School is finally over! Yay. Now I just need a job, haha. Anyway, here you guys go. Thank you so much for all the encouraging reviews! I really appreciate it.
For Tracy: who gets all the credit for the inspiration for any and all of the future sexiness that occurs in this story. Heehee!
About four months had passed since she had moved to Washington state. Nearly three months had gone by since she had enrolled in Forest Hills High School for her senior year. However, it had been exactly two months and twelve days since the beginning of school—since she met Beth Davis.
September 2, 2008: It was a date that rang clearly in Kate's mind. Happiness warmed her heart as she thought back to the first time she laid eyes on Beth.
Instantly, she had been shocked by her beauty. Those beautiful green eyes, the way her hair curled and shaped her face, her womanly and flattering figure… Beth was still the goddess that Kate saw and openly admired back in September.
Now they were best friends. Kate counted her blessings daily. Each time her eyes traced over Beth's sharp, compelling features, a feeling of blissful distress tickled at the pit of Kate's stomach. It was a thrill; it was scary as hell.
In the uncomfortable setting of Kate's third block class, she found herself nervous and jittery as she reminisced about her best friend. Part of her was exhilarated by her thoughts, while the other part of her spoke the hushed worries of what was happening to her.
Kate felt uncertain, lost even. If only Beth was here now, she rationed, as she stared blankly ahead of her. AP English IV just wasn't doing it for her today. Normally, English was one of her favorite subjects; however, all she could think about was Beth.
It wasn't weird… Was it? To think of her best friend was normal. It was completely normal. Though, she wasn't so certain about the passing images of Beth alone, in her room, grinning at her, running her fingers through her hair…
No! Kate bit her bottom lip and nervously looked up at the teacher's whiteboard. She convinced herself that she just needed to relax. There was nothing wrong with thinking of her best friend in such a way. Nothing about thinking of harmlessly taking a swim with Beth, in a bikini, drenched in water—
Oh, good Lord!
Kate wanted to pound her fists into her desk in frustration. The images of Beth, scantily clad, plagued her conscious and subconscious mind, just waiting for their opportune moment to reappear. It made her heart beat with anxiety. Why? She had never thought of another girl this way before. Then again, she had never thought of a boy that way before, either.
Placing her number two pencil between her teeth, she chomped down on it lightly. She was nervous and needed to do anything that would keep her from chattering her teeth or willing herself into anxious hyperventilation.
Still, a single, persistent thought repeated itself over and over again inside her head: If only Beth was here! Oh, yes. If only.
Kate nearly wanted to raise her hand, flag down the teacher, and politely demand a pass to excuse herself pointlessly to the girls' bathroom. Her stomach was flipping with apprehension.
Pictures of Beth flooded her mind. She was leaning over Kate, her breath warm against her skin as she pointed something out to Kate—something that Kate couldn't quite decipher or, truthfully, focus on.
Their proximities were close, painfully so. Beth's skirt was short, and her top was equally exposing. The tempting curves of her breasts were near, and in Kate's clouded fantasy, she found her subconscious self having a difficult time keeping her eyes away. It was agonizing. The fire in her stomach was strong. Her pulse was racing.
Beth was speaking to her now, her voice soft and enticing. Her green eyes sparkled in the dimly lit room as she confidently sustained Kate's near-frantic gaze.
And then the thoughts dispersed, leaving Kate entirely hot-and-bothered in her English class, a feeling that she had—horrifyingly enough—never experienced before because of another person until now.
Gathering her thoughts together, Kate blinked her eyes back to the present, despite herself. The class was finished taking notes on Medieval times, or whatever it was they were studying. Now the students were breaking off in pairs to complete a study guide for their oncoming test.
Kate had scarcely realized that a boy had come up to her and shelved his way into the seat just in front of her.
"Hi, Kate," he said, setting down his things.
Kate looked up dully and dropped her pencil from her mouth, almost embarrassed.
"Uhm," she blinked, looking at him oddly. "Hi."
"Think we could work together? I know you're really good at this kind of thing."
