A/N: Many, many thanks to DaniWilder for all of her suggestions and the Beta. Thanks also to lone-ranger1 for his suggestions and Beta of the fight scenes though it still astounds me that people would actually want to fight for "fun."

Gracias mi amigos,

JJ

Dis-Harmony

Chapter Four

A Little Oomph

Harmony and Jennifer

Jennifer took a deep breath and tried to remember everything Teyla and Ronon had taught her about sparring: Focus on your opponent, never, ever look away; it shows weakness, find your opponent's weakness and exploit it, strike without warning, use your surroundings, create weaknesses for your opponent, do what you must to control the fight. Oh, wait, that's how you fight dirty. Well, all's fair in love and war…and this is both!

She stepped onto the mat next to Harmony and turned to face the spectators. Evan Lorne caught her eye and flashed her a thumbs-up. Woolsey gave her a confident smile. Okay, Jen, you survived medical school. You can do this!

The women bowed to each other then stepped back into the fighting ready position and began circling. Harmony stepped forward twisting to increase the power behind the punch she threw at Jennifer. She missed when Jennifer turned to the side at the last second. Harmony still had some forward momentum and Jennifer used it to propel her onward with a forearm strike on the back. She fell face down on the mat and rolled quickly to her feet.

They began circling again but closer this time. The women feinted forward and back testing each other's reactions. Then, suddenly, Harmony dropped down, sweeping her leg around and knocking Jennifer off her feet. The air in her lungs rushed out at the impact with a yelp. She rolled to her stomach and pushed to her feet, swinging her arm around in a move meant to stun the younger woman. She was blocked and Harmony slipped in behind her and got her in a half-nelson.

"Jennifer, continue to struggle but please do not break my hold as yet. We must speak." She whispered urgently.

The doctor was confused but did as requested. "Go ahead."

"I have seen the look of love in your eyes for the hero to the crown, Rodney McKay. If I had known that he had the love of another I would not have chosen him as my husband."

"Then why are we fighting?"

Harmony exhaled, her warm breath brushing over Jennifer's ear. "Once the challenge was issued, I could not decline. To do so would have made me appear weak. A good leader cannot inspire her people if she does not have their respect."

Jennifer agreed. "So…we fight. On Earth we have something called professional wrestling. The entire thing is staged for the benefit of the spectators and no one really gets hurt. We just have to make it look good." Jennifer twisted her features and moaned as if in pain struggling to get away.

"Ah, I understand. We will…fake it. Excellent!"

* * * * *

Rodney and John followed the male attendant down a long corridor they'd never seen before.

"Where are you taking us?" Rodney demanded.

"To the arena, Your Highness. The challenge will continue for a while yet as Queen Harmony and her opponent have only just begun their battle."

"Challenge?" John asked. "Pretend we know absolutely nothing about whatever it is you're talking about."

He inclined his head. "Yes, Sir John. When the queen has chosen her consort, he is given until the first day of the next lunar cycle to respond to the proposal. Many spend that time meditating upon the new life they would lead should they accept. If a challenge is made either for the hand of the queen or her chosen consort, it must be issued no more and no less than three days before. The same applies to the queen's sister's consort.

"At this time, both Queen Harmony and Lady Flora have been challenged. The battle between Lady Flora and her opponent has already reached its conclusion and the battle for the hand of Your Majesty, Rodney McKay, has just begun."

John and Rodney exchanged confused glances. John's throat caught momentarily wondering just who had decided to fight for him. "Umm, just so we're all on the same page here, the winner in the challenge for my hand was…"

"Why, it was Teyla Emmagan, daughter of Tagaan and Torren, of course."

"Teyla?!" John's voice squeaked and he cleared his throat. Oh, Teyla would most certainly make him pay for this one. And pay and pay and…

Rodney's forehead wrinkled in confusion after some stifled snorts in John's general direction. "If Teyla fought with Flora over John, then who could be fighting for my hand?"

The attendant laughed. "We did not know that the queen's consort would have such an appealing sense of humor, sir. Truly, life within the residence will be even more delightful once you have joined us for we are certain that Her Majesty, Queen Harmony, will prevail."

Knowing full well that his life was about to get a lot more complicated no matter who won, Rodney was not in a patient mood. "Yes, yes. Of course it will. Just answer the question!"

