Drip. Drip. Drip.
Zexion lay slumped across the sink, one arm in the basin loosely holding the blood stained needle, the other dangling uselessly. The hanging arm is wrapped clumsily in a bandage, but the blood is already seeping through. His head rose slightly at the sound of his blood hitting the white tiles. The blunette glanced at his arm and sucked in a sharp breath. The slitter closed his eyes. What had he done?
Lexaeus' PoV
I glanced up at the sound of a pair of soft footfalls coming towards me. They were easy to hear; the lab was empty but for myself and the newcomer.
"Lexaeus?" a soft voice called, echoing quietly off the equipment stacked in almost every available space. I recognized the voice immediately, it was Zexion.
"Yes?" I replied, straightening up from the experiment that had been occupying my attention. The small frame of my guest slipped into view. He was clutching his right arm by his shoulder. I felt my eyebrows knit together as I frowned, my gaze on his arm.
"What is the matter?" I asked moving towards him, mercifully not knocking anything over.
He didn't reply, merely tugged up the sleeve of his black t-shirt. An involuntary hiss escaped my lips as I took in the blood stained bandage on his arm. It was crudely tied up; he had tried to bandage his arm with his left hand. And failed.
"Who did that?" I demanded sharply, my mood swinging from peaceful to furious.
He murmured something incoherent and then said slightly louder; "Can you bandage it for me?"
"Of course" I nodded, choosing not to press the subject of who had made the injury. I would find out which weapon was responsible when I looked at the wound. "But I need some bandages"
"Vexen has a medical kit in his room" Zexion pointed out in the same disturbingly quiet voice.
I nodded and walked closer to him. As I did so, finally I noticed the blood dripping down his hand and off his middle finger. Zexion seemed oblivious. But then even his other had been good at masking these things...
Opening a CoD, I guided Zexion through as he didn't seem to be able to move. I was worried that it was blood loss, before I looked at his eyes. I had never seen those eyes before not on the nobody nor his othIt is not something I hope to see again. The normally emotionless blue depths were a turmoil of pain, confusion, anguish and guilt. But his face was set in stone.
We came out on the apprentice's corridor outside Vexen's room. After waiting briefly for Zexion to knock, I took the responsibility myself; it was clear that Zexion was barely even seeing the door. There was movement inside the room and as I waited for The Academic to let us in my eyes drifted down the corridor. I went rigid with shock. There was a trail of blood leading from Zexion's room. Why hadn't he made a corridor? Looking back at the blunette I noted he was leaning against me. He looked smaller than ever. Although my superior height made him look shorter than usual at the best of times, they way he was holding himself made him look as if he was trying to sink into the floor. Normally he had an air of self assurance and control around him, but whatever had happened to him had obviously destroyed it. Vexen's door swung open.
"Yes? Wha-"he began irritably, before noticing who we were. "Lexaeus? Zexion? What do I owe the pleasure?"
Zexion mutely raised his arm, causing the steady dripping of blood to halt for a moment. Vexen's reaction was similar to mine.
"Who did this?" Vexen asked in an outraged snarl.
Again Zexion didn't reply, merely dropping his arm. "Could I have a bandage for it, please? I used mine unsuccessfully"
Vexen practically dragged him into the room in his haste. He forced Zexion onto the bed and turned round to search for the bandages. I sat next to Zexion and extended my hand to take his arm. I started unwinding the badly done up gauze and examined the cut. It was long, thin and looked deep. Possibly the sort of cut a chakram would make. But it didn't match, not exactly. Nor did it explain why there was so much blood. I carefully used the hand that wasn't holding Zexion's arm in place, to run up and down the length of the wound- avoiding the scarlet colouring. The blunette winced, but tried to cover it up. My fingers were covered in blood.
"We can't fix it if you don't show us the wound properly" Vexen scolded, noticing before I did the slight glazed look over Zexion's eyes that told us he was using an illusion to cover the true extent of his cut. Zexion hung his head and for a second looked so very young. It was easy to class him as something older than 16 when he beat us in every test Ansem thought up. We'd always treated him like he was as old as us; 30 +. Maybe that is why Vexen was inclined to sit next to Zexion and wrap an arm round his shoulder.
"Show us Zexion, we'll help" I told him gently. His arm shimmered slightly before finally revealing the real damage. Wiping the blood away with the wet cloth I had been handed, I heard Vexen let out a low groan. The absence of blood meant that all three of us could clearly see what Zexion had inscribed into his arm.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Oh, Ienzo..." Even whispered. Ienzo turned and buried his face into Even's shoulder. I looked back to the words; they were already submerged in blood. I swiftly cleaned them again and started to wrap them up. I had to rush; there was blood still pouring out of it. I tried not to think about when I had last dressed wounds like these.
