A/N: I'm baaaaaaaccckkkk! here is another chapter and this one is from Chuck's POV. When i'm completely done you should have a good idea what happened in those five years but i'm not going at it in order so it might be confusing until the very end.

this chapter might require some prerequisite reading as it does refer to events from 'missing years'.

2. Chuck vs the AA

Chuck's sitting in his room, staring off into space when there's a knock at the door. Without waiting for a response it opens and he knows only one person to be so forthright.

"Working hard or hardly working?" she teases as she closes the door behind her.

Chuck smirks. He turns off the computer monitor and stands up to greet her with a kiss. She tastes a little like strawberries and something else but he knows better than to ask. Sarah Walker was always going to be a mystery to him. He'd long given up trying to figure her out.

She senses his hesitation. "What's wrong?" she asks.

"Nothing." He kisses her again, but his mind is elsewhere today. He redoubles his efforts when he captures her lips a third time, intent on erasing any uncertainty at all but he can't shake the thought. He wonders how he'll ever get through the day without her; wonders if he's already a lost cause.

Sarah's lips curl into a devious smile and she snatches his shirt collar. Without warning she pushes him onto the bed and he falls, limbs in a tangle, as pillows and blankets fall to the floor.

"Miss me much?" she asks, though it's not a question, not really. Because already she's crouched and creeping towards him, like a tigress stalking its prey and when she hovers right above him, so close he can feel the heat of her body burn against his, Chuck forgets everything he's planned to say.

She laughs softly into his ear, teasing him with her voice.

Chuck gulps as he slides against the sheets, trying to make room for her on the narrow bed. "Maybe this isn't such a good idea," he whispers.

"What do you mean?" she asks. He tries to sit up but she pins him right back down. He takes a deep breath. It's not so bad, this exquisite torture, but he needs to stay focused.

"I promised Carmen it wouldn't happen again."

A spark appears in Sarah's eyes. "What do you mean?" she asks, even though she knows exactly what.

"She was really mad last time, Sarah," Chuck reminds. Of course Sarah didn't care; Chuck was the one who had to deal with the aftermath. "I think we were too loud."

Sarah's eyes dart to the closed door. "She can wear earplugs," she dismisses. Something about the look in her eyes tells Chuck that Sarah took a small amount of joy in that fact.

"It's a small apartment."

"Well it was her choice. She could have had her own hotel room but she was so insistent." She captures his mouth, intent on silencing him, but not even the lure of a siren as beautiful as Sarah Walker could distract Chuck from his troubles.

"Sarah."

She ignores him and moves onward, grazing her lips against his jawline.

"Sarah."

Chuck's hands tremble with indecision as he pushes her ever so slightly away.

"Sarah, stop."

She leans back, the blue of her eyes darkening like a storm cloud. "What's wrong?" she asks, wrapping her fingers around a curl of his hair.

Chuck doesn't know where to start. Doesn't know how to break the news to her. So he just says it and waits for everything around him to fall.

"I can't do this anymore. This isn't working."

Chuck stares off into space and not even the syrupy sing-song music blasting from the TV can draw his attention back. In the background he can hear his sister's excited squeals, loud enough to emit through the closed door and hallway space, and it's a wonder how he's not hard of hearing yet.

"Oh, this one's so cute, don't you think?"

Chuck doesn't hear the response. All he can hear is Ellie exclaim over this and that. She's been at it for nearly an hour and the enthusiasm in her voice hasn't diminished by even half a pitch.

Suddenly he hears an indignant howl beside him and he has no choice but to pay attention where attention is demanded.

"The apple doesn't fall far from the tree does it?" he teases as he tickles his nephew's chin. William giggles, a long string of drool slipping down the corner of his lips.

Chuck makes a face and wipes his hands on his trousers. He wonders why he even bothers since his nephew's turned into the ultimate slobber-factory.

"I bet you wish it was your daddy who had the day off, huh?" he asks, crossing his eyes.

William laughs and claps his tiny hands together.

Chuck shrugs. "I know, I know, your uncle's great," he says, full of modesty. He knows he's only got a couple more years before the little boy is no longer so easily coaxed. He still remembers when William was small enough to fit into the crook of his arm. Things had been so easy then.

As another squeal emitted from the master bedroom, Chuck could only roll his eyes.

"Do you think your mommy's a little crazy?"

William looks at him blankly with his big blue eyes.

