A/N: To lessen the confusion, i've put up a timeline on my profile. I have the "then" in chronological order in my head but it's finding the perfect "now" to go with it that forces me to change the order around.

If you are still confused, please consider reading my earlier works, both Chuck vs the missing years and long days and nights for further clarification.

So i wrote this awhile ago but never had the time to proof it or put it up. then i realized if i didn't put it up now, i might not for a long long time so here it is, errors and all. hope you like it anyway =)

Chapter 3: Sarah vs Ellie

When Ellie calls for a favour, Sarah agrees without thinking, not because there aren't better things for her to do but because she doesn't know if she'll ever get another chance to prove herself.

Sarah doesn't even realize how desperately she needs this until she realizes how many months it's been since Ellie's even spoken to her—not since her last break-up with Chuck. Even though her cover was once again intact, the on-off thing had gone on for much too long, and her dynamics with Ellie has changed. She was getting tired of all this, they all were, and Sarah knew what Chuck meant to the woman. If she wanted to hold onto Chuck, she needed to secure the asset's sister.

You're so full of it.

Sarah shook her head.

"Sarah—" Ellie snatches her wrist, taking her from her thoughts. "You okay?"

"Yeah." Sarah shrugs. "Why wouldn't I be?"

It's Saturday morning and you're trapped in a mall for crying out loud.

"I hope you don't mind coming with me."

"No, of course not." Sarah smiles, hoping it will relieve some of the tension between them but she knows one look isn't going to change things, not even close. She'll need several years and a miracle to make up for all the crap she's put this woman through.

"I like spending time with you."

Are you sure this is just about securing the asset? Her conscience is particularly scathing today and she wonders if it's more than because she's skipped out on her morning coffee.

Of course it's to secure the asset. Everything she did she did for Chuck.

Ha. For Chuck, not Charles Bartowski—Intersect, Asset.

Ellie gives her a strange look and Sarah realizes she's zoned out again. Snapping out of it, she pins on a smile. "So what's the occasion anyway?" It's an innocent enough start but she winces at the sudden frigidity in the woman's composure. Sarah's trying to make things better but it's only getting worse.

"Baby shower," Ellie says with a defeated sigh.

"You don't sound too excited."

Ellie gives her a look. "Would you be if you were going to be the only guest there not expecting?"

Sarah gives the woman a sympathetic squeeze on the arm. "There's still lots of time."

Ellie nods, encouraged by her lead. "You're right. And Devon and I haven't really actively tried to have a baby. And we're young. There's no reason we can't have one. And I don't even know if I really want kids right now. So—" she stops when she realizes how quickly she's speaking, how neurotic she's suddenly become. Even though she's rationalized why none of it matters, it does.

Sarah wants to tell Ellie she has nothing to worry about; that she's already light-years ahead of her in that department. Wasn't it enough that she was married to the man she loved? Didn't she realize how lucky she was?

But in the end, Sarah only nods in agreement. The words come out forcefully, almost like a lie but she doesn't know who she's lying to anymore.

"Yeah. Still lots of time."

_

Ellie's powers of persuasion are strong, and even though Sarah would rather lie in bed and watch TV or soak for an hour or two in the tub, she's somehow been convinced that she would much rather go for a tour around the mall.

"You'll thank me later," the brunette says, confident in her assertion. Her words are so convincing that she's even got her son to go along with the idea. Subdued in his stroller, William gazes at the two women with a deceptively calm look of complacency.

Sarah just smiles and shakes her head. "Ellie, Chuck and I have more than enough baby supplies. There's all the stuff you gave me, and all the stuff from the shower, not to mention what we've got from Chuck's coworkers—"

Ellie cuts her right off. "Nope." She wags her finger, as only a woman who's survived the trials of motherhood can. "Trust me, Sarah, you can never have enough."

Sarah just laughs. "What is there left to buy?" She thinks back to the crowded nursery and wonders if there will even be room for a baby when all this is over. Even Chuck's finally willing to acknowledge that they've gotten a bit carried away.

Ellie gives her a look of horror. "Left to buy? Sarah, you've only bought what—seven onesies?"

She shrugged. "Yeah...one for each day of the week." Seeing the look of horror on Ellie's face, she can't help herself. "Honestly I think we'll just keep the baby in a diaper most of the time."

The brunette stops dead in her tracks. "Sarah!"

"Just kidding..." Sarah assures though deep down she doesn't see what's wrong with the idea. It would be much less of a hassle. "Besides, I have all of Will's hand-me-downs."

"Yeah, in case you have a boy." Ellie arches her brows, her eyes largely focused on Sarah's prominent belly. "I really don't think you're going to need any of them."

