She leaned over to talk to him and she saw his pupils darken, they held a certain magnetic power over her, before she knew what was happening-she found her lips on his. He pulled her to sit in his lap and kissed her passionately. He placed his hands deep in her curly hair and felt like he was coming home. She still tasted the same, a mix of strawberry lip-gloss and wine-with the scent of lavender on her skin.
She melted into his embrace and sighed against his lips, she realized she had made yet another mistake. She really couldn't help herself. She had denied herself for so long that if she hadn't done this then she would always have wondered.
She pulled back from him and rested her forehead against his, he sighed in contentment and spoke softly,
'I've wanted to do that for two years, I realize I have no right to tell you this especially seeing as you are with someone else. But it's you; it's always going to be you. I will wait as long as it takes for you to come back to me. I'm not going anywhere. This time I promise to wait forever-I don't want anyone else. I don't think I ever really have, you are it for me-you always have been'. Lucas stared right down into her eyes and promised her a forever; he kissed her lightly on the lips and then pulled her into a hug. He could feel the tears silently soaking his shirt as she cried for all the lost time and perhaps even mourned the incredibly bad timing they both seemed to have when it came to how they felt about one another.
'Luke…I' She had used the shortened form of his name, that meant something, it had to.
'I need some time to figure this all out. I feel things for you-but I'm in love with Justin. I'm not saying this to hurt you, but he kinda saved me and I fell in love with him. I don't want to break up with him-I need more time-ok'. Peyton had stood up and was looking directly at Luke's eyes. He shrugged his shoulders and hugged her close to him.
'I'm never giving up on us, you're too important to me. I'll be waiting for you, whenever-whatever you choose I'll never stop thinking of an us. We are meant for each other we always have been, but this time I'll be patient'. With those words echoing in the space between them Luke stood up and opened the balcony doors. As he was about to step through them he heard her whisper quietly, 'Wait'.
He turned around and saw her standing there her hair was haloed by the dying embers of the sun; she looked otherworldly and eerie but breathtakingly beautiful.
'I've waited for you to say those things to me for 5 years Luke. Everyday I prayed you would realize that we had never stopped being in love, but you see the thing is-the longer it goes on without you hearing those things the less you believe in them. Love and how you should be with that person-it all just fades over time. It gets a little blurrier around the edges; I stopped believing in an us the day you got married. It tore a piece of me away; I've never felt right in my soul since. So you can promise me a forever and how you believe that we are meant to be-but I just don't anymore. I choose Justin-and not because I want to hurt you but because I know he won't and because he healed me in a way you never could. Goodbye Lucas'. She waited until she heard the front door close behind her.
Peyton buried her face in her arms and cried, her shoulders shook and she felt utterly heart broken, she had just told the biggest lie and she didn't know who hurt more-her or Luke.
She stayed in that seat for an hour and let all the years of want and yearn unleash itself, she felt cleansed afterward but she could still smell his scent on her face and in her hair.
Justin got back a few hours later and felt a change in the air, there was a kind of sadness to Peyton like she had let something go or maybe she was still hanging onto it. Whatever it was, he felt a sense of foreboding.
'Peyton is everything alright?' She was lying on the couch and had an armed tucked behind her head she was looking very calm but with a hint of tragedy in her eyes. He lay down next to her and pressed a light kiss to her temple, she sighed into his embrace and wrapped her arms around his mid-rift. He was perfect. He could sit with her in silence and not question her every emotion, he let her just be her and didn't get all broody because she wasn't being talkative. In truth this is part of why she loved him so much.
They stayed like that on the couch for most of the evening and it didn't seem like they needed to talk or he needed to ask her what was going on. She just snuggled in closer to his protective arms and drifted into a sleep that was plagued with images of Luke and a life they could have had together. She saw children with curly hair and hazel eyes all with an adorable squint, her heart clenched in her chest as she saw her husband holding a newborn. It was Lucas; he was always in her dreams, even when they weren't together.
It all meant something, but Peyton was afraid of opening her heart to him again, because this time there would be no coming back from it.
Should she choose a life of dreams being fulfilled and being loved unconditionally by a man who had never hurt her and would always be there for her no matter what. Or should she risk everything for a love that was fragile and could break if both weren't 100% willing to let all the mistakes of the past stay buried. She knew Luke would love her until they day he died, but she didn't trust herself around him, he filled her soul and they danced to a song together as though they were made to fit. Could Peyton be brave and take that chance or would she be a coward and marry Justin instead and have a great life with him. She knew she needed more time, she needed to not see Luke and do some real soul searching-answers to her questions were going to be difficult to come by.
