Disclaimer: As always Naruto verse isn't mine. Hope you are enjoying this story. Remeber reviews are a fanfic writers best friend so long as they are constructive. This is an Alternate Universe Female Naruto and Kakashi story. admit I have taken kernels of each characters personality to use as the cornerstones and then twisted everything else to adapt them as my own but I do not own them. That said on with the story.

The Honeymoon Mission

by The Mother Rose

Chapter Two:

Several weeks later a very frustrated Kakashi came into the office. His sight was warring with his sense of smell and he was being driven crazy with the complicated array of information. "Sir what the hell is the deal with Uzumaki? I know damn well my senses go haywire only when that brat is around so therefore he is the one messing everything up."

"Well, I'd hardly call that fair, Kakashi. He's only around you when the Haruno girl and the Uchiha lad are also."

"Sasuke is definitely as much of a boy as Sakura is an air-head," Kakashi snorted. "Naruto is the one who throws my senses into a tailspin and I want to know why."

"Well, you know what they say. Wish in one hand. . . ."

"Why won't you tell me?"

Sarutobi turned deadly serious and fixed his eyes on the frustrated jounin. "Kakashi, you are one of the best ninja in this village. I gave you two very difficult students to train. So far you have worked exclusively with only the one you find favorable. You have left the other two to flounder and do as they please. Unless you managed to pick up a disagreeable mission for them. You want to know why Naruto drives your senses crazy? Then try working with the kid and earning his trust."

Kakashi snorted. In his mind, he was thinking Sarutobi didn't know the boy as well as he thought he did if he thought the blond Gaki was distrustful of people.

"Kakashi, he doesn't trust you and the fact that he hasn't told you why your eyes are at war with your nose is proof that he doesn't."

"But he trusts everyone," Kakashi protested.

"And we all thought you to be a genius. I wonder why." Sarutobi trailed off and let it linger in the office. Kakashi took a few minutes to absorb the insult and think it through. Then he grew angry with the Sandaime and left the office. He went to the Obelisk to complain to his old team about the narrow minded people who only thought to spoil and over indulge some while letting others flounder never realizing he could have been talking about himself just as clearly as he thought he was talking about the Hokage.

Three more weeks passed. Kakashi still did his best to figure out why his senses were at war with each other whenever Naruto was around but he was getting no where fast as he tried to figure it out. He knew damn good and well Naruto was as much of a boy as Sasuke was for all that he was smaller. He trusted his senses but his nose was still insisting Naruto was not a boy at all. When he smelt blood on Naruto, he nearly panicked. He had arrived at the bridge in his normal fashion and right in the middle of his excuse for being tardy he got a good whiff of a menstrual flow he knew damn good and well did not belong to Sakura. She had been on her cycle the week before. Without another word and a distinctly wild look in his visible eye, he dismissed the team to go their own way convinced he was losing his mind.

Naruto made her way into the tower and up to the Hokage's office. Through the closed doors, she could hear Kakashi sounding off to the Old Man. She took a seat on the bench, not being willing to go in there right now for all that the secretary had indicated she could.

Naruto grinned at the secretary, "That's ok, Bara. I think I'll just wait it out."

"You're cruel," the secretary laughed.

"Ah." she pouted. "Hokage-sama can handle one poor, confused, one-eyed, perverted jounin, can't he?" Bara just laughed harder. Kotetsu and Izumo also grinned though they did their best to act like they weren't actively listening to every single word.

From inside the office, Sarutobi had heard her though and bellowed, "Naruto! Get in here."

Naruto grinned. "Guess not," he said wickedly as he went inside to the sound of snickering in the outer office.

Kakashi was pacing furiously off to one side. As soon as the door was shut, he rounded on the orange wearing kid. "What the hell is it with you? You look like a boy but you smell like a girl."

"Nothing is up with me, Sensei. At least I don't think so anyway," said Naruto adopting his 'I'm confused' look as Sarutobi just leaned back to watch his little master at work. "How can I look like a boy and smell like a girl? That's silly."

"I. . . .Don't. . . .KNOW! That's what I am asking you about!"

"Well, um. . .I don't know what to tell you, Sensei. Maybe you should go have your nose checked or something?" The blond head tilted to one side as a small finger traveled to the corner of his mouth thoughtfully. Clear confusion clouded Naruto's features as he pretended to really be thinking about the issue. One foot lightly tapped the rug he was standing on as a hand rested securely on his hip. "Can a sense of smell get broken, Jijii?" he asked casting his eyes at the old man, innocently.

Sarutobi had a hard time holding in his guffaws as Kakashi responded angrily, "I do not need to get my nose checked! I need to know what the deal is with you."

