Chapter 11
What I feared
Disclaimer- I own nothing
Two weeks had gone by and so far Bulla was able to stay away from Vegeta. Her blood boiled at his presence and voice still, but she managed not to fight or cry. Goten was still by her side every night, the two had gotten much closer and it amazed her. Chi-chi and Goku had found out about Bulla when they asked Goten why he left the house every night. He told them nothing the night they asked but Bulla went with him and told them everything. Bulla felt bad that her boyfriend's parents knew about this before her own knew but she knew it was for the best. Chi-chi was very supportive and was glad that Goten was helping. Both promised not to say a word to Bulma and Vegeta but promised that they would go with her to them if she wanted.
At school at school all the juniors were encouraged to not go to gym and go to a program held about depression one week. Since her parents didn't know or really care about the program they didn't opt her out. Even if they did her friends would have forced her to go anyway. So that Monday Bulla, Pan, Marron, and Goten all filed into one of the side wings of the auditorium, and watched the presenters show a horribly acted video of depression. They passed out fliers filled with information on causes, treatment, and little side facts. Throughout the entire thing Goten held on to Bulla hand, she was so happy that he was there with her because at times she felt like they were talking only to her. At the end of the program the guidance department passed out a survey evaluating each student on if depression affected them. Bulla filled it out truthfully with the promise of talking to some professional. Everyone had wanted her to talk but she had refused, now was her chance, she didn't have to talk to her guidance counselor that she never liked and was able to talk to someone everyone recommended and liked. Everyone froze when they got to the last question; do you or someone you know suffer from depression? If so would they like to talk to someone? Everyone circled yes to both but put anonymous when asked for the name, they didn't want to force her to speak. Bulla easily circled yes to both but before she handed it in she looked at Goten for support. Was she really doing the right thing? Could she really talk to someone that didn't know her? He mouthed for her to do it so she got up and handed it in letting fate take over. When they were able to leave they all got up and walked to their next class. Everyone decided not to talk about it other than the cheesy acting.
Bulla had gotten through the day, when she was called down to guidance. She texted Goten that they wanted to see her before she left for the day, he got back to her later and told her not to worry he would be there. When the final bell rang Goten met her at her class and they walked down together. "I probably can't go in with you but I'll stay outside, I'll go in only if you need me." "Okay, that works, I feel better just knowing you're right outside." "At least its Sutton you get to talk to, I heard she is pretty cool." "Yea, I hate mine, she has never helped me, every time I go to her she does nothing, she is part of the reason I got so bad." "I knew you disliked her for multiple reasons but you never said entirely why." "Yea, I'll tell you later if you want, I don't trust her either, I get an odd feeling around her, one that just doesn't sit right." They walked into the guidance office and waited for someone to come out. Bulla's heart sank when she saw her normal counselor come instead of the one she was supposed to see. "Hello Bulla, Goten, thanks for coming, Bulla if you will follow me. Goten please wait here." Bulla took a deep breath and a final look at Goten before following her. When they walked into her office Bulla sat down and looked around. *I'll just make this quick, I don't want to stay any longer than I have to. Not with her anyway.* "Bulla thank you for wanting to talk, I know Mrs. Sutton usually handles this but she had a family emergency and I want to make sure your okay to go home, so tell me what's up?" Bulla told her about the pressure to do well and how she didn't like class (for the third time this year); she figured she could really talk about the details with Sutton later, whenever she came back. "Well Bulla you're a strong girl and think you will be okay, your family issues will get better, everyone has family trouble when they get to high school because of conflicts of interest." She paused, fixed her leaning position on her desk and continued. "Does your father hit you?" "No, he has never laid a hand on me!" *(That's the second time I've told her that…why does she think my dad hits me every time I'm under a lot of pressure to do well?)* Bulla quickly spat back annoyed that she would ask that. She could tell Goten was listening outside the door. His ear didn't have to be pressed against the door to hear them; the school never did have great privacy methods. "Okay I had to make sure, now before you go I need to ask you one more thing; can I see your wrists?" Again Bulla without worry flipped her hands around to show her wrists, she knew there was nothing there to see. *Yes check my wrists cause there isn't anything there, you don't believe me anyway so let's add this to the reasons why.