First off, ROB CUT HIS HAIR!!!!!! It's all gone, and kind of sad, but with or without it, he is still one sexy beast.

Sorry it took so long for this chapter. I kind of got stuck, I was going to have a chapter with James for this chapter, but as I was writing it, it didn't seem to quite fit here, but he will come in later on. Also I have been really pissed off at people in this household. I have been trying to find a job, and I have applied to places, but my freaking father doesn't seem to understand that no one wants to god damn hire me. It's pissing me off, and he is threatening to ship me off to Utah and live with my aunt. Then if that doesn't work, he is just going to kick me out of the house all together. I hate him.

Sorry for any mistakes, PLEASE REVIEW!! Thank you to all of you that did review, they really make me happy and right now I really need some cheering up.

Anyways read on, if you dare.


Chapter 12: To me, coming from you

to me, coming from you,
friend is a four letter word.
end is the only part of the word
that i heard.
call me morbid or absurd.
but to me, coming from you,
friend is a four letter word.

-Friend is a four letter word by Cake


It's been a week since I've found out about Edward and a week since I've last seen him.

I wasn't sure if I really wanted to face him after finding out what I have. He's probably also furious with me for finding out like I did. I don't know what he's going to do when I see him again, or if I do see him again. He seems to be hiding from me. Edward even ended up skipping the sociology final that we had. Alice said that she had to go over to his place and demand to see him because he wouldn't come out of his room. I knew Alice was relieved that all he has been doing is staying in his room rather out and about doing god knows what.

I never did go on that date with Felix because he ended up having to work some more at the hospital. I was actually kind of relieved when I heard this. I really don't know if I am ready to go out with him. It just doesn't feel right and I just can't do it.

I did tell him that I wasn't ready, but I did say that we can still hang out and be friends and we'll see what happens in the future. Felix seemed content when I told him over the phone, but I don't know how he really felt about it.

It was nine in the morning on Saturday and I was just lying in bed having so many things go through my head. We were supposed to go tree hunting today with everyone, but I don't know if that was still going to happen.

"Bella, get up and get ready to go!" I heard Alice call from downstairs.

Never mind, I guess we are going to go. I just really didn't want to go.

"Bella, get your ass out of bed now!" Alice came into the room and picked up a small stuffed animal that I had lying around and chucked it at my head.

"I'm up, I'm up. Jeez. The one you really should be trying to get out of bed is the one in the next room."

"He is already and waiting downstairs with Edward."

I bolted up right on my bed when she said that, she gave me a devious smile.

"How…what..?" I babbled.

"After much talking, I finally convinced him to come today, well, forced him to come today, and I told him we'll not bring up anything that happened at the community center. But I did tell him that you know about Tanya. He got a little pissed at me for that, but I calmed him down."

"Are you sure he is going to be okay?"

"He's going to be as okay as he can possibly be."

I gave her an unsure look.

"Alice, I am not sure if I am ready to face him. I mean, so much has been happening to me lately and I don't want to push myself into talking to him and end up hearing something that I really don't want to hear. What if it just sends me over the edge?"

"You'll be fine. You've been doing so well lately. I think that this may actually help even more. I want you guys to become friends again, and the only way that is going to happen is if you guys start talking to each other and hanging. Even if you don't talk about everything that has happened, just as long as you guys can be around each other again, I am sure that the truth will come out eventually."

I didn't say anything. I just played with my fingers.

"Bella, everything is going to be just fine. Trust me, will you. Come look for a Christmas tree with us, it won't be the same without you. You always seem to be the one to find the best one."

"Okay, let me get ready." Alice started clapping her hands

"Oh, I want to let you know now, his sponsor is here as well."

"His sponsor?"

"Yeah, he thought it may be a good idea to come today after what happened. It was actually Edward's idea anyway. It could be just to help Edward through today and showing him that it's okay that we all know about his past."

"Okay, well I need to get ready, so move your butt out of here." I pushed Alice out the door and shut it, and then I remembered something.

"Wait. Alice?"

"Yes Bella?"

"I was just wondering, does Edward know about me and my whole Bulimia stage?"

