Chapter Twenty One – Words of Regret
Fitzwilliam Darcy had worked for hours to formulate an articulate explanation of his actions for Lizzy, and the best way to express it. Though Will dearly wished to tell Lizzy in person, so she could see the honesty in his face, his voice, his eyes, he could not face her so soon after her abject rejection. 'A letter? An email? A phone call?' Will thought and considered long and hard, before he completed his communication. He snuck quickly to Lizzy's room by the fire escape that connected their bedrooms with the intent of leaving a white envelope bearing her name on the window sill. However, seeing her window still open, and her sleeping form shivering on her bed, Will could not help but climb in to cover her.
'Is this love?' Will wondered, the way her sleeping form made him smile despite the heart break she had afforded him mere hours before. Will's heart beat brokenly as she stirred, reaching out sleepily and mumbling how she liked his sexy and scruffy beard. He sighed as she stroked his cheek and he blinked away tears and he reassured her that he was not to renew his words of earlier. He tucked the envelope into her arms and began his escape.
Halfway out the window he looked back. "I know you said Jane will always be your other half, and I can accept that, yet I can't help but wish you had room in your heart for me. Goodbye Lizzy."
...Break...
Will returned to his room and gathered his things, shutting down his laptop and leaving his room. As he made his way to the door, unlocking and opening it quietly he failed to notice the two figures slumped on the floor in front of the elevator. Anne and Marshie had been determined to see him off and rose stiffly as he approached the elevator.
"I'm leaving, don't expect me back. I'm returning to Pemberly. I have left Gee Gee alone too long, not good for her considering what has happened in the past year." Will said, not looking at either of his cousins.
"What did you do to Lizzy?" Anne and Marshie both stood determinedly in his way. "We saw you kiss her, and then the flirting, then it was all tension and disappearing." Marshie glared at Will.
"I told her how I felt about her." Will's jaw trembled as he fought back the memories.
"And that made you both angry?" Anne raised one slender eyebrow, "Watching you at the shore, I have to say it seems unlikely that is the case."
"Move." Will was not willing to discuss the confrontation yet, nor was he willing for another.
"No. We like Lizzy, she is that much better than Caroline, and any of those other slushie's that follow you around." Marshie's face held none of its usual humour. "Tell us what you did."
"Tonight?" Will snapped, "Tonight I did no wrong, in fact she said if not for my past misdemeanours she would not have rejected me."
"She rejected you?" Marshie was shocked, "but she told me her opinion of you was changing for the better while we were waiting for you and Anne to begin the marathon."
"Not so." Will gritted his teeth. " She despises me for breaking her sisters heart."
"Her sister loves you?" Anne asked perplexed. "Then why did Lizzy let you kiss her?"
"No." Will laughed bitterly, "Her twin, Jane had feelings for Charles, and I thought she was using him for her money so I told Charles. With the aid of Caroline we convinced him to leave without seeing her again." He narrowed his eyes at Marshie who had gone red. "Marshie, what is the problem?"
"I, ahh, I might have tried to talk you up to her. I might have mentioned your commitment to those you love and care for, and how you separated Charles from a woman with no connections...Will I'm sorr-" He was cut off when Will's fist connected with his jaw. Ready to fight back, he was held back by the shuddered breathing of his cousin.
"Dear lord Will! You really do love her!" Will nodded, his gaze on the floor. "So go get her! Explain yourself, promise to return Charlie to her sister! Grovel man!"
"I would, and have done so, though she is yet to know it. If that were my only fault in her eyes, I may have been forgiven." Will growled softly, and his cousins exchanged glances. "Wickham was in Hertfordshire, and I was somewhat withdrawn. You know his charm, he convinced her of my poor character. I don't know what he said to her, but he has convinced her of my cruelty and she abhors me now." Will shoved his cousins out of the way, punching the lift button and waiting for the doors to open. Stepping inside he turned back to his cousins.
"Make sure she opens the envelope."
...Break...
Lizzy woke the next morning feeling heavy from poor sleepy, and the pitiful remains of her anger inflaming her face. She rose quietly, stubbornly ignoring the lumpy white envelope with 'Elle' written on its front. She dressed quickly, and left the apartment, leaving for a run. Her return to the apartment was to a frantic Charli talking to a distraught Anne.
