Sundays were usually my day for excessive sleeping in, until one or two in the afternoon. This was particularly useful when I'd stayed up until midnight and when I had no plans. However, on the first Sunday of my sixth year, I woke up before breakfast was served, compliments of Hazel jumping on my bed. She was grinning and I wanted to punch her for waking me up so early. But it was nice to see she was so excited to spend time with me, so I kept my complaints minimal as I dressed and she bounced around annoying Jane and Ella. Melanie slept soundly throughout the whole ordeal.

"So why did you wake me up this early?" I asked as soon as we had gotten outside. It was unusually chilly for September, and I wished I'd grabbed my scarf.

"To ask you about why you were out so late!" she exclaimed, locking her elbow with mine. The grass left sweeps of wetness across the toes of our shoes. The vague breeze blew her hair about her head and even fresh from sleep, she looked absolutely stunning. Her genuine interest in where I'd been made me forget about her refusal to help me with Professor Snape. I sort of had him now, anyway. It was inevitable that we'd sleep together soon. No use crying over spilled milk. Was that phrase effective there? Either way, I was happy she was my friend.

"Well...well. Remember the guy I asked for advice about?" The statement brought a squeal to her lips and I had to smile. "We haven't done what I asked you about though. We just sat there. It was nice."

"So you're going to tell me who it is now, right?" she asked. I shook my head and she pouted. The conversation was starting to feel ridiculously typical and staged. After the extreme, beautiful surrealism of my interaction of last night, this was all too real and boring. If we didn't have this day set aside for each other, I could probably have spent more time with him. This thought almost brought me to tears, which almost made me flush in embarrassment out of the neediness it portrayed. I would see him on Tuesday. That was only two days away. Surely nothing could happen between now and then to change things between us. Then again, things had changed so much in just one little meal, and had been changing consistently since then. Maybe I shouldn't put so much faith in this whole thing. The truth was, even if he never wanted to speak to me again, the night before would remain one of the best nights of my life. That was truly pathetic. I would have to be careful to never ever think that when we made eye contact. "Oh come on," she pleaded, when it was obvious I really wasn't going to tell her.

"No," I said. "So darling, how has life been since we graduated?"

"Oh, positively fabulous, love. Well, most of it. I've had thirteen kids with dearest Jax, and he makes so much money, but then he cheated on me with Ella! Do you remember her?"

"Of course I remember that beast. How ghastly of him! I call for revenge."

"Revenge?"

"Cheat back on the bastard," I said, grinning at her. She stopped and looked at me and was no longer smiling. "What?"

"Would you really cheat as revenge?"

"No. I figure if someone doesn't care enough to cheat, they don't care if I do it back. It'll just give me herpes as karma for sleeping around."

"I think Jax really is cheating on me," she said. I didn't know how to answer. A part of me was quite irritated at her bringing up Jax on 'our' day. The whole purpose of waking up early was to escape her boyfriend. Yet he had wormed his way back into our conversation. Yet I could not voice this, because it would be selfish and inconsiderate. Then there was the fact we had mentioned Professor Snape, so I kind of broke our unspoken contract too. Instead, I put my arms around her shoulders and she rested her head on my shoulders.

"Hazel, you don't really think that, do you? You guys are always together."

"Not always. He could be snogging other girls in class or sneaking them into his dorm at night," she said.

"I think everyone would notice," I said.

"They probably do! But no one will tell me cause they don't care or they don't want to hurt me." She sounded positively absurd and paranoid. Again, this was not something I could say. Instead, I dropped my arms and then sat down on the grass. She joined me and then we fell back on the grass together. The sky had lightened considerably, although it was still early. Probably eight or nine. It drove me crazy not knowing.

"I think he's crazy about you. But if you're really worried, you should sit down and discuss it with him." God, such mature advice. No one ever acted mature and levelheaded in relationships. If they did, they'd never fall in love. Marriages would be businesses and sex would be for reproduction only. Just a week earlier, that would have sounded pretty good to me. But if that was true now, I would never have had last night. So it sounded like an absolutely horrible idea.

Eventually, as we spent the day talking and eventually got back to laughter, the sun came out hot and bright. Heat made both of us sleepy and with waking up so early, we fell asleep in the grass. It wasn't sunny enough to burn us, luckily. But when we woke up, it was almost dark. It was unfamiliar to me to have spent the whole day outside. My chest felt lighter and I felt happy. A lot of this probably had to do with not constantly fretting over following a schedule. But I didn't admit that to myself. I blamed it on Hazel and her cheerful presence.