* "Thank you Bulla, your free to leave and don't worry you'll be okay." Bulla got up and left quickly, it took all her willpower to not slap her as she left. Goten was sitting in a chair by the door. "I really hate that woman Bulla, she is completely useless!" He said as they walked out of the department. "I told you that, but that is my luck I get the one person I never want to talk to or see." They walked out of the building and headed towards her house. "Yea, it will get better when I'm dead!" "Bulla! That's not funny, don't even joke about that!" "Your right, I'm sorry but she really pisses me off, every time I need her help she blows me off…what the fuck, if I wanted to get blown off I would ask my father for advice! I go to people to talk to, to get help and she acts like I'm doing this for kicks, like I wanted to get out of class or something, this is why I didn't want to talk, no one listens! I don't cut myself, or at least not in the usually place so I can't show them that, and when I tell them what's wrong they say it's nothing!" She stopped walking and stared off into the distance, Goten stood behind her and watched. "Sometimes I wish I could cut my wrists, just so people would believe me, I know I'm depressed I get that but I feel so alone because I always get blown off, I have than and I do now." Goten walked in front of her and grabbed her shoulders, "I believe you, I know you better than everyone else because I can clearly see you, all the others try to fit you into the stereotype of depression and you made sure that people didn't see that, you never wanted to make others worry, or to have people talk about you behind your back. Bulla I know you wanted someone to believe you other than me and the girls. I can almost guarantee you that someone will, and it will be soon." "You really think so, I just want someone to listen, and I've lost my voice because it always falls on deaf ears." "I think your voice will come back when you need it most." She grabbed his hand and smiled as she started to walk home again. Bulla kept thinking about the end of the school year, summer was just around the corner and she would be free to do as she please, mostly. Bulla loved the summer and she planned to enjoy it as much as possible. The sun, the beach (even if she hadn't been there in years,) she couldn't wait. Maybe with better weather and no more horrible English she would feel better. "Oh did I tell you my English teacher is having a baby so we are getting a sub for the rest of the year." "I thought you liked English or are you just hoping you won't have to do work anymore?" "Yea, I see now that I left you out on a lot of things, I'm sorry. See I can't stand the class, me and group work doesn't mix, especially when you're forced with groups that you don't get along with." "Well it couldn't have been that bad." "Let's just say I was with people that teased me about my brother, people stare a lot in that class, I always got stuck with stupid parts or just completely left out, the teacher loved the whole group work idea so we did that sooo many times, but I don't think the sub likes it that much so, woot!" "You said woot, what a freak." He pushed her playfully to the side, only a little harder than he wanted. She yelped as she fell over. "Bulla, I'm sorry, are you okay, here let me help you up." He reached down and extended his hand to her. She grabbed him and pulled him down. She started laughing at him, he looked so scared to be so close to her in a semi-public place, anyone could think of something very wrong. She pushed him off her then stood up to brush the dirt off her. "Goten, did you know?" "How did I know what Bulla?" "To come to my house that first night you stayed, before you came I was thinking of ways to kill myself, I didn't think I was capable of doing it but still I figured I had nothing to lose." "I came because Pan told me about your cutting, and the pieces started falling into place I guess. I had this feeling you were hurting, almost dying and in some ways I was right." "Okay, now answer me this, how can you see what I don't, are my eyes closed to the truth? I mean you found out my father was one main reason for all this to happen yet I was still searching for it." "Maybe you couldn't accept it, or maybe because you were so upset all the time your mind just wasn't let the truth hit you. Maybe you still can't accept the truth and that's why your eyes aren't seeing things as clearly as you would like." "Yea maybe your right, I guess I still have a lot of work to do before I can really be myself again." "We all knew this wasn't going to be an easy task to fix quickly." The rest of the way home Bulla thought about it, she thought about seeing clearly, looking for truths in all the questions she had. Would she ever find the truth, would she ever be able to get herself back, accept everything and fix all the problems she was facing? The only thing she was a hundred percent positive about was that she had Goten to help her.
0o0o0o0o0oooo0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
Okay kinda short compared to the last chapter but where I start makes more sense as a chapter and not a paragraph. Please review guys, the next chapter is it! I can't believe it, it's taken me forever to get this far but still it's sad to see it end. I may add another chapter as an epilogue, haven't decided it all depends where I stop at for the last chapter. Again please review, at least this chapter because this chapter is closest to my heart. 95% of the stuff that happens to Bulla and what she says is all things I went through. Love you all!!
~Femalefighter~