Chapter 3 A Kiss is just a kiss-Right?

Luke had started the short walk home not long after Peyton, he had been wrong about everything and he had been so very stupid to think he could find that with someone else. He deeply regretted his spiteful and childish actions when it came to his love for Peyton. It was just that with her it was everything and the way they loved one another was forever, it wasn't something that would fade over time-it would only get stronger. Luke had never felt more terrified and excited all at the same time, he finally knew where his heart truly lay-a small part of him had known all along but his shattered heart hadn't let him believe in that version of forever.

Peyton woke up cold and alone on the couch, she glanced at her watched-it was early still; the others probably wouldn't be awake for a few more hours.

She didn't think she could walk away not really. Like every time she takes a step away the hurt follows her in little ways, a picture, and a smell it all reminds of her of what she could be saying no to.

She takes a deep breath and exhales slowly, she remembered the first time she said no. Her mind and body had wrestled with one another and she felt so used from Nate she had said no to his brother-promising herself more time. She left it too late; she broke her own heart, Brooke's and even Luke's a little.

She had been too young back then to really understand what it was that she was feeling. She knew she had gone about it in the wrong way; she had been a day late in confessing her true feelings. She had seen the hurt and disappointment etched across his features as she finally told him.

It felt a little like an ending of something that never really got a beginning and there is something so beautifully tragic in this, she can't help but feel a ghost from the past whisper sadly in her ear. It's an echo of a moment in time from long ago that sometimes seems as though it never happened. Or at least this is what Peyton tries to convince herself of; admitting to her own mistakes is not something she likes to do. Ever. It hurts in places it shouldn't, it causes tears that seem to age her heart, and it settles like stones within her stomach and makes her gasp at the heavy burden.

Musicians write about love setting you free, letting you grow into a person you always knew you could be, too bad it didn't tell you of the rip and tear that occurs slowly over time and kills you slowly with each step you take forward that really just feels like a step backward. Peyton felt more lost now than she had before she left two years ago. Being here with Justin had certainly helped-but it made it all harder.

Knowing your hearts desire and getting it were two very different things all together, because no matter which option she chose someone would end up hurt.

It was the ache in the pit of her stomach; it was the years of hanging onto something that had long ago turned to dust and slipped through her fingers. Peyton was as ever reliving her past with Luke riding shotgun. She had dreamed of a forever with him, they had whispered dreams of an us in the moonlight and made promises that sounded like an echo in an empty room. She lay on the couch tears falling down her face as she came to the realization that it was too late to alter the path she was set upon.

This poem was found tucked inside her jacket pocket, it was written by Peyton as she lay thinking of all that could have been,

Because that's who you are to me

It feels like a promise

But really it's a goodbye

She wishes it could have been a yes

But all she can taste is a no

She whispers a promise of someday

And clasps his bigger hands inside

Her tiny ones

She lay weeping into the quiet dawn morning, the sun streaked across the sky and she pushed the balcony doors open. She held a bottle of Jack in one hand and a tumbler in the other. She set her bottle and glass on the table and went back inside for a blanket. She seated herself comfortably in the armchair Brooke had placed out there and she slugged her drink down. This move was out of character for her, but given the circumstances and the inner turmoil she was feeling she felt it was warranted.

She had a difficult choice to make, a part of her had already decided but her heart was playing havoc with her soul, she didn't know who she really was without him. That thought alone made her want to drink the cool amber liquid down and sit there in a delightful alcoholic haze. She didn't want to do this sober, no. She couldn't make this choice sober and in the cold light of day. It was too hard. It was tearing her in two.

She sat out there until the sun had risen high in the morning sky and was twinkling at her as though forcing her to make a choice.

'Peyton, what the hell? Are you drinking? It's not even midday!' Brooke had gone in search of coffee and instead had seen the top of Peyton's head silhouetted against the balcony doors.

'Oh, Hey Brooke'.

'Don't hey me Brooke. What the hell is going on with you? Wait I'll be right back'.

Brooke went back inside and grabbed herself a glass.

'Normally I wouldn't condone the drinking of liquor before midday but the look in your eyes tells me we both need a drink to have this conversation'.

Brooke grabbed the bottle from her friend and poured herself a generous measure of the good stuff.

'Brooke, I just… I don't know what to do'.

'Trust me honey-the drinking at the crack of a dawn clearly indicates that. Now before we embark on what is sure to be a long and broody conversation. Let's toast!' Brooke smiled at her friend and then went and kneeled down in front of her.

'Peyton whatever it is, I am here for you ok?'