"I'm really fucking hungry," she said and we laughed. We used each other as a support to stand and then walked inside. Dinner had just started. Jax immediately ran over and swooped her to the emptier part of the table. I doubted she would take my advice on how to deal with her suspicions. But I didn't worry about it. I sat down next to Melanie and piled my plate with an assortment of food. I had not eaten anything that day, and my stomach used pain to remind me of this. For once I wasn't considering how long it would take me to eat certain things and how many calories there were, and then plan the meal out according to that. However I wasn't really sure if that was the hunger or just the general carefreeness of the day. It didn't matter because tomorrow life would return to order and schedule.

"Where were you guys today?" Melanie's question interrupted my (honestly, quite disgusting) eating.

"Outside."

"You know, Jax thought she was with a guy," she said.

"That's ironic," I said.

"Well...Tom's visiting me next weekend," she said. I lifted my eyebrows at her. Did she think I really cared about her relationship with my brother? I tried to think of something to say. I looked at her plate and saw a spoonful of green beans and a banana. She saw me looking and her face went red. "Don't tell him I'm not eating so well, okay?"

"Not eating so well? That's amazing, for you." She smiled and I smiled back, but frankly I was annoyed with her. Something about her seemed different and quite obnoxious. But I couldn't decide what had changed. Maybe it's because she had always been so quiet that I hadn't known her at all, and now that I did I didn't like her. That was plausible. The problem was I couldn't be mean to her, and being neutral would seem mean to her. Then I would have Hazel, Jax, and Tom on my ass and Melanie would probably have a bad dip in eating. Ah. This was all sounding far too complicated. There really should be some sort of button that one could just press and end a friendship without hurting feelings. Even better would be a button that made friendships perfect and easy right away. Skipping all the awkward 'getting to know each other' steps would be perfect. "I've got to go, Mel," I said, finishing the last of some grilled chicken. She nodded and went to work cutting a green bean into impossibly small slivers. I put my palms on the table and stood up. I used the movement as a sort of cover to finally look at Professor Snape. The first second I saw him send a jolt through my stomach, similar to but not as strong as my initial attraction to him. He was looking at his plate with a sort of bored attitude. The fingers that had touched my face so carefully were wrapped around silverware, but he was not eating. Professor McGonagall and Flitwick were talking around him. I could not watch any longer without looking like I was staring, so I turned and dropped my hand on Melanie's shoulder before walking away.

The rest of my evening was free and it was seven thirty. I would probably not get to sleep until very late due to my nap, so I decided I would take advantage of the time to fulfill the reviewing I had missed yesterday. But Sunday was not a good day for making plans because as soon as I had settled in the common room with my notes, an owl swooped in through the open window and dropped a letter in my lap. The occupants of the room watched the creature, not me, so I didn't completely hide my anticipation as I opened it. I was pleased but not surprised to find it was from Professor Snape. He had merely signed his name but I got the message. I used my wand to erase his name and then dropped it into the fire, casual so as not to spark interest. Most Hufflepuffs weren't adventurous enough to care what the notes of others said. Besides, Ella was entertaining them all by applying lipstick using her cleavage. Odd. Instead of wondering about that, I put away my materials and made my way down to his quarters. It was hard to not run.

"Hi," I said when he opened the door. "Do you ever wear Muggle clothes?"

"No," he said, shutting the door as I sat on the couch. I leaned against the left armrest and he copied my position on the right. Our feet touched. "I'm not a Muggle." His fingers played with the edges of my hair momentarily. "I need to make something very clear. I cannot kiss you again, and we can never do anything beyond that either."

"Why?"

"I have no desire to be fired, and even less of a desire to be jailed."

"Oh," I said. "You don't think you'd be fired over this?"

"No. Suspended, possibly, but I am quite positive he would not fire me for this." As he said this, he reached out and rested his fingertips on my lips. Thinking about what he was doing, it seemed weird. If Hazel told me Jax had touched her lips, I would have laughed. But I did not feel like laughing. I felt like melting into a puddle of warm gooey good feelings.

"What about when I graduate?" I asked. He took his hand away when I started to speak and I wanted to tell him to put it back. I didn't, of course. Still unwilling to meet his gaze and have my thoughts invaded, I focused on where his neck peeked out from his robes. They were high collared, so it was less of his neck and more of his chin.

