Disclaimer: I do not own anything but the plot. Do I really have to write that every chapter? :P

Longer Chapter :D:D I have Algebra, Programming, Physics, Biology, History and Geography exams from tomorrow till Thursday, so read it slowly lol.

Thanks for the reviews, LiLAnnie123, I really appreciate it.

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Chapter Five

I didn't have any idea how everyone would react to this, but I had to do it, I had to face Jacob sooner better than later. I could feel my heart race harder each mile I was closer to the Rez. I was there in less than half an hour.

I parked my car in front of Billy's house. I missed it around here; I missed Jacob, Billy, First Beach, I simply missed everything here, like a piece of me was missing and I just got it back. Weird.

"Renesmee?" Billy asked from the porch.

"Hey, Billy!" I waved at him as I went closer. "Is Jake here?"

"Umm… yeah, he's upstairs in his room, I guess,"

"You guess?"

"Well, Renesmee, I won't lie to you; he wasn't himself lately. He would sneak out a lot, turn to his wolf form and just run. But I think he is in his room now,"

I grimaced; I was the reason he had been messed up.

I ran to his room, praying to find him there. But, to no one's surprise, he wasn't.

I waved Billy goodbye and jumped into my car, tears forming in my eye, my humble attempts to push them back faded as soon as I was on the road.

I was the reason everyone was messed up! I was the reason Momma almost died, I was the reason the Volturi came to Forks, I was the reason Jacob was suffering; I was nothing but trouble.

I just wandered around the Reservation, going nowhere in particular. I didn't really concentrate on the road; I just turned on the radio, trying to calm myself down.

I knew I should pull over until I could concentrate completely on the road, so I parked my car near the cliff Jake and I used to cliff-dive from.

I let myself sob since no one was watching. I guess a lot of time passed when I heard someone knock on my window.

"Nessie? What are you doing here?" Seth asked.

It took me a couple of seconds to be able to form a proper response.

"I wanted to see Jacob, but he wasn't at home. I haven't seen him since my birthday night and I miss him so much. I need to discuss some issues with him but I just couldn't find him. It's my fault. He's suffering, Seth, and it's my entire fault. I..-" I babbled, still sobbing.

"Whoa, Ness, easy on yourself; it's not your fault. Now, lock your car –by the way it's great!-" Seth knew how to lighten the mood, but it wasn't the time,"- and come with me to Sam and Emily's; Jake will be there in a while."

I did what he told me and went there. Only Emily was there; Sam and Jacob were supposed to come together.

"What a surprise, Nessie! Come here, I've just made some chocolate cookies. I know you love them," Emily said.

"Thanks, Emily, I'll just wait for Jake."

"Oh, yeah. Okay, sweetie. I'm right here if you need anything," she smiled. I really loved her.

I think I fell asleep because the next thing I felt was huge, warm hands shaking my shoulder.

"Nessie?"

"JAKE!"

"You alright? You seem tired. Oh God, were you crying?"

I leaned on his chest and sobbed.

"Oh, Jake. I've missed you so much,"

"Me too, sweetie," he rubbed his hands on my back in an attempt to soothe me.

"You owe me an explanation by the way," I said as soon as I calmed down.

He sighed. "I know. How did you get here?"

"I sneaked out and drove here,"

"Awesome! Wait, you said drove here? They let you use one of their cars or what?"

"No, they got me one! The red one parked outside,"

"Really? It's yours? Wow."

"Yeah, I know; it's great!"

Awkward silence.

I decided to break it first.

"What time is it now?"

"9pm. Why?"

"Crap! Crap, crap, crap!"

"What?" he was anxious now.

"Alice must've got back from her hunting trip and called Daddy!" I said while grabbing my keys.

"Called him? Where is he?" I shot him a hard look.

"Not the time! I must go back now!"

"But I just saw you," he protested.

I remembered what Billy had said that morning.

"Come with me!" I suggested without thinking.

"Are you crazy or something? Both of us will be in trouble!"