"Why did you do it?" I asked quietly. For a second it didn't look like Ienzo would respond but then he replied in barely more than a whisper;
"Because it is true"
"That's a lie Ienzo" I told him furiously. "What have you ever done to deserve this?"
"I exist" Ienzo said after a pause. "I breathe. I think. I can accept that, I embrace it as my only right. The right to the knowledge that will find the right to feel. But, when I feel...I am taking something I have no right too. Now it is like I don't have the right to this non-existent, to breathe to think. For I have stolen something my being doesn't deserve. I should die."
There was a long silence. "Ienzo you know that isn't true. You have as much right to feel as the rest of us"
Ienzo bit his lip. I knew what he was thinking. As did Even;
"Just because we can't feel, doesn't mean that we don't have the right to. It certainly doesn't mean you should do this to yourself" he gestured at Ienzo's arm.
I watched him mull this over silently. He sighed and leant against Even's arm.
"Thanks" he looked down at his arm. "Don't tell the others. Please?"
"Dilan and Braig would want to know" Even frowned.
"...why?"
"Because they care about you?" I suggested, sarcastically. To mine- and Even's- dismay, he looked honestly surprised.
"Oh"
Even and I exchanged a glance.
"Do you have any intention to do this again?"
"No...It feels more containable now. Thank you"
Demyx's PoV
Zexion didn't spend that much time in the library any more. He just went in and got cookbooks and left again. I guess it makes sense that he would spend time in the kitchen if he reads his cookbooks, but it would look weird if I played my Sitar in the kitchen. It would look like I was stalking him or something...
I sat on the kitchen counter top idly plucking the sitar's strings, paying more attention to Zexion then I was on my music. He had every cupboard door open and what looked like their entire contents scattered all over the room. He had thrown himself into this new hobby with almost as much enthusiasm as he did his reading. Figuratively speaking of course, he still wouldn't have any emotion to his name...
I did wonder why he was doing this. The cooking, I mean. From my perspective it just looks like he is trying to occupy his time and hands. I asked Xiggy about it, he knows lots of stuff about Zexion. He said that Zexion did this a while ago, when they had just become nobodies. He said that Zexi used to be a musician-like me- but he was trying to disassociate himself with his past so he read instead. I asked Xigbar what Zexion was trying to disassociate himself with. He wouldn't tell me.
No one minded his new obsession. It just meant that there was better food around. I liked the food too, especially after Zexion found a recipe for double chocolate chip cookies. He always made me some which means he likes me as a friend if nothing else. That's what Xigbar said.
"You in here again no. 9?" someone called from behind me.
I twisted around to see Vexen in the doorway. He was another regular guest to the kitchen besides me. He, Lexaeus, Xiggy or Xaldin were always around Zexion these days. I think they are watching him, no idea why.
"Yep" I said cheerfully, waving slightly. "Hi"
"Hello, Vexen" Zexion greeted. "Drink?"
"Okay" Vexen replied looking slightly surprised. Aww, Zexion is a good host! I smiled absently.
"Would you like a drink, Demyx?"
"Um, yes please"
It took him about a minute to make two smoothies-one I thought was Strawberry, and the other was presumably Banana. I was passed the strawberry one and sipped at it happily. It wasn't just strawberry; I could taste raspberries, peach, and pomegranates as well as a host of other things all mixed together.
"Mm, nice" I congratulated.
Vexen looked at the drink he was offered warily, he normally just had water.
"He hasn't poisoned it, promise" I reassured him, with a grin.
Vexen shot me a look, but took a sip. As it was quickly followed by another, I assumed that he liked it. Zexion smiled- I absorbed the expression greedily- and looked to me.
"Do you like it?" he asked. It might be my imagination, but I think he sounds a little bit anxious.
I smiled enthusiastically "It's delicious"
Zexion returned my grin and picked up another glass, filling it with water. Taking one of the many cookbooks he flicked through it as he drank. My eyes switched from him to Vexy, he had almost finished his drink. For a few minutes the only sound was of pages turning and drinking. Then Vexen set his glass down and said;
"That was very nice, thank you Zexion"
I smiled inwardly. Whenever Zexi received a complement, it made me happier.