"You'll realize how sick I am before then." It really wasn't sick though, not to me. Previously I had believed he had to be at least somewhat disturbed. But knowing he still wanted to be with me even with such strong physical limitations, I could no longer think that. I wasn't going to waste my time try to convince him otherwise though. I could guess how futile that was. He reached out and shifted me so that we were lying down, his arms loose around my waist. It was a tight fit and I liked that. We stayed that way silently for almost an hour and a few times I drifted off into a shallow sleep. The sleepiness was probably what drove me to say:

"Do you know you are extremely attractive?" He laughed at my question, but it was a bitter laugh. He sounded like the usual Professor Snape and I hated it.

"You met my eyes when I...kissed you. I know what you think of me," he said, his lips just behind my ear. What? I tried to remember what I was thinking. The moment had been too shocking for me to have much conscious thought, besides to kiss him back. So what was he talking about? I asked and he answered. "You were thinking that I'm wrinkled and my teeth are yellow and I'm not as greasy as usual."

"Well, it's true," I said, still confused. I wished I was facing him. "Everyone has flaws. You're still more attractive to me than anyone else in the school." He didn't say anything to this, and I was glad for the return of silence. But now it was not as comfortable. I had to wonder, if he cared so much about flaws, why was he with me? "You know, if you're worried about being greasy, you could just shower more," I added after a few moments, trying to be helpful. He laughed again, quieter but actually amused.

"I do shower. Unfortunately, being in an unventilated dungeon with potions fumes all day does enough damage to counteract that," he said.

"Oh."

"Yes. May I ask why your parents named you Raspberry?"

"I would suspect LSD. My siblings are Tomfoolery, Kaleidoscope, and Handkerchief."

"Your parents are drug addicts?"

"Yeah," I said. "Not in a bad way."

"What is the good way to be a drug addict?" He sounded genuinely angry, which made me happy because it seemed like it was out of concern for my well-being.

"Don't bother about it. I don't remember any trips I had inside the womb." He was quiet and I could tell he was angry. "Professor Snape?" I said, unsure what else I could say to edge the conversation along."You know I was kidding right?"

"Did you call me Professor Snape?" he asked, apparently not going to answer my question. He frowned when I nodded. "In private, you may call me Severus." Severus. The name was odd to attach to him, even considering the fact that nothing about how I felt towards him was 'professor' like.

"You know, if we were Muggle celebrities, our couple name would be Sevarry. Severberry. Raserus. Ha. I like that. It sounds like it's from Egyptian mythology."

"Couple name?" he repeated, still frowning. "We are not a couple. I hope you understand that."

"So I can get a boyfriend and still come here at night?" I asked.

"If you feel comfortable doing that to your boyfriend," he said, his voice flat.

"Please don't say that." Severus listened by not saying anything. Instead, he shifted so I was off him and walked into his bedroom. What? I wasn't sure why he did that. Maybe I'd overstepped some sort of unintentional emotional boundary. Maybe he was trying to get us in a position that led to sex. Ha, I I followed him in, I found him sitting down on the edge of his bed. His shoulders were perfectly straight. "You really don't care?"

"Of course I care," he said. It was hard to hear him his voice was so low. I wanted to sit on the bed next to him but thought that might make him angry or uncomfortable. "But I have no claim on you."

"I'm one hundred percent yours," I said. He stood up but still did not turn around so I could look at him. I mostly expected him to ask me to leave, so I was utterly surprised at his response.

"You may stay the night. From now on though, you must be back in your dorm by curfew. You can't come every night, and sometimes you should probably come while I am out and about so that we are not always gone at the same time." I did not like that he was laying down all the rules without my input but I knew I could not have him any other way. I would not give him all the power in the relationship but I would give him this.

"Okay. I'm going to take my robe off," I said, and did. I was wearing ratty black shorts and a wife beater underneath, but it was obvious he thought it was inappropriate. I tried not to laugh.

"I will prepare for bed in the bathroom," he said, and he sounded uncomfortable, and it was adorable. He pulled a few articles of clothing from his dresser and then left, and I had time to consider the situation. I was in my potions professor's bedroom, mostly undressed, sitting on his bed and waiting for him to come in so we could sleep together. Literally, not as a euphemism. Even when I had begun to sort of chase after him, I had not imagined this would ever happen. Had he been terribly lonely these years as he upheld his reputation of an evil bastard? I had no doubt that there was still some sinister, cruel side to him, even worse than how he acted while teaching. The surprising thing was it didn't bother me in the slightest. Not because I was naive enough to believe he would never show it to me, and I didn't care whether he was truly good or truly evil. Maybe he was a Death Eater like everyone said. It just didn't matter to me, not now, when he was so cutely awkward and angry and everything he had been all night.

