Chapter 13: Sarah vs Therapy
"Chuck, this is not a negotiation." Sarah placed her hands squarely on her hips, but it did little to add sway to her warning. "Did you hear me?" she asked, raising her voice. "Chuck, I'm speaking to you."
Alas her words had fallen on deaf ears.
Charlotte continued to toddle along the plastic bouncy-steps all around to the slide and the spinning blocks, oblivious to her mother's words.
"Chuck!" Sarah cried, following close behind. If she had the energy she would have followed her child onto the ridiculously small playground equipment but as it were, she was tired and all she wanted was to pick up her daughter, fetch her husband, and spend a quiet evening at home.
"Chuck, get down this instant," Sarah ordered, pointing to the ground for emphasis. "We're going to the car. Say goodbye to Will and Aunt Ellie."
Suddenly the little girl stared at her mother, and the stubbornness set in those dark blue eyes frightened her in a way she'd never felt fear before.
Sarah should have seen it coming when Charlotte spoke her first word at six months. She was smart, and now she was too smart for her own good. Just barely past her second birthday, Charlotte had the stubbornness of a crotchety old woman. Reasoning with a toddler was hard enough, but with a toddler who thought she knew better? Impossible.
Sometimes Sarah looked at her and wondered whatever happened to the sweet little bundle she'd brought home from the hospital. That docile baby with her pitiful mews and sweet little smiles.
These were the terrible twos and it was nothing like she'd read in the parenting books. Charlotte was in a category all her own.
"Chuck. Home. Now," Sarah intonated. Charlotte only flashed another one of her wilful stare and raised her little chin in a way so reminiscent of her mother that Sarah was speechless.
Charlotte continued to play on the playground as if she hadn't heard, and when Sarah followed behind, threatening to simply scoop her up and toss her into the back of the car, she held fast to one of the playground ropes and glared, her little lips pressed into a most impressive pout.
She raised her chin again, flashing the bright pink band-aid stuck there almost as a badge of honour. And of course, a blatant reminder of just how stubborn she'd become. Sarah had told her she couldn't open the drawers in her father's office but she'd insisted. To her credit, Charlotte did manage to pry the things open, but not before slipping and banging up her chin.
Just another day in the Bartowski household.
Taking pity on her, Ellie came to the rescue. Rubbing Sarah's back, she gave her a sympathetic smile. "Don't worry, it happens to everyone." Turning towards the playground, she called: "Charlotte, sweetie, come down!"
As if Ellie had spoken the magic word, Charlotte ran down the slide, crossed the gravel pit, and into her aunt's waiting arms. The brunette hugged her tight and swung her upwards, eliciting a squeal of delight from the little girl.
Sarah looked on in disbelief. Her unmanageable child was as sweet as honey in the other woman's arms.
It didn't matter that it was Ellie. Rejection stung. Charlotte was her baby. She was supposed to be the one in control.
"I don't think she'll respond to anything but Charlotte now," Ellie said with an apologetic smile. "I think she's grown tired of all the nicknames."
Charlotte looked over her aunt's shoulder at her mother. She had the face of an angel to be sure, but when she smiled at Sarah...it was positively devilish.
"Thank you for watching her, Ellie," she said, fighting the urge to snatch her daughter from her. "Did you want a ride home?"
Ellie shook her head. She had the most complacent smile on her face when she rested her head against Charlotte's. Sarah often reminded Ellie she could just as well have a little girl of her own, but she knew better than to push the topic. Ellie would just ask her to join her in that venture, and that wasn't something she was ready to do just yet. Not until she had the first little monster under control.
"No, Devon's almost done his shift and there's a department picnic tonight with all the staff and their kids. Did you want me to take Charlotte? You and Chuck could have the night off."
Sarah was sorely tempted, but deep down, she'd been thinking of her baby all day. "That's not fair. You've supervised them all morning—"
"Sarah. It's not a big deal. Charlotte's a good baby and Will's happy so long as he's got somewhere to run." Ellie nodded in the direction of her son, running excitedly up and down a series of plastic tunnels. "Besides...what are sisters for?"
Sarah couldn't help the smile that burst onto her face. God...what would she do without Ellie?
"We have to get home. I still have to pick up Chuck from the airport." Sarah checked her watch to make sure they weren't running late. "Come on, baby, let's go." She held out her arms but Charlotte only clung tighter to her aunt and shook her head, refusing to be passed off.
"Chuck!" Sarah warned, beginning to feel the first inkling of impatience.
Ellie looked out of options too. "Give her five more minutes to run off some steam. It helps with Will."
The cousins were nothing alike but Sarah didn't have a choice. She watched as Charlotte nearly bolted out of her aunt's arms, zipping back onto the playground in that unsteady toddler's gait.
She worried even as her little girl safely navigated the minefield of other toddlers running past her. From the corner of her eye she could see some boys playing in the area. Already she disapproved; they were loud and too old to be playing on something meant for little ones.
"Don't worry, Sarah, she'll grow out of it."
Sarah arched a brow. She knew where Charlotte got that stubbornness from, and knowing that her own had never resolved even into adulthood was not a comforting thought.
"Has Will grown out of it?"
As if to answer, they heard the unmistakable wild howl of said little boy as he jumped from the top of the slide to the bottom, bypassing the roundabout route of actually going down the slide.
"William!" Ellie screamed and Sarah felt her own heart skip a beat. If Charlotte ever attempted something like that... Luckily when Sarah checked, her little girl was off playing with something large and benign.
