life has been hectic lately, sorry for the delay. this is a very long chapter to make up for my absence. I hope you're ready for some extreme b/e interaction. ;)
BPOV
As the week wore on, the stares eventually died down. Tuesday and Wednesday were rough days, but by lunchtime on Thursday, Mike Newton had gotten hung on the school sign out front by his underwear, so the attention was no longer on me. Despite the almost normal settings for which I went to school on Thursday, I was still uneasy. I couldn't explain it to myself, either. I couldn't decide whether I felt anxious because Edward wasn't in school today, or nervous because I knew he would be tomorrow.
Either way, I was screwed up.
"Bella?" I snapped my head up to meet Mr. Banner's eyes. It was before class began and I was the only student in the classroom so far. "Don't forget to stay after class tomorrow and make up your frog dissection lab. The lab practical is on Monday, so you can't miss it."
Shit. I nodded twice and went back to toying with the hem of my shirt as other students started filing in the classroom.
The day dragged on, just like the prior two days. All I wanted was to get home and lay in bed with my iPod blaring. I knew I couldn't, and that's what made the day all the more difficult to tolerate. I had to go to work and then make supper and finish my homework and then lay in bed and think about Edward like I had been for the past three days. I had finally just given up on trying not to think about him. It was like "The Game." The more you tried not thinking about it… the more you thought about it. There was no way to beat the game, so you might as well surrender to the inevitable thoughts before even causing yourself the trouble of failure.
"I just lost the game," I mumbled aloud to the empty library. It was the rules that you had to state it out loud or in conversation when you thought about the game. So what if that made me seem even more idiotic than before. I had resigned myself to my obvious abnormalities long ago.
I glanced at the clock and sighed. Twenty minutes until I could leave. I had already exhausted every opportunity to keep myself busy for the night. I had dusted things that didn't need dusting. I had swept the floor. I had reshelved the returned books and turned off all of the computers. I had sent out the emails and letters to those with overdue books. I had even changed the light bulbs in the lamps. As much as I enjoyed my job, it certainly wasn't very exciting.
I stopped at the gas station on my way home. It was the same gas station I always stopped at. In fact, it was one of the only two gas stations in town. The other one was several miles away. I had only been to that one when I was driving to and from Port Angeles. I tapped my foot impatiently, keeping time with the steady pulses of the gasoline through the nozzle and into my truck. I hated this gas station. It was untidy and could use a good scrub down. It seemed like the kind of setting where murders happened in horror movies or something. I wondered idly how many people got away with driving off without paying in this gas station. The usual attendant, who happened to be working that day, was a very old and weathered looking man named Barney who was often asleep at the counter with the televisions switched off of the surveillance channel and instead on an old western channel. Someone should teach this man the magic of picture-in-picture technology. I cleared my throat as I stepped up to the counter. He started and blinked furiously as he put his feet back on the floor and checked the time.
"Evening Miss Swan," he grumbled quickly. "What pump?"
"Three," I informed him.
"Eh?" he leaned his ear toward me, beckoning for me to speak up.
"Pump three," I repeated, louder this time.
"Oh, okay," he nodded, checking the computer screen and then reading my total off to me.
I already had the proper change ready, and I dropped it into his palm and waited for him to sort out the bills with a shaky hand.
"Thank you, miss. You have a great evening. Tell your father I said hi."
"Will do, Barney. Take care," I sighed, excusing myself quickly before he started trying to rope me into small talk like he usually did.
"Hi Bella." A voice startled me as I reached for my truck handle. I whirled and saw Jacob standing several paces away next to his vehicle.
"Jake, hi," I breathed. "You scared me."
"Sorry," he chuckled.
"What are you doing out here?" I asked, walking away from my truck and towards him.
"Oh, I was working today, and then I dropped off some of the Clearwater's fish fry to your house. I stuck around and waited for you for a little bit, but then Charlie fell asleep in the chair and I felt weird staying there.."
I chuckled, "Yeah, that's Charlie for you. What were you working on? Did you find a job?"
"Yeah." He bobbed his head. "I'm working for an auto shop. My job is to go around and deliver parts to dealerships and such."
"That's awesome! Congratulations!" I grinned at him. "What are you doing here, though?" The gas pump clicked and I glanced at the numbers displayed on the box as he replaced the nozzle in its holder.
"Only five dollars worth, Jake?" I raised my eyebrows suspiciously. "Isn't gas usually much cheaper on the reservation anyways?"
He shrugged and quickly changed the subject, "So how have you been?"
"I'm fine."
"That Cullen boy still bugging you?" His eyes flicked to the ground.
"He's not bugging me."
"Is he still talking to you?"
"Yes. He ate lunch with me on Monday," I replied honestly. As much as I didn't want Jake to be mad at me about this, he had no right to be. I wasn't going to lie about it just so that he didn't get upset. He had no reason to be upset in the first place.
"Why?"
"Thanks, Jake," I rolled my eyes.
"What?"
"Are you implying that there is no reason anyone would want to eat lunch with me?"
His face fell, "No! I'm… no, not at all. I'm just… I mean… you're not friends with him or anything, right?" he stammered.
"I don't know. We never used to be, but.."
"But what?"
"Why does it matter?" I frowned. "Am I not allowed to have friends aside from you?"
"Of course you are… it's just… I don't see him as someone with decent intentions."
"Are you insinuating that he would have indecent intentions?" My frown deepened.
"Yes, maybe.." he mumbled. "I just don't see why he would have a sudden interest in you."
"Well thank you for further confirming to me that I am uninteresting and not a worthwhile friend," I rolled my eyes teasingly.
"Bella, you know that's not what I mean."
"I know what you mean. I don't know why he wants to hang out around me either, but he hasn't done anything to make me refuse him."
"Is it true that you're going out with him tomorrow?" he spoke so quietly that I thought I had misunderstood him for a moment.