'Thanks Brooke-now what should we toast to?'

Brooke smiled and raised her glass, 'To friendship, broody getting you back and Justin consenting to pre-marital sex!'

'Brooke!'

'What? Oh honey you and I both know that boy doesn't stand a chance when it comes to you and broody. I mean come on; since you've been back you have started drinking at 6am. You've had this sad little girl lost look on your face and we both know who put it there'.

'Brooke. I don't want to talk about it right now, all I want is my best friend to sit next to me and toast to the start of a new beginning-ok?'

'Ok, best friend, but this discussion is not over, we will talk about this-when you're ready ok?'

'Ok Brooke, now enough with the sad stuff let's drink to a glorious morning and being drunk before noon!'

The tumblers clinked and they sat there enjoying the sun on their faces and the warm glow from the whiskey. Peyton closed her eyes and just sat there taking it all in, Brooke came over and sat next to her friend, she slung an arm around Peyton's middle and buried her head in the nook of her shoulder and just allowed herself to comfort her friend. Peyton sighed in contentment and hugged Brooke a little tighter. She always felt better knowing her best friend would just let her be whatever and not judge her actions or continually question her, it was exactly what she needed.

They fell asleep, Justin found them hours later, an empty bottle resting atop of the blanket and two very passed out individuals. He chuckled to himself and took a seat next to them, he reached for the half full glass and tossed what was left down his throat, it went down smoothly and he was somewhat impressed that these two could put away so much liquor.

'Justin, what..? How long have we been out?' Peyton had woken up slightly fuzzy round the edges and saw him sitting there watching the sailboats glide effortlessly through the harbour.

'Um.. I don't know a couple of hours I guess. You two have been out since I sat down. Nice job on almost finishing that bottle'. Peyton looked at the now empty bottle and started laughing. Perfect. The first day she has been home in years and her new boyfriend sees her and Brooke clearly giving it there all in a drinking session that made him look teetotal.

'Peyton what the hell? What's so funny?' Brooke felt groggy and actually still very drunk, she shook her head and stirred out of Peyton's arms.

'Um nothing, but we should all do something fun today, like go see a band or maybe spend the day at the beach-it is a beautiful day after all'.

'Sounds good to me-Justin you think you handle us for a whole day?' Brooke was smirking at him and held a naughty look in her eye. He shrugged his shoulders and said he was up for anything.

'Peyton get up, we need to shower and get ready'.

2 hours later Brooke was finally ready to leave, Peyton had taken it upon herself to do tequila shots-she figured she might as well start as you mean to go on. Justin had so far been matching her shot for shot. Peyton felt like today she could just do whatever she wanted-she could immerse herself in alcohol and deal with her complicated love life later, her behaviour was uncharacteristic even for her-but she just couldn't seem to care.

'Peyton, let's go-I have everything'. Brooke bustled around the kitchen grabbing glasses and her handbag whilst staring suspiciously at Peyton.

'Have you been drinking all this time?' Brooke rasped out in surprise.

'Pretty much-I mean we stopped for bathroom breaks and kisses but other than that yeah we have been drinking whilst you were getting yourself ready. I mean there was a whole ten minutes when I went to get changed and fix my hair. So if you minus that, it's only about an hour and 50 minutes and that ain't bad'. Peyton goofily grinned and bumped fists with Justin. They had also packed a cooler full of booze and had every intention of putting it to good use.

'Is there something you wanna tell me Peyt? Should I be worried that you are drinking so much today?' Brooke looked at her friend with concerned eyes.

Peyton shrugged her shoulders and looked at Brooke, 'Nope, it's been a weird few days, leaving Mexico and flying home. I just need some time to find my rhythm but in the mean time I intend on drinking the day away. You got a problem with that?' Peyton knew she was being belligerent and snarky but she had been practically a girl scout her entire time away-she was just making up for lost time.

'Nope, drink away my little alcoholic grouchy pants, but there is no way I am holding your hair back when you puke. Justin gets that job on account of basically encouraging you to drink-mm k?' She glared at Peyton and then Justin until he slowly nodded his head in agreement.

'Good, let's go you two. The day is calling us; well maybe it's calling you two more. Whatever. Just grab your stuff and let's make a move before Ozzy over here gets too wasted to move'.

'Hey I resent that, it's not like I'm shooting heroin into my eyeballs. So I've had a few drinks. I've earned them. Now quit being all judgey and let's get the hell out of here'. Peyton smirked at Brooke and grabbed Justin's hand. He pressed a light kiss to the inside of her wrist and pulled her into his side, she rested her head on his shoulder and they walked behind a slightly exasperated Brooke. Peyton couldn't help but smile to herself; she had a good feeling about today.

