Chapter TWO

EJ turned left at the top of the stairs and headed towards Sami's bedroom, the noises have finally stopped for a moment. Despite himself EJ was curious to see what it was that Sami had been doing to make such a din. The door to her room was ajar so he for went his usual knock and walked in, the question on his lips but it stayed there because all ability to speak was temporarily stolen from him at the sight that met his eyes.

Sami was on her knees, head stuck under the bed with her very shapely backside stuck up in the air, facing him as it were.

God give him strength…

She was wearing a white singlet and boy leg black pants, obviously getting ready for bed. EJ blinked rapidly a few times and tried to reel his wayward thoughts in and get his heart rate back to an acceptable pace. He didn't need this on top of everything else! It took a lot of energy on his behalf to keep himself reigned in about that particular aspect of their relationship and walking in on scenes like this didn't make his self imposed task any easier. He took a couple of deep breaths and attempted to recover the power of speech.

"Samantha?" he said and was proud of how calm he sounded, "What are you looking for?"

Sami poked her head out from under the bed before going back under.

"Nothing," came her muffled reply.

"Oh," said EJ ironically, "Well good luck with finding that then."

EJ stuck his hands in his pockets and walked into the room with what he hoped was a casual air but it was a wasted effort really seeing as she still had her head under the bed. On the upside though that meant her lovely derrière was still being presented to him and despite all of his best intentions EJ stared at it shamelessly, enjoying being able to enjoy her loveliness openly and with no apologies. Some higher functioning part of his brain that wasn't engaged in the unabashed ogling of Samantha's butt warned him that she was going to realise what he was doing if he didn't distract her.

"Although some might argue that if it is nothing," he continued on blithely, not having even blinked yet as he enjoyed the vision in front of him way too much for his own good, "Then you've already found it."

"What?" asked Sami in annoyance and much to EJ's disappointment crawling out from under the bed and standing up to face him.

And no bra either… excellent… she was trying to kill him… good to know!

EJ's jaw clenched as he determinedly looked her in the eye and tried not to let himself notice her lack of undergarments. This had been a bad idea, he should just go before he did something stupid, right now, this very instance… okay, leaving right… now!

EJ took another step into the room, no longer seemingly capable of free will.

"Nothing," he repeated, his voice croaky as he went to explain and try to distract himself from what it was he was trying not to think about, "If you're looking for nothing I'd say you already found it."

"What do you want EJ?" she asked him in aggravation, "I'm busy."

Right, that's right - the noises - that was why he'd come up here, now he remembered.

"Actually I was just wondering… OWWWW!"

EJ had begun to walk from just inside the doorway of her bed room to get to where she was standing in all her non-undergarment wearing glory when as he walked through the decorative little archway that was there his head connected with something hard. He staggered back a little, having no idea what he'd just hit and pressed a hand to his forehead and grimaced at the sharp pain. He was tall but he'd never had to duck to enter a room in this house before. Rubbing his wounded head he looked to see what he'd run into and it took a couple of seconds for him to focus on the offending object.

"Samantha?" he quizzed her in amazement, "You have a chin up bar in your doorway!"

"So," she shrugged at him almost defiantly.

"Why?" he asked her with a bemused look.

"To do chin ups on," she stated the obvious.

"You have a chin up bar?" he repeated in bewilderment.

"Technically it's Wills'," she conceded, "But he didn't take it to Switzerland with him so I thought I'd make use of it. I need to work on building up my upper body."

"Trust me your upper body doesn't need any work," muttered EJ, giving his head a final rub and dropping his hand to his side.

"What did you say?" asked Sami suspiciously, not quite catching that.

"I said - I guess that's were having a teenage son must be a perk," said EJ more loudly, covering for his slip and blaming the blow to his head for his loose lips, "Being able to use his stuff I mean."

"Mm," said Sami, not completely convinced he was telling her the truth about what he'd said but letting it go.

"Samantha," said EJ, trying again to enter the room properly, this time very carefully ducking his head to get by the bar as he did, "What have you been doing up here all night?"

But then EJ managed to tear his eyes off Sami and look around the room and had his answer without her having to say anything. Every piece of furniture seemed to have been moved from where he'd last seen it and he looked at the now completely rearranged room and then back at Sami.

"You've been moving furniture around?" he said bemusedly, "Why?"

"I just felt like it okay?" she said with a challenging look, "So what?"

"So what?" he repeated, walking in and surveying the transformation in wonder, "Samantha, you've moved everything, the bed, the table and chair, the armoire."

EJ stopped then and realised what he'd said.

"How exactly did you move the armoire anyway?" he asked in amazement, "It's got to weigh at least twice what you do!"

"I had a bit of pent up energy from today so I thought I'd do something productive with it," she shrugged.

"But the armoire!" he exclaimed, "Seriously Samantha, I don't know if I could even move it unaided!"

That might have been a slight exaggeration but it didn't take away from her achievement any.

"So this is what you've been doing all night then?" he asked her in confusion, "Redecorating?"

"And?" she said tersely, "What of it?"