"Lizzy!" Both sighed in relief. "We thought you were gone too."
"Too?" Lizzy asked. Anne nodded and told her Will had left during the night, to return to his sister. Lizzy refused to let her relief, or the small hurt she refused to acknowledge show on her face. "Oh, well that is a shame. I'm am sure his sister will be glad, from what I understand they are quite close." With a wan smile Lizzy excused herself to shower.
Anne turned to Charli, "Something happened between them, I cannot give you details since I do not know them myself, but you must convince her to open her note from Will. He told her how she felt, but she rejected him. Please, ensure that she reads it. Please." Charli nodded, her brow creasing.
"I will do what I can, but I am not even nearly as stubborn as she is." She sighed, grabbing a small folder from the coffee table. "We probably won't see you today or tomorrow, Lizzy is coming to discover the sex of the baby with me, and tomorrow we're decorating the nursery."
Anne nodded, offering her own help to paint, as Charli should avoid the fumes. With Charli's thanks she left and Lizzy exited the bathroom.
"What time is your appointment?" She asked, towelling her long hair dry. Charli smiled at the returned colour to her cheeks.
...Break...
The next days passed quickly, and after several failed attempts to encourage conversation with Lizzy regarding Will, and one failed attempt to coerce her into talking – that ended with Marshie handcuffed to the fire-escape for four hours until he apologised – they enjoyed themselves preparing Charli for the baby.
Charli and Lizzy decided on a green and yellow striped room, with a single feature wall that Charli painted herself – with the fan on high, all windows open and a face mask – with the scene of the beach, water, sand and an elaborate sandcastle beside a towel and umbrella. Lizzy delighted Charli when she produced a giant and fluffy pink teddy that was placed at the end of the crib provided by Catty, and a small butterfly night-light. Lizzy and Marshie both took great joy in covering the roof with glow in the dark stars, attempting to recreate the constellations in the sky above.
When Thursday came, only Catherine and Collins were glad to see her go. Marshie made her promise to keep in touch by email and she and Anne planned to meet up when Anne moved down to Melbourne to begin her studies at Melbourne. Charli cried, begging Lizzy to return for the child's birth."There is no chance that I would miss the birth of my god daughter!" the friends embraced, and Lizzy kissed her cheek eagerly as she got into the taxi that would take her to her aunt's where she would join Jane for a few days before returning home to Melbourne.
"WAIT!" Lizzy halted her driver, and wound down her window. Marshall ran up to her window. "Please read it Lizzy." He muttered, throwing something into the window and waving off the driver. Lizzy watched him stand and watch as her taxi drove away. As she turned a corner, and her friends disappeared, Lizzy looked to her feet for what Marshie had thrown to her. With a scowl she found the letter Will had left her, the one she had determinately left lying on her floor when she left. Shoving it into her laptop bag, Lizzy set her jaw and rang her sister to let her know she would be arriving within the hour.
...Break...
"WIZZY!" When Lizzy turned form paying her driver she was tackled by two small forms, before one larger form threw arms about her neck. Laughing Lizzy gathered her sister and small cousins into her arms.
"Hello my angels!" She picked up Rose while Jane lifted Lily and they carried the girls into the house while Lizzy dragged her bags as well. "You're talking! Do you remember me my cherubs?"
A laugh behind her brought her attention to her aunt. "I think they are just excited to see the person Jane has talked about so much. Your name is one of the few they have picked up on."
"I like to think that my god daughters know me." Lizzy smirked as Rose mumbled "memba wizzy, memba mama."
"If you're not careful, she will start listing all the words she knows." Lizzy laughed and hugged her aunt, and then her uncle as he entered the room.
The twins played with their twin god daughters all afternoon, allowing Liadan and Gary time to go out and shop for dinner. The girls adored being god mothers, chosen for being twin themselves and closer in age to the parents, and spoiled the girls rotten. Often sending presents up, and calling regularly for updates.
Lizzy was pleased to see an improvement in her sister, though she was still suffering some melancholy off and on. She dearly wished to talk to her sister about what had happened to her the week before, and yet she could not bear to tell Jane that it was Will that broke her heart. So Lizzy kept her own pain to herself, her anger brimming below the surface and her insane curiosity of the envelope to gritted teeth and distractions.
Her determination kept her curiosity under control for one further night.