"What?" I exhaled.
"Aren't you going out with him tomorrow?"
"How did you know about that?" I demanded.
"I just… heard it."
"Where?"
"I don't want him to hurt you," he said quietly, staring down at the ground.
"I'm not going to get hurt," I promised him. "Where did you hear that, though?"
"How do you know you wont get hurt?" he continued, still avoiding my question.
"Well, it's pretty much impossible for me to become any more embarrassed than I was when he sat with me. As far as I can tell he's not a mass murderer, so I don't think I'm in any real danger. Except for Tanya, if looks could kill I would have been dead several times already." I shrugged, trying to lighten the mood with humor. "Besides, it's not a date, and I can't even go anyways. I have to make up a Bio lab."
"Just… don't fall for him, okay?" he squinted at the ground for a moment and then smoothed his features, looking up at me and pleading with his eyes.
"You're being ridiculous, Jake," I scoffed. "I am not going to discuss this topic any further. I have to get home and do some homework. Thank you for bringing over the fish fry. It will save me from having to cook tonight."
He nodded once and then glanced toward the building. "Is Barney awake today?"
"He wasn't when I went in, but I woke him up. If you're lucky he'll still be awake."
He nodded again and smiled slightly, "Okay. See you around, Bells."
"Later, Jake. Tell Billy I said hello."
"Will do."
As I got in my car and drove off, I suddenly had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.
How had Jake known about the planned coffee… event? I hadn't told anyone. Granted, I didn't have anyone to tell. If Edward told one of his friends… it would be all over the school by tomorrow. People would be talking about it… no doubt..
"Shit," I cursed out loud. "This is just not my week."
I forced myself to erase the look of discomfort as I rushed myself through the evening. Charlie was so excited about the fish fry that he barely noticed, and because he ate on a paper plate in front of the television, I had no dishes, nor any obligation to sit at the table and pretend to be relaxed.
I ate alone in my bedroom, my foot tapping anxiously on the ground as I searched for something online to distract myself with. I ended up watching several inane videos on frog dissection on youtube to prepare myself for the unavoidable embarrassment that would surely come tomorrow. I knew I was doomed. Even watching it second hand through the internet made me feel slightly ill. Sighing, I shut my laptop and deposited my plate and fork in the garbage and sink downstairs before deciding to just shower and turn in early. I bid a hasty goodnight to Charlie who mumbled something about the weather in response. Shaking my head in wonder, I climbed the stairs and went about preparing for bed.
In an absurd attempt to keep thoughts of Edward Cullen out of my head, I began reciting the periodic table of elements to myself as I showered.
"Antimony, Arsenic, Aluminum, Selenium, Hydrogen, Oxygen, Nitrogen, Rhenium…"
I made it through the entire list three times before I realized that I had been failing the whole time. It was like reading a book and not actually paying attention to the words. I had been reciting something that was so dually memorized by this point in my life that it took no real concentration. Instead of focusing on what element came next, I had thought about last years chemistry class when I had learned it all. Edward had been sitting three rows ahead of me and two seats to the left. His lab partner had been Jasper Hale.
Scowling at my own failure, I put my shower supplies away and shuffled back into the bedroom, toweling my hair as I went.
Despite my pessimistic outlook on the situation, I proved myself wrong by not dreaming of Edward Cullen that night. I guess I had been more afraid of the dissection, because instead I dreamt of a large frog with sickly pale dripping skin and a wide open incision across his stomach chasing me through a field of chess pieces. I was highly confused and not the least bit rested and reassured when I awoke in the morning. My nerves were literally making me feel sick to my stomach at this point, but because of the lab practical scheduled on Monday, I knew I couldn't skip school that day. I valued my grades too much.
Fortunately, I encountered no giant frogs on my way to school. I did however encounter Edward Cullen. I didn't necessarily encounter him directly, but I knew he would be in school that day as I followed a brand new Volvo C30 with paper registration into the parking lot. I didn't end up bumping into him as we entered the actual school building, or throughout the first half of the day at all… but just the fact that I knew he was there was enough to heighten my anxiety.
Throughout the previous week I had noticed that the stares had died down. I was almost completely invisible again. I would have been extremely content with my return to wallflower life, but I knew it was only fleeting. What I was about to do would completely throw me under the spotlight again.
Damn it.
I slammed the door of my locker and dug in my pocket for the ten dollars I had put there for lunch this morning before I had left. I hoped desperately that my plan to approach his lunch table wouldn't draw as much attention to me as him visiting my lunch table did. All I needed was to stop for the briefest moment . I already knew what I was going to say: "It turns out that I have to make up a Biology lab after school today, so I don't think I can make coffee." Simple. Painless…ish. He surely wouldn't offer to wait around for me, right?
Emmett Forester and his girlfriend, Rosalie, fell into the line of students entering the cafeteria directly ahead of me then, and a new fear crept up to accompany my already out of control nerves. Maybe I shouldn't mention the plans for coffee in front of his friends. Maybe he had been too embarrassed to tell them. I wouldn't blame him for wanting to keep any interaction with me, even if it was only out of pity, quiet. Especially with people like Tanya in his group of friends.
Regardless, I knew it needed to be done. As soon as I entered the Cafeteria, I looked past the food courts to his table. Alice and Jasper were there, but not Edward. My heart thudded erratically as I jerked my head to my usual table. Empty. I ignored the absurd feeling of what seemed to be disappointment and proceeded to scan the rest of the room. No sign of him. I quickly fell into line and prepared the same salad I did every day and took my usual seat. All through lunch, he never showed up.
I knew he was here. I had seen him several times in the already this morning. I should have just spoke to him earlier when I saw him standing alone in the hallway. He had appeared to be looking for someone, though, so I decided it would be best not to interrupt him. I had just ducked my head and walked past him inconspicuously.
I barely touched my salad throughout the rest of lunch. I was too distracted by my own anxiety.