Will just grinned as he dashed to his mother for a quick hug and then went off on his way again.
"Don't worry," Ellie said with a nervous nod. "We'll get there one day. I'm sure of it."
Sarah didn't want to crush the woman's hopes. "I hope so too." For her own sake, she needed to believe it.
"Excuse me? Mrs. Bartowski?" A playschool attendant Sarah didn't recognize approached the pair. The woman walked towards Ellie and held out a name-tag. "I found this." Carved into the plastic were the unmistakable letters for one Chuck Bartowski.
"Oh, that's Charlotte's!" Ellie cried, taking it from her.
"Yeah, I thought so," the attendant remarked. "I've noticed that she doesn't have hers. I don't know how it's come undone though, they're quite sturdy. We've made them childproof."
Sarah smirked silently beside them. They were childproof but were they Chuckproof? Before her first birthday, Chuck had already figured out how to undo baby-gates, drawer clasps and socket covers. Like catnip to a kitten, instead of deterring her from trying to get at the hazards, the childproof equipment seemed to act as positive reinforcement.
"Oh, well thank you." Ellie wrinkled her brows, a little confused as to why she'd been picked from the crowd. "How did you know—"
The woman waved her off. "I know I'm new here, but I saw the way she was with you. I mean you dropped her off and you've been here all day. Plus there's the family resemblance."
Ellie blushed. "No. No..." She turned to Sarah for help but Sarah wasn't in the mood to explain herself. She didn't care if Chuck took after her father's side of the family; all the better. Her father had undeniably loveable attributes.
But she couldn't deny that knowing the attendant never thought she might be the little girl's mother bothered her.
When the attendant had gone, Ellie was still bright red with embarrassment. "Sarah, I'm so sorry. I forget sometimes I'm not a Bartowski anymore."
Sarah smiled wanly. "It's okay. It's not a problem."
But it was. It was a problem that Charlotte seemed more attached to her aunt than her own mother. A problem that a stranger picked out Ellie over Sarah. It was a terrible thought, but Sarah couldn't help herself. She had in effect and without her notice, been replaced.
"Chuck, this is not a negotiation."
Sarah stared at him, long and steadfast, but he wasn't meeting her eyes. At the moment the pattern on the granite countertop seemed more fascinating than anything she had to say. Heck, watching paint dry was probably more attention-grabbing to him at this point than if she suddenly grew a third eye.
"She's right, Chuck."
It's a sure sign of the end of the world when Carmen agrees with her on something. Both women look decisively at the man in question, but he remains quiet and seemingly in his own world.
"Chuck..." Sarah walks towards the bar stool Chuck's stubbornly perched on and leans against the cold, stone counter; the only way he can ignore her now is to physically turn away.
When she looks into those despondent brown eyes, she has to fight the urge not to run her hand through his hair; she's tried gentle persuasion, coaxing, pleading...enough of that.
"You need to go," she says.
Chuck's face remained deep-set in a frown. "Why?"
"You just have to go. It's mandated by the hospital," Carmen quips. There's a reason the women both see eye-to-eye in this instance. They've been hardwired to obey commands from the powers that be and this was no different.
"You've been through a lot," Sarah adds, taking his hand. "You need to talk to someone about it. It's been a traumatic year."
"Traumatic?" Chuck scoffs at the word. His eyes are distant and his voice is unaffected but at least when he speaks, he squeezes her hand, giving her the hope she needs to believe that everything will be okay. "What do you mean?"
He doesn't say it to spare her the pain, but in a way she wonders. Were his most painful memories the same ones she held close to her chest? Was the guilt that ate away at her comparable to the pain of Jill's betrayal? His betrayal of Jill? Her abandonment of him?
"We'll go with you," Carmen adds, drawing closer to the kitchen island. "Sarah needs to be assessed anyway."
Chuck's eyes flicker suddenly with worry. "Why? Are you okay?"
Carmen smacked loudly on her gum as she tilted her head to one side and smirked. "She's fine. Just a little burned out."
Chuck completely misses the tone. "Are you tired?" he asks, jumping off his seat to offer it to her. "It's all my fault, you haven't slept well because of me—"
"Chuck!" Sarah glares at Carmen. They would have a private conversation later, but right now, this was about something far more important. "Dr. Cassel recommended that you be evaluated for mental fitness. Your mind's been through a lot, both physically and psychologically. We just want to make sure everything's okay."
Chuck narrowed his eyes at her. "I thought you hated that man..." he said, sounding suspicious of her.
"I do," she said flatly. "But that doesn't mean he's not right."
"Don't worry, they'll be agency-approved shrinks," Carmen soothed none-too-convincingly. "All they want to make sure is that you are fit to continue with what you are doing."
"It's not an option," Sarah reminds. She hates them too; psychologists, therapists, anyone who tries to pry into her life, but Chuck's been running himself to the ground trying to save the world.
And frankly, the world can wait. Everyone wanted a piece of him; Carmen, the general, the government...Morgan—some days she didn't think she could compete.
"Yeah...but a therapist?" He looks to Sarah for support, as if she of all people should be opposed to the idea. "I don't need counselling," he insisted. He winced a little and absent-mindedly ran a hand through his thick head of hair, making Sarah wonder if he was still suffering from headaches and simply lying to keep her from worrying.
Sarah sighed. He better not be, or he'd never hear the end of it.