"You sure about that? Cause I think you do," Naruto said, not bothering with the last comment.

"And why is that?"

"Cause last time I went pee I was definitely still a boy. It'd be real obvious if my handle there was missing, don't you think?" Total innocent seriousness showed in every line of Naruto's form leaving absolutely no way for Kakashi to question the statement without being labeled as some sort of freak.

Kakashi looked at Naruto with total disgust but left the office in a swirl of leaves. Sarutobi waited until they were sure he was gone before he put up the privacy shield. But past the fading shimmer of the jutsu he could no longer hold back. He burst into laughter. The secretary and two door guards were also laughing. Once the Hokage wiped his eyes and composed himself, he said, "You're priceless. That was priceless. But seriously, you need to tell him, Naruto. You're gonna drive him crazy if you don't."

"And that would be a problem why?"

"He is one of the all around best ninja the village can field right now, Naruto. We need him to stay in control of his mind and you are seriously playing head games with him here. Just tell him. Please?"

"To what purpose, Jijii? So he can pretend he cares for a month or two or tell someone else and then I can get attacked in an alley or something? No thanks. He doesn't need to know until he learns to see more than the Uchiha's precious spoilt butt."

Sarutobi blew smoke out but he knew she had every right to feel as she did. Right now there was no way Kakashi would care to keep her identity a secret. He closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose tiredly. Dealing with anything having to do with Naruto was never easy. But he had to admit it was not really her fault. The girl was just doing her best to survive in a world that only wanted her power or her death. Mentally he told himself, I have to come up with a way to get Kakashi to see the real Naruto and realize just who she is. No way is Naruto going to let him find out any other way.

"So what brought you here today?"

"I'm not sure but I think he smelt my flow," she said, flushing bright red. "I started right as I got out of the shower this morning and, since I was late, I didn't have time to come here first."

Sarutobi looked at her quickly and then started laughing again. A few minutes later, he pulled himself together and strengthened her henge to cover odor better. "No wonder he was going nuts. No way could he have mistaken that particular scent as anything but what it was."

Naruto was looking at him confusedly. "Why not? It's just blood like any other."

"Not exactly, Naruto. That is old blood for all that it looks the same as the other blood you see when you get hurt. For him though, it smells completely different. Next moon just come see me before you go to practice. Even if you are late getting to practice. I'll make sure he doesn't get this experience again."

"Ok Jijii. Sounds good but you know you could just teach me the henge scent blocker thingy so I could do it myself."

"I could but I won't. This way I know you have to come see me for it and that gives me the chance to talk you into telling him."

"Well, I'm not going to. He doesn't deserve to know." She turned to leave intending to go home and sleep since her belly was hurting something fierce.

"Do you know how to care for yourself today, Naruto?"

"I'm gonna go home and have Kyu help me sleep through it. My belly hurts big time."

"Ok. I guess that'll work but I'm going to send Iruka to you later in the day for that shot you were told about. I will not take unnecessary chances with you."

Naruto nodded and left. She was as good as her word and spent the rest of the day hiding in her apartment. She was just slightly surprised by the amount of pain in her body as muscles unused to being used, cramped up. Iruka stopped by and gave her the shot to keep her body from being fertile, telling her he would give her a new shot every three months. He also made sure she had supplies and that she knew exactly what was going on in her real body. He explained the benefits of Midol to her and made sure Kyuubi heard as well so the demon would not flush the medication from her if she found it necessary to take it.

The next day, Naruto made sure she was pristine clean before she dressed in her boy clothes for the day. Grey boxers with a lighter grey tee shirt under the bright orange pants with the equally bright orange jacket over the shoulder and she left her bedroom once more becoming one hundred percent boy. She threw her soiled sheets into the washer and filled it with soap and stain remover to get the menstrual blood out of them before heading out of her rooms for the kitchen.

In the kitchen, he tossed his jacket on a spare counter and fixed his ramen before sitting down with a notebook and writing a couple more paragraphs in it. All the writings in the notebooks were his thoughts on life and what it was like to be a girl living as a boy and knowing the light was anything but a friend to you. Yet the darkness was an even bigger enemy. The ramen was ready to eat when Naruto finished writing so he ate it quickly not really wanting the stuff in his mouth any longer than necessary to get it from point A, the cup, to point B, his stomach.