I tried to rush to Biology as much as I could in order to ensure the chance to talk to Edward sans audience. Unfortunately for me, today was the one day that Tanya had decided to show up to class before the bell rang. Both Edward and Tanya were present, along with a few other assorted students, when I arrived.
This was my last opportunity to talk to him before the end of the day, so I didn't have the choice to wimp out. I took a deep breath and approached his table.
"Hi Bella," Edward smiled, throwing a tentative glance in Tanya's direction.
"Um.. Hi," I stammered, trying to ignore the piercing glares coming from Tanya. "I, uh.. I missed you at lunch. I was going to tell you… I mean, about this afternoon.." I was making a damn fool of myself.
"Yeah," he cut in apologetically. "I had to make up a Psychology test."
"Oh, that's fine. I just… about tonight.." I heard Tanya's sharp intake of breath and winced internally as I imagined how pissed off she probably was now.
"Oh," he said, throwing a glance at Tanya knowingly.
"I can't make it. I have to make up a lab after school," I explained.
"Oh, ummm.." his face fell. "That's.. alright, yeah. Some other time then."
In my peripheral vision I saw Tanya's head snap to the side, releasing me from her glare and instead aiming it on him. I couldn't help but feel a little bit bad for him. This had probably made much more trouble for him than he ever wanted.
"Okay… uh, bye," I excused myself quickly.
More students were starting to file into the classroom now, and those that had seen me at Edward's table were staring at me with a confused expression. I felt my cheeks burn as I deposited myself into my seat and tried to look like I hadn't just embarrassed the shit out of myself.
Mr. Banner called the class to order as the bell rang.
"Alright, alright. Give me two minutes of your time and then you can get back to your conversations. Your assigned work for this afternoon is the review work on pages 117 to 120." The entire class, with the exception of me, groaned at this. "Furthermore, the lab practical covering the dissection of the common frog will be on Monday, so I highly recommend studying as it is a very weighted grade. While I am thinking of it, Isabella Swan," I winced at my full name and looked up. I couldn't help but feel the sudden weight in my stomach that one always feels when they are singled out in class. No matter how unlikely, I always worried that I was in trouble. "Don't forget that you're expected to stay after to make up the dissection lab after school today." I nodded once. "And Edward, you missed it too, so you'll also have to make it up along with Miss Swan. The practical on Monday cannot be rescheduled for anyone. This goes for the whole class, if you're absent, you can't make it up. It is not-"
I had stopped listening. The last thing I had heard was the name Edward coupled with the phrase "along with Miss Swan".
I felt the blood rush out of my face. A hushed whisper fluttered throughout the class and I heard a few people shift in their chairs to look at me. I slowly lifted my eyes to Edward's table. He was giving me a reassuring smile… and Tanya looked like she wanted to decapitate me. I gulped and gave Edward a weak and uncertain smile in return before looking down at my desk again as Mr. Banner continued his instructions.
I couldn't believe I had been so stupid. Of course Edward would have to make up the lab. He was absent that day, too, though for more justifiable reasons than my own. I resisted the urge to slap my palm repeatedly against my head. I knew people must still be staring.
Two weeks ago, if given the choice, I would have much rather embarrassed myself in front of just one of my fellow students as opposed to the entire class. However, now, I would have rather embarrassed myself in front of the whole rest of the school as opposed to just Edward Cullen.
It was as if fate was playing a cruel intentioned trick on me. This entire week had been a total disaster as far as I was concerned. Just one little car accident and my entire every day routine was set completely out of whack. That barely seemed reasonable.
"So, with that work load, if you'd all still like to continue your private conversations, by all means do so. However, what you don't finish in class will only take away from your weekend activities," Mr. Banner concluded. The next groan that resonated from my classmates was swiftly drown out by the sounds of books opening and papers shuffling as they all abandoned their previous conversations and started to focus on the work. It appeared that I was the only one in class that was thankful for the amount of work Mr. Banner had assigned. It would give me something to keep my mind off of my after school activities that were becoming less and less appealing every minute.
Unfortunately, I was finished with the work long before the rest of the students. I looked around the classroom and found everyone else with their head studiously buried in their text books and their pens scratching steadily across the surface of their paper. All but one. Edward Cullen was relaxed against the back of his chair biting the nail on his thumb out of presumable boredom. I quickly jerked my head back down to my paper and pretended to be working again. I didn't want him to catch me looking at him and I definitely didn't want Mr. Banner to catch both of us with our work finished for fear he would suggest we got an early start on the lab.
As opposed to the rest of the week, which had dragged by at a painfully slow pace, the rest of my Friday afternoon flew past in a flurry of homework assignments and pages of notes. In fact, my final two classes had kept me so occupied that I barely had a spare moment to think about, or rather dread, the hour to come.
When I walked back into the Biology classroom, I found Edward and Mr. Banner discussing the lab.
"There's only one frog remaining, so you and Miss Swan will have to make due with that and be temporary lab partners," Mr. Banner informed him as he shuffled around papers on his desk.
"Oh, I'm sure that's quite fine," Edward said with a smile. "Oh!" He noticed me in the doorway and turned to face me, "Hi, Bella."
"Um… hi," I stammered.
Had I heard Mr. Banner correctly? Not only would I have to be performing the lab next to Edward… but I would have to share a frog with him? He would have to be my… my partner?
I hadn't even seen the frog yet and I felt faint.
"Good Afternoon, Miss Swan," Mr. Banner looked up from under his thick glasses at me. "I was just telling Mr. Cullen here that there is only one-" he stopped, straightening his glasses and cocking his head at me. "Are you feeling alright, Isabella. You look pale again."
"Yes.. I'm-" I gulped, "I'm fine."
He tilted his head a little more, a look of concern and disbelief crossing his face.