She spent the last day of the weekend by going to see Tric, the place where all the magic first started. It was her second home and she loved just sitting in her office and letting the music play softly in the background, she could feel herself starting to feel less conflicted just by being in her own space with no-one around.
If she went with what her heart had buried deep down she could be opening herself up for the first time in five years, like really letting someone in. It was all scary. Every option she went for had its pitfalls and potential downside. She felt so trapped and confused. She went and stood on the balcony at the back of Tric, the years washed over her. She remembered being here and watching Jake ride off on his bike to go look for his daughter, she remembered how it had crushed her when he said goodbye. She had felt ripped apart back then-but like this time it felt so different.
Losing Luke had been hard, it was still so hard-but being the one to say goodbye to all he was offering, she didn't know if she could do that. Justin on the other hand was still really great, had a lot of potential both as a musician and as a lover maybe even a husband. Peyton made her choice and she hoped to god it wouldn't come back and bite her in the ass. She deserved peace, she deserved love but most of all she deserved to be happy and this time she wouldn't let a broken heart stand in her way.
Peyton stood on the balcony and felt the cool night air raise the tiny blond hairs at the back of her neck and along her arms; she felt a whisper of yesterday echo in her present. It felt eerie standing out here, surrounded by so many good and bad memories from her youth. It was here and in this club that Peyton had realized her true feelings for Luke-back when she was a senior and also when she had first come back. Could she be strong enough to stay away from him and not let her attraction to him get the better of her? She hoped so, but it was more than that-she wouldn't cheat on him. Peyton had learnt early on that hurting someone like that ultimately hurt you as well. You cannot have such disregard for someone else's feelings it would be terribly wrong and hurtful. So for her own sake she would keep her distance from Luke until she was able to rein in her emotions regarding that broody boy.
'Hey Hales, I know it's late but could you come over. I need to talk'. Luke hung up the phone and went and lay down his bed, he opened his bedside drawer and looked at the framed picture of him and Peyton taken on the last night they were together just after graduation. She was staring into his eyes with a look of adoration and love; his lips were curled into a smile he hadn't seen in 5 years.
'What's going on Luke? You sounded strange on the phone'. He looked up and saw his best friend staring down at him, she looked intrigued and confused.
'What happens next Hales? I mean do I stay here and fight for her? Or do I leave and let her let me go once and for all. I spoke to her tonight Hales'. Haley sat down on the bed next to Luke and put her hand inside his, she squeezed it gently and just nodded her head.
'You fight for her Luke, you stay and you try and make things right again. If you leave, then Peyton doesn't really get a choice, but if you stay she knows you are willing to fight for her. I know it's hard seeing her happy and not being the one person who could do that for her but you have to be stronger than that. She waited years for you, she stayed even when you were with Lindsey and her heart was breaking. She stayed because the alternative was not having you at all'. Haley sighed deeply and wished there was something she could do to make all the pain go away, at the same time she realized that he had brought this upon himself. He would need to stay and figure it out, he couldn't run anymore, he didn't really need to-if Peyton was his happily ever after then he had better do something about it.
'She kissed me Hales twice, and I can still feel her touch. I can smell her scent on my skin and I can her heart beating faster as she sat curled in my lap her hand pressed to my chest. I felt like my whole world had finally started to make sense again, and it as because of her. It will always be her, no one else even comes close-but I'm afraid she's slipping away from me, like this is all too much for her and she doesn't want to give us another try'.
'You' re a moron-you know that, you had 2 years to figure this all out and you still couldn't really tell her how important she was, you guys have the worst timing. Peyton will never stop loving you but you have to prove to her that she is worth it-and by doing so you will prove that you are worthy of her love. Right now, you are not even close to earning that trust from her. She's confused and hurting Luke-you have made her this way through your selfish actions and disregard for her feelings. If you had been honest with her then none of this would ever have happened'.
'I know that Hales, don't you think I realize that already. I hurt everyday I see her with someone else, I feel pieces of me aching and tearing knowing I don't get to be the one that holds her close at night and shares in all her successes. Trust me I am suffering as well; this was never going to be easy. But she's all I want, she's all I've ever wanted-I can't lose her again Hales not now not ever. Will you help me win her back?' Luke looked into his best friends eyes and saw her nod her head slowly and then a smile spread across her features.
'It's about time Luke. Brooke owes me twenty bucks'.
'You bet on me realizing my true feelings for Peyton and made a bet with Brooke?'
'Well yeah, we both knew it was only a matter of time before you two idiots realized you couldn't live without each other. Brooke bet me you wouldn't fold for at least another month. She said that she hadn't seen Peyton this happy in years and doubted if you could get in the way of it-unless Peyton felt the same way'.