I laughed when Severus came back, and he stopped, glaring at me. "Oh no," I said, shaking my head. "Did you realize we match?" And we did, or close enough for it to be funny. He had on a white long sleeved shirt and black sweatpants. I could tell his skin had started to sag lightly from old age. But I thought he was...beautiful. It was a weird word to apply to him, because he did not have feminine features or movements. But it was more fitting than anything else.

"No, I did not realize," he said, and then we were both under the covers and he was holding me tightly and my head was on his chest. It was hard to breathe, I was so excited and happy. Of course I was thinking of how he said we could not kiss or anything more. How did this not qualify as more? I would give up kissing anyone ever if I could just have this every night. Well, I would only give it up because you didn't have to kiss to do certain things...but I should not think about that when we were so close and I was strictly forbidden to do anything more.

"Severus?" I whispered, not wanting to wake him up if he was sleeping. It felt like hours had passed since we'd first lain down together, but I could see on his clock it had been less than half an hour.

"Raspberry?" he said in return, and his chest rumbled under my cheek.

"I don't see why I can't spend the night at least sometimes. Lots of girls spend the night with their boyfriends."

"Very rarely, yes. But I don't think my self-control is good enough to have you here that often and stay within the law." Oh.

"I'll be 17 on December 28. Then at most you're risking your job," I said, then realized how selfish that sounded. "Not that I'm worth losing your job or anything. I just think that not kissing won't help you keep your job after all this. And if we do manage to last without being discovered until my seventeenth birthday, we can probably make it last until I graduate."

"You are not aware of how important it is for me that I keep this job," he said, and he sounded suddenly furious. His hands on my hips tightened to the point that it was painful. Here was the sinister side I'd been thinking about. I wasn't scared, it was just odd how one moment he was being sweet and the next he was hurting me.

"Do you really spy on Dumbledore, then?"

"What?" And the tone of his voice made me a little scared, but I was more concerned with the fact that he had moved his hands off me. I wanted to make him put them back. He was out of bed now, towering over me, a furious look in his eyes. I sat up. The blankets covered my legs. Now I was completely scared.

"I mean, I don't care either way. But I would be a lot more careful if I knew it was that serious," I said, trying to hide my fear. My wand was in my robe, on the floor. His was sitting atop his nightstand. I would never make it. Even if I did, his magic was far superior to mine anyway. I was basically at his mercy. That didn't stop me from wanting to be with him. If he would just calm down, I would still stay the night.

"You don't care? You don't care? Then obviously you do not realize the magnitude of the question you just asked. Firstly, if I were to answer your question honestly, I would have to kill you because you'd know too much. So I suppose that is a roundabout way of telling you that I am spying for one side, although I won't say which. I really should kill you just for knowing that. Then you must not care about the hundreds of people I have mercilessly tortured and killed in order to do what I believe is right. Of course, don't think that will give you a hint, because no matter what side I am truly on I would have to slaughter to appease the Dark Lord." He was spitting every word. I wanted to hug him and calm him down.

"Well, you're doing what you believe is right, that's really the important thing," I said. I was trying to think of something else to say when suddenly Severus was on top of me, holding me down, gripping my face so tight I was sure I would bruise. But he was kissing me, and despite his rage and his threats of murdering me, I was happy to have this. He was most likely going to kill me or never talk to me again. I should enjoy this. In spite of that, I found myself crying. When my tears slid out of my eyes and hit our joined lips, he pulled away. I was sore from his use of force, but I was sorry he had left me.

"Do you understand now why I said I am sick?" he asked, but his anger had left him. I curled against him, letting him stroke my head and my back.

"I'm only upset because I don't want you to ignore me again. Just let me come back tomorrow, okay? I won't bring it up again," I said.

"You are absolutely criminally insane," Severus said. "Fine. You may. But you can't spend the night anymore. I cannot hurt you again."

"Okay. If I can kiss you sometimes. I mean, you've already broken that rule twice, I don't think it's got much staying power." He nodded, but he didn't seem very happy with this. "In case you are wondering, or will wonder in the future, I forgive you." I leaned up and kissed the corner of his mouth and then tried to go to sleep. My attempts were not very successful, because I was still thinking about what had happened. In a way, I was in an abusive relationship with a mentally unstable murderer. But that was just one way to look at it. It didn't really bother me that he had killed people. Everyone was due to die eventually. And pain on the path to death was just temporary. It wasn't decades of suffering like Severus had to endure. And I believed he suffered because he was spying for the "light" side. Otherwise, why would he care if he killed? They were probably all Mudbloods and blood traitors. No matter the good he was ultimately doing, he probably loathed himself entirely for the loss of their lives. And he might feel guilty about how he'd treated me tonight, although I hoped he wouldn't. It had led Severus to agree to kisses so it was all worth it. I would just have to be careful what I said around him. Doing homework with him was probably the safest option at this point.