"I just don't like dissections very much," I admitted, leaving out the part about how I might be more nervous about the Edward aspect of the lab than the frog.
"Well, you might have wanted to consider that before you signed up for this class at the beginning of the year."
"Yeah, I probably should have," I blushed.
"It's okay, Bella. There's only one frog, so I can do the cutting and stuff if you're not comfortable with it.." Edward offered.
I bit my lip, temporarily thrown off by his kind offer. Finally I nodded.
He smiled and turned to collect the dissection pan and tools. I gulped back my fear and began to follow his lead but Mr. Banner cleared his throat pointedly. I turned and looked at him timidly.
"I expect you know that lab partners are supposed to share the work equally. Make sure that you are not benefiting from Edward's work without offering any assistance yourself."
I nodded once, wondering what exactly I was expected to do.
I dug into my backpack and pulled out my Biology lab book and the lab instructions and a pencil before taking a seat next to Edward who was doing the same. I did my best to not look at the frog, though it didn't really help. The scent of formaldehyde hung thick in the air and I had to force my gag reflexes to behave.
"Shoot," I heard Edward mutter under his breath.
"What's wrong?" I asked quickly, hoping that he hadn't cut open his finger with the scalpel.
"I forgot my procedure manual in my locker."
"Oh, that's alright. You can look off of mine," I offered.
We proceeded to fill out the objectives and lab description in our lab books for several minutes before we moved on to the observations section.
"So, it says here that we need to make 5 good observations about the frog based on it's external surfaces," Edward recited from the paper. "Should we start with the head?"
"Okay," I nodded, taking a deep breath and looking down at the sickly looking amphibian before me. It wasn't as bad as I expected it would be, but I knew that once the scissors came out, I would be in trouble.
I leaned in and began studying the animal, trying to regulate my breathing and avoid the disgusting scent as much as I could. Edward followed suit and began studying it too.
"Well, it has a weird eye lid type thing right there…"
"That's called the nictitating membrane," I nodded. "It's used for protecting his eyes underwater and it helps keep them moist on land."
"Well you certainly did your homework," he chuckled. "We can use that as our first observation."
We scribbled down the information and continued looking at the frog.
"He has nostril-like things," I shrugged, not remembering the proper name for them.
"External nares," he corrected. "But essentially they are nostrils. So we can observe that it is an air breathing animal."
I nodded and we wrote it down.
The lab went along with minor glitches for several more moments until we needed to start the internal observations.
Edward read off the procedure and preparations. "We need gloves and goggles," he started.
"I'll get them," I offered quickly, glad to have the opportunity to breathe some formaldehyde free air. The little self confidence I had definitely took a blow when Edward put on his goggles. Even with thick and unattractive protective glasses on, he still looked nothing short of a model. I probably looked like a tiny bug that should be squashed.
"Alright. I can do all the dirty work if you want me too," he suggested as he began reaching for the scissors and the scalpel. It appeared that he intended on doing all that part anyway.
"I mean.." he hesitated and glanced up at me. "If that's alright with you."
"By all means." I raised my hands palm out in a surrender fashion and picked up my pencil.
He flashed me a big smile and set his attention back to the frog before saying, "It's okay. With Tanya as my lab partner I expected to be doing this anyway.."
I bit my lip. Shit, was I being like Tanya? I suddenly felt like a terrible person.
"I… I can try to help if you don't want-"
"No, Bella…" he looked up at me sincerely. "I like doing this kind of stuff. It doesn't bother me. I find it kind of fascinating, actually."
"Oh, okay," I backed down immediately. For several moments I tried to find something to do along the lines of written lab work, but there wasn't anything more I could write until we made our internal observations.
"Ew," I muttered under my breath as I made the mistake of glancing at Edward's progress. He had cut a square area on the frogs stomach and opened it like a door, pinning both flaps to the matting on the tray. At that moment he appeared to be using the scissors to cut upwards into the thorax.
He threw a concerned glance my way, "Are you okay, Bella? You look kind of pale."
"I'm…" I stared, meaning to tell him that I was fine but closing my mouth quickly as a wave of nausea hit me.
"Don't look," he instructed.
"I have to," I mumbled.
"No, just wait until I'm done cutting it open. Maybe that will be easier."
"Okay," I nodded, turning my head and trying to take a deep breath.
I could feel my heart hammering in my chest. I wasn't sure whether that was in response to Edward, or the dead and repulsive frog laying on the table in front of me.
He's just a boy, Bella. And it's just a dead amphibian. It can't harm you. Quit being such a pansy. It's science. It's education..
Despite my best attempt, my internal pep talk was not helping at all.
"Okay, Bella," Edward said softly after a moment. "Now we just have to quickly identify everything on this list and then it's all over and the rest is easy sheet work."
"Right," I nodded, willing myself to get over my weak stomach.
"It's really not that bad. Just pretend it's all plastic. That's what Alice says helps her," he suggested.
I nodded, pursing my lips and turning toward him.
"Ew," I repeated.
"Plastic."
"Slimy."
"Touché."
I wrinkled my nose and gulped as I surveyed the small "plastic" frog on the table. It really wasn't that bad. I knew I was overreacting, but it was just natural for me. I hated blood and anything that dealt with hospitals and illnesses and internal organs. Seeing the frogs insides all displayed like that was repulsive to me, but the fact that it was necessary helped me get over my discomfort for a short time. The faster I sucked it up and dealt with the circumstance, the faster I could get that thing out of my sight.
"What's first?" he asked, reaching for the list that I had clenched in my hands. "Heart."
"It's that thing, I think.." I said, picking up a probe and pointing at a dark read blob right below it's throat.
"Yeah, that's it," he confirmed.
"Now the liver."
"There," I pointed again to the largest organ visible. Large, brown, chalky looking… No, not chalky. Plastic.
"Right," he nodded.
"And…. The stomach."
"Umm…that?" I pointed at a small cord-like organ that was visible.
