THANK YOU THANK YOU!! I got Over 50 reviews for the last chapter. I FREAKING LOVE YOU GUYS!!

I really tried to get this chapter out earlier today, but we went out Christmas shopping before the snow storm comes in again.

Okay you guys here it is, you finally get to know where Edward has been. I was going to wait a little longer, but then it seemed to work better here, so here you go.

Now read on, if you dare.

Chapter 11: The world is lost and blown

Is it bright where you are
And Have the people changed
Does it make you happy you're so strange
And in your darkest hour
Now all secrets fade
We can watch the world devoured in its pain

-The Beginning is the End is the Beginning by Smashing Pumpkins


Finals week. Joy.

After we had arrived back home from the hospital I went straight upstairs to my room and studied for my finals that I had coming up just to keep myself busy and occupied.

I tried to only focus on my school work, but I would still find myself drifting off and thinking about everything that happened. At the moment all I really could think about was when I said yes to Felix. Should I really go out with him? Sure he helped me out in school, but I still felt uneasy about him, especially after the way Edward was looking at him and how he was begging me not to go out with him with his eyes. They had seemed so sincere.

I don't know what I was thinking when I said yes.

I really don't date. Hell, I have never been on a date in my life. Who could after the guy you like thinks you are nothing but a fat bitch and doesn't want you? You kind of end up seeing yourself as if no one in this world wants you, and that you really are nothing but a fat bitch.

When I said yes to Felix, at the time it was just to get back at Edward, but now I don't think I really can go through with it. Felix is a really nice guy, and nice looking, but I can never see myself with him or anyone for that matter. I was way too screwed up in the head for that.

I don't know what I would do if I got close to someone and then they just turned me down because they come to realize what Edward did.

Edward has actually kept himself away for the rest of the weekend. No one has really seen him. Well, no one but Jasper, and he said that Edward just stays in his room. I could tell that Alice was relieved to hear that is all he has been doing. I just wanted to know why she is so worried about him, I am pretty sure he can take care of himself.

I'd just finished my last final for the day and was headed back towards my car, my ankle was better because I did as Felix had instructed and kept off of my foot, and my finger really didn't hinder my driving abilities, so I could still drive my truck around.

"Shit!" Great. There's that voice I love to hear so much. I rolled my eyes. What was wrong with him now?

I made my way over to Edward who was under the hood of his car and playing around with things under it.

"Hey" I walked up to him, not sure what he was going to do.

"What do you want?" he sighed irritably.

"Never mind, if you are going to be like that." I turned on my heel and headed back towards my truck.

"Wait!" I stopped but didn't turn.

"Do you think that you could give me a ride? I have to go…to a…meeting." I turned to look at him seeing him nervously rubbing his hand against the back of his neck.

Ah, the infamous meetings. If I take him then maybe I will finally know a little of the truth.

"Come on" I motioned with my hand for him to follow me.

Once I got into my tuck and started it I heard taping on the passenger side window.

I looked over to see Edward standing outside the truck.

Oh duh. I leaned over and unlocked his door.

"Sorry, I don't usually have anyone else ridding with me so I never unlock it."

"Understandable."

I started to laugh a little as I pulled out of the school parking lot.

"What's so funny?" Edward asked.

"Nothing really. It's just you gave me, and you still do, so much shit about this truck, and yet it is still running while your precious Volvo is stuck in the parking lot broken down."

Edward had a slight smile on his face. He knows how much crap he has given me, so of course it was a little funny. It was a little ironic actually.

"So where to?" I asked as I came to a stop light.

"Umm…The community Center." He said softly and kind of fast.

The community center? Isn't that where they hold all those extra classes like Driver's Ed, some of those cooking class and a bunch of other non credit classes for school? But wait, they don't usually have those this time of day. The only things they hold this time of day is….no, no, that can't be it. He must be going for something else, but not that.

Edward was looking at me after he had told me where to go, probably trying to see if I figured it out, but I just kept my face firm and like I was totally oblivious to all of it.

"Do you have any music?" he asked after a while of silent driving.

"Sure do." I reached over and opened the glove department in front of him and handed him the CD case that I had in there.

