A/N: I'm having one of those nights where i can't sleep...what's that called again? Anyways, hope you don't mind that i've posted this a little earlier than usual. It's still monday technically!
I got two new votes on my poll this week, thanks guys! And yes, I do check it even though we've gone beyond the original 8, so please vote! It's one of my few sources of entertainment. Sad, isn't it?
If this chapter confuses you, you should check out the timeline*
Chapter 11: Chuck/Sarah vs Great Expectations
Chuck's only ever really asked once.
It was late and they were both too comfortably snuggled up against one another to get up and change the channel. As luck would have it, the show they were forced to watch chronicled the lives of a couple and their ten children.
Ten!
If that was not horrifying enough for Sarah, the mother chose to home-school all ten of them on her own. Watching the disarray with which the family led their lives was more terrifying than watching an actual horror movie.
She didn't understand how that woman didn't go insane. Couldn't grasp how she could agree to more children after the first two, and wondered if she needed medication (a good dose of reality perhaps) when she revealed that she'd like more in the future.
"So..." It was during the commercial break that he broached the question—and frankly Sarah was surprised he'd lasted as long as he did before asking. "Have you ever thought about having kids...maybe?"
She knew he'd thrown in the 'maybe' for her. Decisions always came so easily to him; he saw things in black and white and all she ever saw were the gradients inbetween.
Sarah had tried to dodge the question at first and pretend like she hadn't heard, but he must've known. Her entire body had seized up at the simple query.
"Someday?" he'd asked, his voice so indifferent it betrayed the true nature of his intrigue. "I'm not saying now...but I mean...have you ever thought about having..." His voice kept trailing off until eventually he left the sentence hanging and unfinished.
Sarah wasn't sure how to respond to the question and he was still staring at her waiting for an answer when the commercials had ended and the show was back on.
She could only sigh. "Chuck..." He was only asking for one but one was enough. "I-I can't. I'm not ready." She wanted to tell him all her apprehensions and reservations, but one glance at those soulful brown eyes left her hypnotized. She couldn't. She didn't want to overwhelm him with all the reasons for a 'no' when she knew that if the tables were turned and she had asked, his answer, without thought or hesitation, would have been a 'yes'.
Chuck squeezed her hand and turned his attention back to the show. "Okay."
"Okay?" she asked, scarcely able to believe she'd been let off the hook so easily.
"Yeah," he said without tearing his eyes from the screen. She wasn't sure if he was disappointed; if he was, he hid it well. "I just wanted to know." And then he'd promised to never bring it up again, not until she was ready.
.
That had been months ago. And Chuck was good on his word. No more baby talk.
For the most part, at least.
Because never bringing up the subject again didn't mean it wasn't a nagging thought in the back of her mind. It was as if he was already at the finish line and she was still struggling to catch up. And Sarah wasn't someone who lagged behind...in anything.
It comes up again one Wednesday morning. Sarah's in the bookstore searching for a cookbook, preferably something with lots of step-by-step pictures and a money-back guarantee, but somehow her mind wanders from 'Cooking for Dummies' and 'Easy Recipes Fast' and just like that, she finds herself in the baby book aisle instead, reading spines with ominous titles like 'What to Expect When You're Expecting'.
Sarah wrinkles her brows. What besides a baby should you be expecting?
She flips open one of the books and is greeted with image after image of bald-headed babies bearing toothless smiles. It made motherhood seem like nothing but sunshine and rainbows.
Ha! Sarah grins one second, then her expression falls and she immediately shuts the book. It was precisely the kind of mentality she was trying to get away from. Motherhood was nothing but sunshine and rainbows.
"Sunshine and rainbows..." she chanted under her breath. But saying it five-times-fast didn't make it any less of a lie.
How she envied Ellie and all her sweetness and natural instinct with children. Sarah had about as much maternal instinct as one of those hapless, vegetative pandas at the zoo. Her brief experience with fish had taught her she wasn't the ideal candidate to watch over anything, mammal or otherwise.
Before Sarah could chastise herself further, her cell rings. She digs through her purse and does a double-take when she sees the caller display.
"Ellie?" It's not like her sister-in-law to call in the middle of the day. Then again, how often did they both get the day off?
"Sarah!" The woman sounds out of breath. "Oh thank God! I called your office and Chuck's and Chuck's cell and your home—"
Not a social call then...
Standing in the brightly lit store, Sarah feels as if she's been swallowed up by a cavern of darkness.
"What is it? Is everything okay?" She knows she's no longer an agent when her first instinct is to defer to someone else and call the police.
"No, this is a disaster. I was supposed to have the day off but someone's called in sick. Devon's at work. I can't reach the sitter..."
Before she even finishes the list of calamities, Sarah realizes this is indeed a disaster.
"You want me to watch Will?" She repeats the request because she thinks Ellie's got her confused with someone else. Wouldn't a colleague of hers be a safer choice? They were doctors after all.
"It'll only be until five. And Will has a 'mom and tots' class at noon so you wouldn't really be alone with him for long," Ellie persuaded.
Sarah had to smile. Was her apprehension so obvious?
"Are you sure you don't want to try the sitter again?"
Ellie groaned a little. "Sarah, please," she begged. In the background there came a series of high-pitched howls. "I wouldn't ask you if it wasn't an emergency."
Sarah sighed. No, she wouldn't. And she'd try Chuck first anyway. Ellie was really at the end of her rope.
"Okay," she said, trying not to sound too defeated. "I'll be over in half an hour."
Ellie's voice was suddenly giddy with excitement. "Oh, thank you! Thank you so much! Besides..." Sarah held her breath. She already knew what the woman was about to say before she even spoke. "This is good practice for you."