I was faking sleep when Severus leaned down and whispered, "I always hurt the ones I love." It wasn't direct, but I got his message loud and clear. He loved me. Not the marriage, soul mate, always and forever love. But still. He loved me. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do to remain still and breathing evenly. I would have preferred to dance to the top of the Astronomy and then scream to the world that Severus Snape loved me, little me, and I would never deserve him at all.

Upon waking, I found the whole ending of our night quite awkward. We didn't love each other, so why had he said it? I couldn't question him because he didn't know I heard him. I would just have to assume that it was guilt that fueled his confession. But more embarrassing was my internally giddy response to it. I was glad I had continued to fake sleep rather than embarrass myself with some sappy sort of response.

It was four in the morning. Perhaps leaving so early without a farewell was not courteous but it would lower my risk of being seen exiting his quarters. So I put on my robe and left without waking him up. I thought he would understand but still worried throughout the morning. Breakfast, annoyingly enough, consisted of Hazel badgering me about who I'd been with. I didn't give her any hints so she started guessing. But with boys outnumbering girls, she had a lot of guesses to make and the correct one would probably be her last. Her curiosity did not concern me, but I did feel guilty for keeping it from her.

When classes began, I put every emotional thing in the back of my mind. It seemed likely that if my grades started to fail, Severus would put our…relationship on hold. Of course, that was not my only motivation for good grades, but it was the one with the fastest consequences. At first it was a struggle to put him out of my mind, and then I considered that I would not have crossed his thoughts at all today so I should not be so pathetically consumed with him. Emotions do not work so equally, but thinking this allowed me to forget him temporarily. At first. Eventually I gave up and settled for staring out the windows of my classrooms until the school hours had passed.

"I didn't send you a note to come." He left the door open until I sat down on his couch and dropped my schoolbag on the floor in front of me. I had brought everything I needed to do homework but hoped it was mostly unnecessary.

"Obviously you're smarter than me but that doesn't mean you can decide everything," I said, and he rolled his eyes.

'This isn't a power struggle, you silly girl. I've already explained to you that I am risking quite a bit, and so I need more control of the situation." Having control of the situation sounded the same to me as having all the power but already I was tired of fighting and wanted to just be with him.

"Alright," I said, and he lifted his eyebrows. "What?"

"…How much homework do you have?" He looked pointedly at the bag by my feet and I cursed myself for bringing so much. Of course he would try to appear responsible by forcing me to put school above him.

"None," I lied, cheerful. "I did it all during study period. I just thought you might ignore me or something so I came prepared."

"Prepared for me to ignore you?" he asked. I nodded. He frowned. "I assumed you would realize that I am no longer fighting against you." As if to prove this point, Severus next to me on the couch, his body pressed against mine. I almost wanted to ask him to move away because it was impossible to concentrate being so close. But the distraction was enjoyable enough that I endured it.

"Yeah. I guess." I inhaled and realized my breathing had become shaky. I probably looked like a pathetic mess to him. But maybe he liked that. Thinking this, I looked at him. He seemed perfectly put together and in control. Casual. He didn't care whether I stayed or left. And here I was, barely touching him but unable to breathe or speak. I punched the side of my leg, trying to injure myself into calming down. Severus reached across my lap, took my hand, and uncurled my fist. Then he lifted my hand and kissed the tip of each finger without looking at me. I had no idea what to do. So I ruined the moment.

"Have you ever been in love before?" I asked, although my current state raised my voice close to a shout. He dropped my hand and smiled the mocking smile I was so familiar with.

"Before? Am I in love now?" I thought about what he'd said last night. I must have misinterpreted it. I felt worse now than I had at my nonsensical reaction the night before. But I did my best to conceal my embarrassment.

"Okay, I misspoke. But my question still stands," I said. He didn't answer for a while but he did shift away and move his eyes from my face to his bedroom door.

"Yes, I have."

"Tell me about her," I said, although I didn't really want to know. I thought about my assumption that he'd never been kissed nor had loving sex. I had been so stupid to think that, hearing this and especially now knowing what kind of lover he was. He was already so gentle and powerful and awe-inspiring, and he was holding back so much. How would it be if we were the same age? I couldn't even picture it.