"I said come with me, Jacob Black, or I'll just go alone!" I was getting angry now.

I grabbed his wrist and stormed out of the house, waving Sam, Emily and Seth goodbye.

I drove us, expecting a very welcoming reception at home.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Alice was beyond furious now.

"Take it easy, Alice," Jasper told her, shooting me a warning glance.

Jacob was locking the car; I'd decided to take in the first reaction.

"If Edward was here he would've killed me by now! How could you do this to me?"

"I'm sorry, Auntie Alice, I just couldn't take it anymore! I had to see him!" My head was facing the ground now, tears threatening to fall.

"It's okay, Nessie, it's not like you brought this mongrel here!" That was Rose.

Just at that moment, Jacob came in. Everyone except me glared at him.

"Oh yeah she did!" Emmett said, furious. Then he came to my side. "Can I have a word with you?"

I nodded. He led me to my room and shut the door behind him.

"Nessie! You do realize that what happened was way off limits, right? What happened on your birthday night, I mean." I nodded.

"And you know why Edward didn't allow him to see you for two weeks, right?"

I nodded again.

"Then why did you do this? Why did you go to him? And why did you get him here?"

He was sitting next to me on my bed, his hand on my shoulder. I put my hand on his cheek and showed him everything that happened today and what I felt.

"Oh, Nessie, I won't tell you I understand because I really don't get what you like in that mongrel. But, what I would tell you is that you shouldn't let yourself be carried away by your heart again." Wow. Since when was Emmett the wise one?

"I'll try my best," I smiled.

"So you want to talk to him? Do you want someone around, you know, just in case?"

I rolled my eyes. "Thanks, Uncle Em, but I don't think I'll need someone to listen to the whole thing,"

"I'm just sayin'! Oh and by the way, you should call me Emmett, you won't want to slip at school and say that I'm your uncle, besides, this whole uncle thing is too old for me." I laughed.

"Sure, U- I mean, Emmett."

We left the room and headed downstairs. I was sure everyone had heard the whole conversation and, thanks to Jasper, they were calm. I mouthed him a Thank You. He, on the other hand, was obviously still mad.

"Come on, Jake, we'll go outside," I said.

"Sure, Ness."

We ran to the woods then I started to slow my pace.

"What were you thinking that night, Jacob?" I asked him grimly.

"Well, first, Renesmee, I need to explain something to you," He only used my real name when he was about to make a speech. This must be good I thought.

"You know I imprinted on you. But you don't know what that means." It wasn't a question, but he didn't continue so I nodded.

"Well, the second a werewolf imprints, the gravity of the Earth no longer ties him to where he stands; his imprint does. The world just makes perfect sense to him.

"In most cases, the imprint just becomes our lover instantly; without going through any other stages. Like Sam and Emily-" Sam imprinted on Emily? That was new.

He continued without stopping,"-But in other cases, some of us imprint on a child which means that she isn't ready to have a lover in the first place. Like Quil and Claire. But that's not what imprinting means; our imprints are our second halves; we protect them, take care of them and love them in so many different ways. Like in Claire's case; when she was a toddler she needed a brother, so that what Quil was, her big brother. But, now, what she needs more is a best friend; someone she can easily trust, rely on and someone who would protect her from all what she needs to be protected from, so Quil is now her best friend.

"That's what happened to you and me. The minute I saw you on the day you were born, I knew everything made sense. I knew that we were meant to be. It's not like you don't have a choice; of course you do. It's just that that level of commitment and love can't be ignored.

"So I was your brother until you needed a best friend. But on your birthday, I saw you in a different way. I was in love with you. I began to have an even stronger feeling than what I had before, a passionate love that just hit my head the second you walked in the house- that's why Edward growled at me." He waited for my reaction.

Wow. How could they all hide something like this from me this whole time?

'Meant to be', 'commitment and love', 'passionate love'. This is too much for me to handle. I just stared at him with wide eyes, missing a few beats.