But she knew him all too well, and knew it was most likely the case. That's precisely why he needs to be evaluated. So that someone with a fancy doctorate and a pretty badge can put into words what she's known all along.
"There's nothing to talk about. I don't need to see a shrink," Chuck repeated.
Carmen rolled her eyes. "Honestly, Chuck, we could all use a little therapy."
"Cheer up, Sarah," Ellie soothed, giving her arm a squeeze. "Do you remember that time I wouldn't let Will feed the pigeons?"
"Huh?" Sarah turned her head, suddenly stirring from her thoughts. Since the case of mistaken identity, she hadn't been in a talkative mood and they had settled in a lull while they waited to leave.
"You were there. The pigeons were full of disease and Will wanted to feed them."
Sarah couldn't help but smile. "He threw a fit," she recalled.
Technically Ellie couldn't prove that the pigeons were carrying anything; she just didn't like the looks of them.
"And refused to be held," Ellie added, crossing her arms. Annoyance briefly flitted across her features as she recalled the traumatic incident. "In fact, the only person who could touch him was you." She looked at the blonde, waiting for her to realize the point. "It's normal for her to want to rebel, and it's normal for her to defer to someone who she knows will take her side."
Sarah pursed her lips. Her sister-in-law was not only incredibly perceptive; she was subtle too—about these things at least. "For the record, I did not give Will bread to feed the pigeons." She dug her elbow playfully into Ellie's side. "And you totally gave Charlotte an extension on the playground."
Ellie flushed but she had no way to defend herself. Luckily they were interrupted before the matter could be discussed further.
Sarah's cell began to vibrate just as Will ran across the playground to them. Looking down at the call screen, a smile curled onto her face.
"Mommy! Auntie!" Will hollered at the top of his lungs. "Come! Come!"
Sarah turned her body away as she took the call. "Chuck?" she answered, pressing a hand to her other ear just to hear.
"What is it, Will?" Ellie asked with a patient sigh. She waved to Sarah as she took the little boy's hand and willingly allowed herself to be dragged onto the playground.
"Having fun?" Chuck asked once Sarah could hear.
"Chuck is having loads of fun," she replied, trying to zone out the noise of the playground behind her.
"And you?"
Sarah took a deep breath. She checked her watch, cursing as she realized she was running late. "Not nearly as much as her."
Chuck laughed at that. "Well the plane was early. Should I just call a cab home?"
"No!" Sarah insisted. "I'll be there. I said I would. We're leaving the park now...as soon as I tear Chuck's hands from the monkey-bars."
"Don't yank too hard. I'm fond of those little paws," he teases.
The joke only reminds Sarah of the difference in their parenting styles. "When we get home, I'm going to be the good cop for a change," she declares. "I want to be the one that lets her have popsicles for breakfast and chocolate for lunch."
Chuck just laughs and they both know her threats are empty. Chuck wouldn't know how to say 'no' if his life depended on it. He was far too easy-going to take a stance on naptime and curfews. With him, there was no such thing as a steadfast rule and everything was open to negotiation. It didn't help that Chuck was a terrible negotiator.
"We better give Ellie a heads up. We'll be done for by the end of the week."
Chuck laughs again which annoys Sarah to no end. "This is not funny, Chuck. I don't know how you manage." Their daughter had a will so strong she could probably bend spoons with her mind.
"Well, I've just had more practice."
Sarah arched a brow. If he were with her she would have already twisted his arm. "What is that supposed to mean, Mr. Bartowski?"
"Just that she reminds me a lot of a particular somebody..." he said slyly. "Not naming any names."
"Hey...do you want me to leave you at the airport?"
Chuck was familiar with the rules of their quibbling so he quickly sobered up. "I love you."
Sarah checked her watch again, and ended the call before they wasted any more time talking through a phone when they could be spending the time face to face. "I love you too, Chuck. See you soon."
Once the call was over, the cacophony of the playground began to phase back to the forefront of her mind. Only it wasn't so disordered as it was loud and acute. Like it was from just one person.
And then she heard the scream. Not like the sound Will could make when he used all the air in his lungs, but something more pitched, more desperate.
A sound she could pick out from a crowd of thousands.
Sarah spun around, her eyes frantically searching the playground. A crowd had already gathered in the center.
"Charlotte?"
Sarah and Chuck walk hand in hand to the therapist's office. She's got a tight grip on him not because she loves being able to show that they're finally a couple (though that's always a plus) but because she knows he'll find some excuse or other to bolt if she doesn't hold him down.
All morning from the car ride to the short trip in the elevator, Chuck's tried to change her mind. Even when she knocks on the office door and they're standing outside, waiting for a response, he takes her hand pleadingly.
"There's still time to bail." He shot her a crooked smile, and she nearly forgot why she'd been so insistent to begin with. "Come on. We can go down to the beach, have a picnic—"
"Chuck!" she hissed; a last warning. "We're staying. That's final."
No sooner after she's spoken, the door suddenly bursts open and they are greeted by the presumed therapist himself.
"Hello," he said with a tight-lipped smile. "I am Dr. Hester. You must be Charles Carmichael."
He was smaller than the both of them which felt oddly relieving. That and his general bookishness—round rimmed glasses, mundane sweater-vest and well-worn loafers gave the overall sense of harmlessness. It was probably a psychological mind-tactic.
Chuck did the only conceivably polite thing and shook the man's proffered hand. "Uh, yeah, that's me," he said, giving Sarah a confused look. Sarah could only shrug. She had no idea why they were using his pseudonym either.
