I had never hated anyone more than I hated Mike Newton at that moment. Despite my obvious annoyance, however, I could not wipe the grin off of my face.
The entire night thus far had been surreal. I had expected total and complete disaster to strike tonight, but instead it had actually been relatively enjoyable. I had talked to people that I never usually talk to. I had socialized more in this one night than I ever had in my entire life. And even though it made me slightly uncomfortable, it was nice to have people look at me with an expression other than indifference on their faces.
Edward had been great. He didn't stare, or gawk at me. He was a complete gentleman, which I had realized was the norm for him. He always included me in the conversations and made sure to introduce me to everyone. Had I been attending this party with anyone else, I'm sure it wouldn't have even been near as enjoyable as it had turned out.
When we had been sitting out on the front porch and talking, I felt like my heart was going to pound its way right through my chest. He had impulsively asked me to be his girlfriend, and once I had gotten past the shock, I had impulsively said yes. I had never had a boyfriend before. I had never even been on a real date. The night was full of first for me. One such first inconveniently interrupted by Mike Newton's weak stomach. I had mixed emotions as I walked back toward the house. I was disappointed, yes, but also kind of relieved. I didn't know the first thing about kissing and I had a terrible feeling that I was going to be absolutely awful at it.
I gave him a weak smile as we reentered the house. He started walking in the opposite direction as me toward where I assumed the bathrooms were as I began searching for Alice. I noticed someone staring at me, and jerked my head away so that I didn't seem like I was staring back. I couldn't remember his name, but I had noticed him staring at me earlier, too. Maybe Alice hadn't been so far off about watching out for the jocks. I hadn't even made it two steps when my phone buzzed in the small pocket on the front of the dress. Alice had admonished me earlier for using that pocket, insisting that it was more for fashion purposes and wasn't actually supposed to be used. Fearing that it was my father, I quickly took it out and looked at it. Fortunately it was not Charlie. Unfortunately, it was Jacob.
My smile immediately vanished. Jacob had some sort of absurd vendetta against me hanging out with Edward Cullen. It was bad enough that he would soon find out I was dating Edward, I didn't need to answer the phone when he could hear a party raging in the background. But Jacob was smart. He knew that I had nothing better to do on a Friday night than sit at home. I had to answer.
Quickly, I darted up the stairs in front of me to the upstairs hallway. Remembering what Alice said, I knocked on the first door and listened for a moment before slipping inside of it. It appeared to be a guest bedroom, and it was quiet enough.
"Hello,"
"Hey Bells, what's up?"
"Nothing," I said around a forced yawn.
"Were you sleeping?" he asked apologetically.
"Yeah,"
"Oh, I'm sorry. It's only 11 on a Friday, I figured you would be awake. I wanted to talk about the Mariners game."
"Oh, I.. uh. I didn't watch it."
"What? Why not? You always watch the games."
"I forgot it was on."
He knew me too well. "Bella, is something going on? Where are you?"
"I'm just hanging out," I insisted.
"Where?"
At that precise moment, the door to the guest room opened and the same boy that had been staring at me stumbled in with a disturbing grin on his face. I remembered his name, now. It was James.
"Jake, I have to go, bye." I quickly said, closing the phone.
"Sorry," I apologized quickly. "I didn't mean to… I'll leave so you can.." I tried to move toward the door but he blocked my exit.
"It's about damn time you got away from that Cullen boy," he slurred. His breath was foul with the scent of alcohol.
"Excuse me?" I said timidly.
"I've been waiting for you."
Something about the way he said it coupled with the fact that he locked the door at the same moment made me immediately aware of the present danger I was in.
"I'm sorry, I think you're confused. I have to go." I tried again to move around him but he blocked the door again and grabbed onto my wrist.
"You don't have to pretend. If you don't want Edward to find out, I can keep a secret."
"No, I… you've got the wrong-" I tried to pry his hand off of my wrist.
"I saw you looking at me. It's okay. I know that you want me, too."
"No!" I choked, wildly clawing at his hand.
"You're so hot," he mumbled, proving that his actions were heavily influenced by alcohol.
"I have to go," I said loudly.
"I love it when girls play hard to get." He leaned his head close to me and inhaled deeply.
"Get away from me," I warned, trying to place as much force as possible behind my words.
He breathed deeply again and then lowered his lips to my ear. "No," he whispered. I almost gagged on the overpowering stench of his breath. My stomach twisted in a knot and I tried one last time to wrench my hand out of his grip. It only seemed to fuel him further, though. He groaned and flung me in a circle, pinning me against the door and running the back of his hand against my cheek.