'I told her that Peyton did-she was used to people walking away from her and would be happy when she realized her true happiness came in the form of you'. Luke hugged his best friend and they agreed to meet up tomorrow and discuss strategies for winning Peyton back. Haley left not long after this and Luke climbed into bed and fell into a dreamless slumber.
Peyton didn't sleep very well that night, she kept waking up in a cold sweat and visions of a brunette baby that looked just like Justin. The baby wouldn't stop crying and every time Peyton went to comfort her daughter she wailed even louder. Peyton decided that sleep was making her even more confused about her situation; apparently her subconscious had a secret yet disturbing yearning for babies without brown hair. She felt like screaming in frustration and decided today she was going to hate everything.
She left the house early and took a stroll down the beach, it was so quiet at this time that she wondered why she'd never thought to do it before now, then she remembered she was not that much of an early riser and usually left the house in a rush.
Peyton couldn't really take any more indecision on her part, she wanted the answers to be simple and she wanted them now. She was so tired of searching for something she wasn't sure still existed. It was a lie she told herself in the dead of night when she felt the most secure, she whispered negatives to herself desperately pushing back the regret. It felt like a stone that had gotten heavier, it would seem that you can place a smile on your face but you can't fake the one that isn't in your heart.
It's the laughter you hold deep in your throat, it's the way your hair sways in a gentle summer's breeze; it's the taste of happiness flowing through a room. It's the music that makes you feel lighter than air and transforms a dark and sombre mood. It was you. It was me. We were an us. Now all I can taste is the bittersweet memory of a love that was never really given a chance to flourish. Peyton didn't know whom she was thinking of when it came to whom she really should love. Grand gestures and declarations of a forever were all she could think about as she sat in her office and listened to a new demo.
She made some notes and called Justin. He told he loved her and that he had found a place to live, it was close to the ocean and far enough away for her to feel like she had space.
'Babe are you ready to go?' Justin was wearing an old pair of jeans and the leather jacket that made her a little weak in the knees. His T-shirt was stretched across his toned torso and all she could think about was ripping his clothes off and making love to him on her desk, in her car. It really didn't matter, all she knew was that she had thirst she needed to slake and he was all hers. A boy to call her own. No one clamouring over whom he loved. It was clear he had eyes only for her.
'Yeah, I'm all finished up here. Let's go'. He slipped an arm around his waist and slung her bag over her shoulder. He pressed a kiss to the side of her head and whispered how sexy she looked today and how he couldn't wait to christen his new place with her. She gripped him a little tighter and turned in his embrace, she pressed her lips to his and felt him tip her back a little as his tongue explored her lips and her then he pressed himself just a little closer to her.
'God you're sexy', she huskily murmured against his lips. He sighed into her face and gripped her hips a little tighter. She moved them back over to the pool table, he pulled her up and placed her top of the table, the balls scattered in all directions and she giggled. He stepped into the space between her legs and kissed her.
She deepened the kiss and then leapt up and closed the door to her office and locked it. She strolled back over to him and saw a naughty smile gently grace his features; he looked so hot standing there waiting for her.
She sat back and tucked her legs around his waist; he pulled her closer to him and placed little kisses down her shoulder and across her chest. She undid his belt and his jeans slowly slid down his body, he lifted her top up and over her head and then she kissed his lips as though her life depended on it.
He slipped into her with ease and the familiar feeling of pleasure filled them both, he started off slow and placed kisses to her torso and her breasts. She moaned his name and could feel herself falling just that little bit more. Before she could climax an image of Luke entered her mind and effectively killed the mood for her, she could feel how close he was and so she continued with her hips gently connecting with his own. She felt the heady rush of warmth fill her and she sighed in contentment and perhaps a little regret that it wasn't someone else making her feel this way. Peyton finally had her answer and she knew that it wasn't Justin. She was in love with him but not as in love as she was with Luke and now she was in big deep trouble.
She had buried her feelings for Luke for so long that she didn't know if she would ever be able to experience his love for her again. She sighed into Justin and he pulled out of her slowly, he helped her get dressed and then slipped his own clothes back on. They both had big smiles on their faces-but for very different reasons. He was in love with a Peyton that didn't really exist she was in love with a version of herself that would have been amazing with him had there never been a Luke. Too bad for her that she was doomed to love someone who had been in her heart and soul since the tender age of 16. She needed to call Brooke and talk this out with her, but she knew that she probably couldn't do it over the phone, so that left just one other person she could talk to about all of this.
'Justin, can I come by later and see your place, there's someone I need to go see'. He smiled at her and said he would see her later.
