Chapter 5: Her Past
The shack was very small and barren; it was probably some place that a weary traveler might stop and rest in. Still, it was better than being outside in the middle of that chaotic storm. Beatrix situated herself near the middle of the room, watching the rain smear down the tiny windows located at the front of the shack. She looked over at Lavi occasionally, to see him pacing or just staring off into nothingness. The rain had impeded their arrival at the German branch, but it wasn't something either of them could fix.
"Lavi," Beatrix said, breaking the silence. "By the strength of the storm, and my experience with weather here in Germany, I'm pretty sure that this rain won't stop till after it goes dark."
"Then we'll travel by night." Lavi said, staring at her, a serious look plastered on his face. "You know the way, of course."
"Yes," Beatrix said, as she wrapped her arms around her legs. "But I won't travel at night. Dark spirits lost from death travel these woods at night, and it would be foolish to cross their paths."
"You're not serious, are you?" Lavi said, looking at her face questionably.
"Yes, I am." Beatrix said, putting her head in her lap. The memories of her past were slowly coming to the surface of her mind, and she didn't want to dwell on them.
They didn't look at each other, until a clap of thunder resounded loudly, shaking the shack. Beatrix looked up, trying to figure out how far away the strongest part of the storm was from their location. By the next clap of thunder, the storm was a few miles away from them, and would calm down considerably by the time the fiercest part passed over them. She drifted her gaze over to Lavi, who was staring at her, calculating her expression with his gaze. Finally he just drifted his gaze away from hers, as he stretched his legs out and let out a sigh.
"So," He said, starting up another conversation. "This is the forest that you call home, huh?"
"Called home," Beatrix said bitterly. "My 'home' now is at the Order. You should know that perfectly well."
"Sure, if you say so." Lavi said, sounding unconvinced. "Anyway, indulge me with stories from your childhood. I've never heard anything about your past, except for the fact that you were born and raised here in Germany."
She just stared at him, the tears welling up in her eyes, making her turn away. "Well, maybe that's a good thing. I don't know anything about your past, so I think that its only fair that I keep mine to myself."
"Fine," He said, quietly. "Sorry for asking too much of you. Still, we have time to pass, so why don't you tell me a little story about this forest?"
"That," She said, staring out the window. "Is something that I can do. So... this story is about, a group of travelers. They were born throughout this forest, and that was the main bond between all of them. The travelers were born as poor as the forest, and they had to find a way to survive. So they began to perform the music that the forest spirits had taught them as they dwelt among the protective trees and listened to the breezes that swept through those same trees, cooling them on those almost unbearable summer days. Soon, music led to dancing, and other things, and the travelers soon became a band of performers. The women soon saw this as a token of good luck and prosperity for the group, and made everyone matching apparel; dresses for the females and tunics for the men. They were bland colors, except for the emblem that was sown onto the lower left hand corner. The emblem was a small black bear standing on top of a multi-colored star. It stood for the strength that all of the performers had, as well as the uniqueness each one of them possessed."
Beatrix paused for a moment, letting a smile find its way onto her face. She remembered that dress so well, like it had just been yesterday that she had been wearing it. "Still, though the group was together, many things tried to pull them apart. Sometimes, when they wandered too close to a certain village on the outskirts of the forest, they were mocked and beaten, taken as the low life peasants they really were. Still, they took the blows and mockery and continued on their way, because they knew that there was a place that they were welcomed. Still, the thing that none of them could control or stop that dismantled the group was illness. Being poor, they had no means to protect themselves against the deadly diseases that they would come in contact with. So, many lay dying from things that none of them knew how to cure, and the whole group watched in horror as they slowly slipped away."
A few tears trickled against her face, as she tried to pull herself together. Still, the name she tried to keep away from her thoughts was echoing through her mind, filling her with grief and sadness. She just laid her head back in her lap, and just tried to clear her mind by concentrating on the sound of the falling rain. Soon, she pushed it all back, and looked back up at Lavi with an apologetic smile on her face.
"Sorry." She said, shaking her head. "Now where was I in the story?"
"What story?" Lavi said, getting up. "That was a nice little memory of your past. So what were you in this traveling band? A singer?"