"No" She shook her head. "I really don't want to tell him about that. I feel that you should tell him, but if you don't soon, I will."

"Alice, please don't. When I am ready to talk about it I'll tell him myself."

"You better." With that she left again heading downstairs.

I really wanted to talk to Edward about all this and so maybe today he will actually let me talk to him. This could be a step into maybe gaining a little bit of our old friendship back.

I don't think we can ever go back to being best friends, or even good friends at all because of everything. I don't know if I can really forgive him, but I know that it would make everyone happy to show them that at least we can be the same room without ripping each other's heads off.

I headed down the stairs wearing a long dark pair of jeans and a heavy jacket because it was freezing outside.

"Okay you guys we can go now!" I called out once I reached the bottom of the stairs.

All around waiting by the door were six other people. Five of them I knew but the last one I didn't. He had slightly tanned skin and shaggy dark hair. To go along with the rest of his dark features were his dark and mysterious eyes. I could only assume that this was Edward's sponsor.

"Hello?" I slowly made my way towards everyone. Edward was the one to step forward.

"Bella, this is my sponsor, Seth. Seth, this is Bella." Edward motioned his hand between us and as I was shaking his big warm hand, I saw an exchange between Edward and Seth. I could tell Seth was asking something through his eyes, and Edward just nodded his head a little.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Bella." He looked back at me.

"It's great to meet you too." We let go of hands and I put mine at my side. Edward gave me a small smile, and I returned one too him.

"So, I guess we should go, I don't think we're all going to fit in my jeep, so what do you want to do?" Emmett asked holding onto Rose.

"How about this, the three of you ride with Emmett," Seth pointed at Jasper, Rose and Alice, "while Bella and I ride with Edward." Seth was beaming at his own suggesting, while I just sighed. Just because I wanted to talk to him, didn't mean that I wanted to end up spending all day with hm. Talking to him could take less than hour, but they all seemed like they wanted us to talk all day.

"Sounds like a great idea." Emmett said.

"But you guys..." I began to protest.

"Now, now Bella, it seems like Seth wants to get to know you, so just listen to him" Alice instructed as she headed out the door.

"We'll see you guys there!" Rose called out as she got into the jeep and they drove off, with me watching them disappear down the road.

"So, you guys ready to go." Seth asked

"No, but I still am going anyways." I marched my way down the path towards Edward's car.

"Looks like you got your car fixed." I stated with Edward walking right behind me and Seth beside him.

"Yeah I did, I got it fixed just the other day."

"That's good." I nodded my head.

I was about to set in the back seat when Seth stopped me. "Bella, you are in the front seat."

"Why? I am just fine with seating in the back. It's not going to make a difference."

"Bella, just come seat up in the front." Edward snapped, and Seth gave him a dirty look.

"Fine, jeez, no need to your fucking panties in a twist." I opened the front seat door and slid in while Edward and Seth slowly followed.

We were driving along a winding road and I could feel myself starting to get nauseated.

"So Bella, tell me a little about yourself?" Seth asked from the back seat distracting myself from the twisting road.

"What do you want to know?"

"Anything and everything, I would like to get to know the girl that Edward here can't seem to stop talking about." He grabbed Edward's shoulder and starting shaking it while Edward's facial expression suddenly became very nervous as he shifted his eyes toward me for a second.

I didn't change my expression at all. It figures he would be talking about me, probably telling everyone in that meeting all the things that I did to him, rather than all the things he has done to me.

"Huh, well if Edward has talked so much about me then you should know that I was born and raised in Forks, my mom and dad our devoiced and my dad is the police chief and a complete workaholic, while my mom lives in Florida and spends her time with her new squeeze toy, Phil, and creates all these new adventures for the two of them to go on. I went to school with Edward here, up until sophomore year when I couldn't stand it anymore and I left. More to that story later on when I feel I know you better." I know I was being a bitch, but I couldn't help myself. I don't know why, but when you start a habit, it is kind of hard to break it.

"Sorry." I mumble when I became really aware of my actions. God, seriously what the hell was wrong with me. I just found out Edward was in rehab and in A.A and all I could do was bitch and whine. I needed to stop.