Sarah rolls her eyes. She pulls the ends of her shawl around her midsection, trying to make the swell less prominent, but it's as hopeless as trying to hide an elephant behind a tree. Everyone was staring and trying not to at the same time, making their efforts all the more obvious to Sarah.

It was only one of the many reasons she hated leaving the house these days.

"Ellie, you've got your hands full, let me help you push the stroller," she said, trying another tactic.

Ellie laughs. "Are you kidding me?" she asked. "He hasn't been this well behaved since the first few days after he was born. This is nothing."

Sarah grimaces, thwarted once again.

"You can hold him if you want, for practice," the brunette offers with a sly smile. "He's gotten a bit heavy though," she warns as she hands him into his aunt's waiting arms.

Sarah realizes what Ellie means. He's nowhere near as light as she remembers, or maybe it's the extra weight she's been carrying around these last few months. Will seems to have noticed too, because he stares accusingly down at Sarah's belly and makes a face.

"Sorry, Will, space is tight," Sarah informs, struggling to find a comfortable hold. "It'll only be for a little while longer, okay?"

Ellie shakes her head. "Are you sure you want to hold him?" she asks, giving her one last chance to back out.

"This is good practice," Sarah asserts. And a perfect distraction.

The woman only shakes her head some more. "You'll regret it when he's back to his usual self."

_

They walk into the nursery store and it's a nightmare of frills and farm creatures. Sarah doesn't understand what can be so calming and endearing about a stuffed cow or sheep, but Ellie seems won over by them. The woman instantly walks over to the display for newborns and holds up the tiniest booties Sarah's ever seen on the tips of her fingers.

"Isn't it adorable?"

"Yes," Sarah relents. "But why would they need shoes?"

Ellie rolls her eyes. "Oh come on, Sarah, you must have thought about having kids."

Before Sarah can catch herself, she's already spoken her mind. "Nope. Never."

Ellie's brows furrow, her expression is not quite a frown but it's certainly on its way to being.

"Never?" she asks, her interest in the items ebbing away.

In the back of her mind, Sarah runs through all the possible things she could say. If she just grins and bears it, she can probably get through the rest of the day without incident. But she doesn't want to. Ellie is Chuck's sister, someone who once considered her family, and lying to her has just gotten too hard.

"I don't think I'm a very maternal person," Sarah confides. She's amazed how easily the words come out when it's not a lie.

"Oh, that's silly," Ellie dismisses. Her expression lightens a little. "We're hardwired to be maternal. It's been scientifically proven."

Sarah grunts. She wants to meet the scientist who made the discovery. She knows she'll disprove it given the opportunity. Even being in this store unsettles her.

"Well, just wait until you're married. Everyone will start hassling you about kids," Ellie jokes. It's such an innocent thing to say, and yet both can sense the danger of it. Suddenly the conversation becomes a ticking time-bomb.

Ellie stops short and Sarah freezes.

"You are going to get married one of these days, aren't you?" Ellie asks, staring at her. Sarah knows there's no item in the store cute enough to distract her now that they were on the dreaded subject.

She sighs and focuses her attention on a display of nursery mobiles, unable to meet the brunette's intense gaze. "I don't know."

"Well I assume that you are serious about my brother." No response. "Right?" Ellie's warning comes as a barely concealed threat. Chuck's sacrificed a lot for the government, putting his life on hold, but an order from Ellie trumps any order from the agency. One slip of the tongue and Sarah knew it would all be over.

"Of course. I love Chuck." Sarah knows there's no way for Ellie to refute the statement. She speaks the absolute truth.

The brunette's shoulders relax just the slightest. "Well..." She wrinkles her brows in confusion. "I don't see the problem. You guys have been going out for awhile now. It's obvious my brother loves you. Does Chuck need a nudge or a hint—"

Sarah's eyes widen in alarm. "No!"

Ellie flinches as if she's just been slapped.

"No," Sarah says, softer the second time. She doesn't mean to refuse as quickly as she does but a misunderstanding between her and Chuck will break the thin ice they've been treading on. The wounds of their last breakup are still too fresh. "I mean, we're taking things slow and we're still figuring things out."

Ellie rolls her eyes. "Right," she says, in exactly the same tone Chuck uses when he doesn't believe her for a second. Ellie sighs and steps between her and the nursery display, forcing Sarah to look her straight in the eye.

"I promised Chuck I wouldn't do this but I just can't stand and watch this any longer." Ellie's eyes are so serious there is hardly any light to them. Sarah's seized with panic, feeling as if her heart's about to leap out of her throat. This is it.

"If you are not willing to be everything my brother deserves, then you need to end this now, because I will not sit around and watch him waste another five years of his life for some girl who's just dragging him along."