"Good. Good. Your girlfriend has already given me the details. Won't you come in?" He held the door ajar with his foot and waved for Chuck to walk forwards.
Chuck shot Sarah a look of alarm and all she could do was mirror it. She opened her mouth to protest but the therapist already had his eyes on her.
"And you are?" he asked, looking as if ready to slide the door closed.
"I'm—"
"She's his sister," came the unmistakable voice. Chuck gasped and choked on whatever words he was about to say.
Carmen's annoyingly smug face suddenly appeared at the bespectacled man's side. Sarah gritted her teeth. Like a maddened bull, she saw red and all her rage threatened to escape and bulldoze the woman in front of her.
Dr. Hester looked down at his chart, his finger trailing down the pre-written assessment. "Ah, yes. You must be Sarah."
Carmen arched a brow at her, daring her to deny it.
Sarah had no choice. If she wanted to sit in, she would have to own up.
"Yes, that's me," she said through a clenched jaw.
"Well good, we're all here then!" Dr. Hester announced, oblivious to the madness and mayhem he'd just invited to the room. "Come, come, have a seat."
Chuck took one look at the two women and knew better than to interfere. Picking up his pace, he followed the doctor into the office.
Carmen tilted her head, holding the door ajar for Sarah. "Aren't you coming?"
"What do you think you're doing?" she growled, just meeting the threshold for a whisper.
"I'm covering for Chuck," Carmen replied, flipping her carefully braided hair over one shoulder. "I gave him all the information he's privy to and nothing more."
"And you just conveniently put yourself down as his girlfriend?"
Carmen shrugged, a barely disguised smile appearing on her flawless complexion. "I had to protect my cover too."
Sarah hid her clenched fists behind her back. "Uh huh." And this has nothing to do with doing everything in your power to piss me off?
Carmen shrugged and turned away, letting the door fall behind her as she headed for the couch.
Sarah kicked it open a little more violently than she intended, causing the therapist to wince with heartbreak for the abuse she's delivered to his poor innocent door.
The brunette is quick to claim the main couch with Chuck, taking up the rest of the length and making it impossible to fit another being.
"Okay. Let's get started shall we?" Dr. Hester said, just as Sarah sank into her seat. Cast off to the side in a lone chair, she could only gaze at Chuck from the side. He shot her a look of barely disguised triumph, as if to say 'I told you so', then turned away.
Why did you insist on coming here again?
Sarah crossed her arms and grumbled under her breath. This was going to be so much fun.
"I don't usually consult with individuals such as yourself, Mr. Carmichael," Dr. Hester informed. "But Dr. Cassel has persuaded me to take your case." To this, the little man seemed a little perplexed. Qualified as he was, he seemed unable to connect the dots leading up to Chuck's true identity.
Dr. Hester flipped the page in his chart. "It states here that your friend recently passed away in a car accident. I'm sorry to hear that."
Sarah rolled her eyes. She glared at Carmen, wishing she could take the woman aside and give her a good knock on the head. What kind of a cover was this? How was Chuck going to talk through his problems if this was all still part of a lie?
"Uh...yeah. Yeah, she did..." Chuck said, struggling to sift through what was real and what wasn't.
"You knew her well?" Dr. Hester stopped in mid-writing as he gazed at the man critically. "Spend a lot of time with her?"
Goosebumps began to prickle across Sarah's skin. She'd never really asked about what went on while she was gone, and she didn't really care to. Only now when the subject was once again broached, she could no longer deny that she was the slightest bit curious.
Chuck gulped audibly. "Uh...yeah. Knew her for a very long time. Way back in college. We lost touch...but then we just found each other again."
Sarah tried to peek over the therapist's arm to see what he'd just scrawled but the script was too close to chicken scratch to make out.
"Car accident...huh?" Chuck asked, trying to hide his obliviousness.
"Yes, major cause of mortality every year, third only to cancer and heart disease," the man informed. "I understand you were hospitalized as a result."
Chuck absent-mindedly touched his head. The stitches were out but he still winced, as if the memory of the incident was an invisible wound that could never heal.
"It must have been hard, Mr. Carmichael."
Sarah watched Chuck cautiously from the corner of her eye and could see him hesitate. His lips trembled as if he had something to say, but every time he'd shake his head, refusing to speak up.
"It was. Charlie's been through so much." Carmen patted Chuck's leg, sliding ever closer to him on the couch. "We were so afraid he'd have amnesia. Thank god," she uttered, running her long fingers through his mop of curls.
Sarah dug her nails into the armrest of her seat, threatening to tear through the fabric. She let out a low growl, the sound akin to a gentle rumbling of thunder far in the distance. It was a warning, a prelude to the storm to come.
Chuck grabbed Carmen's wrist and stopped her, returning her hand back into her lap. He shot an apologetic glance Sarah's way, and cleared his throat.
"I'm sorry. I can't really recount the details of what happened that night. Whatever is on the page is pretty much all that I know." He smoothed a wrinkle on his pants and looked ready to get up and go.
"I'm not asking you to," Dr. Hester said, browsing through the doctored notes. "What you went through must have been traumatic."
"Yes, so traumatic in fact that I don't really feel like reliving it again..." Chuck quipped. "Now if you please—" He tried to stand up but Carmen's reflexes sent him reeling back into his seat.
"It wasn't your fault."
Up until that moment, Sarah didn't give the little man in the big chair much credit. But upon hearing him say those words, the same words she so often repeated to him, she felt like they were finally getting somewhere.