"Where have you been hiding all this sexy?" he whispered.
Repulsed, I began trying every evasive maneuver I could think of. I dug my nails as deeply into his arm as I could, but he didn't seem to notice. Instead, he took a finger and ran it over my lips. Impulsively, I brought my knee up, hard, but he stopped it with his hand just before it made contact with his groin. So much for impaired reflexes.
"Ah, ah, ah," he crooned. "We don't want to damage that now, do we?"
I thought longingly of my can of pepper spray that was tucked safely inside my purse out in Edward's car. I never thought that I would be one of those girls. One of the girls that gets taken advantage of at a party. It was worse, though, considering that I wasn't even drunk.
I suddenly felt an overwhelming urgency to get out of that room. I grunted with effort as I pushed my arms out against him. "Get away from me!" I shouted desperately.
"Enough messing around," he growled, obviously ignoring my attempts and grabbing me firmly around the shoulders and wheeling me around toward the bed. My heart leapt into my chest and I felt tears spring into my eyes as he forcefully pushed my down onto the mattress.
"No!" I began screaming. I kept screaming until he firmly clamped his hand over my mouth. I bit down, hard.
"Fuck!" he yelped, withdrawing his hand quickly. "Is that how it's going to be? Okay then, two can play that game."
I screamed again and he clamped his hand back over my mouth in a strategic way that left me no room to bite it again. I raised my free hand and pushed against his, but to no avail. He was much too strong for me. I felt his hand slide down the bare skin on my thigh and I screamed louder against his hand. I felt the tears streaming down my face now as I flailed my legs frantically. He hoisted himself on top of me, pinning my legs beneath me.
How had the night suddenly gone so terribly wrong? Only 5 minutes ago I had been experiencing the happiest moment of my life, thinking I was a fool for expecting this party to be a disaster. Just a few moments ago I had been contemplating what my first kiss would be like with Edward.
Edward. The poor guy would feel so terrible about this. It wasn't his fault, of course, but he would no doubt try to shoulder the blame.
No, this wasn't Edward's fault. This was my fault. I should have listened to Alice. Beware of the jocks, she said. Don't go anywhere alone, she said. Don't put your phone in that pocket, you should have left it in the car, she said.
What was I thinking?
I felt his hand again, this time fumbling with the hem of my dress while the other hand remained firmly intact over my mouth. My eyes became very wide for a moment before I clenched them shut, fearing what would happen next.
A ripping sound filled the room and a moment later, he removed his hand. I was about to scream again when a thick piece of fabric was jammed inside my mouth. He had ripped a chunk out of my dress just to silence me. How resourceful.
I kicked. I flailed. I screamed uselessly against the fabric. His hands continued to roam up and down my legs, his eyes hungrily roaming over my exposed skin. I squeezed my eyes shut again, not wanting to watch him anymore.
My phone rang from the still intact pocket. That damn pocket. He extracted it and read the screen aloud. "Sorry, Edward. Bella's busy at the moment," he grinned sadistically, tossing the still buzzing phone across the bed. It landed with a thud and sat just out of my grasp. I screamed harder, as if somehow he would be able to hear me through the unanswered phone.
In a final attempt, I flung my hand forward, heel of my palm out. It collided with his jaw with a sickening crack and his head jerked back in surprise before his eyes narrowed and he gathered my hands into one of his, holding them just above my head.
The phone stopped buzzing and then started again a moment later. All I would need is about 3 seconds to yell into the phone and hope that he could hear over the fabric in my mouth. I began trying to wiggle closer to the phone. He was heavy, though, so it wasn't easy. He had my hands above my head, so if I could just get a few inches closer I would be able to grab it and press the talk button.
But how much longer until it stopped ringing and he gave up?
I should have listened to Alice.
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EPOV
I took the stairs two at a time. Rose and I had scoured the main floor. We had checked every room, pissing off several couples in the process. I went to the bathroom door first, knocking, listening, and then opening it. An unidentifiable male was laying, passed out on the ground, but otherwise it was deserted. I checked two other rooms and found nothing. Scowling, I took out my phone and dialed her number again.
Ring.
Ring.
Ring.