'Nate it's me, are you busy?' She pulled up to the Rivercourt and ran across the blacktop and felt his toned arms wrapped around her tiny frame in a loving and comforting embrace.
'Sawyer, what's going on?' Nate had heard the tremor in her voice and knew that somehow his older brother was responsible for her current state of mind.
'Nate, I don't really know what to do anymore. I love Justin, but I don't know if what we have is enough to build a future on'.
'Ok, slow down. You don't have to figure this all out today. Why don't we start from the beginning and then we can go from there?' Nate stepped away from her embrace and clasped her hands inside his own.
'Let's sit down and we can just talk or sit, whatever you want'. She nodded her head and they sat down on the edge of the court, he placed the basketball between his legs and wrapped an arm around her, he pulled her close and she rested her head on his shoulder. He was always there for her, even when they had been dating Nate could just let her sit and be whatever it was that she needed to be. He wouldn't force her to say what was on her mind he would let her get there in her own time. It was one of the reasons she still really loved him, he was an amazing friend, father and husband. Haley had gotten very lucky when she married her best friend. Nate had turned into the kind of guy people envied not because of his talent but because he was a loving human being who had so much to offer the world.
'I love Luke, Nate-I think I always have, but I don't trust him enough to risk everything again. If we don't work out I don't think there would be a hope we could ever come back from that intact. I don't really know if I'm brave enough to lay it all out there and have him run from it. What do you think?'
'I'm not gonna lie to you Sawyer, but only you and Luke know if what you have is worth fighting for, you once told me to have faith in my love for Haley and if we were meant to be then she would come back to me'.
'I know Nate; I remember believing in the love you two shared. I knew then that what you had was a forever despite all the confusion'.
'I'm glad I took your advice, because everyday I spend with my wife and son is another great day. I have you to thank for that, because in all honesty there were times when I wanted to give up and you made me think that I should give it another shot'.
'Nate you were always going to love Haley no matter what, me telling you to have trust in that was just my way of making sure you didn't make the same mistakes that I did. I should have waited for love and not shied away from it. I was a coward and now look where that has gotten me'.
'Peyton you were never a coward you were just cautious, let's not forget you lost Brooke twice to the same idiot and then you almost lost yourself 2 years ago when he chose Lindsey over you. He doesn't deserve someone as amazing as you, he hasn't earned that yet'.
'Thanks Nate, but I think I know what I need to do. I'm gonna stay with Justin for now, if Luke and I are meant for one another then we will be together, but this time he has to be the one who fights for me and for us. I won't do that again'.
He hugged her a little closer and they sat there on the Rivercourt, two old lovers, a guy and a girl and a lot of love shared between them. He was her best friend and he knew just how to comfort and reassure her.
They said their goodbyes not long after watching the sun go down and she hopped into her car and went to the address Justin had texted her with, it was a beautiful house right by the ocean and it suited him.
They ate some dinner and went to bed early. She woke up in the middle of the night and crept silently down the stairs, she grabbed her purse and drove home, she would call him in the morning and say she had needed to pick some stuff up before going to the office. She knew he wouldn't mind.
She jumped out of her skin when she saw who was lying on her couch at 2am. Lucas, she breathed his name out and sighed. She really couldn't deal with whatever he come over to say to her, it had been a long day and all she wanted to do was crawl beneath the covers and put her mind to rest. He stirred awake and his eyes adjusted to the darkness and all he could see was Peyton. His Peyton, she had a look in her eyes and a furrowed brow.
'Hi, I've been waiting for you'. His voice was still bleary from sleep and his hair was adorably mussed up, he looked so beautiful her heart ached for him. She strode over to the couch and sat down next to him.
'What are you doing here?' She sat facing him and crossed her arms over her body; she knew she was in dangerous territory with him sitting so close to her.
'I know I promised you time but I couldn't not see you. I just wanted to know if there was any chance that you would have coffee with me some time?'
She kinked her brow at him and leaned forward,
'Luke you could have waited till the morning to ask me this, what's the real reason you are here?' She looked into his eyes and felt herself melting further under his stare.
'I came by because when I'm not with you everything feels wrong. I feel so empty and without purpose. I think about you all the time and knowing that you are so close yet so far away-it kills me'. He sighed and then leaned forward and captured her lips with his own. She pushed him back and then grabbed the sides of his face and kissed his lips with a hunger that had never quite been satisfied until it was him kissing her back.
'What are we going to do Luke?' There it was the shortened form of his name rolling off her tongue as she snuggled into his side and gripped him closer to her.
'Well, I don't about you, but how does forever sound to you?'
'It sounds almost perfect, but I don't know how to do this?'