"I wish!" Beatrix said, laughing. "My singing would kill people, not entice them."
"I don't think so." Lavi said, moving over to where she was seated. "So, maybe a dancer?"
"Good job." She said, her smile slowly fading.
"Ah, Trixi the dancer." He said, amusing himself with this thought. "I'm sure you were the best out of all of them huh?"
"No, I wasn't." She said shaking her head. "The best was..... my sister."
"Your sister?" He said scratching his head.
"Yes." Beatrix replied, closing her eyes, trying to remember her sister. "Her name was Adelaide, but everyone called Addie. She was beautiful in every aspect; her physical appearance to the way she danced and sang. Everyone in our traveling group thought she was a miracle bestowed upon us."
"Well," Lavi said, sitting beside her. "If she was related to you, there's no doubt that she was a wonderful person."
"Thanks." Beatrix said, smiling at the compliment. "I wish you could have met her."
"Don't tell me you've lost contact with her?" Lavi said, peering into her face.
Beatrix just looked at him, and turned away as she started to cry again. Could he really be this ignorant? Why would she have left her sister and joined the Order?
"No," She lamented, shaking her head slowly. "She's..dead."
Everything got silent all too quickly. She knew that this had made Lavi regret what he had said before, about her losing contact with her sister. It wasn't his fault, though; she knew that he was trying to make the most out of the situation that she had given him. Suddenly, he wrapped his arms around her, and the pain of her memories seem to flood out at that moment. She curled herself around his embrace, and just wallowed in all that she had lost. Tears fell, and there was a lot of sniffling, but his touch made her realize that those things were in her past, and she had better things to be worrying about now, like helping protect the German branch.
"There, there." Lavi said, trying to coax her. "I'm sorry for bringing up bitter memories."
"It's not your fault." Beatrix said, reassuring him. "Being here, it would have come up sooner or later."
"If you say so." He said, releasing her from his embrace. "Well, it's pretty late isn't it? I think we should be heading off to sleep soon, since we'll be up pretty early tomorrow morning."
"You're right." She said, agreeing with his suggestion. "I'm pretty tired anyway."
"You're always tired, Trixi." He replied, laughing. "Well, you can have the left side of the shack, and I'll stay on the other side. Is that alright with you?"
"Of course." She said, giving him a smile. "Thank you for being so considerate."
He just nodded and got up, and made his way to his side of the shack. He sat down, his back facing her. She slipped off her jacket and boots, and made her way over to the opposite side of the shack. The floor was cool under her feet, and it sent a shiver down her spine. She put her jacket back onto her shoulders, and tucked her feet beneath her.
"You can turn around now, Lavi." Beatrix said, closing her eyes. "I'm going to bed now. Good night."
"Night, Trixi." Lavi replied.
She moved to the wall, and laid her head against it. She could hear the dull pattern of the rain falling outside, and just concentrated on that. Soon, her thoughts grew calm, and she was able to fall into a some what pleasant sleep.
A breeze was sweeping through the meadow, making the flowers around them move. It was a beautiful sight; spring flowers of every color moving in the afternoon sunlight. Beatrix let out a happy sigh, as she continued to braid the flowers she held in her hands. Addie was sitting behind her, brushing Beatrix's hair with the greatest of ease.
"I'm glad they chose to make camp here." Beatrix, said, turning to smile at Addie. "It's so beautiful here around the lake during the spring."
"True." Addie said, smiling back. "Everyone needed a break anyway. We've been kicked out of far too many towns lately, and it seems like everyone's spirits have been down. This is the perfect way to just relax and enjoy the nature around us."
"Kind of like Everett, huh?" Beatrix remarked, looking down at the lake where a young man sat, his fishing pole held comfortably in his hands. "I sure hope he catches a fish. It's been a long time since we've had any meat."
"Silly Beatrix!" Addie said, laughing. "Of course he's going to catch some fish. He's the best hunter in our group!"
"Yeah right." Beatrix said, rolling her eyes. "You're just saying that because you're engaged to him."
Addie made a face at her sister, and turned away with a small huff. Beatrix watched her sister, seeing if she was truly upset or just messing around with her. After a few seconds, Addie turned back around, a goofy smile in her face. Beatrix smiled back, and she knew that it had all been a joke. She turned back around, and resumed her work on the flower crown she was making for Addie and her friend, Lydie.
