He shouldn't be here. As simple as that. Sam should not be sitting here.
It was only a couple of days ago that he was searching frantically through his sister's house for his nieces yet here he was again, searching for Kiana.
She was two, how far could a two year old go? Nevertheless, she was missing. She was tucked into bed around 10pm by Casey and now not even 12 hours later, she is no where to be found.
Her shoes still under the bed, her coat still on the floor but her teddy bear was gone. She wasn't kidnapped, she wasn't hiding…she had walked out by herself.
The police had arrived, not the SRU this time, and started their search. This little girl was their number one priority at the moment. It was a dark night and the temperature dropped well below freezing. It could just about snow any minute now and Kiana had no shoes, no jacket and no coat. The dangers of a little girl being out alone were high enough but the weather did not help.
Jules clung onto Ariel in the corner of the lounge room that was now filled with police and child services.
There were some people in the world that just didn't deserve the plate of bad luck that had been delivered to them and Maya was one of them. But Jules could also see how this was getting to Sam. He was supposed to be the big brother, stick up for his little sister and he just saw any mistake in her life as his failure. He didn't know why he felt that he was responsible for everything she did; maybe it was the years of army and the constant "Watch-each-others-backs" attitude.
Still, blaming himself wouldn't find Kiana any quicker.
"She was last seen at approximately 12am to 1am. All hospitals have been put on alert and missing persons has been notified. We are still treating this as a missing child and not as a kidnapping" The senior sergeant spoke.
Maya was being consoled by a young social worker while Sam sat alone on the couch, staring into the distance while listening to every word being said.
Traumatized child....runaway....alcoholic mother.
Before he had a chance to react to the last statement, the police officers seemed to be making a hasty retreat outside. A constable had come in and whispered something to the senior sergeant and before they knew it, the room was practically empty.
Sam looked over to Jules in total confusion. The senior sergeant walked back into the house slowly and gently removed his hat.
No, Sam knew what that meant and it wasn't good. It was a sign of respect, why would he be doing that now?
"Mrs Thornton, a little girl was found at a park on Jacaranda Street…do you know the one?"
She nodded with relief and smiled as she exhaled a large breath.
"Yes…yes I take her there at least once a week."
Senior Sergeant Hewitt placed his hand firmly on her shoulder and motioned for her to sit back down.
"Mrs Thornton…" He paused. The tremble in his voice becoming more apparent.
"Your daughter was outside in the freezing conditions with no source of warmth. She was already up to stage 3 hypothermia before she was found. I'm sorry; there was nothing they could do"
Silence. Utter silence.
When being told that a loved one has just died some say they feel like a knife has just stabbed them in the heart of a chainsaw has just ripped open their stomachs but Sam felt neither of these. In fact, he felt nothing. He couldn't feel his heart pumping or his mouth breathing. He was numb, and not just physically.
It felt like minutes, hours even before Maya even opened her lips.
"No…you're lying….NO!" She became violent and Sam didn't even bother to move as she threw herself towards Hewitt.
She threw strong punches into his chest before he quickly grabbed her wrists and held her tightly as she broke down in tears. Her legs grew weak as she found it impossible to stand.
"No…not my baby…please!" She sobbed, begged even but it was too late.
Jules was still standing in the corner trying desperately not to let her tears be seen. She looked over at Sam who was still sitting on the couch, his eyes still staring at the same spot and his lips still not moving. Never in her life had she seen him like that and she hoped that she would never have to see it again.
Sam couldn't hear the sobs escaping his sister's mouth nor could he see what was happening around him. He was lost a world of his own.
I walked up stairs into Ariel's room. Why didn't I go into Kiana's room? I should've gone into her room. How could I be so selfish? If I checked on her earlier we might've found her earlier and she would still be alive.
This…is…all…my…fault.