Author's Note:

I'm soooo sorry this chapter was so late! Regrettably, both I and my beta were extremely busy, especially my beta. The poor dear was ATTACKED by a surprise visit from the grandparents. Have sympathy!

Please enjoy and I promise the next chapter will be up much sooner!

And PLEASE review! It takes five seconds and it gives me hope for the next chapter. If I can get five or six reviews per chapter, I'm happy. And, you could also review my other stuff, if you wanted. ^-^

Chapter Two: Kiddy Proofing

Five minutes of walking in relative silence and peace and…we reached my place! Shinra pays for my lodgings, so I'm sure you expect me to live in a veritable palace, right? Wrong! Nah, I live in a dorky little apartment in Edge City…no pets, no girls, no one bothers me. Not exactly a bachelors' paradise, but people give me space, leave me alone, and they don't ask questions. So I'm happy with my meager dwellings. Yep, but as I stood outside the door, I realized my home isn't…what's the word?

Kiddy proof.

"Umm, could you wait out here for a sec? I've to straighten up real quick inside." I questioned, bending down to Remona's level with an easy smile. The little girl looked uncertain, glancing around the dark back streets with a fearful look in her eyes. Major wince.

"Umm, fine. You can come in, but stay in the foyer, kay? I, err, need to fix things up a little." I mumbled, and stuffed a hand in my pocket; I retrieved my key. Shoving it into the lock, I yanked open the door, then I hurried the little girl inside and off the scary streets. Once within the dark foyer of my semi big apartment, I whirled around and grinned down at the little blondie.

"Now, you stay RIGHT HERE for a moment whilst I fix everything up. Then I'll show you around, give you the grand tour, and get you something to eat, kay?" I asked, and Remona nodded, smiling slightly as she glanced around.

"Okie dokie." Remona said cutely, making my eyes twitch. Good Gaia…she was waaaaaay too cute! It'd burn my retinas out before the night was up, I just knew it.

"I'll be right back!" I cried, and ran into my apartment, mind on overdrive. Kids, children….children, kids…what kind of environment did they like? I'm a Turk; I don't know these things! Do I look like "parent of the year" from the other side of a gun? I thought not. I mean, I know what sort of environment I liked: Alcohol, smokes, guns, brawls, and babes. Yep, not so kiddified, eh? I've got to clean all that up.

"Okay!" I exclaimed as I rubbed my hands together; and I glanced around my meager dwellings. What first? "Umm, cigarettes are definitely not good!" I started, rushing forward to my coffee table in front of the couch. Without a second thought, I grabbed up the cigarettes, ash, and ashtray, dumping them all into the garbage at the same time. With a slight flinch, I stared down at the ruined cigarettes with longing, but then Remona's face entered my mind, and I shrugged. I'm a Turk. A day or two without smokes wouldn't kill me.

Hurt like hell, yeah, but not kill me.

"Umm, alcohol…that's gotta go!" I dove for the wine bottles next, tossing them onto the top shelf of the closet in my bedroom, along with all my other junk. Next, I ran all through the apartment, grabbing up random items like guns, ammo, "interesting" magazines, homemade grenades, knives, handcuffs, money, and anything else I could find that I deemed unsuitable for children. I then tossed everything into my bedroom closet. In the end, I had to lean against the door to close it, but at least they were picked up and the living room looked kind of neat. A rare sight, ya might say.

Lastly, I turned to the TV. Not really knowing why, since she wasn't going to be around for too long, but I felt I should block all the adult channels and stuff. But that was cool, 'cause toons are way better to watch, anyways; in spite of the fact that Elena calls me immature and childish on a daily bases. To which I reply sophisticatedly: "I know you are, but what am I?"

Satisfied that at least the living room looked clean and tidy, I turned on my heel and marched off toward the foyer. Remona was still standing there, looking around with curious eyes; she glanced up at my approach.

"Okay, Remona! You can come on in now and I'll give ya the grand tour!" I offered with an easy grin. "Sorry 'bout the mess, but I ain't home all that often, ya know?" I apologized, leading her into the living room, proudly showing off my humble abode. Veeeery humble, if ya ask me…but blame Tseng! He's the one that issues forth my pathetically small paycheck.

"This is the living room, the basic hangout of my pad." I gestured around the most popular spot in my pad, complete with its couch, chairs, a coffee table, and a nice sized TV. I spent most of my time out there, feet up on table, smoke in one hand, beer in the other, as I watched those intellectual channels that help me relax. Ya know, cartoons and MTV.

"It's nice." Remona commented politely, her colorful eyes wandering around the room, as though she hadn't seen anything quite like it. Geez, if she was impressed with my measly living room, then she definitely doesn't get out much. Ah, well, I guess an orphan on the streets doesn't get "in" much, rather. It makes sense.

"Okay! Umm, I have three different junk – I mean, three different "guest" rooms." I corrected myself, as I led her through my junky kitchen, which only served as a container for take-out cartons and toxic waste. On the way through, I also showed her the bathroom and attic, which she smiled at and nodded. Quiet, nice kid, I guess. And now, I had reached the most important part of the tour: Her room for the night.

"Just glance in these three rooms and take your pick. Wherever you wanna stay for the night is fine with me." I explained with a shrug, pulling open the three rooms that were once the guest rooms and now served as waste holders. Heh, basically I tossed junk in them for, umm…"safekeeping". But they weren't too messed up, and I could always straighten them up while she was in the shower.

Sigh. Turk turned maid…how depressing.

"I can pick?" Remona asked, cocking her blonde head to the side curiously. Nodding, I grinned slightly and bowed with flourish.