"Always so subtle," Sarah teased lightly.
"Just saying..." Ellie reasoned, trying to convince her that she knew best. Because really, Ellie did know best. "It's going to be you someday."
Sarah didn't want to argue with her sister-in-law. A part of her wanted that life so badly it hurt, and the other rattled off all her inadequacies until she thought she'd go deaf.
"Yeah...someday," she replied weakly.
"Sarah, you ready?" Chuck shouted from where he stood, just inches from the front door. The keys in his hand jingles as he twirls it impatiently round and round his finger. She's never been late for anything before so it's a surprise they're not on the road yet, especially since they've been making preparations to go for over three hours now.
"Sarah?" he shouted again when there was no answer. "Sarah?" he called, louder still, as he walked towards their bedroom.
The door bursts open before he's able to rap his knuckles against the surface and he's greeted with a near murderous glare.
"Shh!" she hisses and points to the sea of blankets draped over her shoulder. Somewhere hidden underneath them was their daughter, but finding her would be a bit like trying to recover buried treasure.
"She's sleeping," Sarah whispered, pacing slowly back and forth.
"Yeah. She's been sleeping for over an hour now," he said, not fooled for a second. "Come on, Sarah, we're going to be late."
Sarah looked as if they were headed for the torture chamber and not one of the finest restaurants in L.A.
"Just a minute," she pleaded, already turning her back to him.
Chuck stopped her before she could hide herself in the nursery. "Sarah, it'll be fine. She'll be in very good hands."
The woman sighed as she looked down at the sleeping infant. "Do you think they do take out?"
Chuck wanted to laugh. What a sight they would make at McDonalds, ordering while dressed in their very best.
"No. Come on, we agreed to have a night to ourselves," he reminded firmly. He wrapped his arms around the two of them but it was only after he'd peeled back the first two blankets that he found the babe fast asleep, her tiny chin wedged in the groove of Sarah's collarbone.
For a second Chuck's mesmerized by the sight of something so impossibly small and perfect. It's suddenly easy to see how three hours could pass like three seconds.
Chuck shakes his head. One of them had to be strong.
"She's sound asleep," he assured as he pried her from her mother's grip. Sarah gave way reluctantly and it felt a little like trying to release something from the jaws of a vice. "Okay. I'll put her in the carseat. You finish up and grab the bag."
He shrugged off the blankets, letting them fall to the ground one after the other, until all he had was the insubstantial weight of one tiny infant nestled in the crook of his arm.
Sarah looked appalled.
"Chuck!" she hissed, mindful of the volume of her voice but not the tone. "She needs them! She'll catch a chill if you don't!" she said as she rushed to pick up the blankets. "Babies are susceptible to the cold."
Chuck would have argued with her if she didn't look so agitated. Now she was only unspeakably adorable and he couldn't take anything she said seriously.
"She doesn't need five blankets. It's summertime in L.A.."
It was not a valid point it seemed because Sarah looked ready to attack him and smother them both in blankets.
"Fine, she can have one."
"Two," Sarah refuted firmly.
"One."
"Three."
Chuck rolled his eyes. "That's not how a negotiation works."
Sarah had blankets by the fistful and she held them right up against Chuck's face, threatening to suffocate him with one or all. "Keep talking, and it's going to be four." Her eyes sparkled with a sort of tenaciousness that made him think their daughter would end up bundled in five blankets all the same.
"Fine." Begrudgingly he took two of the five blankets Sarah offered. His wife grinned back victoriously, living proof that it was indeed how a negotiation worked.
.
After wrapping their daughter to Sarah's militant standards, they were finally on their way. Sort of.
Ellie called while Chuck was fixing the buckles on the carseat and he assured her it would only be fifteen minutes before they were over.
"No. Nothing's wrong. Sarah's just being paranoid," he said as he closed the passenger door and stepped into the driver's seat.
Ellie clicked her tongue. "Ah, told you so, little brother, but you didn't believe me. Happens to every mother," she taunted in a sing-song voice.
Chuck rolled his eyes. He really expected Sarah to be an exception to the rule but she was quite possibly much worse.
"See you in fifteen."
"Make it thirty," Ellie said with all the confidence of one year of motherhood under her belt.
"We don't need thirty," Chuck said, sticking out his tongue even though she couldn't see. "See you in fifteen."
Sarah walked out of the house shortly after, preventing the Bartowski siblings from prolonging the argument.
"We're leaving the house now. Bye!" Chuck slipped the phone back in his pocket, doing a double-take as he saw his wife approach.
She was such a sight that he had to bite down on his lips to keep from laughing. He didn't want her to get the wrong idea; she looked every bit as amazing as she'd always been to him. You could hardly tell she'd just had a baby only a month ago. No, it was the merely the look of determination with which she carried the diaper bag, using both arms to lug it the short distance from the house to the car, that amused him to no end.
"What did you include, the kitchen sink?" he asked as she ever so cautiously opened the back door of the car and slipped in.
"No," she informed testily as she secured the bag under the seat. "Just what she needs for tonight."
Chuck raised a brow. He'd seen people trek across the mountains with less.
An exasperated sigh came from the back. "Chuck! Why isn't she wearing socks?"
"Do you wear socks when you sleep?" he teased. Sarah looked less than amused as she dug through one of the dozens of compartments in the diaper bag. "She doesn't like them; if she were awake she'd tell you so."
"Well..." Sarah said as she slipped a fresh pair of what looked like knitted finger cots on their daughter's tiny feet. "They keep her feet warm and babies—"
"Are susceptible to the cold," Chuck chimed, struggling to keep a straight face.