Discouraged, I was about to hang up and keep searching when the ringing stopped. I heard several implacable noises before suddenly someone, a deep male voice, shouted "Bitch, what-are-you, how-did-you," then the muffled but unmistakable noise of a scream echoed in my ear before the line went dead. My heart stopped beating. I recognized that voice. I had heard it before. She was here with someone… she was…
"No," I whispered. There were only three rooms left to check on this floor, she had to be in one of them. I flung open the first door to find a storage closet, empty. I reached for the second door when I heard a scuffle from across the hall. I turned to the other remaining door and reached for the handle.
Locked.
"Bella!" I shouted, banging my fist against the door. There, again, the muffled noise of a scream. Anger and rage welled up within me and I brought my fist against the door one last time. I took two steps back and propelled myself forward, kicking the door with all of my strength. Luckily, it burst open on the first try.
Nothing could have prepared me for what I found.
James pushed himself off of the bed, an angry look in his eyes for a moment before he surveyed my expression and backpedaled.
"Look, man, I'm sorry you had to find out this way… It was only a matter of time, though, dude. Don't be too offended. Just let it go. You haven't been with her for that long anyway.."
While he was busy rambling, I surveyed the rest of the scene. Bella, wide eyed, tear stained, and obviously scared shitless was laying on the bed. Thankfully all of her clothes seemed to be still on, but there was a large chunk ripped from the bottom of the blue dress and it appeared to be stuffed in her mouth. Now that her hands were free, she pushed herself off of the bed and yanked it out of her mouth, collecting her phone from the bed beside her and hurrying over to place herself behind me.
James was still rambling on about complete nonsense. It sounded like his drunken stupor had lead him to believe that Bella had consented to him forcing her onto a bed with a gag in her mouth. I had heard enough. With as much force as I could, not caring that he was probably much stronger than me when he was sober, I made contact with both of his shoulders. Apparently it was harder than I thought… or maybe he was more drunk than I realized. Either way, he stumbled backward a few feet until his back hit the wall with a heavy thud.
"What the fuck!?" he snarled hysterically. "Look, man. It's not my fault the girls want me,"
"Shut the fuck up you moronic bastard," I snarled back. "Do you honestly think that she wanted to be attacked by you?"
"You're just pissed that I keep picking up your leftovers, man. Don't take it personal-" I hit him again, hard. My fist made contact with his jaw and he stumbled a few feet back.
"Don't ever touch her, don't even look at her again." My voice was much louder than I had intended and it wavered a little. "Are you that much of a dumb ass that you would try something like this with the police chiefs daughter?"
"Man, she was having fun. Get over it, bro," he rolled his eyes.
My vision went red. Before I knew it I had taken several steps forward, extending my arm out in front of me and shoving it against his neck, pinning him effectively against the wall.
"Don't you ever call me 'bro' again. Don't even address me from this point forward. If Bella wasn't here right now, I would beat you to within an inch of your life. Don't doubt that I could do it. You're drunk off your ass right now. You couldn't throw a decent punch if your life depended on it. Lucky for you, though, your life doesn't depend on it. However your life does depend on you leaving her the fuck alone from this point forward. I'm not joking. You don't look at her, you don't talk to her, you don't accidentally bump into her in the hallway.. Nothing."
"That sounds like a threat, bro," he sneered sarcastically.
"It's a promise," I pushed my arm harder against his throat and his eyes bulged a little.
"That's illegal. I could get your ass in such huge shit with the law-"
"What are you going to do, call the police chief?" I challenged.
His eyes flicked down to the ground, a frown crossing his face.
"I can't fucking breathe," he mumbled, trying to push against my arm. I let it drop for a moment before shoving him back against the wall with enough force that it left a dent where his shoulder blade hit.
"You stay the hell away from her,"
I turned to find Bella, still wide eyed and scared, a single tear running down her face staining her cheek with mascara. She was pressed against the opposite wall next to the door. Outside the door were suddenly several onlookers, whispering amongst themselves.
"What's going on?" Tanya's shrill voice rounded the corner as she entered the room. Her eyes bulged as she took in the damage to the door frame and the wall.
"What the hell," she shrieked, "Edward, what the fuck are you doing?"
"Go to hell," I snarled.
"You're going to pay for this!"
"Send him the bill," I jerked my head over my shoulder toward James. "He deserves to take responsibility for some of his actions."
Her mouth hung open. I pushed past her and circled my arm around Bella's shoulder. "Come on, Bella." I did my best to soften my voice. "Let's go home."
