Sheppard reached the door of the isolation room and hesitated in the sanctuary of that quiet corridor. What was he afraid of? It was Elizabeth sitting on the other side of that door – all the tests she'd undertaken so far had confirmed that. He was going to talk to a friend, that was all.

The two guards stationed either side of the doorway glanced at him, but said nothing. They obviously knew it wasn't their business to ask why he wasn't going in even though they were itching to do so; they were just there to make sure she didn't get out, nothing more. Taking a deep breath to steady himself, he waved his hand past the door control and it pulled back to grant him entrance.

Elizabeth lifted her head as the door drew back, looking worried as he approached and stopped a few feet short of the bed. She nodded and gave him a wry smile. 'At least you didn't come wrapped up in a hazmat suit.'

'Orange isn't really my colour,' he quipped, scratching his hair while he wondered what to do with his hands. He opted for plunging them into his pockets instead.

'It's good to see a friendly face without the distortion of a mask,' she said, her eyes fixing on him with such intensity that he found himself forced to look away. 'You always seem to know what to do to make people feel more comfortable. I've always admired that about you.'

He'd never been much good at handling compliments, not even from his friends. 'I think McKay would disagree with that assessment,' he snorted, feeling suddenly self-conscious.

'Ah, but even the way you play one-upmanship with Rodney is your way of bolstering him, isn't it? You know how much he enjoys that game.'

Clearly Elizabeth knew him much better than he'd realised. He smirked into his chest and nodded. 'I suppose he does.'

'And you spar with Ronon, even though you know he'll kick your butt.'

'Not every time,' he protested, but he knew it was true even as he denied it. Ronon always picked sports Sheppard was less skilled in and wiped the floor with him without fail, but he didn't mind. His friend enjoyed it, so he let him have his moments of victory.

'And then there's Teyla. You show her respect and listen to her advice– something that makes her feel a valued part of your team.'

'Well, she is...'

'And here, now, you've done the one thing no one else has dared to do since my return. You've shown you trust me. Everyone else comes in here suited up, but you just walk in here in your everyday uniform and treat this like it's just another conversation.'

'And that's what it is, isn't it?' he asked, peering at her from under lowered brows.

'You didn't tell Rodney to reactivate the nanites to save me, did you?' she asked, taking him by surprise. They hadn't really discussed the ins and outs of who had taken the decision to save her that way – there hadn't been time with the city dying around them – but he hadn't given the fact any thought since then. He supposed it was only natural she'd want answers.

'Why do you ask?'

'Because I know you, John Sheppard. You would never have done something so irresponsible while in control of the city. You would have said the risks outweighed the benefits, and you would have been right.'

He felt his face colour up at the strength of her belief in him. All through his military career he'd been criticised by his superiors for his rash behaviour, but Elizabeth had always believed in him, even after they'd disagreed on the best approach to problems, and there had been a few occasions like that in their early days on Atlantis. They'd had a bond, a shared understanding of the pressures of leadership, and through that bond they had grown to trust one another implicitly over the years.

'We didn't really have time to discuss it before leaving for Asuras, but I had some time to think about it after Oberoth dumped me on that planet. I realised you would never have sanctioned something so dangerous,' she explained.

'You were fading. Dr Keller had tried everything humanly possible to save you before coming up with the idea of reactivating the nanites. Rodney planned to program them to use raw materials from your own body to affect the repairs needed to keep you alive, but you crashed and he had to make a quick decision about what to do. He didn't want to lose you; none of us did.'

She nodded as she listened, catching his eye to make him look at her as she spoke. 'Where were you when all this happened?'

'I was helping Radek with some repairs to the station so we could reactivate the hyperdrive. There was a gaping hole to cross and we had to suit up to get across it, so there wasn't time to contact me and get the go-ahead.'

'Not that you would have given it.'

'Well, no, that's true.'

Silence descended on the room, and Sheppard wondered if, or rather hoped, it signalled the end of their conversation. He didn't do deep and meaningful, not even with people like Elizabeth, and was already feeling uncomfortable with the one-to-one situation they found themselves in. He longed for the casual ease with which they used to talk, the playful nudges, smirks, and jibes that had accompanied so many of their previous chats. Everything felt different now...

'You know you did the right thing leaving me behind with the Replicators, don't you?' she asked, reigniting their discourse.

He couldn't meet her gaze this time, worried she would see how much discomfort the thought of that event caused him. He felt he'd let her down, that he'd led her into danger and left her there to fend for herself, even though he knew there was nothing else he could have done. It wasn't a good feeling, and certainly not one he appreciated being reminded of.