"Nothing," he said dazedly, "But I would like to say if we could harness this pent up energy of yours we'd have the answer to the energy crisis. So what was it exactly that you were looking for when I came in again and don't say nothing please."

There was a long pause and EJ wasn't sure if she was going to answer him.

"When I was moving things my wedding ring came off and rolled somewhere," she told him finally.

EJ considered that for a moment and then despite the voice in his head had to ask.

"His or mine?" he asked flatly.

Sami bit her lip and looked away, finding it hard to maintain eye contact with him looking at her so intently.

"Right," said EJ stoically when she didn't reply, "His, of course - you wouldn't go looking for mine now would you sweetheart?"

It was hard to comprehend but he managed to make the endearment sound both bitter and engaging at the same time but that was this man for you, nothing but a mass of confusing contradictions. Normally Sami would have found it easy to agree and throw her love for Lucas in his face, she'd been doing it for long enough after all but not today. Today had been long and emotional and more than that, she was scared. Scared that she'd ruined any chance EJ might have to stay in the country, scared she'd robbed yet another child of hers of having a relationship with their father and scared of how the thought of him being gone from her life made her feel.

For so long now Sami had been telling anyone who'd listen that it was all that she wanted was EJ out of her life and now the moment might finally be here and she felt none of the things she thought she would. For nearly two years this man had been an intense part of her life - not always in a good way but too, not always in a bad way either. She'd been determinedly suppressing all of the good times they'd had together ever since finding out that he was a DiMera and just using her but now it was suddenly all she could think of.

Sami didn't want to care about this man and when he'd been doing all those horrible things to her and everyone she loved it had been easy to convince herself that she didn't. There had been a grim satisfaction in rehearsing all his evil deeds to herself daily, reminding herself why it was she had to despise him and it had worked, up unto a point. Despite everything she'd never been totally able to bring herself to get him out of her life once and for all. She'd had opportunities, things that no one would have blamed her for. Like when Andre had forced her to chose between Lucas and EJ, made her chose who lived and died. No one would have blamed her for shooting EJ to protect her life and the life of her then unborn twins. Or when he was electrocuted, she didn't have to give him mouth to mouth - no one would have known but she had.

How much simpler her life would have been if she'd just let him die but she hadn't. Sami tried to tell herself it was because she wasn't a murderer but it wasn't that simple. Nothing was ever that simple when it came down to her and EJ.

"Well I'll leave you to your search," said EJ, his voice hard now, "Sorry to have disturbed you."

EJ turned on his heel and stalked out of the room but didn't get very far as in his agitation he forgot about the chin up bar again.

"SON OF A… !"

EJ bit back the expletive as he reeled back from the blow to his head.

Sami flinched in empathy at the sound of his head hitting the metal bar. She watched as EJ doubled over and grabbed his forehead with both hands.

"Are you alright?" she asked him hesitantly when he didn't make a sound for a long time.

"That… thing," he said finally, straightening up and giving the bar a dark look, one hand still pressed to his new wound, "… is a public nuisance. You need to put it higher up."

"But if I put it higher up I won't be able to reach it," she protested reasonably, "Can't you just look where you're going instead?"

"The mounting evidence would seem to suggest that I can't!" he snapped, taking his pain and frustration out on her… as well as the pain from his wound.

Being reminded yet again that her heart belonged to the man who'd put a bullet in his back was not something he needed to hear again. The throbbing in his head was nothing compared to the ache in his soul at knowing he could never have the woman he loved, love him back.

"Is it bleeding?" he grimaced as he asked the question, pulling back his hand and squinting at it to see if there was any blood there.

"Let me see," said Sami, walking over to him and going up on her toes she had a closer look.

"There's no blood," she said after a brief inspection, "But there is a lump - go and sit on the bed."

"It's fine," he said moodily, "I'll just take a couple of painkillers and go to bed."

"Let me put some ice on it," she said, "You might have a concussion."

"I don't have a concussion," he dismissed her concern easily.

"It's your sister who's the doctor, not you," Sami reminded him sweetly, "Now stop your complaining and sit down, I've got some ice in the bar fridge in the other room, wait here."

EJ opened his mouth to protest but she was already gone so he moodily slumped over to the bed and sat down on it, eyeing the chin up bar with thinly veiled hatred. Sami returned quickly with a hand towel wrapped around what EJ presumed was the ice. She walked over to where he was standing indicated her should move his legs so she could get closer. EJ was a little surprised, he'd half expected her to just hand him the ice pack but she seemed intent on doing a Florence Nightingale on him for some reason. And like the love sick fool he was he couldn't turn down the opportunity to be close to her, no matter how much she'd just hurt him with her reminder of her love for another man.

EJ wondered despondently if this was going to be his fate forever, being this close to something he wanted more than anything but never being able to have it. It was a depressing thought. Sami stepped closer, standing between his legs as he sat on the bed and pressed the cold pack to his head. EJ grimaced a little at the sharp bite of the coldness to his already sensitive flesh and closed his eyes. His pragmatic nature had forced him to deal with the reality of the situation and give Sami the space she needed. Tony's advice still rang in his ears about becoming the type of man that Sami could love, offering her his love rather than his obsession.