"Can't you take a little competition, Cullen?" James' voice sounded behind me. I ignored him and tightened my arm around Bella. She turned into me and pressed her head into my shoulder. I led her down the stairs and into the entrance hall where a large portion of the party had gathered. It was like the last time I was here, only ten times worse. It wasn't me that was hurt this time. It was Bella. And it was all my fault.
Rosalie and Emmett stood at the foot of the stairs, their mouths hung open as realization hit them. Emmett squared his shoulders and began ascending the stairs, likely to confront Bella's attacker. Rose caught him by the arm and shook her head slowly. He exhaled and his shoulders relaxed a little. He reached out his hand and clapped me on the back sympathetically once as we passed.
Someone I didn't recognize stepped in front of us and opened the door as we passed. We stepped around a passed out Mike Newton laying on the front steps and headed toward the vehicle.
"I'm so sorry, Bella," I whispered. "I'm so sorry."
She didn't say anything. I opened the door to the passenger seat of the Volvo and she climbed in. The door to the Hummer beside my Volvo burst open just as I rounded to the driver's seat.
"What happened?" Alice demanded, finishing buttoning the top button on her blouse.
I looked at her blankly for a moment, trying my hardest not to blame her for forcing this whole ordeal upon Bella.
"What happened, Edward?" she demanded again.
"Tanya tried to seduce me in the bathroom while James attacked Bella. He had her locked in a bedroom. He ripped her… your dress. I broke the door. Tanya's pissed. I have to leave before I turn around and kill him. Or her."
Her face contorted several times until it finally settled on rage. I hadn't seen Alice that pissed off since I had flushed her Barbie Doll's head down the toilet when I was eight.
"I'll be right behind you. Don't let Bella leave until I get home." And with that, she turned on her heel and marched - or as close to marching as she could get in those high heels - toward the house. Normally, a brother would have been concerned about that. I knew Alice, though. I knew the only person who had to be afraid was James. And maybe Tanya.
I shook my head and climbed into the Volvo, glancing quickly over at Bella. She had already buckled her seatbelt and was sitting silently, her knees drawn up against her chest and her cheek resting against them. Her hands linked beneath her knees, holding the torn pieces of the dress against her. A black streak ran down the side of her face, marking the path of her tears.
"Bella," I said softly. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," she said quickly.
I felt my heart grow heavier with guilt as I forced myself to look away and start the car. As I was driving, I looked back over toward her several times. She looked like she was deep in thought, and I couldn't help but be curious.
"Bella, what are you thinking?"
She didn't respond. I turned my head back to the road, not wanting to push her. After another moment of silence, I heard her whisper, "I can't do this."
I spent the next 5 minutes of our drive in a state of inner turmoil. I knew what she probably meant, but I didn't want to accept that. I didn't want to be obnoxious and force it out of her, though. Once my car was stopped in the driveway of my own home, she remained silent and still for another minute until she said in the smallest and most broken voice I had ever heard: "I'm sorry,"
"Bella, what on earth do you have to apologize for?"
"I made a fool of myself. I thought that I was actually going to make it through the night without messing up. I thought I was going to get through it without embarrassing you,"
"Bella, no," I shook my head. "Stop thinking like that." I immediately cursed the anatomy of my vehicle for having a center console that was not conducive to any physical contact between the two front seats. I wanted so badly to just scoot beside her and wrap my arms around her and comfort her. It wasn't her fault that this had happened, and I hated her thinking like that. "It's not your fault. James is a…. look, if it's anyone's fault, it's mine. I should never have…"
"Expected me to fit in," she finished.
My heart broke.
"No, Bella. You fit just fine."
"No I don't."
"Yes, you…" I trailed off. "Come here," I opened the door and climbed into the backseat, patting the seat beside me.
She turned in her seat and frowned in confusion. "What?"
"Come here," I repeated.
Still confused, she climbed out of the front seat and into the back beside me. Without a seconds hesitation I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and drew her into my chest.
"You fit," I repeated. "You fit perfectly."
She inhaled a deep breath and held it for a moment. I was beginning to become concerned when I finally felt her release it in short spasms.
Bella was crying. And I felt like an ass for it.
"You have nothing to be sorry for," I whispered again. "It was my mistake. I never should have left you alone. I should have known better."
"No," she started, but I didn't let her finish.
"Of course, it's partly Alice's fault for making you look so amazing tonight."
She let out a couple subtle giggles through the fresh stream of tears cascading down her face. I lifted my hand and brushed my thumb across her cheek once, wiping away the tears. She looked up into my eyes and blushed, pushing herself into an upright position.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't be… I'm a mess."