"Yep! Just pick any one ya like and take it." I offered charitably, since I didn't really care. And seeing as how she was only going to be there for one night, she might as well take her pick, eh? I lifted my brows slightly as the girl went into one room, looked around, then into the other. It seemed to take forever! Finally, Remona stopped at the room closest to mine and whirled around.

"You live there, right?" She asked, pointing her little hand to my bedroom door. I nodded, giving her a curious look.

"Yep." Remona smiled slightly, and moved to the room closest to mine, gracing me with a triumphant look in her eyes.

"Okay! If you sleep there, I'll sleep here. Then I can be closer to you, Reno." Remona smiled like an angel…a puny, winged angel that had just shot a barbed arrow straight into what should be a black heart. Mine. Only, the way it kinda turned over in my chest, I figured it wasn't pitch black anymore.

"Umm…okay, sure, yeah." I mumbled, scratching at the back of my head as I tried not to look into her mesmerizing blue-purple eyes. Kids…that's what they are: Witches and spell casters in disguise. I had half a mind to check her for a Charm Materia.

"So!" I exclaimed, rubbing my hands together, trying to get my mind off the little charmer. "Whatcha wanna do now? Eat, shower, sleep…you name it, kid, and we can do it!" I grinned cheerfully, waving a hand about my humble abode; I gave her the chance to do whatever she wanted. It was only fair! She was the guest here, right? The little bundle of pathetic cuteness cocked her head to the side, thinking. Finally, she smiled uncertainly.

"I haven't had a bath in a long, long time. Could I…Reno?" Remona asked in that cute little voice of hers.

Inwardly, I sighed in relief. Bath! I could handle this… I could handle this! Just get the rug rat into the tub, find some food, get her to sleep, and then get her outta my hair. It was a brilliant plan, right? Yep, but I had the uncanny feeling something was going to go wrong… it was a rule of life: Anything that can go wrong will when dealing with small children and animals.

"A bath? Sure, kiddo! Allow me to escort you." I bowed theatrically, which enticed a small giggle from Remona. A cute, little squeaky laugh… my mind will be mush before the evenings up. Gesturing for her to follow, I lead the little blondie towards the bathroom door, and I opened it with flourish.

Remona looked in with slightly wider eyes. Yes, judging by her dank little outfit and smudged face, she hadn't see bath or soap in quite some time. You don't exactly get showers and hotel mints when you live on the streets. Shaking off those semi-dark thoughts, I smiled and crouched down in front of Remona.

"Okay! So, you go in there and shower to your hearts content. You can't change back into that…ugh, outfit, so I'll get you something to wear for the night. While you bathe, I'll rustle up some grub, kay?" I asked, patching my plan together. So far, bathing, clothing, and eating were as far as I got, but eventually I'd figure out how to survive the night, and what to do with her in the morning.

Remona smiled uncertainly, making a move towards the bathroom.

"Thank you, Reno." Not knowing why, I patted her little head, which caused her to giggle once more, and straightened with a smirk, watching her head into the bathroom.

"I'll lay your clothes on the sink in a minute!" I called, as she closed the door. As soon as I heard bath water, I was off and running. My mind, usually organized, was on overdrive. I mean, I was a Turk not a babysitter! For crying out loud, what do you do with kids? Why couldn't I have adopted a puppy instead?

"Okay! What to do, what to do?" I muttered under my breath was I darted into my room. First things first: She needed something to wear. I was not about to let a perfectly clean little girl get into that flea-infested rag of a dress. In fact, I made a mental note to have it burned later on. But what do I have in my closet a girl could wear? I mean, I'm a guy, and definitely taller then she is. Everything I wear is about twenty sizes too big for Remona.

"Improvise!" I commanded myself as I flung open my closet. All I had in there were two black suits (my uniform), a pair of jeans, a shirt, and a pajama set. The rest of my clothes were all spread out in various corners of my room and under the couch, waiting to be mercifully washed and hung back up again. Yeah, like THAT'D happen soon!

Hey! I never claimed I was neat.

I stared into the closet for five minutes before an idea hit me. Reaching inside, I grabbed the pajama set and tossed it on my bed. Next, I got out a pair of scissors and went to work shortening the arms and legs of the PJs. When finished, I held my creation up with a proud smile.

"Okay! It's still too big, but it'll do." I said decisively, taking a moment to bask in my geniusness. Yeah, I'm brilliant, I just made a pair of kid pajamas. Man, will Tseng be proud of me in the morning! Definitely gonna ask for a raise tomorrow.

"Step two, down!" I grinned, and took up the pajamas, leaping towards the bathroom. I paused in front of the door and cleared my throat, lightly tapping the door.

"Umm, Remona? I'm gonna take your dress and drop off some of my clothes you can wear for the night. Take your time in there, I have to get food." I called and shot my arm in, dropping down the pajamas and grabbing up her dress. Yes, burning it, instantly.

"Thank you, Reno!" A little voice called and my eyes darted into the bathroom. The only thing I could see was a pair of blue eyes coming from the midst of a mountain of white, foamy bubbles. I blinked. I don't even HAVE bubble bath… or do I? Boy, she's only been here for an hour and already she's trashed my bathroom.

Heh. It doesn't matter. After one of my harsher binges, I did worse things in that bathroom. I could clean it up tomorrow. For right now, I have a dress to burn and food to find. Whew! This is nearly as exhausting as being a Turk! Who knew a little blonde haired, blue-eyed girl could run me rampant?

Not I, says the Turk.