In a rush of slight irritation, Kate almost had the will to say 'no.' Yet, her previous thoughts reentered her mind grudgingly, and her flipping and twisting heart screamed at her to prove herself otherwise by admitting this boy to study with her.
"Okay," she sucked her breath in. "Sure."
Whatever look of pleasure that passed on the boy's face went unnoticed by Kate as she readied her blank study guide and blank sheet of loose-leaf notebook paper that should have had notes all over it.
"Let's start with the Medieval hierarchy," Kate announced lamely. They were studying Medieval literature, but Kate assumed the teacher was covering this area of study as a sort of 'introduction.'
The boy looked at her with little interest in the subject, but a certain glimmer in his eyes. Kate's skin was beginning to crawl.
"Okay, so… of course, you have kings, queens, and their heirs, but what comes after that?" she continued to quiz him, if only to keep the personal parts of their conversations at bare minimum.
"I don't know," the boy shrugged plainly. "Knights?"
Kate narrowed her eyes in confusion.
"No…" she realized that she was starting to feel the early pangs of anger, and this boy had done nothing wrong.
Sighing, she began to explain the typical hierarchy from those times. As if to better emphasize her growing annoyance, the boy stared at her the entire time, either looking thoughtful or disturbing.
"Kate?"
"What?" Kate unintentionally snapped, before catching herself and issuing a tiny smile in a quick act of unenthusiastic reconciliation.
"Well…" The boy looked unsure of himself. Kate narrowed her eyes. Just spit it out! was what she wanted to yell at him.
"I was wondering," he began, his eyebrows knitting in the most infuriating of ways. Kate cringed. Just say it! she screamed desperately inside her head.
"Yeah?" Kate prompted, as nicely as she could manage.
"Would you… maybe like to go out sometime? Tonight?" His words were jumbled and quick, but Kate understood every one of them. Her stomach flipped with disgust.
She had to prove something to herself, though. These thoughts of Beth—they had to be countered, somehow. She wasn't… well—Kate clammed up as the unspoken idea struck her hard.
"Yes."
The word tumbled from Kate's mouth. Yes? What in the world was she thinking? Her eyes didn't betray the mounting feeling of confusion that pierced her mind. But, she didn't want to go! Kate wanted to sigh and slump back in her seat. The thought of going out with this boy made her feel wretched and hopeless.
"Great!" the boy was beaming, a glimmer of pride in his eyes. "Do you want me to pick you up, or…?"
"I'll just meet you," Kate droned miserably. Unsurprisingly, the boy didn't even notice her evident plight.
"Cool," he decided with a large grin. "Maybe… we could eat at Mainstreet?"
"Sounds great," Kate murmured with a sigh.
Out of nowhere, Beth entered her mind again. Her presence was alluring. Her eyes were shining in the dim light of dusk. The beautiful scent that radiated off Beth reminded Kate of various flowers of nature. It was addictive and unforgiving, immediately taking hold of Kate's known consciousness.
Kate felt weak and dizzy as she watched Beth's tempting silhouette; it was just out of Kate's reach. Unprecedented arousal clawed at the pit of Kate's stomach just as the mental fantasy dispersed.
"Kate?"
How long that boy had been calling her name, Kate would probably never know.
"Yes?" Kate replied finally and distractedly.
"I said, 'Is seven o'clock good'?"
"Yes, that's fine."
The boy smiled and offered her a piece of paper. Kate tried not to scowl when she realized that it had his phone number on it.
"Call me if you need to," he offered pointlessly.
Kate merely nodded. Her heart was still beating three times faster than normal.
She felt an infinite amount of guilt. She didn't even want to go out with this boy.
Oh, Beth! Where are you now?
* * *
Kate couldn't even remember when this 'date' started. Was it when he called, asking if she was ready mid-hairbrush stroke? Or perhaps it was the time when she met him at the door and caught a curious look from Lori as they departed.