Sarah's never felt fear quite like the way she feels when Ellie stares her down. "I will not sit around and pick up the pieces, Sarah. You are my friend, but Chuck is family."

The woman's words feel like crushed glass ground into her veins. Demoted from sister to friend, she knows she's seconds away from moving on from friend to acquaintance.

She needs to make Ellie believe in her. She needs to save her cover.

Is that all this is about?

Sarah closes her eyes. Why was this so hard?

"I love your brother, Ellie," she says. She knows if she tells even an ounce of a lie Ellie will see right through her. Her piercing green eyes are sharp enough to peer down to the very depths of her soul.

"I want this to work out but I'm not good at relationships," Sarah confesses. "I'm trying to make this work, really, I am." She reaches out for the woman's hand and clasps onto it like a life preserver. "Please, Ellie. Chuck means the world to me." The entire world and more.

The stone-like coldness in Ellie's eyes recedes and she sighs in defeat. "Okay," she says. "So long as you know." She eyes her again, a last warning. A final declaration that her love for her brother trumped all and no excuse would ever be good enough.

Sarah nods, nearly trembling after the brief exchange. "Of course."

Ellie's expression lightens as her lips rise to a smile and she squeezes Sarah's hand. All is forgiven—for now. Next time she won't get off so easily.

There won't be a next time.

No. This was it. She was treading on thin ice with both Bartowski's. It was in Ellie's nature, as it was in Chuck's, to forgive but if she ever slipped up again, she might as well ask for a reassignment. She would never be allowed near this woman's brother.

Sarah sighed. She was running out of time.

Soon. Soon she would have to make a choice, or a choice was going to be made without her.

_

It turns out Sarah doesn't last long enough to be the unfortunate host to William's pre-nap wails. Her back screams at the extra weight and she's not five minutes in the nursery store when she has to return the baby to his mother.

"I told you so," Ellie teases in a sing-song manner. Catching the subtleties in Sarah's expression, she casts the woman a worried glance. "Are you okay?" It's amazing how quickly her tone changes. Suddenly there's nothing playful about her voice and she's seconds from screaming for an ambulance. "Oh my God, is it time?"

"What? Time for what?" Then it dawns on her what the brunette means. "No. No." If only. When Ellie's worried expression doesn't subside, she realizes she has to be more firm with her response. "No! Ellie, I'm fine!"

"You were grimacing..." Ellie pointed out. "And your hand—"

Sarah catches all her tells. She has one hand supporting her lower back and the other massaging the spot where the baby's been kicking all morning.

"I'm fine. It's just uncomfortable sometimes." More like all the time. "And I feel huge."

Ellie laughs and gives her a comforting hug. "Trust me, Sarah, you are not huge. You're gorgeous." Ellie rubs her belly affectionately. "And she's going to be gorgeous too."

"I don't care if you have a medical degree, Ellie, you can't be sure it's a girl." Even as she says it, Sarah realizes Ellie's silver tongue has made her a convert. The rest of the family are betting on a girl, Chuck especially, and she's inclined by the woman's insistence.

"I could if you let me..." Ellie says, sticking out her tongue.

Sarah scoffs. It seems to defeat the whole purpose after refraining all these long months. She's still holding out for a boy who'll inherit Chuck's perfect curly hair and chocolate brown eyes but she doesn't think it's in the cards. Not this time anyway.

"Don't worry, Sarah, it'll be over before you know it and then you'll wish for quieter days." Ellie rolls her eyes as she hugs William close to her chest, pacifying him for now. He has an impish glint in his eyes though, and both women know it's only a matter of time before he shows off his impressive set of lungs.

Sarah looks down at her swollen belly and doesn't think that's in the cards anytime soon either. The fact she hasn't gone into labour yet is proof the baby hasn't inherited her impatience. Take it from Chuck, the baby was going to bide its time until the very end.

Sarah goes back to her first tactic of covering her belly with the shawl. Of all the places to be, at least she was in a place where she wouldn't stand out—that much.

She avoids the area of the store that's decorated in pink like the plague, sticking to the selection of neutral greens and yellow purely to spite Ellie.

But alone by herself she's a prime target. It's inevitable when the shopkeeper approaches. "Can I help you, Ma'am?"

Sarah stares like a deer in headlights. "Uh..." She doesn't know what to say. She doesn't think she needs anything but Ellie seems to think otherwise. "I don't know."

The woman smiles encouragingly. "You're first time?"

Sarah blushes. "Is it that obvious?" And to think blending in had once been a job requirement for her.

The shopkeeper smiles genially. "You'll have your hands full, that's for sure."