"Yah?" Chuck coaxes, using the boy's limited vocabulary to his advantage. "Yah, crazy?"

"Yah..." William mimics, revealing a smile pocked by random baby teeth. "Yah..."

Chuck laughed. "And Uncle Chuck's the best, yah?"

William smiles shyly. "Yah..."

The bedroom door opens and the women finally reappear in the living room. "Chuck Bartowski, what are you teaching my son?" Ellie demands.

The elder Bartowski is all smiles but the blond following behind has the look of a deer in headlights.

"What is Uncle Chuck teaching you?" Ellie asks as she bends down and scoops up her son. He has grown so big now that she needs both arms to carry him. "Is he teaching you bad things?"

William shakes his head and giggles as his mother showers him with kisses.

"You okay?" Chuck asked as he walked over to his wife. He rubs her back gently and gives her a quick peck on the cheek. "I hope she didn't overwhelm you."

Sarah raised her brows. "No more than usual," she said with a slow smile. Chuck rolled his eyes; of course this was all to be expected.

"You feel okay today?" Chuck knew he was seconds from hovering but Sarah shook her head slowly.

"Just fine," she whispered. "Today I feel perfectly normal." There's a glint in her eye that only he catches, and he knows exactly what she means.

"So...Uncle Chuck, are you excited about becoming a dad?" Ellie bounces William at her hip, the smile on her face so wide it reaches ear to ear.

"Obviously not as excited as you," he teases. "You know, Ellie, if you love babies so much you should just have another."

The idea sends the woman into a panic. Her face falls and she shakes her head fervently. "No! No! This isn't about me," she says, clearly deflecting. "This is about you and Sarah."

Sarah laughs quietly at his side but it's the truth; both are far more subdued than the brunette.

"Hey, William, what do you think about a cousin, huh?" Ellie jostles him slightly, kissing his chubby cheeks. "Would you like a cousin to play with?"

William's response is a look of boredom. He tugs at his ear and sticks out his tongue.

Chuck smiles. "Yah?"

The baby smiles as he catches on. "Yah," he mimics, giving a toothy grin.

"Sarah, aren't you excited?" Ellie demands. "Isn't this exciting?"

Sarah looks up at her husband, a slow secretive smile on her lips. "No," she says, her eyes nearly dancing with lights. "This just feels normal."

Chuck smiles back at her. He understands her meaning, even if Ellie doesn't.

The brunette just sighs. "I'll never understand you two."

"Ellie, the baby's the size of my thumb." He holds out his own to demonstrate. "There's not a lot to be excited about right now."

"Oh my God!" Ellie slaps him on the arm, and Chuck suddenly remembers why he was so afraid of her when they were growing up. "Are you kidding me?" She looks at Sarah and grimaces. "I'm so sorry. My brother can be so emotionally stunted sometimes."

Sarah only laughs.

"Ellie, I'm right here!" he complains.

"It's okay, Ellie," Sarah excuses and smiles up at her husband. "Hard as it is to believe, he was very excited at one point."

The women giggle amongst themselves as Ellie hands her son over to his aunt. "I have something for you guys, take a seat."

Temporarily alone, Chuck places his hand protectively over the barely visible swell of his wife's belly. "You know I am excited, right?" he says. "It's just hard to show it when Ellie's bouncing off the walls."

Sarah reaches for his mess of curls, her fingers brushing against the site of a nearly healed bruise. "I know, sweetie, I know."

He's grateful Sarah never divulged to Ellie his exact reaction to the announcement. She left it as shocked; the understatement of the year.

They sit down on the couch just as Ellie returns with a cake, decorated as if from a Martha Stewart photo spread. The frosting is immaculate and the cursive on the words 'happy anniversary' would win the approval of any school-teacher. Even baby William acknowledges its decadence with a coo.

"Oh wow..." Sarah gasps.

"Do you like it?" Ellie smiles at her. "It's for you."

"What about me?" Chuck jokes, looking hurt.

His sister frowns. "No, I made it for Sarah."

"The entire cake?"

Sarah looks at him, her blue eyes wide and innocent. "Is that a problem, sweetie?" she teases.

"You know what they say?" Ellie interrupts as she begins to serve the pieces. "If you crave sweet things you must be having a girl."

Sarah makes a face. "Well, I don't know about that."

Chuck doesn't say anything. He hopes Ellie's right. He hopes they have a girl every bit as beautiful as her mother.