"What's all this?" he asked as he was flipping through the CDs, "Rise against? Mudvayne? Red? Who are these guys, and what happened to the good old bands that we used to listen to like Linkin Park, Acceptance, or even Britney spears?

"Hey, don't you dare diss the music I listen to now. My music range has expanded over the years. Red is my favorite band so don't you dare say anything about them, and for you information I still listen to Linkin Park, they are still one of my favorite bands, Acceptance broke up years ago, and what the fuck are you smoking? When is the last time we've ever listened to Britney Spears?" Edward was just laughing at my little rant.

"It's okay Bella, chill. I was only teasing." He continued to laugh and I couldn't help but smile. It's been so long to have him actually laugh at something I said rather than something he did to me during this past while he has been back.

He stuck in Linkin Park's newest CD and we just sat there listening the songs, and before I knew it I was singing along with it. I could feel Edward looking at me, but I kept my eyes on the road continuing with my awful singing.

"Bella, why did you agree to go out with Felix?" that kind of caught me off guard. I was sure he would say something about my singing first. I turned down the stereo so I could talk to him.

"Because I want to catch up with an old friend." I pulled into the parking lot of the Community Center.

"But that's the thing Bella. He was never really a friend. You used to hate him just as much as I did." Edward stated with an annoyed tone.

"Yeah, used to. He stood up for me, you didn't." I found a parking spot and pulled into it, ignoring his attitude.

"Well of course he stood up for you, he knew you would give him whatever he wanted, just like before." Before I could respond he jumped out of the truck slamming the door in the process. He was walking away from me and the truck as fast as he could with his shoulders slumped. I jumped out and followed after him. I demanded to know what his problem was.

"Edward, Edward" I kept calling after him but he didn't listen to me he just kept going on and into the building.

"EDWARD! I want you to stop right now!!" I screamed at him following him inside.

"Bella no, go home now!" He had turned around and was pointing back to the truck outside.

"No, not until I get some god damn answers out of you." We were standing in front of a door, but I wasn't really weren't paying any attention to it.

"Bella, you need to leave now!!" he tried to push me back out towards the front doors but I stood firm.

"NO!" I yelled.

"YES! NOW!" He screamed even louder than me.

"Excuse me, are you Edward's family support for today's A.A meeting?" a small scrawny guy asked me interrupting our fight.

Wait what?

"No I am!" a voice came from behind me. It turns out it was Carlisle. He came around me and took Edward by the arm, who was just staring at me in anger and fear. He was breathing heavily while I just looked at him with shock and I wasn't sure I was even breathing.

"Bella, you should go now." Carlisle said, "Edward let's go, the class is about to start." He pulled Edward towards the room, but Edward wouldn't budge, he just kept staring at me. It almost looked as if he wanted to hurt me.

"Edward now!" Carlisle commanded so Edward gave in going into the room.

"Bella, I am so sorry, but I think it is best if you just head home now, don't worry too much about this. It'll all be taken care of. " Carlisle said as he put his hand on my shoulder. I lightly nodded my head as best as I could. I was about to leave when he stopped me.

"Bella, I know that this may sound bad, but I am kind of happy that you now know. He's been coming to these types of meetings here twice a week, and they have been trying to convince him to finally come out and tell everyone, but he would not listen. But now that you know, maybe he may be more open and finally be able to move on and become himself again." Again I just lightly nodded my head and I turned and left the building, running to my truck as soon as I reached the outside.

--

As soon as I got home I just sat in my truck for what felt like hours. Not feeling anything. I wasn't sure what to feel. Should I be angry that Alice and everyone have kept this from me? Should I feel guilty for finding out this way, or for even finding out at all? Should I be upset about finding out that all this time he used to be an Alcoholic, or even worse.

But the thing is, I felt all those and my brain and my body just didn't know what to do with all the complex emotions.

Tap…Tap…

I jumped at the noise and saw Alice standing outside of the car, I unrolled the window.

"Bella, why are you sitting in your truck? Oh my God Bella why are you crying?!" I didn't realize that I had tears coming down my face until she had pointed them out.

"I.."I took a large gulp, "I just got back from the community center." I didn't look away from the steering wheel as I heard Alice gasp.