"It's okay Bella." Seth was the first one to say anything. Edward didn't move he just kept his eyes on the road.

"So Bella, how were finals?" I was surprised by who was the one to ask the question. Edward had his face turned towards me a little bit glancing back and forth between the road and me.

"They were great. They turned out to be much easier than I thought they would be, especially the sociology one that you missed."

"Do you think he will be any chance let me make it up?"

"Depends, you have to talk to Tanzer yourself about it. He may let you. I mean he let me redo 'my paper'" I put up air quotes around "my paper" and both Edward and I laughed together at the recalling the paper that he did for me.

"I'm sorry." Edward said.

"It's really no problem. Although it would of have been if Tanzer didn't let me make it up." I replied.

"Not just about that, but about all the pranks that I did to you ever since I got back." This time he kept his eyes forward and didn't look back at me.

I took a deep breath and let it out, at least it was something. He wasn't sorry for the way he was in high school, but he was sorry for those stupid little stunts he has pulled the last couple of months. I was a little angry at that fact, so I didn't say anything after that. Through the side mirror on the car I could see Seth's face and could tell that he was a little disappointed, but still content at the moment with Edward saying sorry.

"Hey Bella, I was wondering, are you really seeing anyone?" That caught me off guard and Edward tensed.

"No, why? You asking?"

"Ha-ha, no, I am happily married, see." He pointed to the ring on his finger that I didn't notice before. "No, I'm asking because Edward keeps going off about-"

"We're here." Edward pushed on his breaks fast and hard causing all of us to fall forward and snap back.

"Dude that hurt, man." Seth started to complain and rubbing his chest where the seatbelt was.

"Sorry, now let's go." Edward jumped out of his car, and I followed along with Seth who was still rubbing his chest.

"Where is everyone?" Seth asked as soon as we caught up with Edward who was talking to the sells lady about the prices of the trees and where we could cut.

"Edward tends to speed, so we probably ended up passing them without really realizing it."

"Or Emmett stopped at Taco Bell so he could get something to eat." Edward came up right beside me making me jump a little.

"How do you know?" He pointed towards Emmett's jeep that was now coming towards us and I could see Emmett shoving a Crunch wrap supreme in his face.

"Of course" I heaved a sigh and giggled a little.

"Hey Kids!" Emmett bellowed as he got out of the truck along with everyone else.

"Emmett did you get some for the rest of us?" I went up to him.

"No, you guys are adults. You could've got some yourself."

"Fine." I snatched the Crunch Wrap out of his hands and started eating it.

"Don't you dare go throw it up now." Emmett started laughing and I tossed him a wide eye look. I can't believe he just said that! Edward was confused by Emmett's phrase, but he would soon be able to figure it out. It doesn't take a genius to figure that shit out.

Emmett was the one to always joke around about my past problems. I really didn't have an issue with it before, because it was a stupid thing for me to do, but now with Edward around I really didn't want him finding out before I was ready to tell him myself.

How in the hell am I going to get around this and play it off as some kind of joke.

"Jesus Emmett, the only one around here that does that is you, and that is because you were finally able fill yourself up and there was no other place for you to put it. A miracle really." Thank god for Rose.

"But I always still end up eating it after I empty myself."

"Eww..., man that is disgusting." Jasper stated walking over with Alice. Emmett just started laughing.

"Okay you guys, who here is ready to find us a tree?" I asked.

"Hey Bella, we decided that this year, since we spend Christmas at your place, and most of our time over there, that we are only going to get the one tree." Alice told me.

"If that is really what you guys want to do." I shrugged.

"Sounds pretty legit to me." Edward said from beside me.

"Whatever, let's go find a tree." I rolled my eyes.

"Wow, way to motivate us to go find a tree." Emmett said sarcastically.

"What do you want me to do Emmett, make a game out of it?"

"Oooo... That sounds like fun! Good idea Bella." Alice cheered. Oh great.

"We should split up into teams, everyone with their partner." Alice hugged Jasper to herself.

"Hello Alice, we three don't have partners." Edward pointed at me, Seth, and himself.

"Well, you guys can all be together."

