "I'll be taking my leave now."

Goodbyes were said. Everyone was confused now; wasn't Lavi going? Why was Bookman ignoring the young man?

The doors were opened and the little old man stepped through without once looking back. Allen kept exchanging puzzled glances with Lenalee. She had no clue what was going on either. And then he gazed towards Lavi but caught Kanda's eye instead. He frowned, trying to ask the older man without words or gestures what was happening because Kanda seemed to be the only one who didn't look bewildered by this strange incident. Kanda merely looked towards Lavi and Allen followed his gaze.

Lavi looked like he was about to cry. It made everything clear.

"He's not going." Allen mumbled, nudging Lenalee lightly with his elbow.

"What?"

"He's not going. For whatever reason, he's not ever going after Bookman." He looked away from Lavi and met Lenalee's eyes with his own. "He's made this decision…without even telling us…"

"Th-that can't be." Lenalee shook her head, still looking confused. "He wouldn't do that. Being a Bookman meant so much to him."

"That's what I thought too but…" Allen made to stride over to Lavi but Kanda blocked his path. Allen looked up at the long-haired man. "What?"

"Whatever you want to ask him, he won't talk." Kanda said, looking out the still open door at the retreating figure of Bookman.

"I'll make him talk." Allen said with certainty.

"He doesn't need that right now. Just leave him alone."

Allen narrowed his eyes. "I take it you know what's going on?" He knew Kanda and Lavi were best friends but for Kanda to be the only one who knew of this absurd turn of events hurt Allen a fair bit…something this big should have been shared with everyone! Everybody here liked Lavi, cared about him and they'd all been prepared to say goodbye to him but he wasn't going…he wasn't going to pursue the life that he'd told everyone with zest that he wanted to live.

Kanda shrugged.

"So tell me."

"It's none of my business. If he wants to tell you, he'll tell you later." And, with that, Kanda turned and stalked off in the opposite direction.

Lavi's gaze hadn't moved from the vanishing figure outside. Allen was still tempted to go over and ask what was going on but the redhead's expression hadn't shifted at all from what it had been since Allen had arrived here and he didn't want to upset Lavi further so he went back to Lenalee. Lavi waited until Bookman was out of sight before going after Kanda, his head bent and his gaze fixed firmly on the floor.

For the next three days, Allen and the others saw neither hide nor hair of the redhead. Kanda was seen briefly during meals but he only came to the cafeteria, took an order for two, and then went back out again. They didn't see him between meals at all. Allen knew where they were; either at Lavi's room or the library. But he didn't go to see what was going on; Kanda's words were still going through his mind. "If he wants to tell you, he'll tell you later." If Lavi hadn't come to tell them yet, then he either wasn't going to say anything at all, or he needed some more time alone.

Allen didn't understand why Kanda was the only one allowed near Lavi though. It wasn't like Kanda was that great a person to talk your discomfort out with; talking to him was like talking to a brick wall, for god's sake!

On the fourth day, they finally saw Lavi at breakfast. Kanda was at his side, looking as unconcerned about everything as ever. Lavi's appearance was slightly rugged; his hair fell about his face – unrestrained because the bandanna he usually wore was absent – and random strands were sticking up every which way, and something about his face just looked…different. When he came closer – pulling on a wide grin that was a poor rendition of his usual cheery, mischievous one – they realised a light stubble had grown across his lower face. It…did not suit him at all.

"Hiya, guys!" he greeted as he came over to where the Exorcists sat.

"Well, well, if it isn't the elusive Bookman apprentice," Allen retorted dryly. He'd chosen his words carefully, to see what effect they'd have on the redhead.

Lavi's green eye, though trying to mimic the glint it usually had, suddenly held a guarded look and he almost turned away. The smile slipped but he was quick to pull it back on. "Haha, sorry about that! Guess you guys were worried, huh?"

Allen waved a hand, dismissing the statement. "No, no, what could we possibly have to worry about? You just made some huge decision without even telling us and then shut yourself in your room for three days; of course we weren't worried." An edge of bitterness had crept into his voice, making his utterance seem scornful…which wasn't exactly what he wanted but he was feeling pretty stubborn right about now. The guy had finally shown himself; Allen wanted to make him feel guilty.

Lavi sighed. "I'm sorry." His eye roamed across the whole group, meeting everyone's gaze, and then he looked away. "I'm…sorry. But I didn't want to go. At least…not yet…"

"You could have told us this before we started wondering what the hell was going on." Allen snorted.

