Title: The Coward Who Said No To Paradise

Prompt: 'After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her,' from The Diaries of Adam and Eve by Mark Twain

Rating: PG-13

Word Count: 750

A/N: none

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The Coward Who Said No To Paradise

The rest of them managed it with absolutely no problems at all. All the Weasley brothers managed to find a girl they loved and are living their happily ever afters with them. Ginny managed it as well, and she managed to live her happily ever after with the Saviour of the Wizarding World, no less. Quite an achievement.

George had managed it, too. Found the girl of his dreams in one of my ex-girlfriends which, contrary to popular belief, had never been an issue. Me and Angelina had gone out a few times, laughed a lot, but had never felt the compulsion to commit to each other. Years later she met George and found something in him that she had never found in me, and really, it didn't bother me. I was already married by then.

I'm giving the impression that I've never settled down, when I have. I married Rachel six years ago and I love her. She's just not the girl of my dreams.

The girl of my dreams married my younger brother and that was fine. When they married she was Hermione Granger, slightly bossy and occasionally annoying with her 'always has to be right' complex, but at the same time brilliant.

The brilliant bit struck me a couple of years after I got married and apparently it struck her that I was brilliant, too, around about the same time. Merlin knows why she thought I was worth risking her marriage for, but there was obviously something about me that she liked.

But after one very close call in Wheezes I decided we couldn't risk the upset it would cause. That's right, I, Fred Weasley, was utterly selfless and called it off. I said things like 'it would cause too much hurt' and 'we'd be outcast from the family' as reasons, and she agreed.

I'll never forgive her for that.

Inside I was begging her to tell me it wouldn't matter as long as we could be together, but she was being selfless like me and put other people first.

Selfless or just cowardly. I haven't decided yet.

Then a few years ago I told her I didn't care about anyone else anymore, that we should be together regardless of all that.

But then she got pregnant and that put that idea to rest.

My Goddaughter is the spitting image of her, except with Weasley red hair. Sometimes I wonder what mine and Hermione's children would look like. Rachel was never all that maternal, we came to the attitude of 'if it happens then fair enough, if not, we'll not lose any sleep over it'. Maybe if I had my own children I'd feel more guilty. Maybe the want to leave my wife and live a life with Hermione would die a little more every time I saw my child's smile.

But the want and need for Hermione hasn't gone, even though the opportunity has. Why? Because one of us is dead.

Selfishly, I wish it were me, because then I wouldn't have to grieve for someone I loved with all my heart, without looking as though I'm more upset than a brother-in-law should be.

That and I wouldn't have to live with the fact that I chose the easy way out. We could have had everything we both wanted and needed, but both took a step backwards and kidded ourselves that it was for the best.

Everyone's left the graveyard now, except me. I cry tears for her, for me, my little brother, my Goddaughter, and a new born baby that will never know his mother because of 'complications'. How, with all the magic in the world, she died while bringing another life into being, I'll never understand. But I don't have to understand it, I just have to live with it.

If I've never had it, I can't miss it, can I?

Wrong. Sobs are wracking through me and there's nothing I can do to stop them, and I don't want to. If I do this here and now I can carry on as is expected of me. I'll be the shoulder to cry on, I'll be the one giving words of comfort to Ron and the very confused four-year-old girl who just doesn't understand why her mummy isn't here anymore. I'll be the person I'm not and get on with it.

I'll be Fred Weasley, doting Godfather and supportive brother, and not the coward who said no to paradise.