"No, I think that's the small intestine," he frowned. "It says here that the stomach might be behind the liver… so we have to lift up the liver to see the stomach."
"Fabulous," I muttered.
"Can I borrow that?" he gestured toward the probe I had clenched in my hand. I released it to him and watched in horror as he lifted the large lobe of the liver up.
"Ugh," I groaned, quickly turning my head away, a shiver consuming my entire body.
"Sorry," he apologized.
"It's fine," I said in a very unconvincing tone.
"There's the stomach," he said triumphantly.
I turned slowly and peeked at what he was pointing to.
"That J-shaped thing there, that's the stomach. And connected to that is the large intestine, there.." he stuck his finger under the large intestine and lifted it a little bit to better display it for me.
I made another noise that resembled a gag and turned my head again. "Definitely not plastic," I groaned.
He chuckled and lowered the liver back into it's place, returning his attention to the list.
"Lungs."
"There, on either side of the heart," I pointed quickly.
"Right. Bladder?"
"Umm….."
"I think it's that clear looking bubble thing right there," he pointed, touching it with the tip of his finger.
"Sure," I nodded, resisting the urge to ask him not to touch my paper with his bladder tainted finger. I cringed internally as he returned his hand to the paper and dragged his finger down the list to find the next organ to locate.
"Kidney is the last one."
"It's the big red thing behind the bladder and intestines," I said quickly, remembering the information from the textbook. "Are we done now?"
He chuckled, "Yeah, we're done."
"Not so fast," Mr. Banner interjected, coming over to stand at the table. "The rest of the class had to prove to me that they knew what each organ was before I let them dispose of their frog. You can go over it a little more if you would like to. I don't want you using your cheat sheet for it this time through."
"Oh," Edward cocked his head, "We didn't really use the cheat sheet to begin with."
"So I take it you're ready now?"
"Sure," Edward shrugged.
"Miss Swan?" Mr. Banner turned his head toward me.
No. I don't want to have to do that all again, damn it.
I nodded.
He took the probe off the table and began pointing to different organs and waiting. Edward and I took turns answering. We got them all right and Edward triumphantly disposed of the frog.
I was absurdly proud of myself.
I didn't puke. I didn't faint. And I only embarrassed myself a little bit. Maybe the day wasn't such a disaster after all.
We sat in relative silence for the next half hour finishing our lab work and writing the answers to the supplied questions. We both finished at about the same time.
"So, should I drive?"
The question caught me off guard. "Um… what?" I frowned.
"Unless it's too late for coffee and you have to be home," he edited.
"I… well, no. I don't have to be home."
"Great! I can drive then and just drop you off back at your truck afterward, if that's okay.."
My throat suddenly felt extremely dry. So much for making it through the day with minimal embarrassment. Regardless of my better judgment, I knew I couldn't say no. He was being so polite… and so what if it was only out of pity. It would be rude to say no… wouldn't it? Hell, how should I know. I didn't have the slightest clue how to handle situations like this.
I nodded slightly.
He grinned, "Have you ever been to the café over on Third Street?"
"No," I shook my head.
"They have really good coffee," he assured me. "And Alice says they have the best cheesecake around, too…" he added.
"Oh, um… okay. Sounds good," I stammered.
He smiled again. At this point we were stopped in the middle of the hallway. He jerked his head toward the door and began walking. Taking a deep and steadying breath, I turned to follow him.
"Oh, you got a new car," I commented as we stepped through the double doors and into the nearly deserted parking lot."
"Yeah, we picked it up yesterday, actually," he shrugged. "It's the same as before… only, a newer model."
It must be nice to have so much money.
"That's cool," I said lamely, skirting the shiny silver Volvo. To my great shock and awe, Edward rushed around the car as well and opened the passenger door for me. If that wasn't incredible by itself, he also held out his hand to help me get into the car. In any other case, the steadying hand would most likely be a useless gesture, but being as I was Bella Swan and I couldn't even walk on a solid, flat surface without running the risk of injury… it was more helpful than he might have expected.
"Um, thanks," I stammered. I felt a blush color my cheeks as I recognized his gentlemanly act with great appreciation. He merely smiled in response.
I was very uncertain as to how to react to his constant smiles. It was nice to see him smile, that was obvious… but it was almost annoying how he could completely captivate me with just a simple gesture like that. His perfect grin was, dare I say, dazzling. It had this absurd power to make my heart do all sorts of unhealthy maneuvers. How was I expected to hold a conversation with him when he kept rendering me speechless just by merely flashing me a stunning grin. I was totally without defense in this situation. Embarrassment was imminent. Any attempt at couth was completely futile as long as he was in possession of a tool as paralyzing as that.
Disaster was certain. I would have to change my name and move to Mexico. There was no possible way that I could make it through the rest of the day without him realizing that Tanya was right about me and that I really was a freak. There was a number of things that could go wrong… most likely of which being that I spill my hot coffee on him, or trip and fall on the sidewalk.
At least it was sunny in Mexico.
~~~~EPOV~~~~~
Think of a topic for conversation. Think of a topic for conversation. Damn it, Edward, you're pathetic. This silence is too awkward. Crap. If I can't even come up with something to talk to on the car ride to the coffee house…. I'm screwed. Think, think… what's a good and non creepy conversation starter. Fuck, I've only been talking to Alice lately so the only conversations I can think of revolve around sex. Bad plan. Music… she likes music. We have that in common, right? I can work with that.
"So…" I started, drumming my thumbs nervously on the steering wheel as I pulled out of the school parking lot. "Heard any good music lately?"
Instant regret.
I'm such a moron.
"Oh, umm… yeah, actually," she nodded. "Well, I guess not. It's not new. I've recently started listening to the Beatles again, so I'm really big on them right now."
"That's ironic," I raised my eyebrows.
"Oh…"
I pressed the play button on the CD player and Hey Jude began to filter through the speakers.