Regardless of when it actually began, to Kate, everything ran together in a rush of boredom and fear. This boy was actually nice and gentlemanly. Why couldn't she just enjoy herself and relax? This was her first date, after all. She supposed that she should feel excited, but she didn't. In fact, she felt bothered and testy. One look from the boy across the table and a sickening feeling returned to her stomach.
Guiltily, though, Kate had texted Beth before her date. Beth had been very supportive, even happy about Kate's night out with this boy whom she barely even knew. The text played in Kate's head loud and clear: gr8 job, sweetie! my girl's such a sexy catch. ;-) i'm totally jealous of him rite now.
With little remorse, Kate wondered if there was any truth in that text. Her cheeks flushed with color as she thought of how Beth had called her 'sexy.' It was something that Beth did all of the time, presumably without thinking. Still, Kate found her heart fluttering with delight at the idea. Surely Beth wouldn't say such a thing so lightly. Despite her joking nature, Beth was the most genuine person Kate had ever met. She always meant what she said—the good and the bad, even if the latter was few and far between.
Still, part of her wanted Beth to be, well, jealous of her date tonight. Beth and Kate always spent time together on nights like this. So, Beth had to miss that tonight. Kate was certain of it. Kate knew that now, more than ever, she missed being with Beth. She was completely out of her comfort zone right now, nearly to the point of tears.
No! Kate inwardly reprimanded herself. This was a good date. The boy had been nothing but sweet to her. She was having fun; there was no question about it.
As she glanced over at the boy, who sat smiling across from her, she willed the tiniest of smiles. Her lips pursed tightly together as she thought of how forced this date felt. What did that mean, anyway? He was being nothing but nice to her, and yet Kate found herself longing for their food to arrive as quickly as possible.
Their exchange of casual conversation made her stomach ache with uncomfortable sentiments. Tugs of displeasure in her abdomen threatened to call her to the bathroom, if only to falsely excuse her earlier lunch of making her feel ill. However, somehow Kate willed herself to stay—mainly because of the useless pep talk that she kept repeating to herself inside her mind.
This is your first date. This boy is nice. You can talk to Beth later. This is fun. Act excited!
But she wanted to talk to Beth now. And this wasn't fun. And she wasn't excited. Kate withheld a sigh as the waiter brought them her food. She had blindly ordered a cheeseburger and some fries. She wasn't sure what he had ordered, and she couldn't will herself to look over and find out.
Kate nibbled silently on her fries, not even bothering to dip them ketchup as she usually would. This was almost unbearable for her. However, she still felt bad, especially for the boy that looked on with concern in his eyes. This wasn't his fault. This wasn't anyone's fault. This just… was.
Why Kate felt so confused in the first place thoroughly frustrated her. Even just seven or eight months ago, she would have probably been thrilled at the aspect of someone being interested in her. Though, this was in spite of the fact that she could safely say that she had never truly thought of being with anyone, regardless of their gender. Now she was just perplexed and afraid. She wanted to enjoy this, to be happy and honored that this boy had asked her out on a date, but she couldn't force herself to feel that way, no matter how determined she was to do so.
Beth. What was she doing right now? Kate felt compelled to text her. Nevertheless, she was entirely aware of how rude that was, and she wasn't about to compromise someone else's feelings just because she was a case of ruthless inner turmoil.
Kate sighed, relenting. The small talk that she was being forced to carry on with this boy was growing thin. It was obvious that this was only going to wind up with both of them feeling uncomfortable. At best, this was a wrongfully initiated date. Or, was Kate just being cynical? The blonde openly furrowed her eyebrows.
How long had they been here, anyway?
"Kate?" the boy began to speak quietly at first, his expression somewhat afflicted. He looked as though he was about to continue talking, but Kate realized that he was hooked on her name and had no intention of pursuing the venture any further.
"I'm sorry," Kate giggled, despite herself. She knew that she sounded ridiculous now. "I'm just a little tired, is all."
"It's okay," he shrugged. "You just look… I don't know."
Kate licked her lips, a fire burning in her stomach that suggested that she felt irritated that he would dare bring her mood up.