"Her name was Lily Evans," he said. He sounded like he thought that explained everything. I had no idea who that was.

"What did she look like?" I pressed. I wanted to hear him fully discuss her, to see if he still loved her. Then again that was unlikely to happen. He was already being considerably open for his nature. Without saying anything, he got up and went into the bedroom. What? I tried not to display my confusion but I felt mostly unsuccessful. I sat on the couch, alone and befuddled, for a few moments and then Severus came back out, a picture in his hand. I tried not to consider the fact that he kept her picture in the bedroom.

It showed a redhead sitting under a tree, pretending to read but flipping the pages too fast to actually be doing it. Then, as I watched, she looked up and smiled. She was extremely pretty in an unconventional way. She looked vaguely familiar but I couldn't place how. I looked away and felt stupid. Why was he with me if he was capable of getting someone like that? Although I wasn't looking in his eyes, he seemed to read my mind.

"We were friends until our sixth year. I was always pathetically longing for her. One day I called her a Mudblood and she never spoke to me again. She got married and had a son and they all died because of me." He said this conversationally, as if discussing the weather, but I guessed this was a heavy contributor to why he was so nasty and bitter. But no, he'd called the person he loved a Mudblood. He'd had issues his whole life.

I thought about telling him it wasn't his fault but I didn't know the situation. Maybe it was his fault. Maybe he'd literally killed them all. It could have been some kind of test to prove his loyalty to You-Know-Who. So it would be useless to offer empty sympathy. Instead, I closed the gap he had created and put my head on his shoulder. He didn't respond to my touch for a moment, but then he dropped Lily's picture and shifted so my head was a more comfortable angle. I thought about the fact he was okay with me kissing him and I thought about doing it but I felt, suddenly, shy. Instead, I put my hand on his neck and rested my fingers on his cheek. I had no idea why I was doing what I was doing. But my physical experience went as far as normal kissing, hugging, etc. Was this cuddling? Something close to it but not quite because Severus Snape would never cuddle. And I felt stupid and naïve compared to how sure he'd been in all our interactions so far. But he didn't look like he was laughing at me so I didn't say anything about it.

"I think you should work on your homework now," he said, after a while. It had been at least an hour but it wasn't enough. I wanted to stay here forever, or at least all day. But he was right. That didn't make me want to do it any more. I felt too sleepy and happy. And unfulfilled. Severus started to move away and so I leaned forward and kissed him. It was awkward for a second, when he wasn't expecting it, and then he was kissing me back and it was a perfect blend of his too-soft kiss and his too-hard kiss, which had been both wonderful but not half as wonderful as this. I was so glad he had decided not to stick to this particular rule.

But it didn't least nearly long enough and then it was over and he was standing up and moving towards the door.

"Where are you going?" I asked. I was a little pathetically breathless.

"Out. We can't both be unseen all evening. You can stay or leave but I'll be back later. Make sure you do your homework though," he said. He smiled a little and his eyes were a lot lighter shade of brown than I'd always thought. This was also the first time I'd met his eyes in a while. It was too much effort to avoid his gaze. I just shrugged and he left and locked the door behind him.

I felt a little weird that he was leaving right now but I didn't ask him to stay. It was almost time for dinner but I felt us reappearing at the same time would probably be bad. Actually, no one would notice. But if he was going to be paranoid, so would I. And I did have homework to do, anyway.

Thus I resolved to start my homework and even went through the effort of setting myself up with clean parchment, quills, and ink. But as soon as I began writing my first essay, my mind wandered from Magic History to my Potions professor. But no, I wouldn't think like this. I had to focus on school. I tried, once again, telling myself he didn't care. But at the moment I couldn't believe that. I could believe that I was far more attached than he. But that would always be true and was not strong enough to keep me focused on school.

I settled for telling myself that Severus wouldn't like a stupid girl. That worked enough to allow me to scribble out a decent effort. It wasn't anywhere near my best but it would do. As I read my half-assed essay, I realized that I really needed to manage my time better. I'd gone from planning everything around my needs to being focused solely on spending time with Severus. That would not do.

Motivated by these thoughts, I drew up a schedule for my afterschool time for the rest of the week. When I was done, I looked at the time map with pride. No more obsessive behavior for me. To prove it, I gathered up my things and left without waiting for Severus. Not because seeing him would waver my resolve, nope not at all.