"You're entitled to be a mess. You've had a shitty night."
"It wasn't all shitty," she corrected.
"But still, the bad part is all my fault."
"It is not. And if those are the terms we're using, the good parts were your fault too, so I guess you've just broke even."
I couldn't help but smile.
She smiled back weakly and then rested her head against the back of the seat.
"You're thinking again," I noted.
Her eyes grew distant and sad before she turned back to me. "This isn't going to work, is it?"
"What do you mean?"
"This. Us," she elaborated. "I mean, as much as I would like it to… people just aren't going to accept it. I'm the weird socially awkward girl who nobody talks to. The more time we spend together, the more attention is going to be drawn, and the more things like this are going to happen."
"Oh," I said quietly.
"Be honest, Edward. I'm more trouble than I'm worth anyway," she mumbled.
"No!" I said quickly. "That's absolutely not true."
I could tell that she was torn. I could tell that the prospect of all that attention was something that did not make her comfortable. I had known that about her from the beginning, but I had never known how serious she was about her anonymity. And after tonight, I understood why. Being almost-raped at a party didn't happen to people who sat at home and read classic Literature on a Friday night.
But I didn't want to lose her.
"What if we weren't public?" I suggested desperately.
She turned her head toward me and her brow creased. "What do you mean?"
"I mean… we can still be together, just not at school. I won't eat lunch with you anymore. You don't have to accompany me to anymore parties," I emphasized that point with a facial expression that made her laugh slightly. "But we can hang out after school and on weekends," I finished.
"You mean… like… a secret relationship?"
"Basically. That way everyone wins. You get your anonymity and people will stop looking at you if we're not seen together all the time…"
"And you get what?" she said quietly.
"I get you."
She met my eyes again and I watched as hers brimmed with more tears.
"Why?" she whispered.
"What?"
"It just doesn't seem like a fair trade." Her voice was small, almost timid.
I shook my head to display my lack of understanding.
"I get you, and you get me. It just seems like you're getting the short end of the stick."
I laughed loud enough so that she jumped in surprise.
"Bella, that's absolutely absurd. You really don't have very good perception on how other people see you."
"I do so," she argued. "I'm the weird girl who sits alone at lunch. Well… now I guess I'm the weird girl who sits alone at lunch who made an ass of herself at the first and only party she ever went to in an attempt to fit in with the majority and not be such a-"
I cut her off by placing my index finger over her lips. "Bella, shut up," I chuckled. "You're not the weird girl who sits alone at lunch to me. You're the girl who I'm an idiot for not noticing sooner with a brilliant taste in music and the most beautiful smile I've ever seen. You're the girl who I've been waiting for, and if you think that I'm not lucky in any way to have you, you're poorly mistaken. I'm the luckiest man in the world, as far as I'm concerned."
A small smile spread across her lips and she looked like she was trying not to cry again.
"I'm the luckiest girl, too."
"Even with all the shit that happened today?" I asked.
"Yes. Even considering that. By the way, you have pretty decent timing. You could have been a little faster, though."
"I would have been if it weren't for Tanya distracting me…"
She snapped her head around to look at me, confused.
"She tried to… seduce me.." I blushed, feeling weird saying that word to Bella for some reason. "In the bathroom. She wasn't very happy when I denied her."
"Oh…" she made a face. She seemed to think on that for a moment more before changing the subject. "What time is it?"
"One-Thirty," I informed her.
"That explains why I'm so tired."
"Are you sure you can drive home?"
"Yeah, I'll be fine. Charlie will probably be very suspicious based on my appearance, but I'll be fine. I should actually probably get going…"
"Wait, Alice told me not to let you leave until she got back," I remembered suddenly.
"Oh, okay. I can wait a few more minutes," she said around a yawn.
A few minutes turned into about fifteen minutes and by the time Alice poked her spiky head into the backseat of the car, Bella had been fast asleep with her head rested in my lap for about ten minutes already.
"How is she?" Alice asked, scooting into the car and shutting the door lightly.
"Better," I said quietly.
"Edward, I'm so sorry. I should have been in there. I should have stayed close so that I could keep my eye on her,"
"I'm not a small child," Bella mumbled from my lap, pulling herself with great effort into a sitting position. "I shouldn't need someone to look after me. Both of you need to stop blaming yourselves for this. It was my stupid mistake to try to take a phone call in an empty room without telling someone where I was going in the first place."