She came around the other side of the car and got in.

"Alice, why didn't you tell me? What they hell has been going on?! Does all this explain why he was gone for so long, and I know he wasn't in New York so don't try to pull that shit on me."

"Bella, I shouldn't be the one to tell you this, but Edward is too damn stubborn that I know he will really never tell you anything. Hell, he still hasn't even told me everything. All I know is what I have got through my parents and Carlisle and Esme, and from some of the things I have seen." She looked over at me.

"What happen to him Alice?" Tears started to fall from her eyes.

"I don't know Bella." She started to cry out now. "I mean I started noticing something wrong with him before you left school. Anytime I would see him, he would look as if he hadn't slept in day, and his eyes were always blood shot, steadily getting worse every day, but as soon as you did leave school, things went overboard." Alice took a couple breaths before continuing.

"Before, all it was was just late night parties that eventually turned into days and then weeks of him beginning gone. No one really knowing where he was or what he was doing. Everyone was so worried about him, but whenever we would see him and try to ask him questions, he wouldn't answer us. He would just walk around like a ghost.

"We all knew that he was getting into some deep stuff, but we didn't know what it was, and who was even providing it. Esme and Carlisle tried to help him out, but he wouldn't let them.

"One night, when I was over at Edward's place helping Esme out with ideas for a house she was remodeling we heard someone honking their horn as they were driving down the street. As soon as we got out of the house we saw Tanya and James pushing Edward out of the car while it was still moving. He ended rolling down the road into the yard.

"Esme and I both started screaming and ran over to him. When we got over to him he had completely blacked out and was barley even breathing. Esme had called Carlisle and we took him to the hospital. He had to have his stomach pumped. They had found an extreme high amount of alcohol and Cocaine in his system, along with some other gateway drugs. They were surprised that he didn't die." The tears that were coming out of her eyes seemed as if they would permanently stain her cheek. All I could do was sit there and stare at her.

"God Bella, it was a miracle that he didn't die when he should of. If it seriously wasn't for what happened Tanya I think he would of still kept on going down the path that he was on" Alice couldn't control her sobs that were raking her body, I was right along with her.

"Alice, what happened to Tanya?"

"She…She, she died Bella." Alice stuttered.

"WHAT?"

"One night they were at James' place and he had gotten some pretty hard core stuff. There was the usual different types of Alcohol and some Cocaine, but he also got some Acid, heroine, and even some Meth. Evidently Edward wouldn't try any of the harder drugs, so Tanya tried to be the brave one and show him that it really was no big deal. She took some Heroine and the first dosage was no big deal, but still Edward wouldn't do it. Tanya ended up doing more and more and didn't stop. She decided to even throw in a little Meth. She ended up overdosing and started to spasm out and had seizures right there on the floor.

"Edward had stayed there with her while everyone else left. He called the ambulance and soon they arrived along with the police. He was taken to court and wouldn't give anyone else's name away on whom else was at the party and who provided the drugs. They decided to send him to a drug and alcohol rehabilitation center in Utah.

"We all thought it would be good if you didn't know. If you believed that he was in New York away from you because at that same time you were on the verge of almost killing yourself as well."

I just sat there staring out the window. "I...I don't know what to say."

"Bella, please, please just tell me what you did?" Alice was bailing and clutching on to me with all the strength she had at this moment.

"Alice, I don't know what I did." I was crying along with her and we both just sat there holding onto each other crying over the past, and what has become of Edward.

At this point all I wanted to know is what I had done. I was seriously stumped by the fact that I could've done something to hurt him, even though the whole time I avoided him as much as possible because of what he did to me.

I knew that if I brought this up to Edward, he really wouldn't say anything to me. He believes that I know what I did to deserve what I got, but I didn't have the slightest clue.

It was dark outside, but we still didn't leave the confines of the truck, we sat there for who knows how long just holding each other while outside christmas lights were twinkling about us trying to say Merry Christmas, but so far this season hasnt been so Merry after all.

I know that it is not as long as the past few chapters, but it is something, and it was a really important chapter.

Sorry for any mistakes!

PLEASE REVIEW!! Next chapter will have the return of James, maybe.

If I get near 300 reviews I will update sooner!