From the rearview mirror, he could see Sarah narrow her eyes. "It's true, Chuck. Do you want Chuck to get sick?"
Chuck didn't answer for a moment; not until he realized what she really meant.
"You can't call her Chuck. I'm Chuck."
Sarah slipped into the front passenger seat and quietly locked the doors. "You're both my Chucks," she said with a tender smile. She pinched his cheeks. "And I love you both equally," she assured.
"But I'm your favourite, right?" he joked, flashing her one of his winning smile. "Don't worry, I can keep a secret," he added in a conspirative whisper.
Sarah laughed softly under her breath. "Nice try. But she's going to be called Chuck. We made a deal, remember?"
Chuck remembered. She could be stubborn to a fault but that's what he loved about her. That, and he still had another five years to change her mind before Charlotte had any memory of ever being called the same name as her father.
"Okay. Fifteen minutes..." Chuck murmured under his breath as he did a final check to make sure they had everything.
"Wait." She grabbed his hand just as he was about to pull out of the driveway.
"What now?" he teased. "Did you want to go back in and grab the sink?"
Sarah was humourless. "Could I drive?" Chuck arched a brow. It wasn't what he'd been expecting. "I'd feel better if I drove," she said.
"If you insist." Chuck put the car in 'park' and switched seats. This looked promising; they might actually make their reservation with her skill set.
But five minutes on the road, Chuck realized he'd overestimated Sarah's abilities.
"Honey, what are you doing?" he asked, leaning over to read the speedometer.
"I'm driving, what does it look like I'm doing?" she asked, happily cruising at a snail's pace.
Chuck could only shake his head. "Seriously?"
Sarah looked at him, her eyes wide with naïveté. "Is something the matter?" she asked, as if she'd always driven this way.
Chuck shook his head again. He reached into his pocket for his cell and dialled back the last person to call.
"Ellie," he greeted with a bemused sigh.
Sarah suddenly turned to him and pointed to the driver that had just (legally) changed into their lane. "Did you see that? Where does he think he is—Italy?"
Chuck only shrugged. "Yes, Ellie, make that thirty."
When Chuck calls, he doesn't even greet her with a hello. It's nothing but laughter on the other line.
"Who knew you ran a babysitting service. What else are you hiding from me?" he asks, gleefully getting on her nerves.
For the first time in her life, she can proudly say: 'Nothing. Nothing at all', but she purses her lips instead and warns: "Charles Bartowski, you are going to be in big trouble if you don't get here within the hour."
He laughed again and if it didn't sound so damn loveable she would have threatened his life.
"I'm at Ellie's right now. Will's still sleeping so get over here fast."
As if afraid she'd jinxed it, Sarah checked the baby monitor. To her relief, nothing but the beautiful sound of silence filled the room.
"Sorry to disappoint but I'll be in a meeting until at least three." He didn't sound overly apologetic, much to her chagrin. "Ellie's called me to remind you that at twelve—"
"I have to take Will to a 'mom and tots' class," Sarah finished. "Yeah, I know. She's told me twice already."
Chuck laughed under his breath. "It's Ellie we're talking about here," he reminded. "How's this. I'll pick you guys up after my meeting."
It's not really a bargain. That was still five hours alone with the baby.
You're going to make such a great mother.
Sarah rolled her eyes. Fine. So that wasn't the most maternal thought she's ever had.
"Chuck, please?" She used that voice on him, sinking to the level of damsel in distress. "Please don't leave me alone with him."
For a moment, she really thought he'd jeopardize his career for her. "Sarah..." he sighed, saying her name as if he were being dragged behind a car. "You know I would if I could. Don't worry, he's just a baby. How much trouble could he possibly be?"
"Don't jinx it!" she warned and quickly knocked on wood. The sound made Chuck laugh. "Fine," she relented. "But I better not find out that your meeting was just an excuse to play video games all afternoon."
There was more laughter on the other end. Even though she was frustrated, it was strangely relieving to have this argument with her husband. Even though they were arguing about a crisis that was not a matter of national security, not a matter of life and death, she still felt like her heart was racing.
"Three. Sharp. Got it?"
"Honey. You have nothing to worry about. You'll be fine."
Sarah wondered how Chuck could still have so much faith in her even after witnessing the ineptitude she displayed in the face of those floppy, squealing bundles.
Sarah winced. Perfect example of your maternal instinct right there.
"I have to turn off my phone during the meeting. Leave a message with Marie if you need anything." There was a pause. "This should be a piece of cake. You've defused bombs and built shelters from toothpicks and string."
"It was a paperclip and a roll of toilet paper," she deadpanned.
"Right," he said. "Don't worry, Sarah, you'll be fine. I know you will. And just think...someday Ellie may have to return the favour. Consider this a favour to yourself."
It was as far as he went with the suggestion before he had to go.
It was always this way. They joked about having babies, never as an 'if' but a 'when', like it was already a done deal.
And every time she left the saying uncorrected, Sarah felt a rush of guilt afterwards. She'd seen the way Chuck looked at their nephew. He tried to hide it from her but didn't he know she could read him like a book?
What if she was never ready? What if she made Chuck wait forever?
Would he be okay with that?
The drive takes nearly forty-five minutes but Ellie doesn't look the least bit surprised when she greets them at the door.
"How's my little niece?" she cooed as she took the carseat off of Sarah's hands. Chuck could sense his wife's apprehension in the way she tensed every muscle in her body and gazed longingly at the sleeping babe—and this was Ellie of all people.
Chuck smiled to himself. He wondered what kind of reaction he'd get if he'd suggested Morgan as the babysitter tonight.
"Don't worry, Sarah, this will be a breeze," Ellie assured.