The beach was relatively quiet, Brooke laid out the towels and grabbed an umbrella, and she slathered sunscreen all over and lay down to catch some of those rays. Peyton just sat between Justin's legs and toasted to a new future. They had a bottle of wine and some beers, they sat and chatted quietly to themselves and played drinking games.

Brooke opened her eyes from time to time and glanced over at her friend and saw the almost genuine smile playing on her lips. She would let Peyton have this day of letting go and being whatever is was that she needed to be in order to deal with the Luke situation.

'Hey Justin, wanna go for a swim?' Peyton stood up slugged her beer down and ran towards the surf. He chased after her and grabbed her from behind. She squealed in delight and turned around in his arms, she draped herself around his muscular frame and lightly pressed her lips to his.

'You're amazing, you know that!' He gazed at his girlfriend and pressed her body closer to his, they fitted together perfectly. Peyton wondered how his kisses could feel so right and yet she tasted the scent of longing for someone else long after they broke apart.

'You're not so bad yourself'. Peyton leaned in and passionately kissed him, she could feel the droplets of water falling softly down her face mingling with his own, she felt at peace with him, like he could be everything she didn't know she needed. She hoped this feeling would last.

They spent the next few hours in the ocean, splashing around and chasing each other through the surf and stopping now and again for kisses and jokes. It was a great way to spend the day and Peyton felt freer than she had in years.

'Peyt, it's time to go. We should be getting back, bitchtoria phoned apparently there's a problem with our suppliers in Milan I need to go to New York tonight and sort it all out'. Peyton sighed and walked up the beach, they gathered their stuff together and headed to the car.

'Is everything ok Brooke, do you need me to come with you for moral support?'

'Thanks for offering but I got this one, you just take care of yourself and that new boy of yours. Have some fun Peyton-god knows you've earned it'.

'Thanks Brooke, and if you need anything just give me a call ok-I can be there in four hours. You are my priority ok? Hoes over bros'. They bumped fists and Brooke pulled her friend into a tight hug.

'Thanks Peyt, but we should really get home I have to pack and then catch the red eye before all hell breaks loose'.

They got back to the house and Brooke spent the time on the phone with her assistant arranging her flight and packing.

'Peyton I'm ready to go-I'll see you in a few days. Have fun, be safe-don't burn the house down. I love you-take care of yourself'.

'You too best friend, stay out of trouble. I love you-bye'. They hugged one last time and Brooke waved at Justin and then she was gone.

'And then there were two'. Justin smiled at Peyton and she grimaced inwardly, she had said those exact words to another boy when she didn't really know how she felt about him. She was still mourning the loss of Jake from her life and Lucas felt like the only person in the world who would understand what she was going through and not question her about it.

She had given a lot of herself to Luke over the years, sometimes it felt like he was the only person to ever really get her and not be afraid of who she was at heart. She mourned the loss of that over the last two years. She had a decision to make, she could stay with Justin and be gloriously happy with him and perhaps learn to give him parts of herself that had long ago been Luke's or she could choose Lucas and see where that boulevard of broken dreams took her.

'Anyone home?' Luke had pushed the front door open after knocking for the last five minutes; they basically had an open door policy amongst their friends.

'Lucas, Hi-what are you doing here?' Peyton had heard someone come in and had gotten up from her deck chair on the balcony to see whom it was.

'Justin's out meeting with his band mates, they have gone to look at houses to rent, I was tired and decided to sit here and watch the sun go down. Care to join me?' Luke nodded his head and followed her out the doors. She had a bottle of wine sitting in a cooler and she asked him to grab himself a glass from the kitchen. He got up and came back moments later.

'So what are we toasting?'

'How about we toast to New Beginnings'. Luke suggested.

'Sounds appropriate'. They clinked glasses and Luke let the cool liquid swirl in his mouth and swallowed his nervousness down.

He so badly wanted to say something about that kiss they had shared but he didn't know where to begin. He could still taste the heat from that kiss and still smell the scent of her every time he inhaled. She was intoxicating, she had been for years, and it had just taken him a little longer to realize just how special she really was to him.

Peyton felt nervous sitting here with Lucas after all this time, she hadn't really known what to expect, but being this close was confusing her. She felt the very real and very wrong urge to kiss him. She knew if she leant over just a little bit she could be in his arms, she could finally know one way or the other if this is what she really wanted.

She leaned over to talk to him and she saw his pupils darken, they held a certain magnetic power over her, before she knew what was happening.