...Break...
Mid afternoon, while the children slept and Jane sat talking to her aunt and uncle, Lizzy escaped to the room she and Jane were sharing and opened the envelope. She opened it hesitantly, noting that it held more than paper. Upturning it, a small usb fell out, and peering inside Lizzy pulled out a folded sheet of paper.
'Elle,
This is not a note returning to beg your forgiveness; rather it is to beg your understanding. I wished I was not such a coward, but I find my heart will not allow me to face you again so soon, even if necessity begs that you understand that you have based your understanding of my character on a false account.
Please, on the usb is my explanation. I must say that I truly hope you will be understanding.
With love, (yes despite your rejection, I still claim the right to offer my affection to you)
FitzWILLiam Darcy
Looking to the usb with curiosity, Lizzy plugged it into her open laptop. Opening up the files, Lizzy found a file called "Will's explanation"
Double clicking on the file, Lizzy was surprised to find it was a video, hearing Jane returning to the room she shut it off, saving the file into her iTunes, from there placing it on her iPod for later inspection.
Smiling at Jane, Lizzy mentioned her desire for a walk, and left distractedly, not noticing Jane's concerned look. Waving to her aunt and uncle, Lizzy walked up the road, finding a small playground with a swing set and monkey bars. Swinging her body a top the monkey bars, Lizzy pulled out her iPod, quickly scrolling to the video and pressing play.
Will's face appeared on the screen and Lizzy let out a small whimper at how forlorn his handsome face was, pale and tear streaked.
'Elle, you have hopefully read my note already, but if not; this is not to renew my favour of you, I merely wish to rectify your understanding of several things.'
'Earlier this evening you made several accusations of the cruelty of my character. First and most prominent of them was my separation of your sister and my best friend. I must have you know that I did so thinking that such action was for the best. I had on numerous action, heard your mother talk of the match, and the wealth that Charlie would bring to your family.'
'I found that your sister showed very few signs of true affection, her eyes did not seek his when he entered the room, she laughed too loudly at all his jokes, and she went out of her way to befriend his sister – which in my eyes can only be for false friendship.'
'I have since, even before your accusation, begun to re-evaluate the situation. By happenstance, I overheard a conversation you held with your sister, and she seemed still quite distressed by Charlie's leaving. Thinking back upon it, I have realised the similarity of expression between your sister and myself, though I believe she is braver and more sincere than I am. It seems that is must be a shyness that keeps her eyes downcast, and an eagerness to please that makes her laughter awkward. Lastly, it appears that Jane has one of those honest dispositions, much like my sister, that is inclined to like everyone.'
'I do most honestly apologise for my actions regarding Jane and Charles, though I do not regret it, as I felt that I was acting in the best interests of my best friend.'
Will paused, staring straight out of the screen, a small smile on his face.
'But that is not the only thing I must speak of to you. Though you may not feel it so, your most grievous accusation was not concerning your sister, but my own.'
'I am sure you are confused now, but your accusation of cruelty towards George Wickham wounded me most deeply. Wickham, to be quite frank, is a liar, a bastard, a womaniser and a braggart. I have no desire to tell this tale, but in light of your accusation and my own feelings for you, it can no longer go untold. I merely ask that you keep this to yourself.'
'As I have told you, I have a younger sister Georgiana, and all of us who love her call her Gee Gee. George was the godson of my father who had been dear friends with his own father since their college days. It was an easy decision then, for my father to take George in as a son when his parents passed away in a terrible accident. George was four years old and I myself was three. We were good friends for many years, though by the time Georgiana was born three years later, I will admit I was more interested in being a big brother than being bossed around.'
'The three of us were fairly close, though George used his bigger build and age to boss us around, and had a habit of abusing Gee Gee for not talking. By the time we started secondary school (1) we had drifted apart. I was more concerned about Gee, and even at thirteen, George was more interested in girls. It only got worse as we grew older. George was notorious for his women at school, he had the pick of the crowd.'
'My father was quite fond of George, and I will admit to a small jealousy that he could continually believe George's lies and ignore me and Gee. I understand now that we reminded him too much of mother, though I admit I still resent it. As it was, my father wished for George to attend Harvard and attain a law degree, to his face, George agreed and he moved away from home and had money wired to his account each semester for fees, and living expenses.'