Then he tossed his chopsticks towards the sink and left for his early morning jog around the village. He always did five miles around the village before meeting the team for practice even though they were all coming to realize Sasuke was the only one Kakashi found to be worthy of training. Sakura didn't really care as she still thought Sasuke cared for her and would protect her with everything he was learning to do. But Naruto hated it as she knew full well no one needed the training more than she did since no one in the village, let alone on her team, was in more danger than she was every minute of every freaking day. But the village valued the bloodline more than it did a jinchuuriki and always would.

The months went by slowly as Kakashi continued to train only Sasuke. He never asked for a mission outside the village nor did any of the genin. That had kind of surprised Kakashi but at the same time it didn't. He knew the council wanted Sasuke to stay in the village until his seed was viable so he figured even the Hokage was telling Naruto to be content with the missions they got though he did remember what the farmer had said to her about the missions he did get for the team (Naruto) to do and he always made sure it was within the village walls. As far as the Hokage and Naruto were concerned, it was actually the other way around but Kakashi still didn't know how tight the bond was between the Hokage and Naruto. Naruto was the one telling the Hokage to wait and be patient over the out of the village missions. They painted fences, weeded gardens, re-roofed the homes of the elderly or wealthy, filed inventory, or chased run-away pets. Well, Naruto did anyway.

Today's mission was to catch the Firelord's wife's run-away cat. It wasn't the first time the team had been given the mission and Naruto knew it wouldn't be the last. "I am not crawling through the forest or dirty alleyways after that damn cat, Sensei," said Sakura, looking horrified at the memory of how much she would stink and look a mess by the time the cat was caught.

"Nor will I waste my day catching it. Damn cat is not worth my time or attention. Teach me a new jutsu, Sensei," said Sasuke.

Kakashi just looked at Naruto. "Well, I guess that means you're on your own, Naruto. Bring the cat here when you catch it."

Naruto rolled his eyes and went to walk off. Kakashi growled in his ear, "Unless you want to tell me what you're hiding, that is. Then I might just make them do the mission with you."

"Go to Hell," Naruto snapped, walking away. Kakashi's low rumble of laughter burned in her ear as did his response.

"Not without you," he had replied. Instead of chasing after the damn cat right away, Naruto went to the tower first.

"Hi Bara," he greeted the secretary.

"Hi Naruto. You want to help him out today?"

"Sure. Might as well. Only got to chase the Daimyo's wife's errant misbehaving kitty today so no need to go anywhere else."

Bara gave the blond a sympathetic look and let him go into Sarutobi's office. Inside, her henge fell as usual when it was just the two of them and she took off the bulky jacket she wore. Golden blond hair fell across her shoulders as the henge fell and she and Sarutobi greeted each other. "What cha gotta do today, Old Man?" she asked, after getting her hug.

"Just more of the same, Sunshine. What about you? I know damn well he didn't tell you to come here."

"Nah. I have to go chase down Tora but you know that cat only wants a little breathing space. She'll fight like hell if I go after her too soon so I came to help you instead."

"And your team is out searching for her?"

Natsu snorted. "The Uchiha chase a run-away cat? Please Jijii. Get serious. No, both the Prince and Princess told him flat out they won't do it."

"And he accepted their decision?" Sarutobi growled.

"Oh he offered to make them do it with me," she said airily. Sarutobi raised a brow. "My secret for their co-operation and bitching at me for making them help me. Joy joy."

"That's it. I'm finding you a new team. This crap has gone far enough." Sarutobi was livid.

"And do you honestly think that will make anything better, Jijii? Come on. You know better than that. Whatever team is split up, to make room for me, is gonna be ticked off over it. And there's no guarantee the next jounin will wish to train me any more than Mr. Brown Nose does. Then there's Prince and Princess. You honestly think those two will start doing their share of the mission work? Or Mr. Brown Nose will actually train whoever replaces me with them any more than he trains either me or the Princess? Just leave it alone, Jijii. It'll work itself out eventually."

"You aren't their damn servant. And he has no right to hold your secret as hostage to them doing their work!"

"Oh well. He thinks he can. When I tell him what he wants to know, he'll make them do their share but he still won't train me." She ran her fingers through her hair and moved to the stack of paperwork. "Anyway, Jijii, let's just drop it and get some of this done before I have to go chase that cat again. It's fun to play with Tora, at least. Can't say the same of the painting or roofing missions."

"You do those alone too?"

"Hai. If the mission will make a mess of how the Princess looks or cause her to get sweaty, she won't do it. If it seems like it will take too much time, then the Prince won't do it either. And he won't make them if I won't spill. Since I won't spill, they don't work." She grinned at him. "But they wouldn't work anyway, Jijii, so his ploy won't work either."

Sarutobi sighed. "Maybe it'd be better to just tell him, Natsu. Who knows? Maybe he'll understand why you're hiding it and quit this stupid pandering he's doing."