"Queen Harmony is at this moment doing battle with Jennifer Keller, daughter of Grace and Jacob." Leaning toward them conspiratorially, he added, "There has been much wagering between the staff and the soldiers from Atlantis that accompanied Mr. Woolsey. It should be a very…interesting contest."

Now it was John stifling a laugh, clamping his lips together to keep from openly howling. He shot an unsympathetic glance at Rodney. The physicist seemed more confused than anything and kept strangely silent as the young man continued.

"I must warn you, the spectators are not permitted to interfere with the challenge in any way or they will be escorted from the residence." They arrived at the workout room and the young man gestured them in. Slipping quietly into the room they took the first seats they came to. Fortunately, there wasn't a bad seat in the house, so to speak, and they both had an excellent view of the arena where, at that moment, Harmony had Jennifer in a half-nelson.

"Oh, my God!" Rodney exclaimed.

"I know!"

"That is so…so…"

"…hot!" John finished with an ever so slightly disturbed smirk and eyebrow wiggle.

Rodney nodded vigorously. "Oh, yeah! You know what would be even hotter?"

John nodded thinking regretfully about the fight they'd missed between Teyla and Flora. "Bikinis."

"Yeah, Jennifer, Teyla and Flora but not, you know, Harmony."

"Oh, yeah, yeah, of course." John agreed adamantly. "After all, she's just a girl. Just thinking about her that way even for a second gives me a major case of the creeps, like I need to wash my mind out with industrial strength soap." He shivered in mock revulsion.

Rodney agreed and John could tell that wasn't all that was on his mind. "What else are you thinking?"

"Jennifer, her hair all messy, blue Jell-O, bikini, a long…hot…bubble bath together…" Rodney smiled dreamily at the mental image.

* * * * *

The women swayed back and forth a few times then Harmony let go and Jennifer slammed into a wall. While she was stunned, Harmony jumped on her back screaming and Jennifer stumbled around trying to throw her off. They fell to the floor, Harmony rolling quickly away and coming to her feet. Jennifer also came to her feet, shaking her head to clear it, and reaching for one of the weapons near her. Her hand came back with a set of sticks that were similar to the Bantos rods Teyla had trained her to use. She began swinging them around and around to get the feel of them.

Harmony ran to the opposite wall and picked up another set of the same type of sticks spinning back around just in time to defend herself from Jennifer's attack. They moved around the floor swinging left and right over and over, sometimes connecting, sometimes missing.

Eventually, Jennifer knocked away one of Harmony's sticks and, with a smile of triumph, pursued her around the floor. Harmony was able, just, to parry all of Jennifer's strikes, then she saw an opening and attempted to sweep Jennifer's feet from under her again but the doctor was able to leap out of the way. Harmony's swing left her facing away from Jennifer who brought both hands together then up and over as she stepped forward. Harmony took her stick in both hands and raised it above her head blocking what could have been a "killing" blow. She ducked and rolled coming to her feet again, the stick held out in front of her like a sword. With an irreverent smile, Jennifer tossed away one of her own sticks and copied Harmony's stance.

* * * * *

Rodney's eyes were unfocused. He was still picturing Jennifer in a bikini, clumps of Jell-O stuck to her skin and in her blonde hair while she wrestled with Harmony who, not surprisingly, in this…fantasy, was wearing baggy gym shorts and an oversized t-shirt with the image of a famous mouse on the front.

He gasped when Jennifer hit the wall. His protective streak surged to the surface and he started to rise. Next to him Sheppard was sitting with one arm slung over the back of his chair and his right ankle resting on the left knee. His free hand pulled Rodney back to his seat then raised his finger to his lips in a shushing gesture to remind him of the non-interference rule. His face was intense as he watched the fight. He leaned close to Rodney. "I can't believe we missed the first fight! Teyla must have taken Flora out within seconds, thank goodness, or Flora would be all over me right now."

He scanned the group and found Teyla and Flora sitting together off to one side. Flora had her head in her hands and her eyes closed as if in pain. Teyla leaned close, one hand on her shoulder, saying something they couldn't hear. Flora shook her head and pushed Teyla's hand away motioning her away with an imperious wave of her hand. Teyla did not do as directed and stayed by her side.

"I can't believe Jennifer is fighting with Harmony over me. In my dreams it was always Jennifer and Sam…in bikinis…with blue Jell-O…or chocolate…pudding." He cleared his throat when he realized that he'd just given John way too much information…again and turned his attention back to the spectacle before them.