"So Ellie...you do realize that our anniversary isn't for another couple months...right?"

She puts down the cake knife and stares at Chuck as if he's just told her the sky was blue.

"Well of course, what do you take me for?"

Chuck looks quizzically at Sarah but she seems to know more than she lets on. He tries to catch her eye but she's preoccupied with keeping William's hands out of the frosting.

"So whose anniversary are we celebrating?"

In unison the women reply: "Yours."

Chuck still doesn't understand. Finally, Sarah takes his hand. "Sweetie, it's a tad ironic that I have to remind you, but it's been four years today since you lost your memory." She tilts her head and smiles. "Have you forgotten?"

He feels her slide away and retreat to a corner of the bed. Chuck wishes he could read her mind and say all the right things. But when she wraps herself so tightly into a ball, he doesn't think he can reach her even if he screams.

"Are..." Her voice is so soft he has to strain his ears to hear. "Are you breaking up with me?"

He nearly bursts out laughing. "What?" Even the thought of it is a joke.

"Are you breaking up with me?" she repeats, her voice jagged like the edge of a saw.

"Oh my God." Chuck doesn't see Sarah cry very often but when she does, it scares him more than a loaded gun pointed to his head. "No! That's not what I meant!"

Sarah's lovely features scrunch together with anger. "Then what did you mean?"

"I-I-I—" Chuck stammers because he has no idea how to make this better. Because he knows Sarah can kill him in ten different ways with just her looks alone. "I meant this arrangement isn't working. Sarah, I would never break up with you! I begged for years before you would go on one date with me, remember?"

"It's the same thing, isn't it?" she asks, her voice rising. Chuck winces. He knows Carmen's outside. She respects their privacy but if Sarah keeps it up even the neighbours will hear. "I am the arrangement, Chuck."

"No! No!" Chuck wishes he still lived with Ellie, wishes he had practiced this longer in front of the mirror before just blabbing the first thought that came to mind. "We aren't the arrangement." In a lower voice he explains. "Carmen, Casey and I are the arrangement."

Sarah takes a deep breath but her eyes are still unrelentingly tumultuous. "For goodness sake, Chuck!" she hisses as she punches him on the arm. He winces but it's a start.

"Why would you even think I would want to break up with you?"

Sarah's eyes flash with annoyance. She crosses her arms and purses her lips. "Who knows, maybe Carmen's advances have finally broken you down."

Chuck rolls his eyes. He lies down beside her, and though he knows better than to provoke her, he can't help himself. "Jealous much?"

Sarah narrows her eyes. "Never."

He smiles and takes her hand. Every time he does he has to remind himself that she's not going anywhere, but even after so many years, it's hard to shake away the fear.

"I can't be the Intersect forever, Sarah."

He feels her body grow taunt at the ominous words. It was a fact they'd both known for some time now.

Chuck clings to her hand, afraid she'll slip away. "And they're not going to let their best agent camp out in L.A. as some analyst, uncovering drug busts or small-time crime. You told them this was only temporary and they're going to hold you to it."

Sarah sighs. She won't look him in the eye, and Chuck doesn't try. He's afraid of what he'll discover. Afraid that she's already made a decision without him.

"I don't want to talk about this," she says.

"When are we going to talk about it then?" He doesn't want to push her for an answer, but it's an undeniable truth. They've already had more than they ever thought they'd have. Everything was just a matter of time now. "When you're already half-way across the globe?"

She glares at him, tears and all, and it breaks Chuck's heart. "That's not fair," she says. "You know I wouldn't leave without a goodbye."

Chuck sighs. He wonders if it's better that way. Wonders if it's better to run on the hope of something however faint than knowing that all good things have come to an end.

Chuck doesn't know what to say.

"Happy anniversary, Chuck," Ellie says as she hands him a more than generous portion of cake. "Eat up."

William protests when he doesn't get his own piece and even when Sarah tries to appease him with a forkful, it's not enough. He wants the entire platter and he wants it now.

"Don't spoil him, he's not supposed to have any cake," Ellie warns. She points her finger at the toddler. "No cake for you until you've got all your teeth!"

Chuck's momentarily distracted by the exchange, but something doesn't feel right.

"Don't eat that!" he cries just as Sarah's about to take a bite. The fork hovers inches from her lips and she looks at him quizzically.

"Why?"

Ellie narrows her eyes. "Yes, why?"