"No, he won't. He'll insist I be myself and I will have to deal with Princess getting upset because Prince might look at me before he looks at her. And I will have to deal with a possessive Prince who feels entitled as well as a prowling jounin who also feels entitled to take liberties neither are entitled to. So no. I will not tell him."

"You think Sasuke would be attracted to you?"

"Hell no. I think it's more like he'd feel entitled to own me because I am not one of his stupid, walking, talking ovary test tubes."

"Oh." Confusion was clear in his expression as he tried to make sense of the situation. Walking, Talking Ovary Test tubes? Where did she come up with this stuff?

"It's like this, Jijii," she said on a sigh. "Prince is used to his fan-club. His fan-club includes every girl his age in the village. The thought that there is actually a girl here who isn't a part of his club, will have him determined to make me one. Well, Hinata isn't his fan either but he accepts her distance. He won't accept it from me. I am not of her social ranking and, to his way of thinking, I should be honored to be one of his harem of dithering, twittering walking wombs."

"Oh dear," murmured Sarutobi. Dithering, Twittering, Walking Wombs? Sheesh. She really has a low opinion of the other girls her age, he thought. He decided to drop the subject of Sasuke and moved to the one of the pair that really interested him. Hatake Kakashi. He really wanted to know how Natsu felt about the jounin. "So about Kakashi, Natsu. . ."

Natsu got a cagey look on her face. "No, Jijii. Whatever you're thinking, you just stop it right there," she said pointing a finger at him and shaking it warningly.

"You know you need a strong protector Natsu. He is strong. He's very strong actually."

"Jijii! Drop it. I'm too young to go getting married to anyone. For any reason. But especially not to someone like him." She started pacing and muttering under her breath. Sarutobi perked up. This was new. She rarely ever got this worked up over any of the suggestions he made as a possible spouse. He also realized she had not said he was the wrong person for her as she did with everyone else. Saying she was too young was not the same as saying he was the wrong guy. He hid a grin as he listened to her mutter while she paced. "Predatory. . .Kami-damned secret stealing . . . cagey damned jounin . . .prowling . . . stalking me like a hungry damned cat. . . always where he's not supposed to be. . . " Sarutobi's carefully hidden grin grew as she turned to pace in the other direction. The look on her face told Sarutobi all he needed to know. Natsu liked Kakashi. She liked him a lot. But because she really liked him, he also scared the hell out of her.

He distracted her and the two of them got to work on the mountain of never ending paperwork before him. Natsu did know her team, it seemed, but her remarks on Hatake's reaction to her true form were worth further consideration. Sarutobi had been thinking about the future a lot lately. He knew he needed to settle Natsu's future before he died of old age or got killed in office but he just hadn't found the right man, or one he felt he could trust to care for her. His old teammate, Iruka-kun and Kiku were all trying to help him but they knew if they didn't choose the right person it would be disastrous for everyone. But now he knew who the right man was. Maybe.

Hatake was single and from an old clan. He was eligible in every way for Natsu. He was old enough to settle down, whether he wanted to admit it or not, and was a perfect compliment to his tiny girl here. She was day while he was night; she was the sun shining bright and full of promise while he was the moon shining gently and persevering in it's glide across the sky but Sarutobi also knew now was not the time to mention it to Natsu again. For all that she liked the man, she didn't trust him and it seemed she might actually have good reason not to. And twenty-two was not too old for her either.

Later that day while Natsu was playing with Tora as Naruto, Sarutobi was reading through his files of the male ninja of Konoha. He was trying to do a personality match between Natsu and any one of them but always he kept coming back to Hatake.

Iruka came in just as Sarutobi was growling in frustration. The teacher took a look at the open files and smirked, "Still determined to find her a husband before you die?"

"Hai. Whether she knows it or not, she needs one and you know I'm right. If Asuma wasn't so dead set on Kurenai, I'd have him marry her. But he is and Kurenai likes my stubborn son as well."

"So who else are you considering?"

"That Sensei she has now but he's seriously pissing her off for all that she is attracted to him as well."

"She'll kill you if you mention it now but . . ." Iruka scratched his nose deep in thought. Sarutobi tensed in surprise. He'd been sure Iruka would be against the union also but that didn't seem to be the case.

When the chunnin remained silent and took to pacing, with his hands behind his back, Sarutobi asked, "So you think it'd be a good match?" Koharu and Haruno Kiku came in together just as he asked the question of Iruka. Koharu raised a brow in silent question and Sarutobi thumbed Kakashi's nin picture. She smirked but Kiku frowned considering the possibilities of the match-up.