His friend gave him a look that said he was reevaluating his mental health. "Maybe they have a deal in place where the loser gets you."

"Oh, hahahahaha! That is an insult to the possible future king and a punishable offence. I wonder if they still behead criminals here."

John gave him a contemptuous stare then turned back to the fight.

* * * * *

Harmony tripped and fell backwards, her stick flying off to hit Woolsey in the shins. Jennifer tossed her own stick away then dropped to the floor and got Harmony in a half-nelson, her mouth close to the teenager's ear.

"We need to amp this up a bit, add a little…oomph, really give them a show."

"What do you have in mind?"

"We should go 'Jerry Springer' on them and have a real cat fight. Hair-pulling, rolling on the floor, screaming, slapping, ripping clothes, some taunting, but no biting, scratching or name-calling."

Harmony sorted through Jennifer's words trying to discern their meaning. "Agreed." She began to thrash around and shriek. They rolled over and over, back and forth both making loud inarticulate sounds of anger and pain.

* * * * *

Rodney and John leapt to their feet when the women rolled out of sight craning their necks to see. Now things were getting very interesting. They moved forward until they reached the front row where they slipped into seats next to Woolsey and Lorne. John leaned over and asked his SIC, "Who's favored to win?"

"At the moment it's 50-50, but the tide could turn either way." Behind them the soldiers shouted occasional words of encouragement, ever mindful of the rule against interfering.

John pulled a couple of wrinkled bills from his pocket and passed them to Lorne. "Keller to win."

Woolsey leaned into the conversation. "According to their traditions, you aren't supposed to know about this until after the fact. Who told you?"

"No one. We…" Rodney replied with a distracted tone. His eyes never left the women who were still rolling back and forth on the floor shrieking and gasping. "…guessed."

All four men brought their complete attention back to the fight when the women broke away from each other and jumped to their feet. They were again circling each other their chests heaving from their exertions.

* * * * *

Suddenly, Jennifer grabbed the front of Harmony's shirt. Harmony broke her hold and reached for another weapon but the doctor wrapped a hand around her long braid of dark hair and yanked…hard. Harmony's head snapped back. With a wordless growl of anger, she turned and slapped Jennifer in the face. Jennifer's eyes went very wide in surprise. Her hand came up and slapped her back. They went on like that, slapping each other, until Harmony stomped on her foot and gave her a shove. Jennifer stumbled backward into Rodney's lap. The goblet he was holding was knocked from his hand to land in Woolsey's lap. The commander jumped up as an attendant ran forward with a towel.

For a split second Rodney's eyes locked with hers and he saw…love? His arms came up to gather her closer but she pushed off of him and dove back into the fight.

Jennifer growled as she rushed forward hands outstretched as if to take Harmony by the throat. She loved the feel of touching Rodney in such an innocent yet intimate way but couldn't allow it to distract her.

Harmony stepped to the side and tripped her. Jennifer landed hard, rolled to her feet and retaliated by backhanding her. The young woman spun around and fell against the wall. A banner with the royal crest came off the wall enveloping her in its bright red folds. She battled from under it just as Jennifer grabbed her by the wrist and dragged her to the center of the mat. She twirled her around, bent her at the waist and wrapped an arm around her neck in a headlock.

"You're doing great, Your Majesty! Ready for the big finish?"

"I am indeed. In a few moments, Rodney will be yours for all eternity."

"You got that right!" She whispered with delight. "Time to tear some clothes!"

"And taunt!"

"Of course. Just don't take it personally."

"As you should not."

Harmony stumbled around trying to get leverage. When she couldn't, she reached up, gave a high-pitched yell of anger and yanked on Jennifer's hair. Jennifer yelped when her head snapped back, her hold loosening. Harmony slipped out of her grasp and got her in a full nelson. Jennifer let herself go limp, wriggled out of her arms, dropped to the floor, rolled away and came to her feet again hands up and ready.

"If you truly cared for Rodney, Jennifer, you would have dispatched me long ago!" Harmony taunted. "Perhaps you are too old for such things!"

Jennifer laughed scornfully. "Too old? Well, you just watch, little girl! I'm gonna win this thing and he'll be mine now instead of yours in five years!"