"Something's up." He stares at his sister. She's got the same look on her face she did when she told him Peaches had run away. "We've never celebrated this day before. Why this year?"

Ellie rolls her eyes. "Chuck, why are you being like this? I think we have a lot to celebrate. You've done a lot of amazing things with your life. You've come a long way."

Chuck's not appeased though. "Why now? Why not when I sold my game? Why not when we announced we were going to have a baby?"

"Chuck…" Sarah appears to have taken Ellie's side on this. "Just eat your cake while there's still some left." She steals a forkful from his plate and puts it into her mouth, all the while trying to keep William's hands from using the cake as playdoh .

"You don't think this is strange?" he asks, and hopes she will catch on to what he means. Sarah, of all people, should be on high alert. She still called his cell for an explanation whenever he ran late, fearing a traffic accident or heavens forbid, a flood in the middle of downtown L.A..

"I think it's strange I've never tasted cake so good." She grinned and stole another bite from his plate.

Ellie grinned too. "Definitely a girl," she said.

Suddenly self-conscious, Sarah puts down her fork. She smiles but shakes her head. "I don't think so." She looks at her husband, and Chuck knows this tug of war could go on all day. She's already told him she wants a boy but Chuck's still secretly hoping for a girl.

"Don't change the subject." He looks from his sister to his wife, wondering what devious plans they have conspired together in the last few hours. "The truth. Why did you invite us over, Ellie?"

He stares at his sister. Short of a Jedi-Mind trick, he doesn't think she'll ever 'fess up but today must be the exception because she finally rolls her eyes and sighs.

"Fine."

Even Sarah looks surprised. "Ellie?"

"My friend works in trauma. She piloting an AA help group and she's hoping you'd help."

Chuck chokes even though he hasn't had a bite of cake. "I used to be an alcoholic?" He looks to Sarah for an answer but she looks equally confused.

"What?" Ellie frowns. "No! Amnesiacs Anonymous"

Chuck laughs nervously. "That's catchy…and ironic."

Ellie's not smiling though. "Anyway, she knows about you and she thinks you'd be a great person for some of the patients to talk to. You too, Sarah."

Beside him, Chuck can feel his wife freeze up. William stops his fidgeting and looks up, staring at his aunt with worry.

"Uh…I don't know," Chuck says, quickly taking Sarah's hand. He gives it a squeeze. "We're both pretty busy these days." He hates lying as much as she does, but they'd agreed to make exceptions.

"Well it would only be a few hours. One day." Ellie clasps her hands together and pleads. "Please, Chuck, it would mean so much."

"The Intersect I built was a success. They don't need me anymore."

She shakes her head. "They'd never put an order on you, you know that." She places her arms around him and holds him tight.

He knows. He trusts her, and if they ever tried again, she would take him somewhere far far away.

"You're too important. They want you to work on all sorts of projects."

Chuck closes his eyes. He knows. And he's already declined.

"There's this doctor in D.C.. He's worked with a lot of head trauma patients." He looks at her, but when her eyes don't register with meaning, he explains. "He's done a lot of experimental research involving memory."

Chuck takes a deep breath but he's still a bundle nerves. He doesn't know if it's because he's in a hospital or if he just hates getting stares, but the combination is certainly not helping.

"I can't believe I agreed to do this."

Beside him, Sarah rubs his back soothingly. "You'll do fine. They just want to hear it from someone who's been there and feel reassured." Chuck's not so convinced he's the right one for the job. He's never recovered even a fragment of his earlier memories. There's not a lot of hope he can give.

"Don't worry, Chuck, you've done this a hundred times before."

Chuck looks at her but she won't meet his eyes. He frowns. "You're lying."

Sarah gives a reluctant smile. "Fine. But that doesn't mean you won't do well."

He can only shake his head at her. "That's a textbook example of what you're not supposed after someone loses their memory," he lectures.

Sarah raps her knuckles against one side of his head. "Probably not supposed to do that either, huh?"

Chuck's so charmed by her smile all he wants to do is pull her into his arms and kiss her. But his hands are slick with sweat and he's still nauseas with dread, neither of which feel romantic at the moment.

"How are you feeling?"

She flashes him a look of annoyance. "Fine."

"You look a little nauseas yourself." Chuck's been warned about hovering and trying to place a bubble around her, but he can't honestly say she looks much better than he does.