Soon, Addie began to cough, but Beatrix though nothing of it. It seemed that ever since Addie had that cold during the winter months, the cough persisted and still hadn't went away. She had tried herbal brews of every kind to get rid of it, but nothing had seemed to help. Suddenly, the coughing got deeper and and something fell behind Beatrix. She turned around, to see Addie laying down, her eyes closed and her face pale. Beatrix put her hands on her sister's shoulders, and shook her gently. Suddenly, Addie's hand fell to the ground, the blood dripping off of her palm onto the warm earth below. Screaming, Beatrix got up and ran down the hill, calling for help.
The rain drops fell from the tree top above, mingling with the tears that fell rapidly down Beatrix's face. She had been sitting here for a day already, staring broken hearted down at her sister's grave. After the incident at the lake, Addie only stayed with her a few more months, promising her that nothing was wrong with her. How could she die on her! She had her whole life in front of her! Nothing would ever be the same without her sister by her side.
"Beatrix." Everett said from behind her, as he placed his hand on her shoulder. "Come, we need to stay out of the rain. You don't want to get sick do you?"
"I don't care anymore." Beatrix said, her voice barely a whisper.
"Please, don't speak like this anymore." He replied, trying to coax her. "I"m as hurt and sad as you are over Addie's death. Life will never be the same without her, but I know that she would want us to keep on living for her sake. Don't you agree?"
Beatrix sat for a few moments, pondering on what he had said. She knew that he was right, but wallowing in her grief was all she thought she could do. She turned back around and stared at Everett, and nodded slowly.
"You're right." Beatrix said, coming to agree with what he said.
"I'm glad you understand." Everret said, giving her a gentle smile. "Let's go back to our tent and rest a little bit. You've been out here for a long time."
She nodded, and with his help she got up, and he led the way back to the tent.
"Stop!!" Beatrix screamed, as Everett pushed his way into her. "Everett, stop!"
"Never." Everett said, his voice harsh and low. "This is what I expected to get from your sister, and since she's dead, I'll get what I want from you."
"You're crazy!!" She screamed as he pushed in again.
He just laughed, and continued on at his pace. She continued to scream, feeling her flesh trip and tear each time that he force himself into her. This was never supposed to happen to her; she was only thirteen, and this was something she thought would never come to be. She had heard of men roughly handling women for their own sake, but she never expected this out of any man she knew, especially Everett. She tried to wiggle out of his touch, but he was pinning her down with his great strength.
All she knew to do was scream louder, which made Everett lift his hand up to smack her, silencing her for a moment. She started to cry her body going cold under his touch and from all of the pain. He just started to moan, trying to cover her cries. She cried louder, and began to scream again. Finally, he lifted his hand and tried to place it over her mouth, and Beatrix decided to make the most out of this opportunity. She bit into his hand violently, until she tasted his blood in her mouth. He let out a violent roar of sorts, and released his grip on her. She quickly slipped herself out from beneath him, and gathered up the ends of her tattered, mud covered dress.
She picked up her speed as it started to rain, knowing that she had a lot of ground to cover. She wanted to get as far away from his as she could, so she would never be faced with that kind of situation. All she knew that if he did this once, he would do it again. How could he do this to her? Didn't he care for her like a sister? Were all men secretly like this? Would anyone care for her if they found her like this, bloody and abused?
She ran for a long time, her mind concentrating on these questions. She was in a deeper part of the forest that she never remembered being in, and knew that this was somewhere that Everett would never find her, nor anyone else out of her traveling group. They said that there was a dark magic being practiced in this area, and it was a place forbidden for anyone in the traveling group to come into, unless in very great peril. She turned onto a winding path, and fell to the muddy earth near a large oak tree.
As she sat, her mind grew to answer the questions it had repeated on its way to this spot. Everett never cared, and was not the kind of man he displayed in public. All men were probably like this, and they would do it to her again. Men were not to be trusted. No one was meant to be trusted. If she sat here, and a man came along, what would she do? She was too weak to fend him off, and she couldn't stand the horror of being put through that shame again.