"Oh, Bella," Alice wrapped her tiny arms around Bella's frame and squeezed her.
Bella's eyes bulged slightly and I chuckled, "She's quite strong for someone who is so small, huh?"
Bella nodded and Alice backed off. "You shouldn't drive home tonight, you're so tired, Bella."
"I have to go home, Alice," Bella sighed. "Charlie is probably still waiting up for me."
"Give me your phone," Alice instructed, holding out her hand expectantly.
"Bella shot me a wary glance before surrendering her phone to Alice's waiting hand. She pressed a couple of buttons and then held the phone to her ear as it began ringing.
"Hello, Charlie? This is Alice, Bella's friend. Yes, that's right. Alice Cullen. Oh, nothing's wrong. Bella and I just lost track of time and fell asleep watching a movie. Bella's really tired and I don't think it would be a good idea to wake her up and make her drive home this late, is it okay if she stays the night?"
Bella's eyes got big again and she looked at me quickly.
"Great, she'll be back sometime tomorrow afternoon, okay? Goodnight Mr. Swan." She hung up the phone and handed it back to Bella, smiling. "There, now you don't have to drive home tonight."
"Alice, that's really not… I mean, I'll be fine."
"Don't argue with me. You're much too tired to drive home. We have a spare bedroom, and a couch in my room and Edward's room. And both of our beds are king size, so it's not like we don't have any room for you."
She bit her lip, obviously intimidated by the idea of sharing a room with one of us.
"You can just sleep in the guest room if it makes you uncomfortable," I jumped in.
"No, no… it's not that. I don't really care where I sleep… I just feel intrusive."
"Don't. Come on, Mom and Dad will be thrilled to have you overnight. Mom seems quite fond of you. Though, I think Dad's probably asleep, he worked all day today. Oh, you can meet him in the morning. I'm sure he'll like you, too."
"Alice," I interrupted.
"What?"
"Shut up, motor mouth."
Bella giggled and yawned.
Alice turned toward Bella and wiped the mascara stains off her cheeks gently. "Come on, let's get you inside," Alice concluded, stepping out of the vehicle and gesturing for us to follow her.
Esme was asleep in the recliner when we walked in. She woke up and did her best to play it off like she hadn't fallen asleep waiting for us to get in again.
"Hey guys, how was the night?"
Bella said nothing, but averted her eyes quickly to the ground.
"Typical. Dramatic, and full of way too much Tanya," Alice said.
Esme nodded, "Yeah, that is typical. But did you have fun? Bella? Did you have fun?"
"Yeah, it was… an interesting night," Bella nodded quickly.
"Hey, mom, is it okay if Bella spends the night here tonight? She's kinda tired and I don't want her to have to drive home," I reasoned.
"Yeah, that's fine. I'm going to head off to bed right now, though. If I'm making breakfast in the morning, I'm going to need some sleep."
Esme yawned and then kissed both Alice and I on the cheek and gave Bella a hug before shuffling off toward her bedroom.
Alice waited until she was out of sight before she turned back to Bella and said "So, couch? Bed? Your choice."
"Oh… the couch down here is fine, I guess." Bella nodded.
"Okay, I'll go grab some blankets and a pillow," Alice smiled.
Bella and I stood in silence for a moment before I spoke, "Um, my bedroom is the second door on the left upstairs… if you need anything," I shrugged, immediately feeling like an idiot and hoping that she didn't read too far into my suggestion.
She seemed to accept my simple statement of fact as just that, fortunately. Alice returned with the blankets before I could make an ass out of myself any further.
"Are you alright down here?" Alice asked hospitably.
"Yeah, I'll be fine. Thanks," Bella nodded her head as Alice hugged her and headed off toward the stairs.
I suddenly experienced a moment of panic in which I was uncertain how to bid Bella a good night. Should I simply verbalize it? Should I give her a kiss on the forehead? The cheek? Would a hug be too awkward? Bella seemed to be struggling with the same thing.
"Well, um… thanks for letting me stay.."
"Yeah, no problem," I said, running my fingers through my hair and rocking back on my heels a little. "I'll, uh… I'll see you in the morning."
"Yeah," she nodded. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight."
I felt like a pansy. I should have kissed her. Or should I have? She had been through a rough night, and the last thing I wanted to do was rush anything with her. Maybe I was right to not kiss her. But then… maybe she had wanted me to kiss her, too…
I had never been in a relationship this complicated. Before, it had always been ridiculously obvious what the girls were after, and kissing was clearly only the root of it. With Bella, it was different. She wasn't like that. She wasn't a typical horny high school teenager. I never used to be a typical horny high school teenager, either… What was she doing to me?