Sarah looked around the living room nervously. "Where's Devon?"
"Oh, night shift." Ellie shrugged. "Not so great for your love life but makes it a heck of a lot easier to watch the kids."
Chuck rubbed Sarah's back pre-emptively to soothe her but it wasn't going to be enough. Sarah's eyes widened in shock as she blurted out the words: "You're going to be alone?"
Ellie wrinkled her brows a little. Usually the neurotic one, she wasn't used to being outdone.
"It's okay, Sarah, I've done it before. And Charlotte won't be a problem, really." She held up her hands in her own defence. "I know I was pretty unprepared for motherhood but I'm good now. I promise."
Sarah shook her head, finally realizing how this must look. "No, no, Ellie, that's not it!" she said, hastily trying to salvage the situation. "I was more worried for your...your..."
Chuck held his breath.
"Safety."
There it is.
Ellie looked confused. "Um...okay?" she said, reevaluating her home. It looked the same as always. "Well, I think it's a bit too soon for me to set up the safety pen but if you insist..."
Sarah looked to Chuck for help but he wasn't so sure there was anything you could say to make things sound any better.
"Uh..." Chuck scratched his head. "You know the things you see on the news these days. Sarah and I watched a report last night about a single mother—"
Okay, you're not making things any better.
"Okay, my point is," Chuck said hastily retracing his steps. "We're just worried about you being alone at night."
"I could stay with you, Ellie," Sarah suddenly blurted. She walked forwards with her hands outstretched, almost like she was ready to take back her daughter and make a run for it.
Ellie's eyes brightened like she finally understood. "Ah...nice try, Sarah," she said. "But no." She set the baby carrier down and walked towards the two. "This is your night and you two are already late." She pointed to the door. "Out. Now."
Sarah's eyes widened in panic. "No! Wait—" She turned to protest but both her and Chuck were being forcibly turned out of the house.
"Ellie, I haven't told you—"
Ellie spoke so rapidly that there wasn't a chance either of them could interrupt her. "It's okay, Sarah. Have a nice evening you two!" Without waiting for a response, and with a certain amount of callousness, she shut the door on them and locked it.
Sarah faced the wooden barrier, her shoulders slumping slightly. Chuck stuck his hands into his pockets, wondering if this was how the rest of the evening would be.
"It won't be that bad will it?" he coaxed, rubbing her shoulders gently.
Sarah caught herself and cleared her throat. "No. Of course not."
"I promise we'll come home early," he added, hoping it would appease her.
Her features softened. "Chuck..." She grabbed his elbow and walked close to him as they crossed the courtyard together. "It's not like that. You know I haven't forgotten."
No, of course not. He kissed her on the forehead. "I know. And I know how hard this must be for you."
She looked relieved to be able to show her true feelings. "It's very hard..." she confessed, looking down at her empty hands. "This is the first time she's not with either of us."
Chuck smiled. "And she'll never even know it," he reminded.
It wasn't what Sarah wanted to hear. "How can you be like that?" she complained, her eyes blurring with sudden tears. "This is our baby!"
Chuck shrugged. He supposed it was in part due to the fact he had no recollection of certain aspects of their former life.
Sarah sighed as she carefully wiped her eyes, trying to avoid smudging her make-up.
"Gosh...this is so much harder than I thought it would be. I miss her already." She stopped at the fountain and stole a longing glance behind her.
"She'll be fine, I promise."
"You don't know that," she said.
He hugged her tight. "You don't either," he reminded. "Come on, Cinderella, I'll have you home by midnight."
Sarah begrudged him with a smile. Still, she walked slower than usual and stopped more than once to look around the neighbourhood.
"Doesn't it strike you as odd?" she remarked.
"What?" he asked as they walked down the street of parked cars to theirs.
Sarah nodded towards a white car parked two spaces down. "Never seen that car parked here before."
Chuck rolled his eyes. He loved his wife but really, she looked way too closely at the details. "We're close to two malls and a park."
"What about that one?" she asked, now pointing to a red truck across the road.
"Sarah," he warned. He steered her towards their car. "Come on. Relax. Not everyone is out to get us." A pause. "Just a few."
Sarah narrowed her eyes. "Ha ha," she deadpanned. "Not funny."
Sarah got into the meeting room at a quarter past noon and instantly felt the full weight of scorn for being tardy. All conversations came to an abrupt end, and all eyes were upon her as she tried (and failed) to stealthily make her way from the gathering of mothers and their babes to the registrar's desk.
The silence was so profound that her heels echoed in the large, colourfully decorated playroom. It seemed almost obscene that a daycare be filled with children not making noise.
This isn't a daycare, she reminded herself, in Ellie's voice no less. No. This was a 'mom and tots' class. Whatever that meant.
At the desk, she dropped the diaper bag onto the ground causing the floor to reverberate beneath her. Again, she received a series of severe looks from the other women.
What the heck had Ellie put in it? The kitchen sink?
Sarah wrapped both arms around Will but even he seemed to view her ineptitude with disapproval.
"Dr. Woodcomb, how nice of you to join us." The receptionist was nothing like Marie. When she smiled it was so tight-lipped Sarah couldn't figure out if she was being genuine or sarcastic.
Sarah opened her mouth to correct her but she received such a severe look of censure that she was persuaded to pass with a lie.
"And who do we have here?" The receptionist's smile brightened when she looked to Will. Sarah smiled. Her nephew had that effect on others. "What a cutie!"
Sarah beamed with pride and momentarily forgot that she was in fact not Dr. Woodcomb. She hugged the little boy tighter, pressing her cheek to his, promising herself she'd keep him from all that was evil—including this receptionist if necessary.