Chuck stared at the therapist blankly. "Pardon?"
"It wasn't your fault. What happened." Dr. Hester folded his hands in his lap, giving Chuck his full attention. "You were in the passenger seat. She was the one who drove into the barrier."
Listen to him, Sarah pleaded as she stole a glance at the man she loved sitting apart from her. What separated them was more than just the physical distance though.
Please listen to him. Jill led herself down the self-destructive path. Just as Sarah had. Just as everyone in the agency ends up. Too many years and missions and everyone breaks.
Chuck is silent and lost in his own thoughts. It's disarming for Sarah to see the man so full of sunshine and energy become so serious and solemn. All the trials he's suffered in the near thirty years of his life are evident by the sudden lines that stretched across his features, and the effect was only augmented by the grim line set across his lips. There was no hope of a smile to be had from them today.
"I should have been able to prevent it." His eyes darkened as he raised them to face the man sitting across from him. "I should have prevented it."
Sarah had gone soft. She knew that. She gave up on adrenalin rushes and heart-hammering thrills and her senses had dulled as a result. She knew, and she accepted it, because acceptance meant she was being normal. Like not having to worry every single second of your life for the bullet that would end you, or constantly searching for exits and ways to run. It was comforting to just sit back and trust in the security of this new life.
But she regretted it all in a heartbeat when she heard that terrible scream. She bolted across the playground and reached the center of the crowd in less time than it took for her to catch her breath.
"Chuck?" she yelled, shoving bystanders out of the way with little care for her own strength. She forced her way through the crowd as if she were tearing through a hedge maze, breaking ground where she saw fit.
"Chuck!" she screamed, the desperation peaking in her voice.
Blood surged through her body, rushing to her head enough to make her light-headed. Her heart jackhammered in her chest and her body trembled as scenario after scenario flashed before her very eyes.
"Momma!" Charlotte sat alone at the very center, fat tears flooding her cheeks. She held up her arms once she caught sight of her mother and Sarah snatched her from the ground, hugging her for dear life.
"What happened?" she asked to no one in particular. Ellie, who had been near the center of the crowd, held up her hands. She had no idea.
And no one else was offering any clues.
"Chuck, honey, what happened?" Sarah asked. The little girl wouldn't say but she'd stopped her cries the second she was in her arms. Impatiently, Sarah ran her hands through her baby's wild curly hair, her tear-stained face, her pudgy arms, legs...everywhere looking for a feasible cut or bruise.
Nothing. There wasn't a mark on her, but it did nothing for Sarah's nerves. "Where does it hurt? Tell me!" she pleaded, hugging her daughter tighter.
Something was wrong. Something had to be.
"You!" Sarah pointed to the boys she'd seen earlier. The same ones she'd found disruptive and too old for a toddler's playground. "It was you two, wasn't it?"
"No!" they immediately blurted, but Sarah's spy-senses were tingling. She didn't like the looks of them, and the way Charlotte dug her little nails into her neck seemed as good a reason as any.
Didn't they know better than to get between a momma-bear and her cub? Sarah hugged Charlotte protectively against her chest, all the while glaring down at the young culprits. They couldn't be more than ten years old but she stared down at them with the same expression she reserved for crime bosses and trained assassins. No one touched her baby. No one.
Neither of the boys wanted to speak up at first. They cowered under Sarah's frosty gaze, visibly shaking at the sight of her.
"We didn't do anything!" one of the boys shouted defensively, louder than she expected a child to speak. His friend was simply too frightened to verbalize his thoughts.
A low growl emanated from the base of Sarah's throat. All it took was a whimper from Charlotte to make her shake with fury. She didn't care for what they said; in her eyes, these boys were guilty until proven innocent.
In her anger, Sarah nearly missed the gentle tug on her pant-leg. She looked down and was met with a bewildered look of awe in Will's eyes.
"Auntie?" he whispered.
Sarah caught herself and softened her gaze, looking apologetically down at her nephew. She never intended for him—for anyone, to see her like this.
"They were making fun of Chuck," he said, pointing to the older boys. Despite being less than half their size, he stood his ground, his brows furrowing in the meanest glare a toddler could give.
"Shh!" Charlotte hissed, the sound especially audible when it was being delivered right next to Sarah's ear. The little girl shot her cousin a look of annoyance.
"Chuck, is this true?" she asked, staring at her daughter. But that couldn't be right. How could anyone make fun of her baby? She was perfect; the beholder of the clearest blue eyes, the most heartbreaking smile, the most beautiful laugh...Sarah was livid.
How dare they?
Charlotte didn't need to say anything. Will's words were all she needed.
"Where are your parents?" she demanded.
The boys pointed in sync behind them to a part of park. There were a dozen possible candidates but that didn't matter, Sarah glared at them all.
"Show me," she commanded.
"Uh...Sarah..." Ellie tried to hold her back but Sarah was already on a vendetta.
"Not now, Ellie," she said, brushing the woman off. She stalked towards the park at the boys' heels, breathing down their neck with the tall shadow she cast over them.
She couldn't take her anger out on someone literally half her size but she needed to take it out on someone. Someone was going to pay for what happened today.
"You couldn't have," Dr. Hester said. It was as simple as that and on paper, completely valid. Chuck was faultless.
"I should have seen it coming," he insisted.