'I'm not used to taking people out on missions and not bringing them back again,' he said quietly, kicking at something invisible on the floor. 'I wanted to come after you, but the IOA said it was too risky –'

'And they were right, just like you were right about the nanites. In an ideal world, none of this would have happened, and I would now be on my way home in a box. But it did, and if my having these damned things inside me means we managed to save the lives of every person on Atlantis, then I'm willing to put up with them.'

'The IOA wants me to question you about your time in Asuran hands. You think you're up to it?' he asked.

'I will be, just as soon as I've got myself cleaned up,' she replied with surprising cheer.

He smiled at that. Elizabeth was always immaculately presented, and the fact she hadn't had a chance to clean up properly in days was probably driving her nuts. 'I'll ask Teyla to get you some clean clothes and keep an eye on you while you freshen up,' he offered.

She forced on a wavering smile, then to his surprise, she burst into tears. He stood frozen to the spot, unable to approach her, although he wasn't sure what he would have done so even if he'd been able to.

'Oh...no...Elizabeth, please...please don't cry!'

'I'm sorry,' she sobbed, scrubbing the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand. 'I promised myself I wouldn't do this...I don't even know why I'm crying. I should be happy for heaven's sakes. I'm just so relieved to see you again.'

Battling with his own fragile grip on his emotions, he nodded his understanding. 'You've been through a rough few days, Elizabeth. It's only natural you should need to let it all out.'

That brought another smirk to her face as she struggled to regain her composure. 'Not that you ever do that.'

He frowned, wondering where she was going with this line of conversation.

'You're the last person out of everyone I consider a close friend to come and see me, John. Rodney, Teyla, Ronon...they all stopped by yesterday to say how glad they were to have me back, even Radek put in a appearance, but there was no sign of you...not after you brought me here.'

'I'm sorry. I should have come, but overseeing the repairs to Atlantis is taking up a lot of my time.'

The look she gave him told him she didn't believe his story. It did sound pretty lame. Right now, they were completely devoid of any external threat; there was no reason he couldn't have spared ten minutes from his busy schedule...not that he'd had that full a day other than dealing with her reappearance. He'd reported the development to Stargate Command, and only an hour later had been asked to update the IOA about the situation. They had agreed to allow him some time to assess the situation and come up with a plan to neutralise any potential threat, giving them regular updates of any progress or developments. That was half the reason he'd insisted on the feed from the isolation room to his office; at least that way he could give them up to date and first hand observations whenever they requested them. He was glad Elizabeth didn't seem to know he'd spent most of the day in his office watching her, though. He figured he'd feel pretty creeped out if he knew someone was observing him that closely.

'That's no excuse. You're right; I should have come to see you,' he conceded, dropping his head in shame.

'It wasn't meant as a criticism, John. Teyla told me you haven't been yourself since the mission to the Replicator home world, neither you nor Rodney have. I just meant that your not coming here to speak to me tells me you're not venting your emotions. I imagine you feel bad about leaving me behind. Am I right?'

Sheppard chewed anxiously on his bottom lip, grimacing at the thought of putting the guilt rattling through his mind into words. He wasn't an expressive man – thanks to his father's influence – and he doubted that was going to change any time soon. When his mother had died, he hadn't seen his father shed a single tear, although there were times at night, when he lay in bed unable to sleep because he missed her so much, he thought he'd heard him sobbing. There was never any sign of sentiment in the man the next day, though, so John had always left his suspicions unspoken. As a result, both he and his brother, David, had grown up fast, and neither of them wore their heart on their sleeve...unless bickering could be classed as a valid exchange of emotions.

'I should never have agreed to take you on that heist,' he said, his voice croakier than normal as he spoke. 'You were fresh out of the infirmary and hadn't had time to get used to your new circumstances...it wasn't fair on you.'

He heard her sigh and looked up to see the sadness in her eyes as she gazed back at him, gripping the edge of her bed tightly as if it helped her remain composed. 'I wanted to do it, John. And if you hadn't taken me along, I doubt Atlantis would be in the fortunate situation it finds itself in now.'

'I know...that's what's so difficult for me to get my head round. I suppose somewhere inside I know leaving you was the only choice I could make, but...'

'...it wasn't easy.'

'No...no, it wasn't.'

She tilted her head to the side and smiled again. 'Well, maybe now you understand a little of how I felt every time you took yourself off on one of your damned suicide missions to save the city,' she joked. 'You think I wanted to agree?'

He huffed a laugh out into his chest. 'But I'm a military man. I'm paid to put my life on the line.'

He looked up at her in time to see her nod of agreement. 'Okay; I take your point. But perhaps now you understand now how I felt when I had to leave you in Kolya's hands, knowing he intended to torture and kill you.'

