Happy Campers
Chapter 24 – Look what you've done
"I love you" Spencer stiffens the second the confession leaves my lips. It was too soon…
Shit! She's not saying anything. That's a bad thing right, or is it a good thing? What the hell am I meant to do to fix this; it wasn't just a tiny slip up like calling her dad a loser, no this was a big issue. Why do people always say the wrong thing the second the heat gets turned up a notch?
I was just about to beg Spencer to talk to me, but she shook her head and reclaimed my lips...what does this mean?
I've just let slip that I love her and she's trying to get our make out session going again. This isn't how it's meant to happen. Spencer is meant to have tears in her eyes because she is so happy. She's meant to confess her undying love for me. Why isn't she doing any of those things? This kiss stops now.
I move my hands to Spencer's shoulders and push her away; not roughly, but firmly enough that she doesn't fight it...much. I look into her eyes, trying to figure out what is going on in her mind. No luck, she's confused and that is all.
"What's wrong babe?" Spencer huffs.
What's wrong, WHAT'S WRONG! Is she seriously asking me that, I've just confessed my love for her and she doesn't see what's wrong with this picture? I'm sorry, but no one is that clueless.
"Spencer didn't you hear what I just said a second again?" I ask, looking at her in utter disbelief.
"I heard exactly what you said Ashley. It was just the heat of the moment that made you say it, you didn't mean it." She says. Look at her, telling me what I do and do not mean. I don't go sprouting of the 'L' word to everyone, not even during the heated moments.
"I mean it's only been two weeks, and you can't even know what love is at your age." She continues, apparently no realising that her words might as well be nails, because they don't half hurt when they sink in.
I'm not looking at Spencer anymore. I can feel the tears in my eyes, just rimming the edges enough to blur the woods earthy floor.
I don't speak a word as I turn around and head back towards the edge of woods, if I try to talk I know I'll just break down and I will not let her see what she's done. I'm not saying that she did it on purpose because Spencer wouldn't do that, but that doesn't make it ok.
Spencer called my name as I walked away from her; she was getting louder each time. Probably confused, or maybe even scared. I continued to ignore her as I reached the edge, I could tell that she hadn't actually moved from where I had left her because her voice was fading.
When her calling was no more than a whisper in the wind, I broke down and cried harder than I can remember. I haven't cried like this since my mom passed. That familiar ache in my chest scares me, it shouldn't feel like this. This ache only came when I was alone after my mom left.
Why is it appearing now?
God these tears are burning. I don't remember how I got here, but I've managed to stumble my way to Barb's kitchen. I can hardly see where I'm going, but I can hear Barb's up beat whistling. It only makes me cry harder, I can't hear the tune anymore, my sobs have deafened me.
My legs feel like there about to give out, and just as they were going to let me drop, I was wrapped in two strong arms.
"It's okay pet, Barb's got you. Let it out sweetie." Barb's soothing voice, breaks down the last remaining wall. I clutch to her apron, trying to pull her closer in hopes of just disappearing into Barb's world, where everything is just peachy keen.
After what must have been at least two hours I was quietly sniffling in the corner, nursing a cup of hot chocolate. I watching Barb make lunch, for the whole camp. It's amazing how she works so quickly by herself. Sure they had other people that served the food, but Barb was a lone solider in the back, slaving over the cooker.
I was starting to drift off, the emotional breakdown having sapped me of my energy.
~*~
The next thing I know, I'm waking up back in the cabin. I'm positive that I'm not in my bunk though because I've never been this high up before. And the warm body that snuggled up against is definitely not Spencer's, its fuller figure than Spencer, still nice and comfy though.
Who ever it is, is making me feel very safe and secure.
"Hey chick, how are you feeling?" Madi? "Sorry that's a stupid question. You wanna tell me what's got you all upset? I mean should I be knocking some jerk out?" Yep that is definitely Madison. I don't answer just yet, I just snuggle in deeper.
"Not now Mad's. Your doing great at making me feel better though, so don't go anywhere." She chuckles, but silently agrees and starts to gently run her fingers through my curly locks.
I wonder where Spencer is, she can't still be in the woods, if she is then she's been there a very long time. Another thing why didn't she chase after me, isn't that what people who care about each other do? I'd run after Spencer every time.
Madison's breathing evens out, which lets me know that she's asleep. So I willing let her breathing soothe me and I too drift back off. I don't think we'll be going to dinner tonight, hope she doesn't mind.