She swallows slowly. "Well maybe if you didn't drive like a little old lady I wouldn't be so nauseas."

"I was concerned for your safety." He sticks out his tongue. "At least you haven't thrown up yet. If I let you drive, we would have had to pull over by now."

She glares at him.

"For me." He smiles nervously. "For me, you would be just fine." Seeing her take another deep breath, Chuck rushes to rub her back.

"Chuck!" she rebukes, keeping him at arm's length. "You know what else makes me nauseas?"

He cringes and hopes it's not what he thinks she means.

"Jumping out of planes at fifteen thousand feet." She looks rather pleased with herself. "I didn't puke then and I'm not going to puke now."

Chuck smirks. Her willpower was something else. "Somehow I don't think that's the same." He looks at her dubiously. "I bet you don't think you'll go into labour until you want to, right?"

She narrows her eyes again but there's a playful smile tugging at her lips. Then the expression falls and she takes another deep breath.

"Sarah, are you sure you're okay? Are you sure you don't want to go home?"

She doesn't push him away this time. She genuinely looks queasy as she buries her face into his chest.

"I'm not leaving you."

He wraps his arms around her and holds her tight against him.

"Who said anything about leaving? I think you get a free pass on this one, Sarah."

She shakes her head. "I'm not leaving you," she repeats, and Chuck wonders if there's another meaning to her words. She clasps his face in her hands. "You can do this. We can do this together." She kisses him gently, her lower lip trembling as they break apart. "Now get in there. I expect to be awed."

"No."

She doesn't even wait to hear him out before she's made her decision.

"Absolutely not."

Chuck's thought it through though and he knows he can be every bit as stubborn as his better half. "He says there's a good chance he can remove the Intersect."

"You tried it once before and it didn't work."

"It's a different doctor." His words get caught in his throat when he looks at her. "Please don't cry," he begs, wiping her cheeks. "This is the only way we can really be together. If I don't do this I will always be a security risk. There will always be missions, and intel, and lies. I'm so sick of telling lies, Sarah."

Her eyes are as deep as an ocean, and Chuck's drowning in guilt.

"What about me?" she asks.

This is the part he's dreaded. The part where she has to make a choice, and God knows, Sarah Walker's never been good with these kinds of decisions.

"I don't know," he says, even though he knows what he wants her to say. It's selfish and wrong of him but after five years, he's not sure how much more he can take. "That's up to you."

"Don't do this, Chuck." Her voice is soft but there is an undercurrent of something more. Like electricity in the air before a thunderstorm.

He's making a mistake and he knows it. He's losing the best thing that's ever happened to him but the dread has grown unbearable. Every night he wonders if she'll still be there in the morning, and every morning he wonders if they'll have another night.

"I love you, Sarah, but I can't do this anymore." The silence is deafening and with every second, Chuck can feel her build up those impenetrable walls again.

Sarah doesn't say anything. She just stares at him, her eyes bright and tear-stained.

"What if it doesn't work?"

He doesn't even consider the possibility. "It will."

"What if it doesn't?" she presses. She pulls him to her until all he can see are her piercing blue eyes. "What if you're still the Intersect?"

Chuck doesn't want to upset her any more than he already has. This was so much harder than he thought it would be.

"Don't worry, it will."

She shakes her head. "What if it doesn't?" she insists, her lower lip trembling. "What then?"

Chuck doesn't say it. He doesn't have to.

Sarah gasps when she realizes how far he means to go. "No." Her voice is softer than the touch of a feather. "No..." She shakes her head, still in denial. Tears begin to pour down her cheeks and even though she's the one holding him, she's the one who is trembling.

"No!" She shakes him violently, hard enough to snap his neck. "You can't!" Her voice grows desperate, pleading even."Don't you dare!"

Chuck meets her gaze but not even her anguish can change his mind. He sees the end and he's so tired of fighting it.

"Like I said, I can't do this anymore."

Sarah's true to her word. At one point during his speech she looks downright green but she puts on a brave face and the hour passes without incident.

Chuck feels light-headed when he's finally allowed to leave the front of the seminar room, and the thundering applause is enough to make his knees buckle from under him.

"Thank you, Mr. Bartowski, for coming today." Ellie's friend, Dr. Hodges, walks up to shake his hand. He thinks he remembers her as one of his sister's college friends. "It means so much."

Chuck doesn't feel like he deserves all this attention. "It's nothing, really. I'm just an ordinary guy trying to live my ordinary life."