"I'm having a great time," she lied, her eyes as bright as her heart was heavy.
It was a good thing this boy didn't know her well, because he merely smiled in response. Evidently that answer was enough to satisfy him. Kate inwardly marveled at his simple-minded nature.
"Good," he decided, still smiling to himself.
"Yeah," Kate agreed, the awkwardness rearing its ugly head once again.
They had finished their meals now. It was difficult to believe that this act of stop-and-go had persisted for nearly forty-five minutes now. Kate was astonished by her brainpower. She clearly handled mental torture better than she had originally thought.
Slipping her cell phone (which she had previously used to check the time) back into her purse, she frowned and heaved a sigh as she realized that she had no texts from Beth. Had she made her upset, possibly? The blonde looked across the table again. Her date was looking around, trying to act composed, no doubt.
"Hey," Kate called, summoning his attention. "This… has been great, but I really need to get back home. I have to study and stuff."
And stuff? Kate, what is wrong with you! Kate bit the inside of her bottom lip. She had never been too skilled at lying. Though, she wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing.
The boy's eyes flashed briefly with an emotion that Kate couldn't quite place. He was soon laughing slightly, though, and Kate supposed that was a good sign.
"Okay," he said finally. "I'll pick up the check."
You do that, Kate mused, looking away. Normally, she would have taken a stand and insisted that she paid for it, but right now all she could think about was getting out of here as soon as possible.
As soon as he had paid for their food, she bid him goodbye without so much as a hug and jetted out of there. At long last, she was freed from her shackles. Still, she couldn't shake the feeling of dread that was skinning its deadly claws into her heart.
She was disappointed in herself, for one. He had been nice to her the entire time, and she had ignored him to a glorified degree. For two, she was upset that she hadn't enjoyed it. It was her first date, and now she would always remember how she couldn't get her mind off her best friend, what she was doing, and who she was with.
All throughout the date, those images had returned.
Beth's lips lingered close to her neck while her eyes were narrowed to seductive slits. In her fantasy, Kate tilted her head somewhat, giving the other girl complete access. The willing brunette responded to this with a coy smirk as she curled her fingertips against Kate's bare shoulders.
As her tantalizing thoughts dissolved away for the hundredth time that night, Kate nearly tripped over her own feet. Her entire body felt hot and flushed both with embarrassment and… something else—something far more alarming.
She needed to go now.
Fumbling with her cell phone, she clumsily pressed one of her speed dial numbers. As she calmed her heavy breathing, she bit her lip. Waiting for those two initial rings was beyond the torment of her date.
However, as soon as a familiar voice answer, Kate's body shuddered visibly as she leaned against her car.
"Hey," she breathed into the receiver.
There was a tiny pause before a question of concern was posed. Kate merely swallowed, as she bit back tears of frustrated.
"Yeah, I'm fine," she murmured. "My date's over."
Kate waited for a moment, her mind reeling. She was suddenly glad that she was leaning against her car for support, lest she wind up doubled over on the sidewalk.
"Listen," Kate started again, her voice quivering. "I know it's kind of late, but… but could please come over? I really need—I just really want to see you right now."
As Kate listened to the adoring reply on the other end of the line, she nodded her head, affirming the notion to herself.
"Thank you," she replied softly. "I'll see you soon. 'Bye."
Clicking her phone off, she sighed, blinking her eyes several times to rid them of the tears that were so intent on falling. Everything was going to be all right now, she reasoned with herself, as she climbed into the driver's seat of her car.
Just a few more minutes, and she would be home—where, hopefully, everything would make much more sense.
* * *
Kate's stomach flipped as she parked her car outside her house. From where she was now, she could clearly see someone pacing worriedly on her porch. She undid her seatbelt and gradually slipped out of her car, her hands trembling slightly. After she had shrugged her purse onto her shoulder, she gathered her nerves and began toward her front porch.
"Kate!"
The declaration of her name sent shivers down Kate's spine. She found herself about to cry as she began the longest walk in history up her steps.