"This is William," Sarah introduced. "I have the papers in my bag; did you want to see them?" Sarah shifted the weight in her arms, wondering how she was going to rummage through the bag and find what she needed without dropping her nephew.
"That's fine. You've already called in the details an hour ago. Don't you remember?" The receptionist shot her another disapproving look.
Right. Thanks, Ellie.
"I must admit you are not what I expected," the woman said as she pulled up the file on the keyboard. "You seemed very keen on getting your son into this class. If I didn't know better I'd say you I was speaking to someone else altogether."
Sarah smiled a little.
She looked around at all the other mothers in the room and came to the very same conclusion. Everyone else was dressed as if they were vying for a 'housewife of the year' award and here she was, late, disorganized and disruptive and it wasn't even her child.
"But there's no denying he takes after you."
Sarah was taken aback by the compliment. She stared down at the boy in her arms and he stared back, almost equally perplexed. She tried to imagine Will as her very own but seeing no trace of Chuck in his pale blue eyes and translucent blond hair made it difficult to deceive herself.
All that was reflected by that innocent face was an image of herself and all her failings, and suddenly Sarah was awash with feelings of helplessness.
What was she doing here? She was supposed to be taking things easy today. This was supposed to be her day off.
"Alright," the receptionist said as she stood up. "So welcome to our mums and babies cognitive and physical enrichment class—or as we like to call it—the Brain Academy."
Sarah froze. Ellie, what have you gotten yourself into?
"Pardon?" she uttered, wide-eyed with confusion.
"Did you not read our brochure?" The woman frowned. "It's stated very clearly in our mandate. Our goal here is not merely to entertain your son. We plan to nurture him and provide him with the tools he will need in order to get ahead and stay ahead of his peers."
She looked down at Will, then at the receptionist.
"He's only just learned to sit up on his own," she said, feeling more than a little horrified. This sounded like some covert government experiment.
"Well yes," the receptionist dismissed. "We must start early. We can hone his motor functions with geometrically engineered tools, improve his cognitive abilities with uniquely designed visual and audio aides—"
"You mean playing with some wooden blocks and listening to some stories?" Sarah clutched Will closer to her chest. This was such a scam; how could Ellie, sweet and always rational Ellie, fall for this?
It was clearly not the right thing to say, especially not within earshot of the mothers who've already willingly and gladly paid for this.
"I apologize, I'm a little confused," Sarah said, trying this again. "Do you mean to say that I am paying for a class so my son can play with some blocks and listen to some music? I am paying to come all this way from home to babysit my own son?"
Okay. Really not that much better.
The receptionist looked like she was going to lose her mind and Will's forehead was knotted with disapproval. His lower lip trembled with the threat of imminent tears.
"Would you like to cancel the registration then?" The woman's tone was frosty at best. Sarah's heart lurched. Ellie was going to kill her.
"No! No, that's not what I meant at all." She bounced the boy gently against her hip but it seemed to make him even more irritated and irate.
Sarah fished desperately into her pocket for her cell phone. "Could you give me a second? I need to consult my husband."
She rushed out of the room seconds before Will began his practice as a future front man for a rock band. Her normal reaction to something so violent would be to get as far away as possible and she had to fight every instinct when she brought herself even closer to the source of all the screaming.
"Pick up! Pick up!" she begged as she pressed the phone to her ear and strained to hear through Will's cries.
"Hello?"
Sarah groaned. It was Marie, Chuck's receptionist.
"Hey...Marie...." Sarah said weakly as Will's angry face confronted her. Normally this was when she passed him off to someone else.
"Mrs. Bartowski?" the girl asked, clearly confused. "Are you alright?"
Sarah rested her chin atop Will's bald head, rubbing his back as she'd seen Ellie do a hundred times before. Why wasn't this working? She was doing exactly as the woman had done.
"Mrs. Bartowski?" came the voice again.
Sarah shook her head. "No. Please tell Chuck to call me as soon as he's out of his meeting, please," she begged urgently into the phone.
"Uh..." The screaming continued and she was sure the other mothers could hear through the wall. What was this incompetent woman doing here, they probably wondered. "Yeah. Okay." The girl on the other line hesitated to let the conversation end this way. "I'll do that."
"Okay. Yeah." Sarah clamped down on her cell and slipped it back into her pocket. "Okay, Sarah, you are a capable and confident woman." She stared at her indignant nephew. "You can do this. You've defused bombs and built shelters out of toothpick and string." The last part caused her to smile a little. "Come on, little man, what is it? Are you hungry? Tired? Hot?"
She rummaged through the cavernous diaper bag but everything she offered he turned down with an increasingly pitched howl.
"Will, don't be like this," she begged, as if you could reason with an infant. "Please, tell me," she begged. She hugged him to her chest and rocked him slowly as she'd seen Ellie and Devon do to soothe him but it was just not the same.
Sarah was at the end of her rope when her cell rang.
"Sarah! Sarah, are you okay?" came the frantic voice.
Relief flooded her senses. "Chuck! Chuck, aren't you supposed to be in a meeting?"
He ignored her. "What's wrong? Are you alright?"
"Yeah. I'm fine." She didn't even know why she did that. They both had a habit of downplaying crises for one another. "Ellie's going to kill me. I think I've gotten Will expelled from class."
Chuck burst out in laughter. "I can tell! He doesn't sound very happy about it at all."
"Not funny!" she exclaimed and felt nearly on the verge of joining her nephew in tears. This was a disaster. "I'm alone with a baby, Chuck Bartowski. A baby! I'm not trained for this. Ellie's going to kill me!"
"Sarah, relax." It was not a suggestion but an order.
