In the Hues of a Life
By Jules
M
(3/10)
Synopsis: An exploration of Cuddy's side of House's recovery and hallucinations.
A/N: Thanks so much for reading! The feedback rocks. Hope you continue to enjoy.
Chapter 3
"You stood me up."
She stood in front of him in her pajama bottoms and a ratty University of Michigan sweatshirt without any make-up. She felt ugly as sin, but she didn't care. She needed answers.
House leaned against his doorframe, hovering over her. " You said, 'goodnight.' Unless you did a Nurse Ratchet on me when I wasn't looking, 'Goodnight' is the universal signal for 'I'm not interested.'"
"Well, I am, so you might want to have your records forwarded here from Mayfield just in case the lobotomy I ordered went through." She pushed past him into his apartment.
He studied her like she was one of his patients. "You want something."
"I want to talk." She dropped her purse and keys and sat in the center of his couch.
"Why? It's not going to make you feel better." House stalked closer to her. "It certainly won't help me."
She wrung her hands and shook her head resolutely. "I don't believe that."
House smirked and shuffled around the couch to the kitchen. "You think it'll help you. I see. Lisa Cuddy, always out for number one."
"I haven't been able to sleep." That stopped him. He turned around and looked at her.
He leaned against the kitchen doorframe, considering her. Finally, he spoke quietly, almost reverently, "My roommate was a professional drummer. I'm serious. He never slept. He would keep this beat going, almost like a rapper. It was quite comforting."
Cuddy smiled knowingly. "But you still didn't sleep."
House raised his eyebrows. "I joined in. We had our own Mariachi band of two."
She leaned over the couch, observing his far away countenance. "What did Nolan say about it?"
House guffawed, "He was ready to invest. But that didn't stop him from giving me sleeping pills after the fourth day."
House reached inside the kitchen and picked up a bottle of pills off the counter. He rattled them and tossed them across the room to her.
Cuddy looked at the bottle: Rozerem. She nodded, tears in her eyes. "It's been three months. I think I'm a little beyond sleeping pills."
She tossed the pills back to him.
"So you resort to coming over here in the middle of the night. The blind leading the blind." He sat on the couch next to her, not leaving her any room as their duel plaid pajama pants touched. "Healthy."
She leaned her head on the sofa and smiled softly. "Mariachi band of two."
House grinned and exhaled a weighty breath. She watched his hands, flexing and releasing in time.
"Want a drink? We could play the glasses."
"Sure."
House stood and poured them two glasses of scotch. He handed her the glass and swirled his own. "Nolan thinks I was trying to replace Vicodin with you."
Cuddy sat up, nodding. "You objectified me."
She wondered if she ever did the same to him. Brilliant, misanthropic, untouchable scapegoat-man.
House lifted the glass of amber liquid up to his eye and looked at her through it. "He thinks I don't see you clearly, and what I hallucinated was only a cry for help."
Cuddy took a sip and lowered her eyes. "What do you think?"
House sat next to her again, his eyes beautiful and sad. "I think it's crap. If I thought you could do that for me, I'd have married you eight years ago."
Her breath hitched and her heart cracked and fissured even more; she would have married him if she knew that it would help him and make him happy.
Silence stretched between them, and he leaned in closer and whispered, "I totally dig the no make-up look, by the way."
She put her half-finished drink down on his coffee table.
"Thanks for the drink, House."
House shook himself, knocking himself out of his self-inflicted daze.
"You leaving?"
She nodded. "Yeah, Rachel will be up soon, and I don't want her waking up with just the nanny. Night."
"Hey, wait. " House limped across the room, putting his hand on the doorknob. "What are you doing tomorrow night around 3 A.M.?"
Cuddy stood half-in, half-out of the door. She smiled and whispered, "Call me."
8:45 A.M. Cuddy was immersed in departmental budget reports. She was on her third cup of coffee after barely an hour of sleep.
"You got a minute?"
Cuddy looked up and smiled at her visitor. "Come in, Foreman. I just want to thank you again for taking the reins while House was gone. You did a great job."
Foreman sighed anxiously. "That's what I want to talk to you about."
"Oh?" Cuddy asked, half-listening.
"The dynamic is off. It's been off since he returned." He crossed his arms across his chest defensively.
Cuddy finally took in his presence. Clearly, he was upset and agitated. "He's your superior, Foreman. I'm sure it'll be an adjustment, but House is the head of the Diagnostic Department. That won't change."
Foreman nearly scoffed. "Even after he humiliated you in front of the entire hospital? You still support him."
It was true—after he had crumbled right in front of her, her platitudes about reputation and self-preservation vanished. He was all that mattered. But once he was gone, the only things left were the judgment and ridicule of the entire hospital. She hadn't even tried to defend herself until this moment.