"It was my pleasure" Zexi assured him. He took Vexy's cup then turned to me and reached out for my now empty glass. I leant forward slightly so he could reach it and as he took it from me, our fingers brushed ever so gently. I shivered as soon as we no longer touching, in the hope he wouldn't notice. Eh, so high school girl crush-ish! I shook myself slightly and glanced at Zexi. He had gone faintly pink. Why?
"No. 9" Vexy said abruptly. "Could you leave us for a minute?" I looked over at him and recoiled slightly from the piercing glare he was giving me.
"Um, why?" racking my brains to think of what I could have done to offend him.
"No.9 I am ordering you as your superior to get out" Vexen ordered. I shot a look at Zexion and he shrugged almost imperceptibly. I slid of the side and dismissed my sitar.
"Bye" I called over my shoulder as I headed for the door.
"Bye Demyx" Zexion answered.
I went outside and closed the door. I was going to walk off but froze. I wanted to hear what Vexen was telling Zexion. I knew that it is bad to spy on people but I want to know these things. If it was something that was going to hurt Zexion...That clinched it for me. I pressed my ear to the door and strained to hear their conversation.
"-your arm?" was all I caught from Vexen.
"Better. I don't think I need this anymore" I heard Zexion reply.
"Hmm, show me" there was a pause then Vexen continued; "I think you are right. It has been two months now hasn't it?"
"And four days" Zexion confirmed dully. I frowned. What had happened two months and four days ago? There was another long pause punctuated that finished with Zexion going;
"Ouch"
"Sorry" Vexen apologised. "Ienzo..." Ienzo?
"Even..." Zexion mimicked his wary tone.
"You never did tell us. What the feeling was. The emotion"
Us? Emotion? What the Hades?
"No, I didn't" Zexion agreed. "Do you want me too?"
"Am I permitted to guess?"
'Permitted to guess', who talks like that? I giggled quietly and carried on listening.
"You are"
"I think it is Demyx" I almost passed out from shock. What?!
"I think that you love him"
I gasped. What? What?!
"Just as perceptive as always" Zexion said, sighing quietly.
Oh my god! I leant away from the door and stared at it in dumbfounded amazement.
"Hey Demy!" someone called from behind me. It was Axel. He ruffled my hair and grinned at me. "What's up?"
I didn't reply, just carried on gawping at the door.
"Demyx? You okay?"
"Y-yeah, I'm fine" I stuttered shaking my head to clear it. "Just...surprised" OhmygodOhmygodOhmygod!
"Sure? Well it is time for food! Wonder what Zexi's cooked up?" Axel swung open the door before I could protest.
Zexion slid off the table top looking sheepish, at the same time as Vexen dropped something red and white into the bin.
"What's for dinner?" Axel asked, totally oblivious to my displeasure.
"Baked Cheesy Veggie Chicken Pasta" Zexion informed him. "When I've finished making it"
***
The rest of the organization had piled into the kitchen and were sitting on the surfaces that recently held ingredients. Well, all but Xemnas, but he never ate with the rest of us. Vexen was talking quietly to Xaldin, Xigbar and Lexaeus. I bet it was about Zexion but there was no way I was going up to the 4 highest members in the room and asking them. Besides I was too busy plotting how I was going to get Zexion alone. I looked over at the object of my thoughts and noticed he was struggling with the lighter for the cooker.
"Need a hand?" I asked at the same time as Axel. The redhead had torn himself away from Marluxia, long enough to shoot the question at Zexion.
"Yes" Zexion admitted grudgingly, stepping backwards a bit so Axel could get to the cooker. Rather than getting up, the pyro sent a small ball of flame at the cooker. It wouldn't have mattered, except for that it scorched Zexion as it passed. He let out a small cry and clutched at his right hand.
"Shiz" Axel muttered, quickly looking over to the apprentices. All four were giving him death glares. All 6 of us –them, Axel and I- moved towards Zexion. I beat all of them
"You okay?" I asked anxiously.
"Yeah, just burnt" he said examining his hand.
"You need to put something on it" I fretted.
"It's fine Dem"
Woot! A nickname!
"It's not" I insisted, dragging him over to the sink. I switched the tap on and made him put his hand under the running water. Though he winced at the cold water, Zexion left his hand obediently under the tap. I looked at his hand through the water, and was pleased to see that it hadn't blistered.
"Your sleeves getting wet, Zexi" Larxene pointed out from the other side of the kitchen. It was a small space, it was no wonder she could see.
"Don't call me that" Zexion protested, allowing me to drag his sleeve upwards.