She took a deep breath. "I think I've broken him," she confessed in all seriousness.
Chuck didn't laugh. "Put Will on the phone."
"What?"
"Put him on the phone," he repeated, in a no-nonsense voice.
"But he can't talk yet—" She did as asked and placed the cell against her nephew's ear, completely eclipsing it with the device.
Sarah didn't know what Chuck was saying but Will stopped in mid howl, his eyes growing wide with wonderment. In a complete reversal of demeanour, the little boy began to smile through his tears. He laughed even though he couldn't possibly understand, leaving Sarah speechless.
"You love your Uncle Chuck, don't you?" she asked with a touch of melancholy. What if Will were really their son? She couldn't call her husband every time he cried.
No matter how much she hated facing the truth, the evidence was right in front of her. She was a failure.
Will looked at her curiously, as if realizing that she was aware of this obvious favouritism.
"It's okay," Sarah soothed. She wiped away the trails of tears on the baby's chubby cheeks. "It's okay. I love him very much too."
By the time their main courses arrive, Chuck knows Sarah's mind is miles away, probably somewhere off near Echo Park and Casa Woodcomb. She's barely touched her plate for the last hour and even though it's just them, it feels more like the two of them and her cell phone.
"Do you want to call Ellie?" he ventured. Thus far they hadn't received any messages though that did little to ease Sarah's worries.
"Huh?" She dropped her phone guiltily back into her clutch, using the silk napkin to hide it from view. "No. No, of course not. Everything's fine." She feigned a smile but her tone seemed to sound as if she were waiting for the sky to fall.
"It's okay," he said, reaching across the table. "Go ahead."
"No," Sarah insisted and began to dig earnestly into her lukewarm pasta. "This is about us. Just us." She held up her glass and tilted it towards him.
Chuck smiled. He eyed her warily as he raised his glass to hers. "Okay. What?"
She shrugged. "What what?"
"Something's up. I just know it."
She shook her head as she took a sip, but he knew better.
"Sarah..." he warned.
She didn't keep up the ruse for long. "Fine. It's just..." She stared at him long and hard. "Why aren't you panicking? Isn't this hard for you too?"
Chuck almost felt guilty for saying 'no'. After all, they would be with their daughter again in a few short hours. "You spend more time with her. And you're her mother. It's only natural," he said, hoping the words would be enough to justify her separation anxiety.
Sarah tilted her head to one side. It was clear from her dubious expression that she didn't believe any of it for a second.
Chuck held out his hand. "Give me your phone."
Sarah flushed.
"Come on. Give it over."
She looked reluctant but eventually retrieved it from her clutch and handed it over to him. "I wasn't going to check it. I swear," she said, looking forlornly at the relinquished object.
It finally dawns upon him when he sees a picture of their daughter on the main screen that it's just as likely Sarah was looking for a visual reminder and not a message from Ellie.
He pulled out his own phone, unable to prevent the smile that crept on his face when he compared the two images. It was mind boggling to fathom that they were the same person.
Even though it had been love at first sight, every time he looked at the newborn (in the early days at least) he'd been reminded of a little, pink...well...piglet. And now, as he gazed down at his own phone background, he could proudly declare that his little girl was finally starting to look like...a little girl.
Sarah would kill him if he told her. It had been love at first sight for her too and quite possibly more than. She'd perfected the role of protector long before him after all. In consultation with Ellie, they had gazed upon the newborn only a few hours after her birth and decided with a distinct sense of conviction that she had Chuck's nose and brow and Sarah's chin and ears, though how they could tell was beyond him.
Chuck stole a glance at his poor wife, who obviously wanted nothing more than to go home. And really, it shouldn't be about dressing up or fancy dinners; tonight was supposed to be about being together and celebrating what they had...together.
"Hey, what do you say?" Chuck handed back the phone. "Let's go home."
Sarah stared blankly at him. Then her brows knitted in confusion.
"We can't," she said flatly.
"Why not?"
Sarah twisted her lip. "We're not done our dinner yet," she replied woefully. She poked at her pasta, like a child forced to sit at the table until she had finished every last crumb and morsel.
"Are you hungry?"
She shook her head.
The logic was simple. "Then let's go," Chuck said.
Sarah grabbed his hand before he could get out of his seat. "We can't. You had to book months in advance so we could come here. And we haven't had time for each other since the baby. And...and..." She was running out of excuses.
Chuck wrinkled his brows. Where was the rulebreaker he knew so well? The woman who'd barged her way into hospital rooms to find him, defied traffic laws to make a deadline, and threatened men twice her size to protect the helpless?
"Sarah. Just be honest. Do you want to go home?"
She looked ready to say 'no' but caught herself at the last minute. She looked at him as meek as a lamb as she guiltily nodded her head.
Chuck could only smile. It was a rare sight to see his wife so timid about anything.
"Then let's go."
Sarah remained glued to her seat. "Really?" she asked, as if she could hardly believe her luck. When she realized it was indeed something real, she jumped up with renewed eagerness, startling all the well-to-do dining near them.
"Admit it, Charles Bartowski, you missed our baby too."
Chuck shrugged. She didn't need to know that he'd snuck a glance or two at his own cell when she was too preoccupied.
"That's okay," Sarah said, as if she'd been the one to hold back all this time. "I miss her very much too."
After a lengthy pep talk Sarah felt like she had finally summoned up enough courage to return to the playroom. Like an uncharacteristically timid creature, she tiptoed back in and apologized sheepishly to the receptionist.
The receptionist looked triumphant and offered her a seat with the other mothers. Sarah would tell Ellie exactly what she thought but only from the safety of her own home.