* * * * *

Rodney sat up straighter at Jennifer's words. It sounded like she…loved him. Did she love him? The images inside his head that had distracted him since he and John arrived at the arena blurred and changed. Instead of the love of his life standing there in a bikini covered with his favorite dessert, he now saw her in uniform holding his hand as they walked the corridors of Atlantis. She was gazing up at him with love in her eyes and on her lips.

The scene changed again and she was dressed in a long white gown with one of those floaty veil things on her head and was saying, "I, Jennifer, take you, Rodney, as my husband…" He heard himself say back, "I, Rodney, take you, Jennifer, as my wife…"

Quick on the heels of that was a vision of Jennifer in a hospital bed, her blonde hair damp and messy. He thought she never looked more beautiful as she cradled a tiny screaming figure wrapped in a pink blanket. "Dr. McKay, I'd like you to meet your daughter."

"Rodney? Rodney?" John was snapping his fingers in his face. "Are you okay? Where did you go just now?"

"Uh…" He looked stunned as he turned back to the fight.

* * * * *

Harmony made a sound of rage and ran at her. Jennifer grabbed her wrist, spun her around several times, letting go at just the right point to allow her momentum to send her crashing into a rack of weapons knocking the entire array to the floor. She lay there stunned, unable to move.

Joran waited a few seconds then started forward. He gasped when Jennifer strode purposefully toward the woman on the floor, kicked all the weapons out of the way, yanked her to her feet by the front of her shirt and dragged her to the center of the mat again. Harmony's hands flexed as they tried to pry Jennifer's fingers loose. When that proved futile, she grabbed Jennifer's upper arms and the women pushed and pulled at each other, spinning back and forth stumbling around the mat.

Suddenly, Harmony unclenched one hand from around Jennifer's bicep and a slashing sound split the air. The entire left leg of Jennifer pants fell around her ankle.

Jennifer thought a silent prayer that the young woman was not naked under her workout gear and, with a primal scream, grasped Harmony's shirt at the shoulder and pulled down tearing the sleeve off and slitting it down the side. Underneath, she had on a garment similar to the athletic bras the women from Earth usually wore for exercise. Jennifer rolled her eyes at the sky in gratitude.

* * * * *

A collective gasp went through the spectators. In his mind, John was hearing the crowd chanting "Jer-ry! Jer-ry! Jer-ry!" He looked over at Rodney and did a classic double-take. His friend was doing a bad impression of Munch's The Scream: eyes wide, hands on his cheeks and mouth open in a silent, uh, scream.

Woolsey whispered, "Oh, good Lord!" and covered his eyes. In less than ten seconds his curiosity got the better of him. He peeked between his fingers breathing a sigh of relief that the women had not stripped each other naked.

* * * * *

Jennifer turned her hips to the left, brought her right leg through and back taking Harmony to the floor. While she lay there gasping, Jennifer dropped down and got her in a half-nelson again wrapping her legs around both of Harmony's. The young queen struggled but was unable to break her hold.

Panting, her face red, her eintire body damp with perspiration, Harmony went limp and stammered, "I-I-I…concede!"

A cheer went through the spectators and, as one, Woolsey, Lorne, John, the soldiers and, of course, Rodney leaped to their feet shouting and applauding. The attendants were a little more restrained though they smiled and applauded politely.

Jennifer held on until Joran stepped forward, motioning for quiet. "The winner for the hand of Rodney McKay is…Jennifer Keller! This challenge has ended!"

John leaned over to Rodney and said. "Well, looks like you aren't going to be king after all. You get to keep your old job and I get to keep my head."

Jennifer climbed to her feet and, as Teyla had done previously with Flora, extended a hand. The young queen took the proffered hand without the same hesitation her sister had shown toward Teyla while the attendants again rushed forward with goblets of water and cool, wet towels.

Rodney watched in confusion as Harmony and Jennifer smiled at each other and embraced. He stood as she made her way over to him. The shy smile on her face matched his. "So, uh, Jennifer-"

The noise level had risen steadily as the Atlanteans cheered and shouted praise to the doctor and Teyla for their skill at dispatching the obviously well-trained young women. Money changed hands between the soldiers and the attendants though there was no animosity. It was all taken in good fun.

Everything and everyone came to an abrupt halt when Teyla's anxious voice shouted above the clamor. "Jennifer! Jennifer, come quickly! Something is wrong with Flora!"

TBC