Sarah clasps her hands over her belly. Did she look that incapable?

"Why do you say that?"

The stranger smiles naively. "Well twins can be handful for anyone, especially for a first time mom."

Sarah takes a deep breath. She tries to think about something nice and calming like sitting down with a cup of tea on a quiet Sunday morning or resting against Chuck and just feeling their baby move—who was she kidding—

"I'm not having twins," she deadpanned, her arms wrapped protectively around her midsection. Even if the baby couldn't hear the woman's words, she didn't want to take any chances.

The shopkeeper's eyes widen in horror. "Oh!" she covers her mouth, and looks as if she's just committed one of the most heinous crimes on humanity. "I'm sorry, it's just—"

Sarah glares at her, daring her to go on. "Just what?"

A part of her is curious to see the extent of her own patience; Ellie's been telling her she'll need a lot if she wants to be a good mother.

"Sarah? What's going on?" Ellie walks up to her, her arms laden with baby clothes.

The blond momentarily displaces her annoyance and turns to the brunette.

"Nothing," she says, letting the shopkeeper go. The woman dips her head and shuffles away, her face beet red with embarrassment. "Ellie, I thought I told you no more clothes."

"I can't resist, they're too adorable." The woman practically squeals as she holds up a frilly white dress.

Sarah winces and she puts a comforting hand over her belly, trying to reassure her unborn child that she would never put her in something like that without good reason.

"Ellie..." She takes the dress and the ones like it and puts it back on the rack. "If you want a girl so badly you can just have another baby."

Ellie laughs nervously. "Yeah, I could, but it's a little like opening a can of worms." Her eyes wander to the parked stroller only a few steps away. "Besides, this isn't about me; it's about shopping for my little niece." She rubs Sarah's belly, the smile creeping wider and wider on her face.

"Ellie..." she warns. The woman just shrugs and walks back for her son. "Just you wait," she says with a knowing grin.

Sarah watches her sister-in-law reach into the stroller and hoist the little boy over her shoulder, rubbing his back as he shifted between sleep and wakefulness.

Soon. Soon they'll see who was right about this one. Her eyes wander away from the exchange between the mother and child, and darts to the dresses Ellie had chosen.

What did it really matter? Either way, she was going to get everything she'd ever wanted.

Sarah looks to Ellie and tries to imagine herself in the woman's shoes.

Soon, she thinks as she rubs her belly. Soon.

_

The rest of the visit is unremarkable. Ellie and Sarah pick up where they left off, all those months ago, but the tension is there. It'll always be there. Sarah's proven herself unpredictable and Ellie's afraid of getting hurt and being disappointed. It's a defence mechanism she can't be faulted for. It's precisely why Sarah doesn't have friends.

If Chuck were smarter, he'd have one too.

Eventually Ellie picks out a few blankets because neither of them have any experience with this sort of thing and it's an easy solution. Out of all the customers in the store, they are the only two without a baby or baby on the way.

Sarah filters out the excited squeals and the peals of laughter around her, focusing instead on the inanimate folds of fabric being gift-wrapped behind the counter. Ellie doesn't say anything but she doesn't need to. Her silence and longing looks betray her.

"Do you think that could be us someday?" she asks, her face lifting with hope. Ellie gestures to two young patrons standing only a few meters away. One has a child balanced on her hip and the other looks like she's about to have a baby any second.

Sarah's already said the wrong thing enough times today to know better than to speak. She smiles and shrugs. "Maybe." The perfect noncommittal response.

But even as she says the word, she catches the expressions on the women's faces, the looks of unmitigated joy. Sarah watches the baby reach for the toy sheep his mother waves in front of him and she instantly thinks of Chuck. She imagines holding a child of her very own, and all she sees is curly brown hair and the warmest velvet eyes.

The shopkeeper smiles at the two of them as she rings in the purchase.

"Have you got everything you need?" she asks.

Ellie gives a simple answer but Sarah just stares on at the expectant mothers and their young brood.

No. Nowhere near.

"Sarah?"

Sarah stirs from her thoughts only to realize Ellie's gift is already wrapped and ready to go.

"Do you need anything?" the woman asks, gesturing to the countless items on display in the small shop.

Yes. Too many things. Sarah shakes her head. "No, let's go," she says, resolving to leave behind the thoughts that shouldn't be hers.

Ellie smiles ominously. "Still only a maybe?" she teases as she heads for the door.

Sarah takes a deep breath and allows herself one last glance at her surroundings.

Don't lie.

Softly, out of Ellie's earshot, Sarah admits the truth. And it's not a maybe. Nowhere close.

Next chpt is Chuck vs...i don't know, but i'm thinking something darker. We'll see. Thanks for reading!