The 'guided' activity of the day was playing with wooden blocks. Sarah held Will in her lap and offered him some of the 'geometrically engineered tools' but he was as unimpressed with them as she was.
Sarah was more fascinated with the neuroses of the other mothers. She was really not cut out for this. One mother was sanitizing everything within her child's reach with wipes she pulled with gusto from a bin large enough to fit a small dog. Another had dressed her infant in clothing like a miniature adult, complete with the most intricately sewn miniature backpack.
Sarah grumped to herself. Really. What are you going to carry in that?
But Ellie would love it. She loved anything miniature and impractical.
Then Sarah met eyes with the babe sitting diagonal from her and she forgot all about the pointlessness of this class. The infant smiled toothlessly at her, the brown of his eyes as bright as if they were blue or green and she felt herself melt under his gaze.
She was struck by a completely irrational desire to take the child into her arms and hold him tight. She couldn't understand it, but it was undeniable. Her fingers itched to wrap themselves around his dark curls, and she wished she could pepper his chubby cheeks with kisses.
She was in love.
With a stranger's baby.
Sarah stirred from her thoughts only to realize she had been staring. The mother looked at her warily and clutched the boy closer to her chest.
"Uh..." Sarah wasn't sure what to say. "Your baby's really beautiful." She cringed a little.
Definitely awkward.
The woman smiled, her muscles relaxing slightly at the compliment. "Thank you. So is yours."
"Huh?" Sarah flushed, then looked guiltily down at the baby sitting in her lap. Of course. Her 'son'.
"Right. Thanks."
The woman looked at her strangely, her earlier suspicions confirmed by Sarah's aloofness.
To hide her embarrassment, Sarah tried to pay more attention to her nephew. Will was not having any of the puzzle box and preferred to gnaw on the wooden blocks instead, much to the annoyance of the table supervisor. Sarah's nonchalance at his misbehaviour most certainly added to the list of misgivings.
"Excuse me." Sarah felt a tap on her shoulder. "Pardon," the woman to her left said. "I was wondering if you've noticed that your son's not wearing socks."
Sarah wrinkled her brows as she looked down and stared at her nephew's little pink feet. All ten toes were accounted for.
"Oh, yes. He pulled them off and I couldn't be bothered to slip them back on." She neglected to mention that going against Will was like butting heads with a bighorn sheep. He was aptly named, after all.
The woman looked horrified.
"He's not walking anywhere anytime soon," Sarah said defensively. She wrapped a hand around them and they were warm to the touch. Will giggled and tried to squirm away.
"He should be wearing socks," the woman said ostensibly, as if not wearing them was the same as going naked.
Sarah bristled. She may not know much about parenting but she didn't need advice from her.
"You know what babies shouldn't be wearing?" she asked, looking down at the woman's child. He was by far the oldest in the group, old being the sage age of two. That fact along with the goals of this organization disturbed her a little. "Baby leashes."
She stared at the harness contraption strapped to the poor child and couldn't help but feel a little indignant she was being lectured on what her nephew should wear.
The woman turned her nose up at her. "Snob," she grumbled, loud enough for everyone at the table to hear. Disapproving stares were thrown her away as the stranger slid her seat noisily away from her.
Sarah sighed as she pulled a wooden block from Will's mouth. She was never going to get the hang of this.
Sarah's body was as tightly wound as an elastic band twisted round and round until it was on the verge of snapping. Chuck could see it in the way she walked as they made their way back to Ellie's.
He considered giving her shoulder a comforting squeeze but he was afraid even a touch as slight as that would be the cause of her undoing.
"That white car is still there..." she muttered under her breath as they walked swiftly through the courtyard. "And the red truck...and Ellie's all alone with two babies..."
The more she talks the more her paranoia spreads to Chuck until he's willing to admit that it is a bit strange to see two cars parked there for so long on a Saturday night.
What are you saying?
Chuck shook his head. Now he was getting to be the crazy one.
Ellie greets them at the door, looking a little surprised. "Uh...you're back early..." she says, trying to make way for Sarah. She gives Ellie a distracted hug but it's obvious her mind is somewhere else. She bulldozes past the brunette and heads straight for the living room where Charlotte is still fast asleep in the carrier.
Chuck followed a little ways behind, lingering at the door. He shared a bemused smile with his sister.
"Told you so," she taunted again in her sing-song voice.
There was no denying it. Sarah had exceeded all his expectation. She was every bit as anxious and overprotective as the best of them. He watched his wife reach into the carrier and scoop Charlotte out to cradle in her arms, rocking slowly back and forth so as not to wake the infant. The tension in her body, the anxiety, the worry, it all disappeared the second the babe was safe in her arms. She looked positively tranquil when she stole a glance at her husband and smiled.
Everything was fine. Just as he'd promised.
"Thanks, Ellie," Chuck said. "It meant a lot."
Ellie shrugged. "Well I didn't do anything," she said. "She was asleep the entire time."
As Sarah placed Charlotte back into the carrier and tucked her in with one of the many multitudes of blankets she owned, Chuck retrieved the diaper bag. It weighed a great deal more than it looked.
"It's so unfair," Ellie whispered as she passed her brother. "She makes it look so easy."
They both looked to the woman in question, who was now as calm and serene as a portrait sitter, gently rocking the carseat back and forth in her arms. She looked nothing like the way Ellie had been when she became a new mom, and nothing like the woman Chuck had sat with through dinner and the car ride.
"Well, you did insist on all that extra practice for her," Chuck reminded, hoping it would make his sister feel better.
Ellie sighed. "Yeah..." she said slowly. "You're right. She learned a lot from me, didn't she?"