"Thank you so much for coming, Beth," Kate whispered softly, as she realized she was unable to meet her Beth's concerned gaze.
"Good God, Kate! Did you think I wouldn't? Honey, are you okay?" Beth's eyes were wide with apprehension as she rushed forward and drew Kate into her arms. "What happened?"
"I just—"
"Kate, if that bastard hurt you, I swear to God!"
"No," Kate's voice broke as she shook her head. She laid her head on Beth's shoulder and breathed in deeply. The alluring scent of Beth's perfume tickled her nose. Soon those visions of Beth's lips loitering so close to her own filled Kate's mind, and she jerked back slightly, much to Beth's surprise.
"Well, what happened?" Beth demanded warmly, her hands holding onto Kate's arms protectively.
"He was really nice, Beth," Kate choked out the words, finally unable to control herself as tears trailed down her flushed face.
Beth was immediately on the defensive. Licking her lips anxiously, Beth traced her thumb over Kate's cheek, catching Kate's tears as they fell.
"Okay," Beth reasoned gently, taking Kate's hands in hers.
"I just… gosh, it was awful!" Kate blurted out. "I didn't enjoy it at all. I felt like I was being tortured."
Beth's frowned deepened.
"Oh, honey," she cooed, rubbing Kate's back warmly as she drew her into her arms yet again. "It's okay. He just wasn't for you, that's all. You don't have to get so upset about it, babe," Beth pulled back to look at Kate with a tender smile. "Do I need to go and kick his ass for you, babe?"
"No," Kate wiped her eyes and sniffed. "It sucks that he was actually nice. I guess… I just…"
"What, Katie?" Beth asked soothingly. Kate's lips turned upward in a pleasant smile. She had always loved when Beth used that beloved nickname. It truly warmed her heart.
"I couldn't get my mind off—" Kate paused. What was she doing? There was no way on earth that she was going to tell Beth about her wandering mind. Her cheeks turned an embarrassing shade of red. "I'm just confused."
Beth ushered Kate over to her porch swing and sat her down, taking her best friend's hands in hers.
"What about?" Beth prompted, blinking over at Kate curiously.
"It's just… this was my first date," Kate told her quietly. "I thought I was supposed to feel excited, but I just felt miserable."
"That's okay," Beth chuckled and squeezed Kate's hands affectionately. "You're not going to always feel butterflies and fireworks, sweetheart."
Kate's belly lurched with emotion. She would be lying to herself if she didn't admit that her stomach was presently crawling with butterflies and erupting with fireworks of passion. Fear gnawed at her mind. Was what Beth was saying really true? Was she speaking from experience? Kate blinked.
"I know," Kate admitted almost inaudibly. "I just didn't care for him at all. I thought I was supposed to feel… honored or at least kind of attracted to him, but… I didn't."
Kate knew that she was really risking Beth figuring her out, but she almost didn't mind. She just couldn't bring herself to admit it directly.
Watching as Beth studied her with warmth and interest, Kate swallowed nervously again. There had been countless occasions where Kate had longed to know precisely what was going through Beth's mind, but she wished for that now more than ever.
"That's still okay, Kate," Beth advised her fondly, after a moment. "He won't be the last one that makes you feel this way."
Aggravation pried at Kate's mind.
"But—" Kate sighed and looked to her feet. "What if… what if I didn't feel attracted to the idea of going out again." with a boy. Kate cursed herself for being too timid to finish that sentence.
Beth blinked her eyes and tilted her head somewhat. Before she answered, she pushed her curly brown hair behind her ears and continued to look thoughtful.
"Then, you could always be asexual!" Beth laughed and tickled the palm of Kate's hand with her fingers. "That's perfectly okay, too. You shouldn't feel like you have to date anyone, Kate."
Kate sighed heavily again. This wasn't getting anywhere fast. She wished more than anything that Beth could understand what she was trying to convey, regardless of how vague Kate was currently being.
