Chapter 5, When A No Feels Like A Yes
'Brooke, it's me. I really need to talk to you. It's about Luke. I think I've made a big mistake I really need to hear you voice and tell me what I should do'. Peyton hung up and then decided a day at the office sounded like pure hell. She grabbed her purse and keys and left. She could play hooky for the day and maybe get some sketching done.
Brooke got Peyton's message as soon as she touched down in Tree hill she was back a day early, problems all fixed and well now she was worried about the message. Peyton sounded weird on the phone. She caught a cab and called Peyton on the way, she was at home sketching and drinking-it sounded bad-it wasn't even noon yet.
' you had better have a reasonable excuse for not going to work and for drinking in the middle of the day. I leave for 3 days and you become Deb-what the hell is going on with you?' Brooke dumped her bags and saw the tears gathering at the corners of Peyton's eyes, she looked so broken it was all she could do to not break down herself.
'Hey, why all the tears? I'm home, everything is going to be alright, whatever it is-we'll get through it together ok?' Brooke just held onto her and picked up the bottle and swigged straight from it over her shoulder. Damn that felt good. She swallowed the whiskey down and pressed a kiss to her temple.
'Thanks Brooke, you always make things better. Come on let's have a drink and then we can both do some work'. Peyton stood up and made her way to the balcony, they spent the rest of the day talking and laughing, no one brought up broody but it was implied in everything they didn't say and for that Peyton felt glad.
'So, this is my new fall line, what do you think? I was going for rock chick flies back from Mexico with a hot musician slash my wayward best friend'. Brooke was priceless, Peyton just grinned and told her they were amazing and they would all be best sellers.
'So I know we haven't really talked about broody but we do need to at least figure out what you are going to do about him'.
'God Brooke, it's all such a mess. I want both of them, but I need Luke in a way I will never need Justin and that scares me more than anything'. Peyton sighed and rested her head against the deckchair, she the felt the burden of her past threatening to overwhelm her present.
'Honey, who do you picture your future with? Cos that's the only question that needs to be answered. If it's with Luke then you need to tell him, if it's with Justin then go be with him or if you need more time then just take your time. There is no time limit here, Luke has waited two years for you to come back, and he hasn't been with anyone since the divorce. He doesn't want anyone but you-that much is obvious'.
'I know that Brooke, but what if our love isn't enough? What if we destroy each other because we can't be enough for one another? Every time we get together something goes wrong-I can't survive another break up. I will not put myself through it-unless I know it's forever'.
'Peyton you don't have to decide this right this minute. You can take a few weeks to sort through it all, plus Luke has a long way to get back in your heart-gotta make him work for it'. Brooke smirked at Peyton and pulled her into a tight embrace, gently cupping the back of her head as she murmured soft reassurances in her ear.
'I need to decide Brooke, because the longer I leave it the harder it gets-you know. Every time I think I'm close to a decision my heart tells me to run. I can't keep living with this, it's tearing me in two'.
'Honey I know, but like I said before you don't have to make a decision today you can take a few and just let things play out. You're heart will tell you what you need, but you have got to give it time'.
Brooke sat next to Peyton on the couch and contemplated the many things that her friend was feeling right now, it was going to be a long road to happiness and it would never be an easy choice.
Peyton went to bed early and had a dreamless slumber; she awoke in the morning with less conviction and only more questions. She knew she loved Luke in a way that she could never love Justin, but that didn't make her choice an easy one, she didn't fully trust Luke with her heart. He would really need to prove himself and fight for her if he wanted a future with her.
She showered got changed and drove to the office, Luke was waiting for her when she arrived-he had a smile on his face and a gleam in his eye. She eyed him curiously, he looked mischievous and she really didn't know how to handle herself around him, any concession on her part and he would think this was going to be easy. She looked him up and down; his blue button down shirt was already making her a little hot under the collar.
'Hi Luke, what are you doing here this morning?'
'Hi Peyton, I have a free day and I thought we could spend the morning together talking and maybe even get some lunch-how about it?'