Sarah frowned, glaring murderously at Carmen. They would have made real progress if she hadn't come up with this stupid scenario. Now the therapist wouldn't understand and Chuck couldn't explain.
"You couldn't have. Accidents happen."
But what happened wasn't an accident. There was purpose. A plan.
"Chuck..." Sarah started to say, wishing she could comfort him. If only it was her on the couch, her hand he was squeezing.
"Charlie," Carmen corrected, drowning out her voice. "Honey, listen to the man. What happened wasn't your fault." Her voice was saccharine sweet and it was sickening to see her fill her role with such relish, and worse still that she could make it look so real.
The general had chosen the perfect replacement.
Sarah couldn't help the murderous glare that suddenly found its acquired target. She balled her hands into fists, shaking with forcibly subdued anger.
"Do you resent your brother for what's happened?" the therapist suddenly asked.
The question comes so far from left field it left Sarah speechless. "What?" she utters, the blood draining from her face.
Chuck snaps his head in her direction, a wounded look on his face.
"I can see you're angry," the therapist notes. "Do you blame him for what's happened?"
"No! I'm not angry!" she snaps, but the force with which she spits out the words speaks against her.
She turns to face Chuck and one look into his eyes sends panic pouncing on her, strangling the breath out of her. "I'm not angry," she repeats.
"Oh, but you are," Dr. Hester insists. He fixes his glasses and when he pushes the spectacles right up against the bridge of his nose, the cleared vision only amplifies his conviction. "You've been holding a grudge since you first walked in the door."
Sarah flushes bright red. It wasn't fair. That was about something else entirely.
"I'm angry...but not at him," she finally confessed. It was the only way to get the doctor to move on.
The answer only opens another can of worms. "Who else are you mad at?" he presses, as if Chuck was already a sure candidate.
It seems Chuck thinks the same way. His wounded expression crumbles and now he just stares down at the ground, not saying anything.
Sarah's helpless to explain herself.
Who else?
Everyone. Jill, the 'all-deserving car crash victim'; Carmen, the 'outrageous conniving girlfriend', Dr. Cassel: 'ambitious trigger-happy surgeon', Dr. Hester: nosy little shrink...but not him. Not Chuck.
"Well?" Dr. Hester taps his pen impatiently, waiting for her to answer. On the other side, Carmen and Chuck watch her, both expecting a resolution of some sort.
Sarah has no choice.
"I should have driven Chuck that day." She tries to swallow back the bile that's building in her throat. This is precisely why she hates talking about herself. "I didn't, and his friend had to. So it's my fault."
The confession breaks the floodgates. Dr. Hester scribbles furiously on his sheet and his eyes gleam with excitement. He probably never expected a revelation as rich as this.
"No!" Chuck jumps to his feet. "Don't write that down!" he commands, his voice booming in the small room. When Dr. Hester doesn't comply, Chuck rips the papers out of his hand.
It's the most violent thing Sarah's ever seen him do.
"Charles!" Carmen exclaims, using a name reserved only for times like these. "That's enough." She stands up and tries to retrieve the therapist's papers but Chuck refuses. He turns away, rips them in half, then quarters and scatters them defiantly in front of the doctor.
"Chuck!" Sarah gasps, standing to her feet. The only person who remains in his seat is the little bespectacled man and now that the three of them are standing, he is completely dwarfed by his own patients.
"It's okay..." Sarah soothes. "It's the truth. You know it is. It's okay."
Chuck furrows his brows. A look of anger flashes across his features. "No, it's not," he says tersely. "It's mine."
"Perhaps you should listen to her, Charles," Dr. Hester advises. His voice is surprisingly calm and full of academically-backed assertion.
Chuck glares down at the therapist. "We're done here."
Sarah's taken aback by how easily he takes on that tone. She must have taught him well, because when he says it, there is truly a sense of finality to his words.
No more therapy. No more talking. Done.
Sarah had already summed up her opinion of the man before they even spoke, and it was wildly ironic because his attention to detail only made her all the more repulsed. He sat alone, awkwardly shifting on the worn old bench in a stiff, expensive suit, obsessively tapping on the latest model of PDA in his hand. She knew the type.
He was the kind of father who left his kids to run wild in the park without supervision, who devoted more time to his Blackberry than actual parenting, and who thought money could buy anything and everything.
Finally finding someone her own size, Sarah left the boys to cower off to the side.
"Excuse me," she said, clearing her throat.
The man looked up distractedly, but once he caught sight of her, his smile widened and he slipped the phone out of sight.
Suddenly he was all ears.
"Hello, Miss, can I help you?" He smiled again but it never reached his eyes—eyes which were filled with questionable motives.
Sarah gritted her teeth. Miss? As if the wedding ring and the baby in her arms was not enough. What more of a deterrent did she need?
"Are you the father of those boys over there?" she asked, pointing to the culprits.
"One of them," he admitted, the smile not once leaving his features. "I'm watching both until my ex can get here. Traffic..." He rolls his eyes. "You know how that is. That's why I hire a chauffeur, someone who can me from point A to point B without all the hassle."
"Right..." Sarah says, not in the least impressed. Pre-emptively covering Charlotte's ears, she considered how she would deliver the news.
"I found your son and his friend harassing my daughter."
Well aren't you subtle?
The man shrugged. "Okay." He furrowed his brows, as if he didn't quite understand. "I'm sorry...was that your pick-up line? 'cause honestly I've heard better."
Sarah clutched Charlotte tight against her chest but she knew there was no way she could prevent the baby from hearing their conversation.