'My father died after I completed school, just prior to my acceptance into Cambridge. It was a devastating loss for us all, I was not yet ready to take up the mantle of my father's business and Georgiana was only twelve. None the less, tales of George's conquests at the University had reached me, and when he came to me after my father's funeral for money, I wrote him a check to cover his full education expenses and an addition living fee. I told him to do with it what he would, but not to come back. I couldn't have him influencing Gee with his behaviour.'
'Unfortunately, George came back into our lives, just over a year ago. Gee was fifteen and attending a private boarding school run by Headmistress Younge. The school had excellent academic and music programs and Gee was excited at her acceptance. It just so happens that George was an old acquaintance of Mrs Younges.'
Lizzy stared at the screen with wide eyes, wanting to turn it off and be saved from knowing how wrong she had been, but needing to know the truth. On screen Will surreptitiously wiped his face free of tears. With a sigh he continued.
'Learning of Gee's presence at the school, George made himself known as an acquaintance of hers. Somewhat lonely due to her shy nature, Gee was happy to see George and he visited her regularly. He begged her to keep it secret from me; he told her he was planning on surprising me with a visit soon. It was my own fault for not informing her of his duplicity sooner.'
'He called me a few weeks later, demanding money. When I refused he threatened Gee. Assuming he didn't know where she was and his threat was empty, I ignored him. As my twenty first was soon approaching, I went to Gee's school to visit her. When I arrived...I, my god...'
His voice was breaking up and Lizzy's eyes were tearing up, making it difficult to see the video. She turned up the volume.
'He was trying to rape her, oh god Elle. If I had of been any later...she was black and blue already. He had told her he would come after me if she screamed. I...I saw red. I don't remember much of the confrontation besides two broken ribs and a scar on my abdomen. Suffice to say, George is not allowed near me, my home or my family. You may find that is why he didn't come to the party Charlie threw, and why he and I never came into contact.'
'He damaged Gee. He didn't rape her, though he tried. He swallowed. When you accused me of cruelty to him...I was quite hurt. I'm sure you can understand that now.'
'I should probably finish my rambling now. I hope you will consider re-evaluating your opinion of me, and that should we ever come into contact again, we can do so as friends. Thank you for listening to me, and if you are unsure of my testimony, you can ask Marshall for confirmation.'
'Goodbye Elizabeth.'
The video ended and Lizzy sat in the empty park for a long time before Jane came looking for her. She didn't cry, but Jane could tell she was upset, and yet her twin refused to say that anything was wrong.
Lizzy watched the video another six times that night before crying herself to sleep. She believed him, and though she was still angry at the hurt he had caused Jane, she forgave him, and wished she had treated him better. She could even understand his comments about her family, they did behave abominably and her mother was a social climber, though Lizzy knew everything her mother did was in what she thought were her daughter's best interests.
...Break...
It was to further tears, and even screaming, that the Bennet twins left the Gardiners the next day. Having been driven up to the airport and seen off by their family, Lizzy and Jane were having difficulty extracting themselves from their goddaughters.
"WIZZY, DANE! NO!"
"WIZZY WIZZY WIZZY!"
"NO DANE NO!"
The girls were required to resort to their secret weapon. Two small teddy bears were produced, one white and one grey, for each girl. They were immediately dubbed Wizzy and Dane tedwee and the girls were allowed to leave.
The flight home was quiet. Jane was engrossed in her legal homework and Lizzy was busy watching the video again. She hadn't realised how soothing his voice was before. It was deep and sometimes husky – she had noticed that when he had or was about to kiss her – and calming. She found that if she turned the volume down, so she could hear his voice but not his words, it helped her to fall asleep.
For a long time, Lizzy needed the video to sleep, and for even longer Lizzy dreamt of Will.
...End of Chapter...
A/N Well that was a decent length chapter. I was anticipating two short chapters in this one and Chapter 22 – Lydia Goes to Launceston. The next chapter will be out by Tuesday, I'm anticipating 500-1000 words for it. It will be a bridging chapter to explain the large time shift from July –early November. If anyone has any suggestions for how Lizzy will end up in England, I'd appreciate them, though I have some ideas and have set them up earlier.
xx
I have no idea what the process is for schooling in England. If anyone can tell me where Will and George would be at ages 12 and 13, I'd love it.