I took the stairs quickly and slipped into my room without a sound.
"Did you kiss her?"
I must have jumped a foot in the air.
"Alice," I hissed, glaring at her. She uncrossed her legs and stood up from my bed.
"Yes or no?"
"No, I didn't… what are you doing in here?"
"Why didn't you kiss her?"
"Listen, Miss Nosy-ass, she's had a rough day. I didn't want to force anything on her."
"Oh please, she wants to kiss you too. Especially after you saved her just in the knick of time from douche-nozzle back there," she waved her hand behind her suggestively. One thing I did always enjoy about Alice was her colorful and creative choice in language. "You're like… her hero right now."
"I'm not her hero. It was my fault she was in that position anyway."
"Shut up you damn masochist. You should have kissed her. You're going to die a virgin you know."
"Out," I said firmly, holding the door open for her.
"Goodnight," she smiled, slipping out the door and disappearing down the dark hallway.
I shut the door with a quiet click and turned back to face the room.
"I am not going to die a virgin," I muttered to the empty room.
I crossed to the hamper and discarded my clothes into it, pulling out a clean pair of sweatpants and shuffling into the bathroom. I showered quickly and then brushed my teeth and headed towards bed.
The gold colored sheets had never been more uncomfortable. I tossed and turned for close to an hour. Every time I shut my eyes I heard Bella's desperate scream and saw her tear stained face. I should have known better. I should have never left her alone. What if I hadn't found her? What if I had been two minutes later in arriving?
But despite the constant swirl of regret in my mind, one positive thing stood out. Bella was my girlfriend. Bella was my secret girlfriend, but still… it felt amazing.
"Ugh," I groaned, throwing the blankets off of myself and glancing at the clock. I had been laying in bed for an hour and had barely even considered sleep. I sat up and scooted to the end of my bed, studying the dark shadows that played across my bedroom floor. Finally, I decided on a glass of water.
Silently, I slipped into the hallway and down the stairs. I skipped the second stair that creaked so that I didn't wake Bella up, but as I entered the living room I realized that it wouldn't have mattered. Bella was already awake. She was sitting up on the couch, her knees pulled to her chest and the blanket Alice had supplied her with drawn tightly around her shoulders. Her brown eyes widened as I entered the room and I realized a moment too late that I wasn't wearing a shirt.
"Bella… I…" I faltered, running my hand through my hair uncomfortably. "What are you doing awake? I thought you would be sleeping by now."
"I'm having trouble falling asleep," she said quietly. "Bad dreams."
"Oh…" I felt bad immediately. Maybe I should have driven her home myself. Maybe she really wasn't comfortable here.
"Well, do you want a glass of water?"
She bit her lip for a moment and then nodded. She followed me into the kitchen and I filled two glasses of water.
"Thanks," she said softly.
We drank our water in silence for a moment. I noticed her eyes glancing toward my bare chest and then quickly in a different direction. I felt kind of bad for forgetting a shirt, but also a tiny bit smug at her reaction to it. .
"Are you sure you're okay down here?" I asked conversationally after another moment of silence.
"Yeah," she said after slight hesitation.
I gave her a disbelieving look and she shrugged her shoulders subtly.
"All the big open windows are kinda creeping me out."
"Yeah, I'm not so fond of those sometimes myself," I admitted. "All the rooms here are like that. It's lucky we live in the middle of nowhere or else we would never have any privacy."
"Yeah," she took another sip of her water and looked toward the ceiling in thought before smiling a little. "I haven't spent the night at someone else's house in years. I thought I would have grown out of this by now…"
"Grown out of what?" I asked.
"Nothing," she said quickly. "It's embarrassing."
"Bella, I just walked downstairs without a shirt on because I thought you would be asleep. Clearly embarrassment is not that big of a deal right now."
She chuckled again and took another drink of her water. "I never used to be able to spend the night at other people's houses when I was younger if I had to be alone in an unfamiliar room. It's… stupid, I know."
"That's not unreasonable at all, Bella," I countered. "If I had to try and sleep in a strange room all by myself I would be a little creeped out, too." That was a lie. I had slept in strange rooms alone many times, but I was just trying to make her feel better.
She looked up at me, her eyes questioning, as if she knew I was lying.
