Disclaimer: Do not own, but I will eventually have RPatzz to myself. hehe

AN: Okay thank you to everyone that has reviewed so far.

And this chapter and the next one will be flashbacks, so I hope you enjoy.

AN 2: Chapter has now been re-edited thanks to dihenydd.


Chapter 4: I will run and hide till memories fade away (Part 1)

Waste away
I'm crawling blind
Hollowed by what I left inside
For you, just you
I'm caught in place
But I ignore what I can't erase

- Hide by RED

Flashback 5 years ago

"So, are you going to come over after school today?" Edward asks, as he drives us to school.

"Edward, that is such a stupid question. Why wouldn't I come over today? I mean, I come over almost every day." I giggle a little. Edward can be so dumb sometimes. He asks me that question every day, and every day I give him the same answer. He can't seem to get it through his thick skull that I wouldn't want to do anything else.

"Just want to make sure. Who knows, one day you may finally get sick of me and hang out with someone else, or maybe even find a guy you prefer to hang out with rather than just your best friend." I notice his face fall, but don't make anything of it. All I do is look down at my hands in my lap. I want to tell him so badly that the only one I ever want to be with is the one sitting right next to me. He would never want me though. Who would? Living in such a small town, where everyone knows each other, I'd always be the fat chick.

I've always been at ease with my weight. I mean, I'm nowhere near as fat as some people, but at a little over 140 pounds, I'm the fattest chick in the school. I'm losing weight, sure, not as fast as I would like, but I was still losing it, right?

"Yeah, because you can actually see some guy wanting to go out with me." I tell him and roll my eyes.

"Bella, you really don't see yourself clearly," he looks over at me as he pulls into a parking space at school.

"Edward, I see myself just fine. I know who I am and what I look like, and so does everyone else in this school. It's you that can't see me clearly." I unbuckle myself and jump out of the car before he can say anything else. I hate it when he does this. Of course he would say things like this to me. I'm his best friend, and he's just trying to make me feel better, but it's not going to work.

"Bella, wait up!" I hear him call after me, but I just keep up my pace.

"Bella, please listen to me, I want to tell you something." He tries to stop me, but I keep on walking. I really don't want to talk about me. I just want to go on with the day and forget about it.

"Eddie puss!" Great, one of the schools biggest douche bags, Felix, is coming to make the day worse.

"Just ignore him," I tell Edward as he stops and scowls at Felix. I grab his arm to pull him, and eventually we walk away.

"Edward! I'm talking to you. I just wanted to ask if your mom is still sore, because she was taking it pretty hard last night." Felix and his posse, including his little brother James, as well as Victoria, Laurent, and a few other pricks, laugh their asses off, thinking it is so goddamn hilarious. Edward breaks from my grasp and heads towards them, but I grab his arm yet again before he does something he would later regret.

"Just keep walking," I tell him.

"You better listen to what tub of lard there says, you don't want to end up going home to mommy with a broken rib." Felix calls out as I pull Edward further away from him.

"God, I hate him. Just because his dad is one of richest guys in town, he thinks he rules this place." Edward was shaking with anger.

"You just need to learn to ignore it, and maybe he'll get bored and leave you alone."

"Or he'll keep doing it until he ends up getting shot." He sneers.

"Edward chill will ya?" I stop walking and stomp my foot while looking at him.

"No, Bella!" He yanks his arm out of my grasp again and raises his voice, "I'm sick of his shit, I'm sick of you telling me what to do, and I'm sick of the attitude you have towards yourself! If you want to hate yourself, fine, but leave me the hell out of it! I'm just so sick of it! All of it!" I stare at him in shock, my eyes wide and my mouth open. What is his problem? I wish I could blame this all on Felix, but I feel it is partly my fault. If I didn't feel so bad about myself sometimes, he probably wouldn't have said anything. Maybe this isn't about me and my attitude at all? What if this is his way of letting me know he's finally tired of me?

"Bella," he sighs. "I gotta go."