The woman doesn't look so convinced though. "You don't know what it means to these people. Seeing someone like you, being able to recover and pick up the pieces of your life…it's amazing, really."

Chuck swallows slowly. "Well I had little to do with that. You should thank my wife." He gestures to Sarah who's making her way to him slowly, looking a little pale and shaky.

"Mrs. Bartowski, thank you for coming today," the doctor enthuses. She takes her hand and shakes it gratefully. "It means a lot that you've come today."

She smiles weakly. "Not a problem. Anything for Chuck."

Dr. Hodges nods. "I don't want to impose any more on you than I already have, but would you be willing to speak to one of my patients? He's already mentioned to me how much he'd like to meet you."

Chuck flashes an apologetic look at the doctor. "As much as I would like to—"

"Of course," Sarah answers, cutting him off. She smiles at him and gives him an encouraging nod. "We have time."

Dr. Hodges beams at them. "Oh! That's great. Thank you so much!" She runs off to speak to the awaiting couple.

"Are you sure?" Chuck asks as he rushes to Sarah's side. "I think your face is the same shade as that wall over there." He points at the pastel green panel. "Come on, let's go home."

Sarah takes a deep breath. "Chuck, sweetie…" She smiles weakly at him. "This is important. We're doing this and I don't want another word out of you."

She squeezes his hand then excuses herself as Dr. Hodges begins the introductions.

.

As Chuck sits down in front of the couple, he thinks he understands why they are so eager to speak to him. There are enough parallels between their lives and his to makes him uneasy.

The patient, a man in his late twenties, was an architect who'd been working towards starting his own design company when he was suddenly struck by a car last month, suffering amongst other things, selective retrograde amnesia.

His name is Michael and he seems pleasant enough. He's quiet though, and for the most part looks like someone who's still in a daze. His fiancé, June, is the one who does all the talking.

Chuck finds it difficult to swallow when he hears her explain, through ragged sobs, how the love of her life has no recollection of who she is. She explains how he's made no progress, how the life they've built together is just gone and how frustrating it all feels.

"I'm not doing this on purpose," the man says. He looks at Chuck like a man with a death sentence, wallowing in hopelessness and despair. "If I could I would."

June only cries harder. "I know, honey, I know."

The room feels like a wake.

Chuck doesn't know what to say to them, doesn't think he has the credentials to make this better. Even though it's not his problem, he feels terrible.

Just then Sarah returns and to Chuck, it's like a breath of fresh air. She looks like another person, and when she sits down beside him, he thinks every inch of her is actually glowing.

She looks defeated though. "Lousy hormones," she curses only loud enough for him to hear. Chuck squeezes her hand.

The couple look to the two of them, and Sarah stares blankly back. Even though no words transgress between them, Chuck can read the expression on his wife's face. She's a quick study. She knows.

"Miss Barnes, this is my wife, Sarah."

June wipes her tears and takes the blond haired woman's hand gratefully. "Congratulations," she says, her words tinged with envy. "When are you due?"

Sarah blushes. "Is it that obvious?" She tugs on her blouse, hoping to hide the innocuous bump. "Sometime in July." Chuck does a double take, then realizes why she's fudged the date. Telling her it was June might prove distracting.

Sarah glances at Michael, then his fiancé, as if unsure who to really address. "I'm so sorry."

June nods. Chuck thinks she needs this more than the actual patient.

"How did it happen?" she asked. "I'm sorry…I don't mean to pry…"

Chuck shares a look with Sarah. Even if he told her the truth, she would never believe it.

"There was an icy patch and I wasn't watching where I was walking." Chuck brushes his sweaty palms together. "Never know when these things happen, right?"

It seems like the wrong thing to say. June suddenly bursts into tears and it's up to Sarah to comfort her. Michael just stares at the woman he no longer remembers, guilt written all over his faces.

"And you didn't remember her either?" Michael asks.

Chuck avoids Sarah's gaze. He can't imagine forgetting her once before, and it scares him to death that he could just as easily do it again.

"No."

"When did you…" The couple stare at him, their eyes wide with hope. "Remember?"

Chuck feels like his mouth's just turned into a cottonball. It's so dry he can't even swallow his own apprehension.

"I…didn't."

Disappointment descends like a stormcloud, and the room becomes ten times more sombre than it was ten seconds ago. "I've never recovered any of those memories," he confesses.