"I don't want to be asexual," Kate said somewhat sadly. Being asexual sounded like a gift from above at this point. At least then she wouldn't feel so wretched and mystified. "I am attracted to some people, that's the thing. I'm just really confused."
"'Some people?'" Beth took her turn looking confused. "Kate… what do you mean, exactly?"
Kate's heart was drumming loudly in her chest. She felt choked up and afraid. The look in Beth's eyes reflected her own confusion and alarm. Maybe Kate was being more obvious than she originally intended.
"I-I… I don't know," Kate confessed, her breathing becoming more strained as she forced herself to hold Beth's gaze.
This moment was excruciating for Kate. Frighteningly enough, she found it extremely difficult to pry her eyes away from Beth's tempting and perfect-looking lips. She was scared—more scared than she had ever felt in her life. This couldn't be normal. She wasn't supposed to feel this way.
"Katie," Beth's voice was a soft and comforting coo. Kate realized that her panic must be showing in her eyes. She licked her lips again and looked up at her best friend with pleading gaze.
In an heartbeat, Beth had her left hand's fingers twined with Kate's in a reassuring manner. Heat immediately rushed to that part of Kate's body, causing her to want to rear back in alarm. However, Kate kept herself calm for the time being. She watched Beth with a veiled look of concern and desire, her eyes blinking rarely as she found herself back in the midst of one of her seductive and dark fantasies.
Suddenly, the pair of them weren't outside anymore. They were in Kate's room, and the lights were dim. Shadows danced and stretched along the darkened blue shade of Kate's walls.
Kate sat on her bed, her eyes clouded with obvious yearning. She searched out for the object of her desire, only to find Beth sitting directly next to her, her eyes dark with longing. Beth's fingertips curled against Kate's bare thigh now, causing Kate's eyes to roll back slightly in delight. A soft whimper sounded from her, and Beth took this as a wonderful sign.
Sighing quietly, Kate grasped at Beth's arm, urging her to continue, begging for contact. In that moment, Beth's eyes fluttered halfway closed as she leaned forward at such an agonizingly slow pace that it gradually began to drive Kate crazy. Her stomach was aflame with arousal as Beth's lips stopped mere centimeters from her own.
But, suddenly, Kate realized something. The darkness of her fantasy faded to the obscurity of the night as Beth and her sat side-by-side on the porch still. Beth's fingers had somehow found their way amongst the soft and pretty strands of Kate's blond hair. Kate shuddered, her eyes flying open instantaneously.
Disbelief flooded through her as she saw that Beth's lips were only a couple of centimeters from her own. Kate could have fainted, simply by how quickly her heart was beating.
In an instant, Beth must have realized what had happened, because she sharply pulled away from Kate. For the first time in Kate's life, she thought that she spotted a look of embarrassment and a tint of redness on her best friend's face. Silence pierced both of them like a thorn.
"I—" Beth blinked her eyes several times, visibly distressed by what she had almost just done. "I'm sorry, Kate. I, uh—you… you probably need to just rest." Her words were rushed; Kate frowned.
Thoughts floated in Kate's mind, refusing to allow her beating heart to slow its pace. Why had Beth stopped? Her mind screamed, frightening Kate even further. Had that really just happened? Oh, God.
"I need to go," Beth announced in a rush, as she let Kate's hand slip from hers. Kate realized that Beth's hands were clammy and shaking somewhat. "I'm sorry. I just—I have to go and meet my sister. Call me, okay?"
Kate watched helplessly as Beth murmured a quick and final goodbye before hurriedly walking over to her Escalade, climbing inside, and starting it.
As soon as Beth's car was out of sight, Kate shuddered again. She wasn't sure what to believe. She was upset that Beth had left her in such a disarray; however, at the same time, she was almost glad that her fantasy hadn't thrown itself into reality. Her fantasies made her ill at ease and flustered; she wasn't at all ready for them to verify their authenticity by shoving themselves into her daily life.
She was far from ready to admit that her fantasies were anything more than just stress or misconstrued thoughts.
Besides, it wasn't as though she was gay, or anything.