~*~
It was dark by the time the girls came back from dinner. Their noisy entrance woke both me and Madison from our slumber. They stopped suddenly when they saw us together on Madi's bed cuddled up together. Well Kyla didn't, she came bounding over and gently stroked my face, giving me a sympathetic smile. It makes sense that Madison would have had to have told Kyla she was looking after me.
Evelyn was the next to come over, Katie was closely following behind. Eve patted me on my messy head, while Katie gave me a small smile. This is why I love these girls, they didn't have to say a word and yet I still know they have my back.
I turned my back to Madison, but instead of her going down to join Kyla; who was now lying on Katie's bed since she was on Eve's, she wrapped her arms around my waist and pulled me back into her. So my back was tightly pressed to her front.
It only took about ten minutes to go over all the details of my day, and how I ended up in the emotional state I'm currently in. Madison was pissed I could tell that instantly, her body was rigid and her hold on me tightened. The others were annoyed, but more upset than anything.
Even though they did nothing wrong they each apologised. I was being showered with love from these four girls and yet the only love I was desperate for, was the only love I wasn't getting.
"Where did I go wrong?" I whimpered, the tears starting up again. As soon as they started falling I quickly flipped over and buried my face in Madison's chest, the sobs wracked though my body, wave after wave of achy pains.
"Shush, it'll be okay you'll see" Madison whispered, as she rubbed my back. There was no stopping these water works not now.
~*~
I eventually calmed back down and turned over; Madison wrapping her arms back around after I was comfortable.
Katie started to change the topic to something up lifting. It seems that while Spencer and I were having bad time, Kyla and Madison had decided to flick little stones at the Hawks. Its funny, it really is, but I'm having a hard time showing it. I start to close my eyes when the cabin door opens again, revealing Spencer.
Our eyes connected for only a second, but the puffy redness of her eyes was too much, so I turned back over and into Madison. Upon Spencer's entrance all the girls went quiet looking back and forth between me and their counsellor, Madison didn't I could almost feel the burn from the glare she was throwing Spencer's way. I would defend Spencer and make excuses for her, but I just can't, I just can't make excuses for her this time.
"Ashley?" The tremble in her voice broke me. Again the tears fell. My body shook slightly; it was obvious I was crying.
"Don't Spencer, just don't. Look what you've done to her." Madison seethed. I want to tell her to stop and that Spencer is probably beating her self up enough as it is, but again my mouth just won't co-operate with my mind.
I hear Spencer sniffle and drag her feet while she walks across the cabin floor towards the room we share, no doubt every other pair of eyes in the room is watching her with either sympathy, annoyance or confusion.
I don't think the problem is that she didn't say she loved me back. I think it was because she made me feel like a little girl with a crush. And that crap she started saying about not knowing what love is at my age, I'm a firm believer that you can feel love at any age.
The honeymoon phase is officially over, I just hope that doesn't mean that we as an 'us' is over. Whoa can you imagine what I would be like if we actually broke up. I'd probably go off the deep end and do something drastic.
~*~
I slept in Madison's bed that night; I wasn't quite ready to face Spencer just yet. I know she's sorry, but sorry doesn't fix everything. I don't want her thing of being the little lady of the relationship.
Maybe Spencer herself doesn't know what love is, if she did she would surely have recognised it when I was confessing my love. She makes me calm, but excited at the same time; impossible isn't it?
When morning came I wasn't looking forward to it. I was up early, probably because of all the sleep I had yesterday. I needed a fresh set of clothes, which meant going into my room where Spencer is lying peacefully.
I carefully climb down off Madison's bed careful not jar Kyla in the process. Then I make my way over to my door, I open it slowly, so that I avoid the squeaky hinges. I don't look around; I just head straight to my draws and start pulling fresh clothes out.
As I was picking out a shirt, I was engulfed in very familiar arms.
"I'm so, so sorry Ashley. Please forgive me, I was a complete idiot. Please, just please forgive me." Spencer whimpered into my neck where her head was buried. I could feel the wetness of her tears starting to roll down and over my collarbone.
I didn't answer; I just stood there and cried with her, though not nearly as hard as I was the day before. I think I can forgive her, honestly what would I be without my Spencer. I don't want to go back to who I was before, I wasn't really living before. She gives my heart a purpose, a reason to carry on beating.
I slowly pull away from Spencer's hold to turn around and face her. Her shoulders are sagging and her head a hanging low; the perfect picture of a soul who is truly sorry.
I move my hands to her face and lift it up to make her look me in the eye. I give her a small smile, and lean in.
One gently kiss on her lips is my forgiveness.