"Hai. Hatake is possessive and protective of what is his. That is good for Natsu. She needs the protection his skill can provide for her and she also needs the cherishing his possessive streak will give her. Added to that is the fact that he is young enough and energetic enough to keep up with her. Plus each has the intelligence both need in their partner. Neither of them would ever be able to live with someone who was less intelligent then they are. As for her, she's stubborn enough to kick him back into line whenever he goes too far. And he will go too far just often enough for her to feel she's still viable as a person in her own right," Iruka finally answered.

"But how to get him to see her. . . That's what's giving me kaniptions right now. She refuses to tell him who she is and he's making her do all the hard work for the team because she won't tell him what she's hiding."

"So trick them into it," said Koharu.

"Huh? How?"

Kiku grinned. "I've been wanting to set my daughter straight on her ambitions as well and I think this gives us the perfect opportunity to handle all the blindness on Team Seven. Young Sasuke needs to face facts too."

"Ok but just how do we do this without all four of them freaking out?" asked a confused Iruka.

Koharu said, "Ok this is our goals for them in this mission. One: Get Kiku's daughter to face up to the fairy tale dreamworld she is living in and realize real life is not a fairy tale. Two: Get young Sasuke to name a possible wife or two for himself and realize his primary duty is the rebuilding of his clan. Three: Settle down the wild bachelor known as Hatake Kakashi and get him to realize the village also needs his heir. And four: Secure Natsu's future so she will be safe even if something happens to the four of us. Did I miss anything?"

"Nope, that pretty much covers everything," said a happy Sarutobi.

"Ok we'll have to trick Kakashi into marrying Natsu just as we'll have to trick her into revealing herself as a girl for him. She won't do it willingly no matter what he says or you threaten her with and he is absolutely convinced he does not need or want a wife," said Kiku.

"True but how far am I allowed to go with your daughter, Kiku? She is so lost in her fantasies right now she is a serious threat to the well-being of her team. Even Natsu doesn't want to take an out of the village mission and you know she was looking forward to finally learning how ninja camp. Sakura doesn't train or do any mission that isn't girly enough for her. And Kakashi doesn't get girly missions. For that matter she does absolutely nothingyou do not see her do before she leaves home. Natsu said she's even dieting to keep her figure and you know that is disastrous for a ninja."

Kiku frowned as she heard from the Hokage what a waste of space her daughter was being. She did know from her association with Sarutobi's inner court exactly how dangerous it was for ninja to diet as it lessened their chakra as well as their energy. Now she just looked at the old man and said, "How far do you wish to go?"

"I was thinking of the old honeymoon mission, only for Natsu and Hatake it'd be the real deal. I think it's the only way to really make Sasuke and Sakura wake up to their duties and responsibilities. And I know it's the only way to get Natsu to tell Hatake what he needs to know. It's also the only way we are going to get him tied down to her. If we were to simply walk up and tell him we want him to marry her, he'd be running before we finished saying the words."

The other three people in the office looked at each other consideringly. As one they began to grin. "Ok," said Kiku. "But in order to convince Sasuke the thing is legitimate we'll have to have Hiashi in on things as well."

"I know but I also know he has tried to find out who Sasuke is interested in and gotten nowhere to date so I think he'll go for it. My biggest worry is what will happen when Kakashi and Natsu find out their marriage isn't a mock-up."

"Oh, that's an easy one," smirked Iruka. Three sets of brows went up and he grinned, laughter sparkling in his black eyes. "Natsu will prank the hell out of you and Kakashi will pound you into the ground. Then they'll get over it and allow themselves to be happy."

The two women laughed as Sarutobi took on a pained expression. "Gee thanks for the warning, Iruka-kun."

"At least I did warn you," he replied not in the least bit repentant. "There was a time in my younger days when I wouldn't have, you know. I would have sold tickets and brought a lawn chair and popcorn for the show."

"That's true," Sarutobi said ruefully. "Why is it my best people seem to all have been pranksters in their childhood days?"

Koharu snorted, "Maybe because you were too? Don't even try to deny it, Sarutobi Hiruzen. I was there too remember." He grinned and she continued to speak but back on the subject of Natsu instead.

Koharu said, "I will be here to see Natsu-chan wed to Hatake. Leave the details to Kiku, Iruka and I while you get the mission picked out and written up. I'll talk to Hiashi and get him on the set-up. And Kiku and I can take care of getting the girls the clothes they will need for the mission. Iruka, you make sure they stay in the village and help Hiru get things set up for this. I hear Shi no Sato is a nice place this time of year." They all left Sarutobi to his work.