'I have a really busy afternoon, but I guess we could spend the morning together. I just need to do a couple of things first-come on up'
He watched her walk up the stairs to her office and he admired the way her hips swayed in her black pencil skirt, she could be wearing a rubbish sack and still somehow make it look sexy. He groaned in frustration it was going to be really difficult to keep his hands to himself, but he would respect her wishes and try not to kiss her.
She pushed open the door to her office and saw her assistant on the phone; it looked like the morning wouldn't be that busy. She strode into her office and closed the door softly after Luke had squeezed past her, she could smell his cologne and she had to stop herself from grabbing his collar and dragging him over to the pool table and just having her way with him. Okay so maybe it wasn't such a good idea having him in such close proximity but she really had no choice-they did have a lot to talk about after all.
She sat down at her desk and crossed her legs, she felt like she was doing something provocative, but it was just Luke being in her orbit that had her spinning off of her axis. She opened her laptop read some e-mails and replied. She conducted all her business in twenty minutes and snapped the lid shut. Luke had taken a position by the window and was gazing out into the distance lost in thought. She threw caution to the wind, she walked up behind him and put her arms around his waist, he didn't hesitate he spun her around and placed his lips on hers. She kissed him back before she realized what she was doing.
'Wait, wait. I'm sorry I can't do this to Justin. It's not fair to him and it's not fair to you'. She felt like she was going to cry all of a sudden.
'Peyton, it's ok. I meant what I said when I told you I would wait for you. I won't make you feel like this isn't what you want, and I won't make you a cheater either. You deserve better than that' He smiled into her eyes and she kissed his lips chastely, it was a silent thank you and perhaps even a promise of a future. He kissed her back and rested his forehead on hers. He pressed a kiss to her forehead and pulled back, not a word was spoken, but the electricity between them was hard to deny. They would always react this way to one another it really didn't matter who they were with, it was just the connection between them was ironclad and had not faded over the years. It had only gotten stronger and it was a miracle that they had managed to keep their clothes on when they were around each other.
Luke groaned and reluctantly pulled himself away from her eyes, her scent, everything about her was drawing him in-they were in real danger of acting out a scene that would make anyone blush.
'Luke, I made my choice last night. I spoke to Brooke and well for now I'm going to be with Justin. I can feel us heading somewhere and I really want to explore where that can go, he might even be the one for me'.
Peyton had no idea what had prompted her to say that, she had meant to tell him that she was going to break up with Justin and that she would need some time to process it all. When it came right down to it, she was scared and Justin wouldn't hurt her-Luke would break her if she let herself be drawn back in-and she really was in love with Justin. She was also in love with Luke but she trusted herself more when she was around Justin he made her feel safe, he was also a little rough around the edges in a way that she found deeply sexy. He wasn't Luke but he made a damn good job of making her forget about him and she owed it to herself to see if this thing could work out.
Peyton figured if her and Luke were meant to be then Justin being here wouldn't make that much difference. Luke nodded his head and told her he respected her wishes for the time being, but he wasn't giving up on her.
They spent the morning together and any awkwardness had eased away under the comfortable banter they had always managed even before they were a couple. Peyton felt like it was right this time, she wasn't hurting anyone, she technically hadn't cheated on Justin yet and she felt good about building a healthier relationship with Luke.
They laughed and joked around, he lovingly teased her and there it was the very reason that she should be with him, she never giggled with Justin-sure she laughed but with Luke she giggled. She was playful and carefree; her soul lit up-but it could be a fleeting feeling and she really wanted to be able to trust him with her heart. Luke had a lot of time to make up for and if he was patient then just maybe he might get what he had always dreamed of, but he would need to be patient.
Justin arrived just after lunch, Luke had left by this point and it was just Peyton alone in her office, she was on the phone talking with a band manager for a potential band she thought she might want to sign, they had a great voice and she was excited.
She scheduled a meeting for Friday and hung up, she had a good feeling about this week and she couldn't keep the smile off her face. Today had been a great day, it just kept getting better. Justin smiled at her and pulled her into his arms, she kissed him long and slow and this kiss felt right too-but it just wasn't the same, she brushed aside her doubts and pulled him in closer and smiled as his hands gripped her waist. He sure knew how to make a girl feel sexy.