She smiled, "I love this song."
I love your smile.
"I've been listening to a lot of Three Day's Grace, too," she added as an afterthought.
"I love them," I nodded. "What's your favorite song?"
"Are You Ready for This," she answered quickly. "It's not one of there most known songs, though."
"I know what one you're talking about," I assured her. "It's not my favorite, but it's a good one. I really like Animal I Have Become for some reason."
"Nice choice," she nodded.
"You like classical type music, right?"
She nodded again.
"Have you ever heard Ludovico Einaudi?"
"No… I haven't."
"He's more modern day instrumental, but it's beautiful," I explained. "Here, I think I have a CD in here somewhere…" I began flipping through the discs in my disc changer until I found the right one.
"That's amazing…" she said after a moment. I peered over at her as her eyes fluttered closed.
That's usually what I did when I listened to music like this. I had never seen anyone who held the same unabashed appreciation for instrumental music before. If I hadn't been driving, I would have sat there and stared at her for as long as I could. She looked so peaceful… her breathing matching the steady flowing pace of the music, her eyes still closed , letting the music take control.
She looked so unconventionally beautiful then. I wanted to reach out and touch her cheek. I wanted to rub my thumb across the fading blush on her face. I wanted to…
I shook the thoughts from my mind as I put on my blinker and pulled into a parking spot. She didn't seem to have noticed that we stopped, so I waited until the song was finished, resting my head against the head rest and resisting the urge to stare some more.
Once the song had finished, I quickly turned off the car. She opened her eyes slowly, realizing we were already there and smoothing the momentary confusion away quickly.
"I really like that song. You'll have to write down the name of that guy so that I can download some of his music."
"Oh, that's okay. I can just burn you a copy, if you'd like…"
She smiled and nodded, "I would like that."
Returning her smile, I quickly got out of the vehicle and half-sprinted to the other side so that I could open her door for her. I hoped she didn't think I was being too overbearing as I extended a hand and helped her out of the car. I knew she was perfectly capable, but I was trying to impress her. For some reason I was finding the task much harder than many would expect of me. I had never felt the urge to impress someone before. It was unfamiliar territory for me.
After she was out of the vehicle, I swiftly moved to hold open the door to the café for her as well. She smiled and slid past me as the bell jingled above our heads, making our entrance known to all the occupants of the building, which, conveniently, weren't many.
There was only one person in line in front of us, which was good. It gave Bella the chance to figure out what she wanted.
I watched her study the board behind the counter for several moments before I asked if she knew what she wanted.
"Umm… I think the Reeses Mocha sounds really good," she said quietly. "So does the caramel apple cheesecake, though."
"So get them," I shrugged.
"I'm not really that hungry, though," she frowned.
"Well… we can split the cheesecake if you want," I suggested.
She looked up at me, her eyes questioning. "Oh…"
"If you're not comfortable with that, that's absolutely fine," I added quickly.
"No, that's… sure. That will be fine," she nodded.
I gave her a reassuring smile and stepped up to the counter.
"What can I get for you today?" the blonde haired barista asked with a hearty grin.
"Can I have one Reeses Mocha, one Milky Way Mocha, and a slice of caramel apple cheesecake with two forks please?"
"Is that together?" she asked, eyeing Bella suspiciously.
"Yes," I said quickly as I saw Bella reach into her pocket for money.
"Oh, I can pay for my own," she offered.
"I've got it, Bella," I assured her.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. My treat," I nodded.
The barista seemed to have lost her friendliness then as she mumbled out my total and told us with little enthusiasm that she would bring our order out to us when it was ready.
I led Bella to the nearest table and pulled out her chair for her. She smiled politely and discarded her coat over that back of it before sitting down as I took the seat across from her.
Fortunately, it only took a moment for us to jump back into conversation.
"Have you heard Yiruma?" she asked suddenly.
"Umm… no?" I cocked my head.
"He's kind of similar to that guy you just had me listen to. He's mainly piano. It's really beautiful music. I listen to it a lot when I'm going to sleep," she admitted.
"I'll have to look him up," I said.
"No, I'll burn you a CD," she replied quickly. "That way it's even."
"Alright," I agreed with a nod.
She bit her lip awkwardly for a moment before asking, "So… what are you going to study in college?"
"Oh, umm…" I had no idea what I wanted to do as far as college went. It was bad, considering I was a semester away from graduating.
"I'm not sure yet. Something with music?"
"Oh!" she seemed surprised. "Something with studying music or playing it?"
"Well… I don't think I'm good enough to go for a career in playing music…"
"What instrument do you play?"
"Oh," I didn't tell people this. Alice was the only person in the entire school that knew that I had taken piano lessons for 12 years. "I play the piano." Why did I just tell her that?
"Oh! I didn't know that," she looked almost disbelieving. "I play the guitar a little…"
"That's cool." I rested my elbows on the table.
"I guess."
"What about you," I started, resting my chin on my fist.
"What about me?"
"Well, what do you want to do in college?"
"Oh. I'm, um… I'm really into writing."
"You are? That sounds really fun."
"Yeah… I'm not very good. Teaching is my fallback."
For some reason, I could not picture Bella Swan as a teacher.
"English teacher?"
"Probably. English is usually free of guts and blood, right?"
"Unless you're studying 'The Tell-tale Heart', I shrugged.
She laughed, a few strands of hair falling in front of her face. I clenched my fist on the table in an effort to stop myself from tucking them back behind her ear for her. After a moment, she did it herself.
I really liked her laugh…
"Do you have a college in mind?"
"No," I answered honestly. "I need to figure out what to do with my life first."
She narrowed her eyes for a split second and then shook her head discreetly.
"What?" I urged.
"I just… never mind." She slumped into her chair.
I cocked my head to the side, patiently waiting for her to continue.