"Actually shouldn't you guys have a judge to tell you which tree is the best?" Seth asked.

"Your right Seth, you can be the judge." Rose stated.

"Okay, I can do that."

"What do the winners get anyway?" Edward asked.

"hummmm…."Alice was tapping her chin thinking, "How about the losers have to buy the winners a gallon of ice cream each."

"Wow Alice, really? That is the best you could come up with." I teased her.

"Shut up, I want some ice cream." She snapped. Man she must be PMSing or something.

"Hey, anything that involves wining me some food, I'm in." Emmett started rubbing his stomach.

I just rolled my eyes.

"Since I am the judge, I will give each team a half an hour to find the perfect tree, and then once time is up I will…let's see what I have." Seth started searching his pockets for something and pulled out his Cell phone "this will have to work. I will start playing this techno version of carol of the bells."

"Very fitting." Edward agreed.

"Get ready, set, and go." With that everyone split up in search of the perfect tree, but Seth still hung around with us.

We silently made our way around the tree farm looking at all the fir pine trees.

"What about this one?" Edward was standing near a tall Douglas fir tree. It seemed pretty decent, until I walked around the whole tree.

"Edward, that whole back side doesn't have anything on it. It is dead!"

"Your point being. The rest of the tree looks great. You just set the dead side against the wall where no one will see it." He was being such a smart ass.

"No" I simply told him.

"Fine."

"So Seth, have you already got your Christmas tree?" I asked as I avoided a giant mud puddle.

"Yeah, my kids actually picked it out."

"Oh, you have children?"

"Yeah I have two actually. Two girls." He started smiling at the thought of them. "They are twins. They just turned five."

"That's cute. I have always wanted a little girl myself if I ever had kids." I told them while Edward lifted his head to look at me.

"They're a handful, but I love them to death." Seth continued as I was examining a tree.

"Hey Edward, what about this one?" I finished examining the tree and it seemed really perfect.

Edward came over and gave an examination of the tree himself.

"Wait, why am I looking at this tree? I thought you were the expert."

"We are a team aren't we? I wanted your opinion."

"It seems fine to me."

"Okay then, this is our tree."

"And quite a good one if I do say so myself." Seth interjected.

"So Edward, what kind of Ice cream are you going to have them buy you?" I asked as we just stood by our tree waiting for the time to run up.

"You know what kind of Ice cream I like."

"You still love Ben and Jerry's pistachio ice cream?"

"Yep" He replied. "Always have and always will. Isn't yours still mint chocolate chip?"

"Yes it is. I am surprised you still remembered."

"How could I forget? You were always eating it whenever I came over to your house."

Now that sounded nasty. He was just reminding me of the fat girl that would sit on the sofa and eat her feelings away. I was looking down at the ground.

"Oh shit Bella, I didn't mean it like that." He came over to stand in front of me "I'm sorry."

"Sure you are."

"Bella, I mean it" Just then his phone started to ring, he looked at the caller ID, "I have to take this."

He walked away from Seth and me and started talking on his phone.

"You know Bella, he has been taking all this better than I thought he would." Seth spoke up.

"What do you mean?"

"I thought that after you finding out, it may send him over the edge, but it hasn't. I'm really hoping that now because you know he can finally finish those 12 steps."

"Oh, you mean that 12-step recovery program?" Seth nodded his head.

"He has done well with the first few, but then got stuck with steps 8 and 9."

"Which one are those? "

"Well 8 is when you make a list of people that you harmed and want to make amends with, while 9 is finally going out and making those amends."

"So, can you tell me who was on his list?" I asked jokingly.

"That's the funny thing. The only real person that he had on his list was you."

I didn't know what to say after that, I was somewhat flabbergasted at the fact that Edward felt that I was the only one that he really needed to make amends with, and also hurt at the fact that he can't seem to be able too.

"Bella, it's going to take time for him to finally open up. The best we can do is wait until he finally feels comfortable enough to. Don't push him into doing it, or else that may end up causing a disaster. Just let things run its course, make him feel welcomed, as if nothing is out of the ordinary." Seth went on.

It wasn't until then that I remember something that Carlisle had said to me at the community center.

