Disclaimer: See last chapter

~ Chapter Four ~

The morning of the memorial service came as quickly as it had been announced, Sonny sat on her bed, staring at her reflection in the mirror as she bit down on her lip, concentrating as hard as she could on not allowing herself to cry.

She stood up slowly, walking over to the closet to pick out a dress for the day she was dreading more than anything. She wanted to scream out that it wasn't official yet, nobody could prove that she was dead, it wasn't a certainty. But instead, she kept her mouth shut as she went along her daily routine of fighting back the tears, putting up those walls and pretending like nothing was wrong.

She looked up when the door knocked, closing her eyes as she turned around, trying to smile at her mum when she finally opened her eyes and sighed heavily. Connie looked at her daughter, a small smile on her lips when Sonny tried her best to zip up the dress she had just slipped over her tiny frame.

"Baby, you need to start eating something." She whispered to her daughter, closing her eyes at the sight of her shoulder blades and back ribs, gulping a little as she stood up and walked over to her.

"Let me help you with that." She smiled, zipping up the dress and turning Sonny around to face her,

"I've forgotten what she looked like," Sonny suddenly murmured, tears running down her pale cheeks as her mother wrapped her arms around her,

"I don't remember, I mean what colour were her eyes? How tall was she?"

"Oh baby," Connie sighed when Sonny quickly pulled away, wiping away her tears and turning back to the mirror,

"I have to look pretty, Tawni would have wanted me to look pretty."

"You are pretty." Connie shook her head, trying to pull her daughter in once more, biting down on her lip when Sonny pushed her away and sighed, just wanting everyone to leave her alone,

"I'll never be pretty enough, Tawni won't be happy." She whispered, staring at her reflection coldly, smiling a little when Tawni suddenly appeared next to her in the check it out girls costume, grinning at her best friend.

Sonny could feel tears fall down her face when Tawni went away as quickly as she had come, her heart ached as she thought about her friend, she wanted her back, she didn't understand how someone could be there one minute and then gone the next – it wasn't fair.

- - - - - -

Sonny frowned when Chad walked up to her outside the cramped church, a small smile on his face as his cheeks turned a light shade of pink. He ran his fingers through his hair nervously, "Can I sit next to you?" He asked, breathing a sigh of relief when Sonny nodded, gulping a little when he took her hand in his and walked to the front where Tawni's parents were sitting.

"Sonny!" Sandra – Tawni's mother – stood up to embrace Sonny in a tight hug, sighing when the girl tensed up and didn't move to wrap her own arms around the older woman like she usually did.

"How are you Mrs Hart?"

"Sonny, just because Tawni's gone, doesn't mean you stop calling me Sandy.." The woman shook her head, smiling at Chad as she sat down and patted the seats down next to her,

"Tawni wouldn't have liked this." Sonny whispered almost to herself, looking down at the ground as she felt the urge to cry once more, willing herself to ignore it.

"I know, I don't see an ounce of pink or fluffy anywhere." Sandy laughed a little before tears ran down her cheeks as she thought about her only little girl, she would miss so much about her – she would miss the shopping trips, the way she would flick her hair back, the way she wasn't a morning person, the way she could make anyone laugh,she would miss everything. But it wasn't enough, missing somebody would never be enough to bring them back.

She watched Sonny carefully throughout the service through the corner of her eye, frowning when she noticed her biting down hard on her lower lip, her face full of concentration as she looked down at the floor. No tears fell down her face throughout the whole thing, and Sandy was sure that Sonny was just holding them back.

"It's okay to cry you know?" She whispered, putting her hand on top of hers, shaking her head when Sonny pulled her hand away and shook her head, "It's not okay." Sonny repeated the line in her head over and over again, focusing on stopping the tears falling down her cheeks more than what the vicar was saying. Maybe, just maybe, if she didn't listen then none of this was true.

She sighed as she wished she would wake up at any moment, running over to the studios and seeing Tawni there, standing up to look at her reflection in the mirror as she commented loudly on how pretty she looked. Things could go back to normal then, everything would be fine then. If only she could wake up.

She kept her eyes focused on the ground as she walked out, keep your back straight, don't cry, don't let anyone comfort you... Tawni would laugh at you if she could see you right now. Don't do anything, just pretend like it's all normal.

She didn't dare look up at anyone, afraid she would break down at any moment as she rushed out of there, feeling Chad not so far behind her. She just wanted to be left alone but at the same time she wanted him to hold her, it was all too confusing.

"Sonny!" Chad shouted, finally running over to her as she went to walk out of the church grounds, "Tell me why you're acting like this, please?"

She heaved a deep sigh, refusing to look into those sparkling eyes, knowing that if she took one look into those sweet eyes then she would tell him everything, she would cry on his shoulder as he held her and everything would be ruined.

She turned to walk away again, shuddering as he touched her shoulder, pulling her closer to him as he wrapped his arms around her. She tried her best to fight him off, already feeling the ache in her chest as she held back the sobs she knew were longing to fall from her mouth. She didn't want this to happen, she didn't want to breakdown, she didn't want to be weak.

"Let it all out." Chad whispered to her, holding her tightly in his arms, rocking her back and forth as she finally lifted up her arms from her sides, wrapping them around his waist as a few tears ran down her cheeks.

"Tawni wouldn't want you to do this to yourself." Chad shook his head, closing his eyes as a sob finally escaped her mouth, hot tears carved their way down her pale cheeks as she curled her fingers around the back of his shirt, gripping onto it as tightly as she possibly could.

"B-b-bring her back." She cried into his shirt, sobbing heavily down as he looked down at her, smoothing down her hair a little as he bit down on his lip, "I wish I could Sonny, I would do anything for you, anything." He let his hands trail down to her back, rubbing it as she cried, ignoring the way her nails dug into his own back, the way her tears fell onto his brand new, expensive shirt, ignoring the way he felt about her as he looked down at her, her bright red eyes, mascara running down her cheeks, pale face... no matter how she looked, she was still beautiful to him.

The leaves blew around them as the harsh, cold wind picked up speed, dark clouds hovered over head, reflecting the mood of the day. Both teenagers ignored the flashes of cameras around them as they held each other tightly, neither of them wanting to let go.

"I-I'm going to find him." Sonny finally pulled away, her arms still around him as he shook his head, "That's what the police are there for."

"Well they're not doing a good enough job, are they?! You know they are already talking about taking certain people off the case because they have no evidence? I am not going to give up on her Chad, please don't make me."

"I won't Sonny, I won't." He pulled her into him once again, closing his eyes as he felt her shaking body against his, as he heard her gentle sobs, felt her soft tears.. she was still beautiful though, and as he thought about what he was going to say next, he knew he could never let her get hurt. He wasn't going to be the next Nico - "I will help you find him, we're going to get him Sonny. I promise."

A/N: REVIEW!

Or I will cry, do you want me to cry?

I am supposed to be doing my essay at the moment but instead I did this because I was in the depressing mood.

Please review, it took me about an hour to make this perfect – probably not perfect but you know what I mean.