She caught my gaze for a moment and then sighed in resignation, "I just always pictured you as the kind of person who had it all figured out."
I understood what she meant by that. Everyone expected that of me. It was a hard image to live up to.
"I'm not really what anyone pictures me as," I said simply.
"I've realized that," she said quietly, clasping her hands together and setting them on the table.
I almost asked her what she meant by that, but thought better of it and veered back to the other subject.
"Have you picked out any colleges?"
"No. I haven't applied to a single place," she groaned.
"Same here." I lifted a shoulder and dropped it back down.
"Who ordered the Reeses Mocha?" the blonde barista huffed as she approached our table with her hands full.
"I did," Bella spoke up timidly.
With no additional words, she set the drinks and cheesecake down and walked away, her heels making obnoxious clicking noises against the wood floors.
"Well, isn't she just a ray of sunshine," I frowned.
"She was perfectly cheery before you offered to pay for my stuff," Bella pointed out.
I frowned again, confused.
"I think when you paid for my stuff she got the wrong idea and decided that you were unavailable…" she elaborated.
"Maybe I am unavailable." I internally cringed as I heard the words come out of my mouth. I shouldn't have said that out loud.
Bella faltered for a moment, throwing me a suspicious glance before shaking it out of her mind and turning her thoughts on her coffee.
"I suddenly feel like she may have spit in my mocha," I wrinkled my nose as peered into the cup.
"If she were going to spit in anyone's drink, it would be mine," Bella corrected.
I rolled my eyes a little and took a drink.
"So, what do you do in your free time?" I asked, immediately regretting it. I sounded desperate for conversation.
I was desperate for conversation.
"Oh, well… I read a lot. Homework, too. I do most of the cooking and cleaning, so that keeps me pretty busy."
"So you take care of your dad, then?" I suddenly felt like I might have been being too nosy. "If I'm being intrusive or something… you can just tell me to shut up.."
"Again?" she chuckled.
"Yeah, you can tell me to shut up again," I edited.
"I will if I need to, but it's fine. Yes, for the most part I take care of my father. He's really bad at things like laundry and cooking. I mean, he's capable… but I would fear for his health if I let him cook. And I would never want him to cook for fear of returning to a burnt down house."
"Your dad is the police chief, right?"
"Yeah. He works a lot, so he's not really home often anyway."
"I see."
"What about you?" She set down her cup of coffee and rested her chin on her fists.
"I live with my mom and dad. We've lived here in Forks my entire life."
"Is Alice your only sibling?"
"No, Alice isn't technically my sister," I explained.
"Oh, really?" she frowned.
"Yeah, her parents died in a car accident when she was only a month old."
"That's terrible.." Bella's face fell.
"She wasn't in the car, though. And… well, she's technically my cousin. My mom and dad took her in so that she didn't have to go into foster care. She's only 9 months younger than I am, and we've lived together since we were babies. Technically, she's like my sister. She refers to my parents as "mom" and "dad" too, so for all intents and purposes, she's my sister. But technically…"
"I see," she nodded. "That was really nice for your parents to adopt her like that."
"My mom always wanted a daughter," I explained. "But there were complications when I was born and she ended up not being able to have anymore kids. It took a while for her to get over her sisters death, but that just made Alice all the more special to her."
"Do you and Alice get along?" Bella tilted her head slightly.
"For the most part. I mean, we fight a lot… but she's my sister and I love her. She's definitely a pain in the ass at times, though…" I rolled my eyes.
"That's what siblings are for," Bella's voice cracked but she smiled.
"Do you have any siblings?" I asked.
"No. I'm an only child."
"That must be nice," I commented.
"It has its moments. Sometimes I think it would be nice to have a brother or sister, but then I wonder how different my life would be."
"What do you think would be different?" I asked, pleased to find the conversation flowing much easier now.
"Well, I probably wouldn't be in Forks. If I had another sibling, they probably wouldn't have wanted to move back out here… But, it would kind of be impossible for that to have happened anyways.."
"Why's that?"
"Shortly after I was born my mom took me and we moved to Phoenix. She hated Forks and things between her and my father just weren't going as well as they had hoped. There really wouldn't have been much of an opportunity for me to get a sibling out of that situation."
"That's true."
"But if she and Phil had had a child, I probably would have stayed with them. The only reason I moved here in the first place was so that they could have their newlywed lives be uninterrupted by me."
I nodded slowly before saying, "Well in that case, I'm glad things worked out the way they did."
She blushed and bit her lip, quickly hiding her expression by taking another sip of coffee.
Using the silence to my advantage, I reached for my fork and took the first bite of the cheesecake.
"Oh," I said pointedly. "That is good."
"Really?" she smiled, picking up her fork and following suit.
"Wow," she nodded approvingly, taking another bite.
From that point forward, conversation was effortless. We discussed books, movies, music, family traditions. We sat there for about two solid hours. An additional slice of cheesecake and two refills each later, Bella's phone rang.
"Oh my God, it's seven o'clock," she commented as she flipped open her cell phone.
"Hi Dad. No, I'm on my way. I just lost track of time, that's all. Well, yeah…. I can just pick up a Pizza on my way."
I took the cue and stood up to clear the table, bringing the plates and cups up to the dishes counter and returning just in time to hear her promising her father she would be back within the hour.
"I can't believe how late it is," she said as she snapped the phone shut and pocketed it.
"I know, I was totally not paying attention." That was a lie. I had known how late it was, but I was enjoying myself too much to mention it.
I stood up and grabbed her coat off the back of her chair as she rose, holding it out so she could slip her arms through it. She blushed again and gave me a shy smile.
Was it weird that it gave me a tingly sensation when she smiled?
I left a tip on the table and walked toward the door with her, holding it open instinctively so she could pass. Once we were back in the car, Ludovico Einaudi's instrumental harmonies pulsed through the speakers again.