Coming to only one conclusion, she slowly slipped out the tiny dagger that she kept tucked from sight in her bodice. She unsheathed it, and stared at its polished metal. In that metal, she saw her reflection and was disgusted with it that she had to look away, as she began to sob uncontrollably. She lifted her wrist, and gave it a quick slice with the dagger, and felt the blood start to flow steadily from it, as well as the pain. She slit her other wrist quickly as well, and sat staring at the crimson color spilling out around her pale skin.
She started to loose consciousness after a while, and fell over, her body unable to sit up. She watched the rain drizzle through the trees from the dark gray clouds above. Finally, her eyes began to close, as her breathing became shallow and uneven.
"Addie," Beatrix thought, as the darkness flooded her mind. "I'm coming to be with you. We'll be together again, and nothing can separate us this time."
Beatrix awoke with a start, her heart beating rapidly in her ears. She felt a throbbing in her wrists, and knew that her past had come back to haunt her, just like she expected it to. Pressing her wrists close to her chest, she rocked herself slowly, trying to calm her mind. Her mind ceased to be quieted, and sent her into a fit of anxiety and grief, her tears flowing abundantly down her cold face.
Looking across the shack, she saw the outline of Lavi's body in the darkness. Getting up slowly, she made her way to the other side of the shack silently and sat beside him. She sat staring at his peaceful, sleeping face, and wished so badly to be him, free of haunting memories that tortured her. She knew that he was always there for her when she needed him, and drew the conclusion that he could somehow help her now as well.
Reaching down, she gently grabbed hold of his sleeve, and tugged on it. He stirred after a moment, and opened his eyes in the darkness, probably wondering who or what had woken him up. Soon, his eyes met hers, and they grew large with the understanding that something was wrong with her. He got up slowly, sweeping the hair out of his face, so he could see her better.
"Beatrix? What's wrong?" He whispered, greatly concerned.
She just threw herself onto him, hiding her face in his chest, like a little child would do when they were frightened by something. She began to sob uncontrollably, her body shaking and trembling, after reliving the horror of what Everett had done to her seven years ago, as well as her attempt at suicide.
"It's not fair!" She thought, as she cried in despair. "Why do I still have to live? I never wanted to live with these memories!"
Soon, Lavi wrapped his arms around her, and just sat there, rubbing her back. He began to hum gently, like one would to a tired baby who couldn't fall asleep. It felt somewhat soothing, and after a while her mind grew calmer, and she was able to clear her mind from those horrid truths of her past. Her crying soon died down, though she continued to sniffle from time to time.
"There, there." Lavi whispered, continuing to coax her. "No more worries, Beatrix. I'm here now, and everything will be alright."
She just nodded, and sat there in his arms, listening to his heart beat. It was soothing knowing that after all that had happened to her, she could be embraced by a man and not scream and fling herself away from him. She started to close her eyes, and let out a small huff of air, continuing to concentrate on the pattern of his heart beats.
He soon let go of her, and pushed his hair out of his face, and sat there staring at her. She just wiped her face, and gave a small yawn. She looked back up at him, and saw that there was now a small smile on his face, and wondered what he was thinking about her at this moment in time.
"You're sleepy huh, Trixi?" He said, placing his hand on her head.
She nodded slowly, and watched him remove his hand and start to get up. As soon as his back was turned from her, Beatrix felt her fears slowly rising back, and couldn't know why. She grabbed a hold of Lavi's pant leg, making him turn around. She looked up at him, and he just shook his head and smiled gently.
"Come on." He said, offering her his hand.
She took his hand, and he helped her up. He grabbed his Order jacket and led her to the other of the shack, where he sat down. She sat down beside him, staring at him. He just looked over at her, as he closed his eyes.
"You said you were tired right?" He said, handing her his jacket. "Well, you can rest now. I'll be right here next to you, so you don't have to worry about anything."
She rested her head against his arm, which he moved after a moment, so that her head was resting against his chest. She placed his jacket around her, and closed her eyes. She was wrapped in his warmth, as well as his smell, and it was so comforting to her that she could scarcely believe it. She soon heard him let out a light snore, and knew that he had quickly fallen asleep. She slowed her breathing, and fell into a dreamless sleep as a loud clap of thunder resounded in the distance.