Chuck shared a smile with Sarah. "She learned everything from you, Ellie."
.
In the car the atmosphere was markedly calmer. Sarah allowed Chuck to drive and she didn't complain once about the (legal) speed with which they traveled at. She made no mention of any red trucks, white cars; not even a van with tinted windows parked on a dark street corner that had even struck Chuck as suspicious.
Sarah sat quietly in the passenger seat, every now and then sneaking a peek behind her to the baby in the backseat and smiling to herself.
Everything seemed to be just fine.
So Chuck was understandably confused when Sarah broke the silence with an apology of all things.
"Pardon?" he asked as he tore his eyes off the road. He was surprised to see a thin layer of tears building up in her eyes.
"I'm sorry," she repeated. "I was just so paranoid, and I ruined everything."
Chuck slowed down and let the other cars pass so he could devote his attention elsewhere. "What are you talking about?" He peered carefully into the rearview mirror just to make sure the baby was still asleep. "What's wrong?"
"I'm a terrible wife!" she declared, her beautiful features breaking into a grimace. "I'm so sorry, Chuck. You tried so hard to make things perfect tonight and I ruined it all."
Chuck seriously contemplated pulling off on the side of the road. "Sarah," he said and took her hand in his, keeping the other hovered over the steering wheel. "You're a wonderful mother and a perfect wife, alright?"
"I ruined our one evening together." She crossed her arms, still clearly upset with herself.
Chuck smiled. "Cheer up, Sarah. We'll have our chance again...in another eighteen years." He watched her carefully but Sarah was reluctant to smile. "You did nothing wrong. It's natural for you to worry about your family. You'd do anything to keep us safe; it's what I love about you." He squeezed her hand. "So please don't be sorry."
"You...love that about me?" she uttered in disbelief.
He stared into her watershed blue eyes, and wondered if they would ever celebrate a milestone without one of them being in tears. "I love everything about you," he informed matter-of-factly. "I love that you would do anything for me. For Charlotte."
"For Chuck," she corrected and smiled, leaving him to wonder at the double meaning. "I love you too." She leaned over and drove her hand into his neatly subdued curls, threatening to muss them up and mold animal shapes out of them.
"Happy anniversary, Sarah," Chuck said.
Sarah stole a glance at the sleeping infant behind them before turning the gaze of adoration upon her husband. "Happy anniversary, Chuck," she whispered as she kissed him tenderly.
Chuck comes at three, on the dot, to pick them up. It's only been three hours in the playroom but it feels more like nine. Sarah's heard everything from private preparatory schools for toddlers, specialized diets to increase a child's IQ, the arguments for and against immunization, exactly why babies must always wear socks and then some.
Sarah occupies herself with the waves of Will's emotions, throwing herself to his every whimper and grimace. She prefers to anyway, because even though she usually speaks her mind, her ignorance here is a dead giveaway and she keeps to herself lest they think she's kidnapped her nephew.
Right, because any kidnapper would try to enroll their captive in this class. It was the perfect torture.
The more she listens the more she realizes how unfit she is to be a mother. There are a hundred things she's never given a thought to and suddenly she has a hundred new reasons not to have children. And here she thought you just needed two people—which as one of the mothers informed in too much detail, is no longer the case.
She doesn't even know where to begin; the last thing she wants to do is to screw up the way her father did and when all that could be is sitting right in front of her, the fear of disappointing Chuck kills her.
So when he finally shows, like a knight in shining armour or in this case, a crisp grey suit, she's ready to fall into his arms and beg him to please take her away.
"Hello beautiful," he greets, not seeming to care that they were in public. In front of all these prim and proper women, it's enough to make Sarah blush.
She stands up and hands him their nephew, and the babe goes eagerly into his arms. Sarah watches the transformation from the irritable hedgehogs she's walked on eggshells to avoid provoking into the baby from the diapers ad on TV, all superfluous smiles and giggles.
It's completely unfair but she knows all too well the kind of charm her husband exudes. Her husband, she wanted to remind, in case the women in the room seemed to have forgotten.
"What would I do without you?" she asked, letting out a sigh of relief now that Will was in capable hands.
"Well, lucky for you, you never have to find out," he said with a great big smile.
His words made her a little weak in the knees and she had to lean against him to steady herself. She hated it when he did that; and he knew the effect he had on her because he had the most mischievous smile on his face.
"You ready to go?" he asked as he kissed her chastely on the cheek.
"Ready two hours and fifty minutes ago," she whispered back. "Let me go get my things."
She walks over to the coatroom to grab her jacket and the oversized diaper bag. When she steals a glance over her shoulder, Chuck's introducing himself to a flock of new fans.
You'd never know Will wasn't his by the way he held the boy, and the way they looked at one another was just like father and son. The look of adoration was mutual, and Sarah felt like she was doing something profoundly wrong for not having had ten of his children by now.
The look of joy on Chuck's face; how could she take that away from him? It was the kind of smile she wanted to see every morning of every day...forever and ever. And while she knew he'd accept her decision one way or another, she wanted to give him everything in her power to make him happy.
Suddenly even a thousand excuses were not enough to sway her.
She walked back over to them and snaked her arms around her husband's waist. With Will securely snuggled between them, Sarah didn't know if things could feel any more perfect.
"You ready?" he asked again.
Sarah sighed contentedly. "Ready."
A/N: *I didn't realize i broke a rule this week until AFTER i wrote the first draft. So yes, this week's edition contains scenes that both belong in the "Now". Sorry about that.
Next week's update will be entitled "Chuck vs the Choice". I'm very excited to write it because it involves characters whose names may or may not rhyme with "pill" and "pole".
Happy Civic Holiday!