June stares at Chuck, looking absolutely crushed. It's as if he's given them a terminal diagnosis.

Chuck realizes now, more than ever, that he's beat overwhelming odds to get this far. To fall back in love with a complete stranger and trust so often on blind faith alone, to rebuild a life together from the ruins...this is the equivalent of winning a billion dollar lottery.

June's gaze shifts to Sarah and she simply shakes her head, at a loss for words. "H-how?" she whimpers.

Sarah takes her hand. When she speaks, her voice is every bit as shaky as June's.

"I know how hard this must be for you."

Chuck stares down at his feet. It's been so many years now, but there are still days when he feels like Michael does.

"How did you do it?" June sniffs back her tears. "How did you start over?"

Sarah's silent for a long time and her sombre demeanour frightens Chuck. These last few years have been so hard on her and he knows he's to blame. It's precisely why he didn't want to come here today.

When Sarah finally speaks, he doesn't even think he recognizes her voice. "It's a scary thought, I know. Your life changes in the blink of an eye and you don't even realize what you've really lost until it's already gone." Her voice grows gravelly as she continues on. "And you'll wonder what you could have done different, if you could have prevented it—" Sarah takes a deep breath and sighs. "What I'm trying to say is...when these kinds of things happen, they happen without warning. And you need to know that this was not your fault. You need to know that there was nothing you could have done to prevent this."

Chuck wonders if she's still talking about Michael and June but Sarah doesn't look like she has any intention of explaining.

"Think of it as a second chance," Sarah says. "Like falling in love all over again." There are tears in her eyes now too. "I know it's hard, but look on the bright side. He doesn't remember any of your bad habits."

June looks to her fiancé, and Michael braves a smile.

"It'll get easier." Sarah looks at her husband, and despite her tears Chuck thinks they're tears of hope. "Whenever you have a bad day, you just close your eyes and remember a time when the two of you were happy together." She squeezes June's hand. "Trust me. It helps."

It's the night before the operation and they're lying on an unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar hotel.

Chuck can't sleep. All he can think about are all the memories that he'll lose. There's no way to separate the good from the bad.

Either take it or leave it, the doctor had said. It wasn't a negotiation. If he wanted the Intersect out of his head, he would have to pay the price.

"Sarah?" he whispers. "Are you asleep?"

She lies so silently beside him he's nearly convinced. But then she gives up on the ruse and lifts her head. "No." She looks up at him, and even without a source of light he catches the brightness of her eyes. "Is something wrong?"

He shakes his head. "No. I just...I just wanted to hear your voice."

She slides up against him and rests her head against his chest. Chuck runs his fingers through her hair, trying to remember how it feels. It chills him that by tomorrow, he won't even know something as simple as that.

"I love you."

She tilts her head and stares into his eyes. She's so close he can feel her breaths warm his skin. "I know."

"I want you to remember that." Because by tomorrow…

She nods her head. Her lower lip trembles and he knows she's trying her hardest not to cry. "What if this works? What if you forget all about me?"

Chuck doesn't know how that's possible. "It would take a miracle to forget you, Sarah Walker," he teases.

Neither of them can smile though. A miracle is what they're praying for.

"What if you don't like me? What if you don't want to be with me?"

Impossible. "I will. Trust me."

"Chuck, I can't do this." She buries her face into his chest, soaking his shirt with her tears. "Please...please..."

He soothes her as best he can but he knows there's no turning back. "Sarah, this isn't the goodbye." He kisses her gently, savouring the moment. "When I wake up, it'll only be the beginning."

"This isn't the end," he promises.

"This is forever," she finishes. They both smile. Neither of them can remember which cheesy movie tagline they're copying from but that isn't the point. Chuck knows it's big of her to say it. Sarah Walker doesn't believe in forever.

"I will always love you. They can take my memories, but they can't take this." He clutches her hand and brings it to his rapidly beating heart.

She nods slowly. "I trust you."

"Then close your eyes." He kisses her gently, one last time. "I'm not going anywhere."

They hold each other and when Chuck finally allows himself to sleep; he doesn't worry if she'll be waiting for him in the morning. He already knows.

....

so i was going to procrastinate a little longer but i had a choice between this or school, which honestly, was not a hard decision. i hope you liked it; thus far, this has actually been my favorite of the three to write.

...

will probably take another break before i write again, but you guys are quite the convincing bunch. Review, s'il vous plait =)