Chapter 4

JJ waited until Will had sat down before she chose to sit in a chair which was on the other side of the coffee table. She was pretty sure that Will wouldn't touch her now that he was sober, but she still felt the need to protect herself.

"Before we start," JJ began forcefully, "I need you to know that our relationship is definitely over. It was over before any of this happened and no apology can ever change that. I also need you to understand that you really scared me last night. I honestly had no idea that you could ever get violent like that. The fact that you did, and in front of Henry, means that I am really not comfortable with you having access to him on your own for the moment."

JJ saw Will wince as she finished her speech and almost began to feel sorry for him, but she had decided before she arrived at the house that these two facts were non-negotiable.

"I understand that JJ," Will said quietly, "I might not like it, but I do understand." He looked up slightly, although he was still avoiding her eye. "I am so sorry JJ. I can't believe what I have done to you. I know there are no excuses for what happened, but I'd like to try and explain. I had a hideous day at work – one of my team got shot – and I went drinking with the rest of the guys. I just lost control of myself."

"Damn right there are no excuses." JJ yelled at him. She felt herself getting angry. "How dare you try to lay that on me? We both have tough jobs. I don't resort to drinking myself into oblivion when I've had a bad day."

She saw Emily pop her head round the door to the kitchen, looking concerned, and realised that she must have been shouting pretty loud. She calmed herself, smiling slightly at her friend in an attempt to reassure her and continued more quietly; "You can't use your job as an excuse Will. If I am ever going to trust you with Henry in the future I need to know that every 'tough day' isn't going to end up like yesterday."

"I'm sorry JJ," Will said, "I didn't mean to sound like I was trying to excuse my behaviour. You're right not to trust me with Henry. I'm not sure if I trust myself with him." Will was crying now as he continued, "My Father would actually kill me if he was still around to know what I've done and my Mom has already crucified me over the phone." He looked up at JJ for the first time. "She asked me to tell you that she is incredibly sorry that this has happened and would totally understand it if you never wanted to speak to her again, but that she would love to hear from you if you felt that you could forgive her."

"She has nothing to be sorry for." JJ told Will. "I'll call her later and tell her that she is not responsible for your actions. I won't be punishing her for what you did – she can still see Henry. Maybe we could arrange your access through her. You can't see him alone, but I trust her to keep him safe."

"I would appreciate that JJ" said Will. "I've decided to move back to New Orleans, so I'll be close to her anyway. They've arranged to transfer me back when my suspension has finished so I'll be out of here in a week. I can stay in a hotel until then."

"There's no need," JJ replied, "I'll be staying at Emily's place this week anyway so you can stay here and sort out your things."

"I'm really sorry that things have ended up like this Jayje," Will said, his face full of emotion. "I'll get out of your way now so that you can pack what you need for the next few days."

"I'll call you in a few weeks to talk about access." JJ said tiredly, looking down at her hands. The discussion had really taken it out of her. She heard Will stand up and then heard the front door open and close. She sat back in the seat and let out a huge sigh of relief. It hadn't been an easy conversation, but she felt happier about the situation than she had before.

She took her phone out of her bag and called Will's Mother. Lydia answered after the first ring.

"JJ? Thank you so much for calling." She said tearfully.

"That's OK Lydia. I don't want to lose contact with you. Henry needs his Nana." JJ replied gently. She could tell that the older woman was crying and wanted to reassure her.

"Oh God. Are you sure?" Lydia questioned, "I felt so sure that you'd never let any of us see him again – and I wouldn't have blamed you. I'm sorry JJ. I don't know how this happened – I didn't bring him up to be like this."

"I know you didn't Lydia. You have nothing to apologise to me for – this is completely down to him. I don't blame you at all." As JJ finished talking she leant forward in her chair and pinched the bridge of her nose, with the lingering effects of concussion and the emotional conversations, her head was killing her.

She continued in her attempts to reassure Lydia; "I've just said to Will that I'll arrange with you about him seeing Henry. I don't want him alone with Henry at the moment, but it would be OK with you there."

"That's great JJ," Lydia said more calmly, "but this is not just about me seeing Henry – as important as that is. I don't want to lose our friendship either."

JJ felt tears beginning to fill her eyes and mentally cursed herself - she was sick of crying. "Of course we won't Lydia. We'll sort something out."

The emotion and exhaustion must have shown in her voice as Lydia quickly said, "I think you've had enough for now JJ. Call me in few days and we'll talk more."

"Thanks Lydia" JJ said as she disconnected the call. She put the phone on the table and leant forward with her head in her hands, exhausted.