EJ had taken his big brother's advice to heart and ever since than had done nothing other than try and prove to her that he'd changed. EJ realised that the best he could hope for from Samantha now was as a co-parent and friend. Some days he despaired that they would even be that but then there were other days when they'd share a moment, a look and something silent would pass between them before Sami would scurry away and shatter it. Sometimes EJ wondered if he was imagining it when so much of everything else she did belied those little moments but a hope in him that simply wouldn't die protested against such a thing.

"I'm sorry," she Sami softly.

"It's alright," he sighed, opening his eyes and leaving his depressing thoughts for when he'd be alone in his bed - as always, "You can't help being short."

"Not about the chin up bar!" she said rolling her eyes at him in exasperation, "It's not my problem that you can't remember to look where you're going!"

"So what are you sorry for then?" he asked her, puzzled.

She was standing so close now, the smell of her perfume was in his nostrils as she continued to hold the ice pack against his head and he blamed the blow to the head but he started to feel dizzy all of a sudden.

"For today," she replied, her voice low and her eyes darting away from his nervously, "I ruined your chances."

"Samantha," said EJ calmly, "We've been over this - you were fantastic today."

"No," she said and her eyes began to brim with tears, "I blew it - Nicole is right, I'm my own worst enemy - if I'd just…"

"Stop it!" he ordered her firmly, "You were magnificent Samantha and if I don't get my visa it won't be because of you, do you hear me?"

"EJ," she said, the anguish obvious in her voice, "What if you don't get that visa? What if…"

"It's going to be alright Samantha," he reassured her.

"How can you know that for sure?" she asked him hopelessly.

"I have to believe that I'm going to be allowed to stay in this country Samantha," he told her softly, "I need to be here for you, for Johnny and for Ali."

Sami went to open her mouth but he forestalled her with a raised finger.

"Don't," he told her quietly, "Don't tell me again that Ali isn't my child and isn't my concern, please Samantha."

"EJ," said Sami with a despondent shake of her head at this familiar conversation.

"I loved her the first moment I held her in my arms," he continued on softly as though she hadn't spoken, "The very first time she looked at me with those big beautiful blue eyes of her I fell completely under her spell and everyday I fall a little more in love with her. I'm sorry if you don't want to hear that and I know she's not mine to love but I can't stop myself and what's more, you can't tell me who I can and cannot give my heart to. It's my heart to give and it will always be hers for the keeping, whether she wants it or not."

Sami stood perfectly still, fighting back the tears at his words, compressed still pressed to his head. Even though he'd spoken the words so quietly there was a certainty, a depth to them that couldn't be taken away. He was holding her gaze steadily and suddenly she felt as though he was all around her, surrounding her, consuming her somehow. She realised how close they were and the power of his presence rolled off him and enveloped her.

"We… we're still talking about Ali right?" she asked hesitantly, sounding nervous now.

EJ didn't answer immediately and she felt those dark brown eyes of his searching her face and her heart began to beat an erratic rhythm at being under such close scrutiny.

"Of course," he answered her finally, his voice low, "Who else?"

"Right," said Sami, wondering why it was that she suddenly couldn't look away from him, "And… and I umm… appreciate how you are with her."

"It's nice to be appreciated," he murmured, his eyes watching as she nervously wet her suddenly dry lips.

"Yes," she said weakly, "And I do… appreciate you… your help with the twins… and… and everything…"

"Do you?" he said softly.

EJ didn't know how this had happened but standing so close, whispering to one another - it was like they'd slipped into some kind of alternate reality where everything else in the world seemed to be fading around them until it was just the two of them, existing outside time, outside reality. There was only her now, nothing else and he could see in her eyes that she was feeling it too. He reached out a hand, unable to bear not being able to touch her any longer and gently began to stroke the calf of her left leg as they continued their hushed conversation.

"I do," said Sami all of a sudden breathless at the feeling of his hand gently caressing her bare flesh.

EJ moved his hand a little higher until he was tracing little circles on the back of her knee and Sami almost whimpered at the sensation.

"Don't…" she breathed, looking at him with anguish.

"Don't what Samantha?" he asked her just as quietly but his voice was beginning to roughen.

Don't touch me, don't come into my room uninvited, don't think that you have any right to put your hands on me ever…

These were all the things she meant to say, honestly, she did.

"Don't leave me," she said achingly, a tear slipping down her cheek.

Everyone who had ever meant something to her had eventually left her - her mother and father, her brother, Lucas, Austin, Brandon, Will… the list seemed endless. Some of them came back but others never had. She felt as though they'd all taken a piece of her heart with them and at times she was sure that all that was left of her heart was a broken and bloody mess.

"Samantha," he groaned, his free hand going immediately to cup her face and capture the tear, "I could never leave you, never, not in my wildest dreams - I don't have the strength!"

"EJ," she gasped but her next words were taken from her as he pulled her lips to his, capturing them in his mouth.