"So you thought I was ready," I whispered. It wasn't a question.

"I thought that you felt the same way about me. But you obviously weren't, Nessie. I don't blame you for that. What happened that night was my entire fault and I'm really sorry. Will you forgive me?"

Since when does he ask for forgiveness? That must have been really hard on him.

So I'll just forgive him and get back to what things used to be. No, that would be selfish; nothing will be the same again. I'll just make him suffer more. I know he won't say anything but still he would want me in a way I don't want him and that's just unfair. What should I do now? Tell him no and to stay away from me? But I can't live without him- what does that even mean? No, he's just my best friend. Nothing more. I don't think I'm ready to this kind of relationship myself. Or tell him that it's okay and be the selfish one and only make him in more pain. I can't bear this; there isn't any safe way out- no easy solutions. I was deep in thought when he talked to me again.

"Nessie? I know I screwed up but please talk to me. I- Ness? Are you okay? Sit down, honey."

Only then I realized that the blood rushed away from my head and my knees were betraying me in the most obvious way! I was afraid. No, terrified. I was either going to lose one of the people I can't live without or make him suffer.

When I regained my full strength I just told him "It's okay. You're forgiven" and excused myself to dinner.

What kind of monster was I? Why was I always determined to ruin everybody? Why was I being so selfish? So self-centered? I just preferred my best friend's suffering instead of my own.

Just that thought was enough to make me my own room's prisoner. I still couldn't forgive myself for what I had done. It wasn't until Daddy and Momma came back that I realized it had been days. Alice would tell me that Jake called, and I'd text him saying I was fine- a complete lie. But, again, I realized that I'm not saving him any suffering by doing this; I'm making him suffer even more. I sure was one little evil monster to do that. Of course I am an evil monster! Why else would anyone do this?

"Never say that, Renesmee, ever! Don't even think it!" I gasped; I hadn't realized that Daddy was there until he spoke.

"But it's right, isn't it? I'm making my best friend suffer! And only because I didn't want to be in pain myself. That's selfish, self-centered and monstrous!"

"No." he kept his reply simple, his face pained. Add my own father to the list! Only now I realize that hurting Jake alone wasn't monstrous; it's hurting everybody! Momma, Daddy, Jake and all my family. This IS monstrous.

He put on his poker face as soon as he heard my thoughts.

I know you better than that! The poker face won't make me change my mind; I know what I have done!

"Renesmee, please. You're not a monster."

"Okay so let's assume I'm not. Then what will I do now?"

"Sleep. Then tomorrow go talk to him, sort things out. May be then you'll find the solution you need," he smiled.

"Fine. Thanks, Daddy. Love you." I mumbled then tried to sleep. It took me an hour to be able to sleep but I finally got there.

I was walking in a forest, lost. I kept wandering around trying to find any way out but I realized I was running around myself. Then I saw Jake, leaning on a huge tree, his face pained. I kept running towards him but he just seems so far that I couldn't reach him, not even in my full speed. I kept calling his name until he finally realized I was there. It was like he was seeing sun for the first time. That's when I, against my own will, started running away. Away from the person I've been calling to help me.

"Nessie? Nessie? Wake up! It's just a dream. Calm down, honey." Esme soothed me.

I found myself sobbing and panting.

"Do you want me to call Edward or Bella? They're in the cottage they can-"

I cut her off, "No, grandma. Thanks."

"That bad?"

I nodded and started sobbing again.

"You can always tell me. You know I've grown used to blocking thoughts from Edward," she grinned.

I smiled back, "Thank you, grandma, I know I can rely on you. I just don't want to talk about it,"

"Sure, Nessie. Do you need anything, sweetie? Water or something?"

"No, thanks; I'll try to sleep again."

"Okay. Goodnight, Nessie."

"Goodnight, grandma," I kissed her cheek and tucked myself under the cover again.

I was finally able to sleep peacefully that night. Tomorrow isn't going to be easy..