"Seth, when I went to the community center Carlisle had said that the class was only twice a week. Is that true?"

"Sure is, Mondays and Wednesdays"

"Then, where is he on Fridays? He is gone most of the day if not all day, which is weird because I see him every day, expect for then." Seth just shrugged and looked down at his phone.

"Times up." He lifted his phone up and held it high in the air so that everyone could hear the music. "EVRYONE FIND YOUR TREE AND STAND BY IT, I AM MAKING MY WAY AROUND NOW." Seth cupped his hand around his mouth to make his voice louder.

"See you in a second." He told me then took off. I sat there in front of the tree bouncing back and forth from my toes to my heels waiting for Edward to get off the phone or for Seth to get back and announce which tree it was.

"Kate, I will be there later…Yes I know…But I told you I was doing this today...I'm sure she's fine…" Did he just say Kate? Kate Denali? Tanya's sister, Kate? The one who helped out in high school?

"Yes, I'll talk to you later." Edward finished his conversation and turned back to see me staring at him. As fast as possible I turned my head in the opposite direction to act as if I didn't hear a thing.

"You heard that didn't you?" Edward was standing by me again.

"Only the last little bit. Hey, just curious, why are you still talking to Kate anyway? I haven't talked to her for years."

"Bella, you haven't talked to anyone in years." I frowned at him, "Well…you know… since what happened to...uh...Tanya… I keep in contact with her just to check up every now and then." He was fidgeting around a lot and it was really making it hard to believe him. Sure it sounded as if that could be the whole reason, but by the way he said it and the way was acting, it really didn't seem like the truth.

"Hey, you guys win!" Seth came back over to us followed by the rest of the rest of the gang.

"Of course" Emmett huffed as he came near us.

"Hey, blame Alice. She wanted to go with your partners rather than picking teams." Edward stated.

"Let's say we cut this tree down and head home." Emmett pulled up the saw from his side and went over to the tree.

"Nuh-uh, after this, you guys owe Edward and me some ice cream."

Emmett growled and continued cutting down the tree.

Emmett stood back from the tree and pushed his foot against a little bit.

"TIMBER!!" He cried out like a real lumberjack as the tree fell to the ground. We all just started to laugh at him.

Emmett being the biggest one there both in size and ego, picked up the tree and started to carry it to his jeep. We asked if he wanted help, but of course he said no.

Everyone was walking ahead of Edward and I. Alice was holding on tightly to Jasper, Rose was talking to Seth about a car he has been working on with a friend of his, and Emmett was bounding towards the jeep with the tree bouncing on his shoulder.

I thought about what Seth said about acting like everything is fine around Edward and making him feel comfortable, so I decided to strike up a conversation.

"Are you going to stay over and help us decorate the tree after we eat our Ice cream?" I asked nonchalantly.

"No I have to go somewhere."

"Oh okay. Are you going over to Kate's?"

"Look Bella" He said gruffly, "I know what you are trying to do, don't think I am stupid. Just because you know a little bit about my past, doesn't mean you have to go around and act like we are friends, because right now, we are far from it." I stepped away from him as he step closer.

"Bella" He started to rub his forehead with the palm of his hand, "I don't really hate you anymore, but I don't really want to be your friend right now."

"Oh thank god, because I was so worried at the thought of you still hating me." Sarcasm dripping from my voice and I started to walk away from him, "Now that I know that you don't hate me, but you can't really be around me, I can sleep peacefully." I was turned facing him now walking backwards.

"Bella" He started to warn me about something but I ignored him.

"I just wanted to get over this thing you have against me, but I guess I have this type of shield or something built around me that prevents you from being able to be normal around me." I was walking faster backwards waving my hands in the air.

"Bella, watch out!" Edward reached out for me.

"What?!" At that second I tripped over a branch causing me to slip in some mud and start sliding down the hill grabbing Edward and dragging down with me.

"Oh shit" I was sliding along the wet mud feet first towards the bottom praying that I didn't end up hitting a tree along with Edward.