"Sorry, Zexi" Larxene smirked. I wasn't paying her any attention; something on Zexion's arm had caught my eye. I held his wrist gently and pulled his sleeve up a little.
"Larxene, leave him" Luxord put in from next to Marluxia. It looked like a letter.
"Yeah, drop it Larx" Marluxia agreed. An "F"? That has to be a coincidence. But where would he get a scar like this?
"Fine! Sorry Zexion" The room at large seemed surprised that she had backed down. I honestly didn't care. I'd pulled the sleeve up further.
"Thanks" Zexion said sounding less wound up. I gasped. My hand tightened round his wrist. He looked down at the sudden force and saw what I did. As did the rest of the organization. For a second no-one moved or breathed. There was a group gasp from all except the apprentices, who all swore simultaneously. Zexion wrenched his arm out of my grip and disappeared into a CoD in the same motion. I twisted away from the sink and into a portal. I caught the look on everyone's faces most of them registering simply shock. Except for Xigbar. He had extended an arm to stop his fellows lunging into corridors of their own. He looked back at me just as I disappeared.
***
I came out in the library and looked around desperately. I couldn't see him. I ran down the nearest aisle of books searching for him frantically. I found him, curled up as far out into the library he could get. He was curled up on the sofa, crying quietly. I felt my nonexistent heart rip apart at every sob.
"Zexion?" I called quietly. The crying broke off.
"Demyx?" He sat up on the sofa. "Why are you here?"
I think I died again, because he had to ask that. I was on the sofa next to him in a heartbeat, cradling him gently.
"Because I love you, Zex"
He made a strange choking noise and kissed me passionately. I kissed him back and pushed him down gently. I slid my hands round him, pulling him closer. His hands knotted in my hair, making sure I wasn't about to back up. I wouldn't even if I could. My lips moved away from his, travelling down his neck. He let out small whimper of pleasure. It was music to my ears. I looked back up to his face; it was still covered in salty stains. My tongue traced his neck back you to his face and he leant back, arching his neck out as far as he could. I cleaned away his tears with his tongue, tenderly wiping his face clean. I pulled away from him and his hands slid away from my neck down my arms. I followed there descent. I caught a glance of his scars. I sighed and got off him, sitting up and looking at his arm sorrowfully. He followed my gaze and sighed.
"Why, Zexion? Why would you do that?" I asked, running my hand up and down his arm, shuddering at the feel of the scars.
"Because I love you too" he said in less than a whisper.
I let out a strangled gasp. "What? You did this because of me? It's my fault?"
"No, no! Don't think that. Don't you ever think that" he protested wriggling onto his knees and holding my face in his slender hands. "This is all my fault, Demyx. Never yours"
"But it you said-"
"It isn't your fault! I love you, but I don't have the right! Demyx, I'm a nobody. I shouldn't be able to feel this, it isn't just an echo. I never felt anything like this when I was Ienzo"
"I'm a nobody too" was all I could come up with. Zexion put a finger to my lips
"You're more alive than I was as a somebody. I don't believe it is wrong for you to feel. You're too perfect for anything to be forbidden"
"I think you're perfect" I mumbled past his finger. Zexion sighed and moved his hands. He sat back at the other end of the sofa, watching me silently. To my horror I realised he had re-started crying.
"Like I could be anything better than nothing" he muttered. I crawled over to him and caught a tear on my finger.
"You're all tearful again" I told him.
"Really?" he said starkly.
I nodded seriously then smiled. "Do you want to get cleaned up?"
Zexion nodded and got up. He emitted a surprised yelp as I caught him by the waist and dragged him back onto the sofa. I pushed him onto his back and sat on him, grinning broadly. He gave a small smirk and reached up and pulled me down.
Zemyx's PoV
I can feel your fingers, intertwined in my hair---------
-----------Your lips pressing against mine-----------
-Better than my dream------------
---------Much more than my day dreams----------
----It wasn't just going to get better------
This isn't a story----it won't just have a happy ending---
-----------This music carries on till the end of life-------
-------------So frightened, I still don't know-----if this is okay-----
------Feeling your scars under my fingers----it's like they engraved into my own skin--------
---I'm so sorry, I don't know why I-------
----I love you so much---------
---It's going to be hard-----------
--------------------Some scars don't heal----------------------
----------------Maybe we can reach some happier place------------------
----------Shall we try? ----------------------
----Together? ----------------------------------------
----------------Together-------------
-------------I think we are part of the way there-----------------