She took the afternoon off and hung out at the beach, it was a glorious day and she had been working all morning. Besides her sexy boyfriend had been reason enough to blow off the rest of the day, her office manager could handle things for a day, it wasn't a big deal.
Brooke came home from work and felt harassed, her day had started off really well that was until her mother called and summoned her to New York. She cursed and scared the hell out of her assistant after she had gotten off the phone, but it was typical of Victoria to behave in this manner. Brooke knew as soon as she set foot in Manhattan that the crisis would all but be over and she would have to schlep all the way back to Tree Hill because her mother thought there was a problem. No matter how much she had protested that Victoria could handle whatever it was, she had been summoned and therefore she would go.
'Peyton, are you home?' Brooke looked in the kitchen and saw Peyton stirring something at the stove, Justin was to the side of her cutting vegetables, they looked good together comfortable. Brooke knew Peyton had made her choice and that it was a good one for the time being, she would stay out of it. If she needed advice Brooke would be there when it all came apart at the seams-but for now she had too much of her own crap going on.
'Hey Brooke. Wow you look like hell, how was your day?'
'Thanks that's what every girl is dying to hear. I have to go to New York tonight, apparently the board has called a meeting and it has something to do with on of our factories overseas. I need to be there to overseer everything and make decisions about the direction of the company'.
'When do you have to go?'
'Now actually, I just came home to drop off some sketches and pack an overnight bag. I'll get a cab to the airport. See you in a week, if I haven't being charged for killing Bitchtoria'. Peyton laughed and pulled her friend into a hug, she rubbed her back and told her that if she needed anything all she had to do was call. Brooke nodded, headed to her room and was ready to go ten minutes later.
'Bye guys, have fun'. She closed the front door behind her and sighed in frustration, she really didn't want to go but she knew if she didn't Victoria would just keep calling her and make her come anyway.
The flight was quick and before she knew it she was in the back of a cab and on her way to her apartment building in Manhattan.
She closed her apartment door behind her and dropped her bags in the living room, she had never felt the need to drink her problems away but tonight she felt like a pulling a Peyton pre-Lucas love triangle again. She went to the fridge and got out a bottle of white wine, she uncorked it and poured herself a glass. It felt smooth and tasted fruity, she sat on the couch and felt the noises of Manhattan fill the silence of the apartment. It felt good to be back, this was a surprise to Brooke, but she had loved being here when she had first started out. It wasn't home in the same way that Tree Hill was, but it had this excitement to it that she just didn't feel anywhere else in the world.
Brooke wandered into her bedroom and sank into the mattress, she was exhausted, mentally physically and everything in between. She set the alarm for six and felt her eyes grow heavy with tiredness; she slept like the dead and woke up when the alarm started beeping at her. She had a Ferris Bueller moment where she considered playing hooky for the day and burrowing under the covers, but she knew her mother would just come over and harass her. She pulled herself out of bed and took a shower; she stood underneath the hot jets of water for ten minutes and felt somewhat revived. She dressed quickly and made some coffee, she was in her office and sitting behind her desk fifteen minutes later. Everything just seemed to go faster in New York, the harder she tried to relax the more frantic she became, it was a mess-Victoria had been right to call a shareholders meeting. They were being sued for running a sweatshop; apparently one of their managers had paid below minimum wage and made them all work long hours. She read over the report and felt herself shuddering at its contents.
Brooke called in the lawyers and set them to work, no one was to go home until they had a viable business plan, she tracked down the manager and fired him. She cleared out his desk and had security change all the locks and pass codes to the building, she also rung in a favour to a judge friend of hers and took out a restraining order against him, if he came within 10 feet of her or Clothes Over Bros headquarters he would be arrested and fined.
She felt a bit better after all this had been done, but there was still a thick quagmire of legal speak to get through. She met with Victoria and they discussed options, they spent the entire day prepping for the board meeting and going through the pros and cons of each scenario. It was a long day and all Brooke wanted to do was sleep and not think about the unholy mess they had managed to submerge themselves in. The meeting was finally over she rubbed a hand over her tired face and called it a day. It was 9pm, the day had flown by, and she gathered her briefcase and took a company car complete with driver back to her apartment. She couldn't be bothered with dinner and once again returned to the inner sanctum of her bedroom and got some much needed rest.