"Unfortunately, there were extenuating circumstances—"
"What? He didn't know what he was saying? He was high? Hallucinating? Cuddy, he announced to the entire hospital that you slept together, and he barely got a slap on the wrist."
Cuddy's blood boiled. She wanted to slap Foreman, if only to remind him what it was like to be human. "House has been handled."
"How did you handle him?"
Cuddy stood toe to toe with him. "Do not push me on this, Foreman. You will not be happy with the results."
Foreman shook his head; disdain and jealousy seeped through ever pore of his body. "I get it. You'll protect him no matter what he does or says. Or maybe you're not upset because it's true. You should really consider protecting yourself, you know."
"Work it out with him and get out of my office. Now," Cuddy said icily. When he left, she picked up her phone but suddenly hesitated.
She put the phone back in its cradle and left her office, heading to the clinic for a distraction.
"….and the way she was staring at him was so pathetic. Poor Brenda practically got her head chewed off for interrupting a moment with the man's back." Cuddy heard their voices and stopped behind them in the doorway.
She knew people were gossiping about House, about her and House, but this was the first time she had actually heard it.
Vanessa Rodriguez nodded vigorously. "I saw them leaving yesterday. I think they went together."
Carol Robinson smirked and whispered, "She could do so much better. She must be desperate."
"Well, I think it's romantic," Rebecca Harris, a new intern, sighed and leaned into her first gossip session at the nurse's station.
Carol, a huskier, 40-something nurse guffawed, "Says the 22-year-old. Trust me, honey, chasing a man for half your life is anything but romantic."
"But it is!" She pronounced innocently, "I think it's noble how she's standing by him. Especially after he was shipped off to the loony bin."
Vanessa's eyes bulged. "What?"
"Rebecca. My office. Now."
The three women turned around, finding an irate Cuddy staring at them. Vanessa and Carol scattered guiltily, avoiding their boss's eyes.
Rebecca's face turned crimson, and she followed the already moving dean back to her office.
Cuddy slammed the door behind them. She towered over the young woman, and for a moment, she almost felt sorry for her. "While I appreciate freedom of speech, spreading confidential information around the hospital is unacceptable."
Rebecca's eyes filled with tears. "Dr. Cuddy…I'm…I don't know what to say."
"You don't have to say anything. You're fired," Cuddy said harshly. She moved quickly back to her desk to avoid the girl's tears.
She couldn't believe it had come to this. She had fired someone because of him.
"I'm sorry. I—" Rebecca sputtered, her career flashing in front of her eyes.
"I want you gone by the end of the day. That's all." When the door shut, Cuddy closed her eyes. "God damn it, House."
3:42 A.M.
"You shouldn't have fired her," he said plainly.
Cuddy rolled on her side, tucking the phone under her chin. "I can handle gossip. Most of the time they're so far off, it doesn't matter. But when she announced to the two most salacious nurses on staff where you had been, I had to draw the line."
"You pulled out the whip and chains. But Cuddy, I think we should tell people."
Cuddy bit her lip, his use of 'we' evidence that she was too involved for her own good. "If that's what you want."
House shrugged. "You're the one with the reputation. What do you think?"
Cuddy ran her fingers through her hair and sighed, "Either way, people will talk. However, if it hinders your practice, I think you should only tell those on a need to know basis."
House smiled into the phone. "Thank you."
"For what?"
"Just save it for when you need it."
"Okay," she whispered and yawned.
"Sleeping any better?" He asked.
She laughed and rubbed her eyes. "It's 3:45 A.M. What do you think?"
He hummed into the phone. "What keeps you up?"
"House." She wasn't ready for this. Just talking to him still felt raw.
"You stripped for me once."
Cuddy's mouth dropped. "I did what?"
House chuckled, his voice low and teasing, "School girl uniform and everything. We did a differential. You stripped. It was hot."
Cuddy sat up and tried to imagine herself straddling a poll. Straddling him.
"We did it on my desk," she blurted out. She waited and listened. Absolutely no response. "….House?"
House finally exhaled.
"Sorry, I was enjoying the visual. You like the desk, huh?" His voice wavered slightly as his words tickled her ear.
She smiled and lowered herself back into her pillows. She had never thanked him for it, but it didn't matter. She knew she just did. "Love it."
"Cuddy...." House nearly moaned her name.
Her heart was in her ears, and she could hear his strained breathing; she knew he was thinking about her.
"Every night. I dream about us," she admitted quietly, not knowing if she really said it until she heard him speak again.
"And right now?"
"I'm not dreaming." She closed her eyes and let her hand run slowly down her body.