The guarded look in Lavi's eye hadn't abated. It seemed to grow as he frowned and turned his head to look at Allen again. "Just…leave it be, okay? Please…"

"Leave it be?!" Allen snapped, letting the spoon that he'd been eating with clatter into his bowl as he stood up, looking furious. "You were obviously depressed about this and we all wanted to see if you were okay! But…we left you alone in the hopes that you'd be yourself again and explain what you did and why…because we were worried…but…" a weary sigh escaped him and, having run out of fuel to fire his angry outburst, he sat back down. "Leave it be, huh?"

"Why don't you just tell them?" another voice said and Allen looked up to see Kanda approaching the table with two meals in hand. He set his burden down, seeming to have a non-verbal conversation with Lavi as the two stared hard at one another.

Something must have been decided on Lavi's end because, a few seconds later, he turned on his heel and strode away. "This doesn't concern them. Later, guys, I'm not feeling hungry."

Kanda watched him go, his dark brows furrowed in a thoughtful frown. And then he looked down at the extra meal he'd brought. "Tch…Jerry's gonna have my head for this. Hey, bean sprout, eat this."

"What am I, the dog you feed your leftovers to?"

"Precisely."

"Shut the fuck up, Kanda."

"Allen!" Lenalee reprimanded. It wasn't like Allen to swear so openly in front of Lenalee, but when he was feeling aggravated, it just came out. And Lavi was pissing him off. And to top it off, Allen kept imagining that Kanda felt smug about being the only one in the know…but of course, he knew he was imagining it; Kanda was a lot of things but childish wasn't one of them.

A heavy sigh escaped the white-haired boy, causing Lenalee to look up from her book. She sent him a questioning look but he smiled to assure her that it was nothing. Hesitantly, she went back to her book.

Allen didn't want to stay in this room with these people any longer; the atmosphere was uncomfortable. He suddenly felt like going for a walk. But before he did that, he thought it wouldn't hurt to make a dramatic exit.

"Hey, Kanda?"

Kanda turned away from the window and fixed his blank eyes on Allen. "What?"

"Take care of Lavi, okay? I mean…when he's back to normal."

Kanda scoffed. "What am I, his mom? He can take care of himself."

Allen's brow quirked in annoyance. The dramatic exit had just gone down the drain. "Not that way. I meant…since you're the one closest to him, you should watch out for him a lot more…"

"What, tired of acting like a mother to everyone so handing the role over, bean sprout?" Kanda smirked.

"Shut up! I'm trying to be serious here!"

"Tch…" Kanda fixed his eyes on the window again. "Like I said, he can take care of himself. Your concern is pointless."

"I was talking about his depression, you idiot! Are you even trying to understand what I'm saying?!"

"Shut up, bean sprout. It's no use, all right?" Kanda didn't turn to look at the person he was addressing. His tone was blank, unfeeling, though his expression was distant. "There's nothing anybody can do for him except get him back to the old man and he's probably the only one who might have any clue as to where Bookman might be but he's being too stubborn to really do what he wants to do."

"But…he's suffering…" Allen mumbled, leaning back against the wall, forgetting all about the exit he'd been about to make.

"He already foresaw that when he made the decision to quit being a Bookman."

"Eh?" he blinked in rapid succession, trying to make sense of this new information, "then…if he knew it was going to be like this…why'd he do it?"

"Because he's an idiot." Kanda shrugged and stood up. He stopped before the bed and pulled back the blanket.

"Hey, I thought you were gonna wait for him to wake up?" Lenalee protested.

"It'll take too long." Kanda lifted up the baby and settled Lavi's head against his shoulder. The boy stirred and adjusted his position so he was more comfortable and then settled down again. A tiny fist clutched the part of Kanda's fringe which fell to his shoulders. "Papa…" the baby mumbled absently.

"Then…" Lenalee paused, not sure what to say. "If you need any help, we're here, right?" she smiled.

"Thanks."

Allen didn't bother saying anything as Kanda walked past him and left the room. He wanted to but he didn't. Kanda knew so much of what was going on with Lavi when Allen didn't and it made him feel a little…under-valued by one of his closest friends.

He sighed deeply and went to flop on his bed before Lenalee. "Why do I feel like a single parent worrying about my rebellious teenaged son who never talks to me?" he groaned.

Lenalee smiled. "Who knows? Maybe this is good practice for when you do have kids."

He grinned suddenly as he leaned towards her, arms propped up on the bed on either side of where she sat. "Who do you suppose will be the mother of those kids?"

A light blush streaked across her cheeks. "Wh-what are you trying to imply?"

"Nothing much." He smiled as he gave her a soft kiss.

Eh, yeah...I'll try to avoid fluff from now on...it makes me feel...awkward :|

Oh, and apologies for this chapter being a little shorter than usual. Next one's about the same length too :\

And, btw, I'm still up for suggestions for the title of this story. 'Childhood' really doesn't fit but I dunno what else would :(