"No!" she exclaimed, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment. "I'm here for an apology."
The man laughed, as if she'd just asked for the moon. "Why? They're just kids." He smiled at his son, as if he actually approved of what they'd done. "It's all part of growing up."
Sarah wondered why she'd wasted so many years in the agency protecting the rights of worthless bags of meat like him.
"No. It's not. They should know better. You should know better," she warned, seconds from coming to blows.
The man held up his hands defensively. "Whoa! Lady, calm down. You gotta let kids be kids."
Sarah's eyes widened. Of all the things she thought she'd hear...
"Hunter! Come'ere!" The man whistled for his son and the boy's friend. "You making fun of this lady's kid?"
"Yeah..." The boy looked like he was trying to suppress a laugh. "But her name's Chuck!"
The other boy snickered beside him, only to be immediately subdued by Sarah's glare. She could feel Charlotte's tiny nails dig into her neck, and the wetness of her cheeks soak through her shirt.
The knowledge that these monsters had been the cause of those tears nearly destroyed her.
Sarah patted her daughter's back, trying to soothe her all the while boiling with her own vat of unresolved emotions.
"You named your kid Chuck?" the man asked, unable to keep the smile from splitting across his features.
"So?" Sarah demanded, narrowing her eyes. Her hands suddenly itched to slap the stupid grin from his face, and if she weren't holding Charlotte in her arms, she most likely would have.
"Well, that's what happens when you name your kid something weird." He shrugged. "Should've thought of that."
Sarah couldn't believe it. It was her fault his son had made fun of Charlotte?
She took a deep breath. She'd tried to handle this the normal way but normal wasn't going to work today.
"Sorry, baby," she whispered softly under her breath.
Without warning she snatched the man's wrist with her one free hand and twisted, sending him kneeling to the ground, chest pressed against the grass with an arm bent awkwardly behind his back.
The man screamed and the boys scuttled back, afraid to stand near but too captivated to look away. Others in the park took notice of the commotion, and soon all eyes were on Sarah.
"I'm waiting for my apology," she reminded. When she didn't hear one in the next five seconds, Sarah twisted harder, eliciting a sharp yelp from the man.
"I'm sorry!" he yelped. "Damn it, I'm sorry!"
Sarah shook her head. "That's not good enough." She dug her heel into his back until she was sure he'd eat dirt, literally and figuratively.
"Hunter, apologize to the lady!" the man growled from where he lay, prone and writhing in pain.
The boy looked bewildered. "I'm sorry!" he blurted, keeping his distance. "We're very sorry."
"Sorry! Sorry!" his friend chimed, chanting the word over and over again. Sarah thought she might have traumatized the both of them for life. Enough for a lifetime of therapy.
"What do you think?" she whispered, looking to her daughter. Charlotte stared back complacently. The pressure in her neck had eased and dare she believe it, her little girl had the beginnings of a smile creeping onto her lips.
Sarah felt an undeniable swell of pride fill her heart. She was her daughter, through and through.
"Fine. Apology accepted." Sarah let go of the man none too gently. "And just so you know, it's never okay to harass a married woman and her baby. Because you might get your ass kicked." Sarah tilted her head to one side, gazing down at the prostrated man with a sense of vindication. "Should've thought of that."
Sarah marched towards the car to the sound of laughter and applause but the only thing that mattered were the slow even breaths soft against her neck.
Charlotte peered at her with the widest blue eyes. She'd never seen her mother like this before and frankly Sarah was embarrassed she'd lost her temper so easily. She should know better. She really should have.
Too late for that.
Sarah stroked Charlotte's hair tenderly. It had been her job to protect her from anything and everything. Bumblebees, bullies, boys...she was her mother and she still remembered holding her for the first time, that initial swell of love that flooded all her senses and just kept on growing.
Charlotte watched her quietly. Sarah hoped this wouldn't scar her for life. Chuck and her never even cursed around her if they could help it, and now she'd gone and done this...
But it wasn't fear Sarah saw in those bright blue eyes. It was something else entirely, something she never expected to find. Sarah couldn't deny the resemblance Chuck constantly referred to any longer.
And when Charlotte finally smiled, it nearly obliterated every fear Sarah ever had. Everything was going to be just fine.
Chuck's declaration leaves everyone in a state of shock. No one sees it coming, especially not from the soft-spoken, timid, convalescing man.
Dr. Hester stares upwards, slack-jawed and speechless.
"Let's take a break shall we? Cool our heads?" Carmen suggests, laughing nervously to herself. She's probably never seen this side to her asset before, never imagined it possible for him to even raise his voice. "How about some coffee? I'm sure we can all use coffee. Dr. Hester, let's take ten?"
The brunette gives Chuck a push towards the door, and since he was planning to head in that direction anyway, complies. Otherwise Sarah doesn't think all of their training put together could persuade him to move.
.
Chuck grabs Sarah's hand the second they're out of the therapist's office. "Let's go," he says. "We're done here."
Five minutes ago Sarah would have heartily agreed, but now...now she couldn't. As nosy as Dr. Hester's been, he's rooted out a problem they've both spent the better part of a month trying to hide.
It's the classic her versus him.
Her guilt, her mistakes, her past versus his. And now it was merely a matter of stacking up the sides and declaring the victor.
They're at a standstill. Chuck doesn't tug on her arm, doesn't repeat himself, he just stares...waiting.
"I'm going to get coffee," Carmen declares and quickly disappears down the hall.