And with that, he leaves and I feel my eyes start to well up and run to the bathroom. I move into a stall to grab some toilet paper and clean up.

Why am I even crying? Maybe he just needs some time? I should just give him a break.

I swear I must be PMSing or something because my emotions are really weird today. I've never been this sensitive to anything before.

I look at my phone after cleaning up my face a little bit, it is 8:00. Great. I am late to class.

Just as I'm about to leave the bathroom, someone pushes me back in. Of course, it is none other than Malibu Barbie.

"Tanya." I growl at her.

"Bella." She steps right in front of me so I can't leave.

"What do you want, Tanya?" I let out an exasperated sigh. I'm nowhere near in the mood to deal with this psycho bitch.

I know she has this huge thing for Edward, and I always felt that Edward liked her as well, which makes me hate her all the more.

"Wow, aren't we in a grumpy mood." She crosses her arms in front of her overly large chest and puts her right foot out in front of her to make her seem tough.

"Will you just tell me what the hell you want so I can move on with my life?"

"Oh, Edward felt it was time to tell you about us." I don't like where this is going. What is she talking about? "He couldn't do it himself, don't ask me why, but I don't care anyway. I wanted to see your face as I told you this."

My heart starts pounding in my chest, and I feel my face going red from anger. My hands start to clench into tight fists, getting ready to sock her in her pretty face any minute.

She is just going to make up lies like she always does.

"Fine, go ahead and tell me, but whatever you say won't make it true."

"Oh, but it is." She looks slyly at me and continues, "Edward and I have actually been going out for the past couple of weeks. He didn't know how to tell you this, but I do. He thinks that you're a fat slut who is too insecure about herself, and it seems like you always need him around to tell you that you're 'perfect the way you are', and he's just sick of it." She spits out those last words, the same words that he had told me not 30 minutes ago.

"He's tired of carrying your fat ass around. He wants nothing to do with you anymore!" She turns around to leave, but then turns back. "Oh, by the way, he doesn't like you either. We all know that you're in love with him. Even he knows. We can all see it, but what made you ever think he would fall in love with someone like you? I mean look at you!" She waves her hand at me gesturing up and down, and I follow her hands looking down at myself. "You're the size of an elephant and the fucking earth shakes and trembles wherever you go. Stay away from him — from us! Just get the fuck out of our lives!" she screams at me.

I push her out of the way and run to the parking lot. I lean against the side of the building with my hands on my legs taking deep breaths.

Edward hates me. He thinks that I am nothing but a burden to him! And it's true. All I do is weigh him down. He could hang out with other friends and do fun things, but instead he stays with me and keeps me company.

I can't believe it. He even knows that I'm in love with him, but he doesn't even have the guts to tell me to my face that he doesn't see me that way. Should I really believe what Tanya says? Maybe I should actually talk to him about this.

Yes, that's what I need to do.

I push off the wall and walk back into the school. Little do I know that I will end up walking in on something I never wanted to see in my life.

Edward and Tanya are locked in a passionate kiss. Edward has her pinned to the lockers with his palms either side of her face. Tanya has one of her arms wrapped tightly around the back of his neck while the other holds tightly to the front of his shirt. My whole chest tightens up and I can't breathe. The sobs are slowly making their way up my chest about to pour out of my mouth.

Tanya sees me from the corner of her eye, and throws herself even deeper into their kiss. I feel my heart shatter into a million pieces as my world comes crashing down around me.

It's really true. I'm nothing to him but his fat best friend — now ex best friend — and he's always seen me that way.

With that, I turn and run. Where am I running to? I have no idea, I just run. Eventually, I end up at my house, happy that my dad isn't home because I run straight upstairs to the bathroom and for the first time ever, I stick my finger down my throat and start to gag and vomit.

I never thought I would do this. I always thought you had to be stupid to make yourself throw up just to lose a few pounds, but now I understand. When the person you are madly in love with says you're too fat, you want to take care of it the fastest way possible. Not only that, but you feel so dirty and disgusting inside that the only way to feel clean is to get everything in you, out.

Please tell me what you think!