Time seemed to stand still. They'd never openly discussed their feelings over that matter. They'd just written up their reports – clear, logical and detached – as if it had been any other day on Atlantis. He'd always suspected the events had made a greater impact on his friend than she'd let on, and that perhaps the reason she didn't speak of them was because she was afraid of making him emotionally shutdown even further than his natural instincts told him to whenever Kolya's name was brought up in conversation. The pain of that feeding had been far beyond anything he'd ever endured in his life. Nothing in his SERE training at Fairchild Air Force Base had prepared him for the pain he was exposed to in that cold and desolate Genii warehouse. In training, he'd been stripped, hooded, humiliated, left cold, hungry and thirsty for days on end, and deprived of sleep until he felt like his eyes would fall out of their sockets, but it hadn't even come close to the mental and physical strain of that feeding. At Fairchild, he'd known those interrogating him didn't really want him dead, and he'd kept that thought at the back of his mind throughout it all, knowing the utter degradation would make him stronger. The only thing that had kept him sane through Kolya's torture was the thought that the dehumanising agony of having the life sucked out of him couldn't last for more than a day because, being fed upon at three hourly intervals, he knew he would be dead before the next sunrise. Now, after her own brush with death, it seemed Elizabeth thought this was an appropriate time to tackle the subject. He only wished he felt the same way.

'Elizabeth, I gave you my authority command not to fulfil any demands Kolya made,' he said flatly, his body already beginning to shut down the anger and fear trying to surface.

'And I gave you my authority command to leave me behind on Asuras. Did that make you feel any less guilty?'

After a pause, he shook his head. No, it hadn't, because he still thought there should have been another way around the situation. He supposed she'd probably felt much the same way about the torture she'd watched him endure.

'It took me weeks of talking to Dr Heightmeyer to convince myself I'd done the right thing in not handing over Ladon Radim to Kolya. I hardly knew the man, didn't know if we could really trust him, and yet I chose to protect him over saving your life because of the promise of a Genii Alliance. As it turns out, it was the right call, but the nightmares and the second thoughts after seeing what Kolya did to you troubled me for a long time.'

He chewed his lip again, averting his gaze. 'I didn't know that.'

'No, well it's not exactly something I go around advertising,' she confessed. 'I know you won't want to use Kate, but you have friends who will listen if you ever want to talk...including me.'

Embarrassed by her offer, he just stared at his boots. 'I'll bear that in mind.'

'For about ten seconds,' she quipped, giving him her trademark smirk as he looked up at her. 'You're a good man, John Sheppard. You have a lot of friends on Atlantis, all of whom are willing to help you keep this place running until the IOA decide what to do. Make sure you use them. Don't try to shoulder everything yourself.'

'I know, and I will,' he assured her, wondering if that was another of those promises made with no way of knowing if it would ever be kept.

Unexpectedly, Elizabeth's tears welled up again, and she dropped her face into her hands to cover them from him. 'Oh, don't look at me...I'm such a mess,' he heard her muffled voice cry into her palms.

'No you're not,' he insisted, taking a step toward her, then remembering he couldn't get too close. 'Everyone understands if you need to cry. You almost died out there – alone...'

She lifted her head proudly and sniffed back more tears. 'I did, and I don't know how I would've coped if that jumper hadn't come by. I'd have been stranded there like Robinson Crusoe.'

'Well, maybe you would have found yourself a nice Man Friday to settle down with and raise a few kids,' he suggested, giving her his crooked smile as he rocked back on his heels.

She laughed at his joked, giving him a lingering look that made his cheeks burn. 'I'm so glad I made it back to you,' she said softly, with no hint of a joke in her tone.

Embarrassed, John shuffled his feet some more, pushing his hands still deeper into his pockets. 'Me, too. You know I'd give you a welcome back hug if I could, right?'

'Liar,' she smirked. 'Getting a hug from you is harder than finding a ZPM.'

'Yeah, you might be right about that. Look, why don't I go arrange that shower and clean clothes for you, and then we'll have that official 'chat' the IOA are so keen for us to have.'

'Sounds good. The sooner it's done the better.'

'Can I get you anything else?'

'No, I'm fine. You get back to your duties. This place doesn't run itself, you know.'

'Believe me, I know,' he assured her.

'Oh, and John. I want you to know that if the IOA decides my having the nanites inside me is too big a security risk and they ask you to disable them, I'm okay with that. I don't want anyone else in this city to come to any harm because of me.'

The thought sent a chill through him, but he hid it from her. 'It won't come to that, Elizabeth. We'll figure something out.'

'I hope so. But I wanted you to know if that's the decision the IOA makes, I fully support it. I don't want this to become just one more thing for you to bottle up. Understood.'

Sheppard nodded, his emotions surging within him, battling to rise to the surface. He turned away before they broke loose and didn't turn back as he reached the door, relieved their one-to-one was over and he'd emerged reasonably unscathed. But there was one feeling still nagging at him, one that would not go away or be ignored.