Sarah closes her eyes. For the first time in her life, she'd rather have the brunette stick around as a third wheel than not.
"We need to talk about this."
He drops her hand and Sarah's eyes pop open in panic, believing for a second that he's let her go completely. "This isn't your fault. I've told you, Casey's told you. You know what happened."
"I know," she says, almost in defeat. Sarah sighs. Don't give yourself too much credit, she warns, sounding an awful lot like Casey.
"It's not your fault. Please don't think that," he whispers.
Reaching up, her hands wrap around Chuck's face and just like that, his expression melts into something so achingly tender and familiar. All the anger in his eyes falls away, only to be filled with such warmth and sweetness that for a second, she forgets everything except that she's the happiest she's ever been.
"It's not yours either," she reminds. His eyes cloud for a second, but she holds onto him, hugging him tight until the storm passes.
The corners of his lips are reluctantly tugged into a whimsical smile. "Deal?" he says with a cock of his head.
Sarah smiles back. She sighs with relief, feeling as if they can finally move on with their lives. "Deal," she agrees. So long as he promises not to fixate on his hand in Jill's betrayal, she won't hold onto her mistakes either. It's as fair a bargain as any.
She leans in to seal the pact but Chuck leans away. "No, Sarah," he whispers anxiously. "Not here!"
Normally she'd accommodate his aversion to PDA but today she thinks...too bad. She drags him towards her by his tie and kisses him with more zeal than usual. And she thinks, because he's such a prude, that she'll have to make this one really count.
At some point Chuck changes his mind and kisses her back, every bit as fiercely as she has, almost as if he were vying to beat her in a competition for who was the better skilled.
And Sarah's never met a challenge she could back down from...
.
... They're both a little short of breath when they finally pull apart and when the rest of the world returns to them, they realize time isn't the only thing they've lost track of.
"Dr. Hester!" Chuck gasps, nearly backing into the walls at the sight of the little man standing bewildered at his office door.
Even Sarah feels the fires of shame lick against her cheeks. She knows how bad this looks. She was supposed to be his sister. She cringed at the thought of Ellie and Chuck—no, not going there!
"Perhaps we should reschedule..." Dr. Hester remarked slowly, eyeing the two of them in horror. "I feel like there's a lot we have to discuss."
Sarah doesn't know what else to say. She hates talking about herself, but she needs a solution and needs one now. "Sure. Put us both down," she volunteers, just barely keeping a straight face.
Dr. Hester nods eagerly and closes the door promptly on them. No doubt they've given him enough fodder for the next ten years or bought him a ticket to his own personal therapist.
"I can't believe you did that!" Chuck accuses, his face as red as a fire truck. "You know we were being evaluated by a shrink!"
Sarah can't help but laugh. "Yeah. Guess now he knows why."
Sarah leaned over Charlotte, snapping in the last buckles of the carseat. She was filled with a twinge of melancholy when she realized she was no longer fighting with Charlotte over how the buckles were to be snapped in or wrestling to get her to sit still.
Today Charlotte just seemed eager to leave the park and go home.
Sarah sighed. She finished the last adjustments and leaned against the back of the front-seat, staring at her daughter. "I'm sorry, Charlotte." She brushed the last traces of dried tears from her chubby cheeks, trying to erase any memory of what had happened from her mind. "If you don't like the name, I won't call you that anymore. I promise."
Charlotte didn't say anything. She just stared at her mother, her lips pursed on the verge of a smile...or a frown.
"We're going to get Daddy from the airport and then we're going home. I promise. Okay?" She kissed her daughter on the crown of her head, and prepared to slide over to the driver's seat when Charlotte finally spoke.
"Why am I Chuck?"
"Oh, baby..." Sarah felt her heart melt when she heard the woeful voice. Her daughter spoke as if she'd been cursed. "Because it's my most favourite name in the world. And I loved you so much I wanted you to have it."
Charlotte wrinkled her brows. "But nobody's Chuck," she informed, with a heavy emphasis on: "Nobody."
"Your daddy's name is Chuck," Sarah reminds with a pinch on the cheek.
Charlotte pouted. It was only one example, and as it so often seemed, the only example.
"Your daddy's pretty amazing, isn't he?" she coaxed.
Charlotte looked as if she'd been beaten at her own game. She made a face and squirmed in her seat, as if trying to escape her inevitable defeat.
"Yeah..." she relented.
Sarah smiled. "You know all the amazing people have names that nobody else has. That's how people remember them." She had to bite her tongue there. Chuck was never going to stop reminding her of that if he ever heard, and since Charlotte told her father everything, she had dug herself right into this one.
"But you've outgrown the name, so I won't call you that anymore." Sarah ruffled her daughter's hair with a touch of melancholy. Someday she may outgrow all the other endearments; the snuggles, the hair ruffling, the little kisses on the nose...
Sarah shook her head and stepped out and into the driver's seat. Someday, but luckily not today.
She turned the key in the ignition, checked the rearview mirror to make sure Charlotte wasn't up to no good, and pulled out of the parking space.
Charlotte was quiet and after about twenty minutes, Sarah could see the little girl's eyelids begin to droop from an exhausting day of play.
"Momma?" she whispered, just when Sarah thought she had fallen asleep.
"Yes, Charlotte?"
The little girl smiled drowsily. "Call me Chuck."
A/N: The final chapter will be entitled Chuck/Sarah vs the Revelation. Thanks for reading!