Having exhausted most conversation by this point, we were relatively quiet on the way back to the school parking lot, only exchanging several comments of little importance.
I was almost depressed as I pulled my car up next to hers. I didn't want to see her leave. And it was Friday, so there would be an entire weekend before I got to see her again…
"Well, thanks for the coffee. And cheesecake. It was nice," she stammered.
"Yeah, we'll have to do it again sometime. I enjoyed it," I replied honestly.
She caught her perfect bottom lip between her teeth and nodded once, reaching for the door handle and pulling herself out of the vehicle.
"Bye.." she waved awkwardly with one hand before shutting the door. She stood for a moment, seemingly unsure of what action to take next. She pushed her hands into her pockets and rocked back on her heels before walking around to her truck.
I put the car in gear and took off in the direction of home.
I had made it about a mile before a thought occurred to me.
"Damn!" I cursed out loud. I should have asked her for her number at least.
I could have made it through the weekend without seeing her if I had a way to contact her. Granted, I would probably be too much of a pansy to text or call anyways, but having at least the sources to do so would have been a slight comfort. I cursed myself the entire way home, but then an additional thought occurred to me.
I parked the car and quickly sprinted into my house.
"Mom," I called.
"What? What's wrong? Did something happen?" she flew out of the kitchen, fully dressed in an apron and oven mitts.
"No, nothing's wrong. I just… can I see your cell phone real quick?"
"Yeah, sure, baby," she frowned in confusion. "It's in my pocket." She popped her hip out, gesturing her inability to retrieve it herself.
"Thanks ma." I pulled out her phone and kissed her on the cheek quickly before darting into the living room.
"You're…" she hesitated, "Welcome?"
Once in the empty living room I pulled out my own cell phone and opened up a new contact form. I opened my mother's phone and went into text messaging. Fortunately she didn't use her text messaging that often, so the message I had sent to her from Bella's phone the night we had gotten into the accident was still in the queue. Smiling triumphantly, I copied the number into my own phone.
"Edward?" Alice bounded down the stairs and into the living room looking absurdly excited about my presence. "You were out late! What happened? How'd it go?" she blurted out a stream of questions ending with "What are you doing?" as she noted the two cell phones in my hand.
"What? I… nothing." I quickly shut both phones and darted back to the kitchen to return the phone to my mother.
"Thanks," I smiled, setting the phone on the countertop.
"You're welcome. Should I even bother to ask why you needed my phone?"
"No," I smiled.
"Alright…" she regarded me with a curious expression for a moment before shrugging and continuing. "Supper will be done in about ten minutes."
"Okay, thanks mom. I'll be down in a little bit." I gave her another kiss on the cheek causing her and Alice to exchange concerned glances as I happily strolled out of the room.
I had almost made it to the stairs when Alice caught up with me.
"Hooooold on there," she sang, grabbing my arm and twirling me around to face her. "Not so fast. What happened? I want details. Now. Go."
"I forgot your cheesecake." I said simply, only just then remembering that I had in fact forgotten to get her a slice of cheesecake.
Her jaw fell open and shook her head expectantly, urging me to explain.
"I'll see you at supper." I smiled, darting up the stairs before she could stop me.
"You're not going to tell me?"
"Nope."
"Asshole!"
"I love you!"
Once I was in my room, I pulled out my cell phone again. I opened up a text message and began typing. When I was finished I stared at it for several seconds, debating whether to send it or not. Would she find it weird that I had gotten her cell phone number without asking for it?
Suddenly, without listening to my better instincts, I pressed the send button.
It was a harmless text message. Maybe she would even respond. That would be the best case scenario.
"Edward," Alice pounded on my door.
"What?"
"Come here!"
"I'm not telling you," I said firmly as I opened the door.
"Yes you will, but I was just going to tell you that it's time for supper. Come help set the table."
"Oh, okay," I shrugged. I shut the door behind me and began following her down the stairs. I stopped mid step when my phone suddenly went off.
Oh my God. She replied.
I quickly flipped open the phone and read to myself.
Thanks, Edward. I feel the same way. You have a good night, too.
I felt my face contort to host a huge grin.
"What?" Alice squealed, darting towards me. "Was it from Bella? What did it say? Edward, show me!" I shut the phone and held it just out of her reach. Being the pesky little pixie she was, though, she promptly hoisted herself onto my back. Though she was practically strangling me with her arm, I still managed to keep the phone out of her reach and walk down the stairs at the same time. When I walked into the dining room, Alice was still hanging on my back squealing at me to let her have my phone. Esme and Carlisle both looked up from their seats and shook their heads, neither of them feigning the least bit of surprise.
"Alice, can you please beat details out of your brother after supper?" Esme groaned.
"Oh," Alice said, dropping off my back like she had just had a sudden epiphany. "Can I see your phone?"
"Sure, it's in the kitchen," my mom shrugged.
By the time I realized what Alice was doing it was too late for me to stop her. She bounded back into the dining room as she closed her phone. "If Edward doesn't tell me, I can just call and ask Bella."
"I hate you," I growled.
"Love you too," she grinned.
"So, Edward," my father smirked as I sat down.
"Yeah?"
"Tell me about your date."
AN:
yeah, that was 10k + words. :)
Now, some of you probably know if you are an lj friend that I am choreographing and assistant directing The Jungle Book right now. If you've ever been involved in drama, you'll understand what the phrase "hell week" means, but if not... well, I'm sure it's self explanatory. The final performance and strike set is on Sunday, so I'll be back to writing and posting regularly after that.
hopefully this long chapter can keep you patient for a week or two while I'm writing up the next chapter.
feedback is love. tell me what you think :)
and while waiting for the next chapter, a few stories you should check out
My Brother's Best Friend - jennlynnfs
Secret Prophecies - Bexi21
Tahoe Tanglings - AHelm and Hammondgirl
and Silence in the Stacks - jillbetsonalice