"Ow, god damn it." We had reached the bottom and I was trying to stand up but couldn't. My broken finger was throbbing, it hurt so badly. I wouldn't be surprised if I just ruined it some more. I started laughing then at my own clumsiness, and Edward joined me. It really was just a mix between laughter and trying not to cry at the pain.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked as he was trying to help me stand up after our laughter ended.

"Why do you care?" I pulled my hand away from him as soon as I was standing on my own two feet. I was absolutely covered in mud. I used my own hands trying to get as much mud off me as possible, and I felt another pair of hands trying to help me as well.

"Thanks Edward, but I really don't need your help to clean myself off." He raised his hands up and held them in front of him as I continued.

"Bella?" I stopped what I was doing.

"Felix?" Felix was standing in front of me with a saw in his hands.

"Hey, how you doing?" He ran over to me and gave me a hug as I heard Edward let out a growl.

"I was doing well until I fell down that hill" I was still holding my finger. "Do you think you can look at my finger? I hurt it on the way down."

"Sure, of course I can, just come with me to the car. I always keep a first aid kit in there."

"That sounds like a smart thing to do. I should really keep one with me at all times." I started to follow him to his car and I could feel Edward trailing behind me.

"You know Edward, you can go now. I will be back up there in a minute. After all you don't want to be around me anyway, so why don't you go with everyone else and help tie the tree to Emmett's jeep." Edward just stood there looking at Felix. "Edward, go now, I can take care of myself."

He grumbled something and walked away leaving me with Felix.

"Sorry about that."

"It's okay, now my car is right over here." He led me towards his car, which turned out to be an Audi R8, the car that I've always wanted.

"This is your car?" I was pointing to the smooth sliver vehicle.

"Sure is, you like?" He made his way towards the car and unlocked it opening the passenger side door and pulling out a kit.

"Like it? I love it! It is like my dream car." He was laughing at my enthusiasm over his vehicle.

"I am glad you approve of it, now come have a seat." I made my over to the passenger side and sat down in it and admiring the leather seats and the amazing stereo system that he had in it.

"Let me see your finger." I held out my hand with the broken finger as he slowly unwrapped it to take a good look at it.

"How is it doc?" I asked.

"It doesn't look like you really broke it again, I think you're good." He began wrapping it up again tightly.

"So are you hanging out with Cullen again?" He said his name with venom.

"No, not at all."

"So you guys aren't friends?"

"Nope, he doesn't think I'm a good enough friend for him, plus at the moment, I don't think I ever I want be his friend again. How can I after everything. Things are just too….different between us now to have things go back to how they were in our early high school years."

"That's kind of good to hear."

"Why do you say that?" I was curious.

"Let's just say, there are a lot of people out there who could be a better friend then him."

"Don't worry about it. He's never going to be my friend again. He'll always be Emmett's best friend, nothing more to me.

"Alright, all done." He finished wrapping my finger up and was putting the first aid kit back under the seat.

"Thanks doc." I smiled at him.

"My pleasure." He picked up my injured hand and kissed it.

"Bella!" I heard someone start calling me.

"I guess that means it's time to go." Felix said.

"Yep" I replied. "I will talk to you later."

"Okie dokie." I just laughed and waved good bye to him as I hiked my way back up the cars.

"Are you alright?" Rose asked as soon as I made it back looking at my filthy clothes.

"Yeah, I'm totally fine." I smiled reassuringly at her.

"Emmett?" I heard Edward call form over by his car, where Seth was standing by him. "Seth and I need to head back and do something. You need to take Bella back in your car, and I'll see you tomorrow."

"What? Why? She's all fifthly. I don't want to have her riding in my car." Emmett started to whine.

"Oh shut up you dick." I shouted at Emmett and jumped into the back of his car, Alice and Jasper right behind me, and I watched Edward and Seth drive away.

Just a little note, this really was just a filler, but there was something important in there. Also Bella and Edward both are kind of at a weird place right now, they aren't totally sure how to act around each other now, but things will change a little bit in the next chapter.

I know that they are probably a bunch of mistakes in there, but right now, I am too annoyed at people to deal with it. I will update again hopefully on Christmas Eve, and there will be a little surprise in the next chapter. If I get a good amount of reviews, I may update tomorrow night instead.