"If you want, you can sleep up in my room," I said hesitantly. "If you don't want to, that's totally fine. But… just… if you don't want to be alone.." I stammered, feeling my face get warm with embarrassment. I didn't want her to think I was trying anything on her. That was the last thing I wanted to do right now. Especially after the disaster that today had been.
"I…" she bit her lip. "I don't want to make your parents angry or anything."
"Oh, they'll be fine. They trust me. Besides, it's not like anything is going to happen…" I trailed off.
"Yeah," she said quietly.
"I mean.. it's not that… you're a very… I didn't mean to.." I stuttered. "Just not yet."
"Yeah," she said again, this time a little more amusement in her voice.
"Again, feel free to tell me to shut up any time. I feel like an idiot right now."
"It's cute," she chuckled, then quickly.. "Funny."
"You think I'm cute?" I teased.
She rolled her eyes, "I was referring to your idiocy, of course."
"Of course," I smirked.
She giggled silently and finished the rest of her water. She yawned and then a shiver ran through her body as the quilt slipped off of her shoulder. I realized then that she was still wearing the dress from the party.
"Oh, Alice didn't give you pajamas?" I frowned.
She shook her head.
"That's probably for the best. Her pajamas probably have less fabric to them than that dress. I can loan you a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. They'll probably be too big… but at least it'll be warm."
"Oh, that's… thank you," she said softly.
"Come on, let's get you upstairs," I suggested as she stifled another yawn.
She followed me up the stairs and into my bedroom without question. I turned the light on and she grimaced.
"Sorry," I apologized as I quickly pulled a pair of plaid sweatpants and a white t-shirt out of my drawer. I handed them to her and she smiled.
"Bathroom is there," I pointed, silently rejoicing that I had remembered to clean up in there today. She smiled again and quickly went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. I sat down on the couch and waited, trying not to think about the fact that Bella was nearly naked in my bathroom right now.
She opened the door and shut the light off behind her. She looked almost laughable in my clothes. They were much too big for her, but on closer look… she looked cute in them. Her small frame swimming in my thick pajama pants that hung too low on her waist and revealed the planes of her hips.
Noticing what I was looking at, she smoothed out the t-shirt so that her middle wasn't showing and then held up the torn dress questioningly. I nodded toward the hamper beside her. She discarded the garments and came to sit next to me with a sigh.
"I've had the same song stuck in my head for the last three hours," she wrinkled her nose, turning her head toward me. "But the annoying thing is, I can't remember the verses. Just the chorus."
"What song?" I asked.
"The Luckiest, by Ben Folds," she said.
I smiled.
"What?" she questioned.
"I love that song," I admitted.
"You love every song," she pointed out.
"Not true. I hate the hamster dance song…"
She laughed again and leaned her head back on the couch.
I thought for a moment before I remembered the lyrics of the song, and then I began singing it softly.
I don't get many things right the first timeIn fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns,
The stumbles and falls brought me here
And where was I before the day?
That I first saw your lovely face
Now I see it, every day
And I know that I am
I am, I am the luckiest
By the time I had made it through all three verses and looked back over at her, she had fallen asleep.
"Bella?" I said softly. No response. Her chest rose and fell evenly and her face had taken on the peaceful reflection of sleep.
I watched her for about twenty minutes, admiring her subtle beauty and her serene expression. When I was sure that she was in a deep enough sleep, I slipped my arms beneath her and carried her over to my bed. I arranged the blankets on top of her and made sure that she looked comfortable. She sighed and turned her head toward me, still deeply sleeping. In a moment of impulse, I bent forward and pressed my lips lightly against her forehead, letting them linger there for as long as possible before I pulled myself away and settled in on the couch for the night.
Despite the couch being much less comfortable than my bed, I fell asleep immediately with a smile firmly in place on my lips.
I just realized that I definitely need to update the music files with the recent chapter's music. Oi. This last song is one of the most important songs in the fic, despite the fact that the fic wasn't named after this song.
I hope you're all enjoying the believable pace at which this relationship is progressing because I pretty much just want to have them makeout or jump each other constantly. I've had to erase some pretty damn good smut because it just wasn't the right moment. lmao.
and hooray for the New Moon trailer and the hottttt pics from Montepulciano of the reunion scene. It made my ovaries extremely excited. JS.
thoughts, favorite lines, suggestions, etc? Reviews are my motivation to write the next chapter. I stalled out in the middle of 12 already because I lacked the encouragement from all you amazing readers. :(
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