A/N:

Sorry for the late update! I spent St. Patty's day in Seattle and well… Nursed a major hangover all afternoon… I suppose that's what happens when you drink too much and if I'm being honest, since it has been so damn long since I've drank; I think it only made it worse!

Now… Please don't get mad at me but I can't have Bella leave Jake… Not yet at least and it's going to take a while… This chapter was a bit difficult to write because there are so many conflicting emotions for her… She has slept with Edward and cheated on her husband… Those aren't things that I take lightly and it would be completely irrational for ANYONE to just go with it and not regret it… So don't get angry about this chapter but remember, ultimately I am 100% certain that Edward and Bella belong together… There just isn't any other way… But that doesn't mean that it happens easily… There has to be struggle and angst or there wouldn't be a story.

I am 100% sorry for not updating Baby… I'm working on it and have about half of the next chapter completed… It's just… Much more difficult to write because I have to work with the twists that I created and I've started to really enjoy writing in the third person that adjusting to first person takes me some time… I can't promise an update by this weekend… But I hope to have one by the end of the weekend.

Anyways… I would love to know what you think about the chapter… As I said, it was a difficult chapter to write and I just want to know if you think I was able to portray the characters the way they deserved to be written… So… Remember to review when you get to the end of the chapter!

You Found Me
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight... Other song is by Secondhand Serenade.

Chapter Eight

Lovers turn into monsters at the loss of all affection
Almost like it was the affection that kept them from being monsters
And I could have used some warning
I was on that porch all morning
Smoking cigarettes and sinking deeper into doubt

Could it be I am mistaken, have I stolen somebody's baby?
Is it possible for two people to need the same thing?

It's just the lines, they get so blurry
Between what is once, and now required
And I don't know on which side his heart falls
But I know where mine is buried
And it's so far from any wanting
Yeah, it needs this to keep beating
It won't go on without it

If I'm still weighed down with subtleties
Then I'll just come right out and say
That I think that I deserve her
More than anyone deserves anything
Maybe I am selfish, but there is no way to share this
There's not enough to go around, I don't care who else gets hurt

But I'm still sick with empathy because I once stood in his place
I spent a year quietly dying while he let go and ignored her
And I'm sure that there are reasons for everything that happens
And absence leads to adoration, yeah it's nobody's fault

But now there is no way to change this
So I just photographed and framed it
And it's hanging in a hallway
That we have no right to walk back down

But I hope that he feels better but I'm sick of all the drama
I can't stand to see her crying, I just want this shit to end
And I want a place to hang out where record players play out
And there's a thousand movies rented for a thousand nights with her

"Untitled (Lovers Turn Into Monsters)," Bright Eyes

----------

Charlie sat in the front seat of his cruiser, his hands gripping the black wheel tightly, as he looked out onto the quiet street. He was replaying the conversation that he had with Bella the night before, listening to her words as he turned them over and over again in his head. The deep lines in his forehead formed, they always formed when he thought about her and how unhappy she always sounded. In the beginning she had hid it well, but he couldn't pretend that he didn't hear it anymore; her voice was tired and weak. He hated that he couldn't do anything about it, that he couldn't protect her from the pain that he was certain she was feeling at the apparent loss of her husband.

Out of all her suitors, he always liked Jacob the best. He always imagined that his favoritism of the boy stemmed from his close relationship with Billy. He could remember the days when they would sit and watch the Mariners games at the reservation and watch the two children, Bella no older than six, and Jacob about eight, interact. Their marriage had been something the two fathers had plotted and planned years before the two actually fell in love. At the time, he had been so certain that Jacob would provide Bella with everything she needed, that he would love her and cherish her. Now, he was questioning everything he once thought he knew.

"Have you heard from the kids?" He turned to Billy and tossed him a can of Rainer Ale before reaching for the remote and turning on the game. The screen flickered to life just in time for them to watch as Ichiro Suzuki stepped up to the plate, his trade-mark pre-swing ritual starting as he pointed his right arm at the pitcher, the bat straight up in the air.

The room was quiet save from the sound of air fizzing as Charlie pulled on the aluminum tab of his beer.

"Bella called here a few days ago apologizing for Jake not calling as often as he once did." Billy took a sip of the beer in his hand as he leaned back against the sofa. "Have you talked to her?"

"She calls about once a week. I think she's in some kind of a slump. I wish she would come home for a bit."

"I'm sure she's fine. You just miss her."

Charlie didn't respond, he just collapsed into the armchair and kept his thoughts to himself as he watched the game.

He wondered if Billy really believed that Bella was alright. Her depression was so apparent in her voice that it would be impossible to miss. Then again, no one wanted to believe that their child was to blame and he knew that Jacob was doing something to put their marriage on the rocks. Bella had always been so giving, a martyr of sorts. She had given up her life with her mother when Renee married that minor league player and moved to Washington even though she hated the rain. She had taken to caring and cooking for him when she did move and hadn't complained once. She even took a job to pay him back for the car that he bought for her, not that he ever used the money. He put it in a savings account where it was still collecting interest and planned to give it to her when she had her first child.

No… He knew that whatever it was that was bothering his daughter stemmed from what he imagined was the neglect her husband treated her with.

Divorce had taken a toll on him when Renee left. He just hoped that Bella wouldn't have to go through the same thing. She was too good for all that. She deserved more than to be left behind and unappreciated. Though he knew he never told her enough, he loved her and wanted only the best for her. He had once thought, had been so convinced, that that was Jacob, but now he wasn't so sure of that.

----------

The beach was scattered with a handful or so people, mainly families who had ventured to Brighton to escape the July heat that covered the city like a thick blanket. He hadn't wanted to leave the flat, the air conditioner kept the rooms at a pleasant 18 degrees Celsius, but she had insisted, saying that they needed to venture out into the world for a little while. Two days they had spent lying in the sheets, exploring and learning the ins and outs of each other and he wanted to continue doing just that. He would only have her to himself for another four days. He didn't want to share her with the world, his time with her was scarce and he wanted to savor each moment of it and not have to share her with the rest of the world.

Edward leaned back against the white and blue stripped lawn chair as his bare feet dug into the rocks on the beach. His eyes were trained on the woman who was standing a few feet away from him, her toes touching the cool Atlantic Ocean water. Her long, wavy hair hung loosely over her shoulders, reaching her mid back and obscuring the midnight blue band of the bikini top that she wore. The only reason he had finally relented and gave into her suggestion to go to the beach was merely because she would be clad in only a bikini. Though he would have preferred her to be naked in his bed, but he could settle with having her half dressed for a little while. He wasn't a hormonal teenager, he could control himself. At least, he was attempting to convince himself that he could.

She turned abruptly and their eyes met. The pull to her was stronger than he could ever have imagined and he was up on his feet and walking towards her with determined steps. He barely registered the cool water against the sensitive skin of his feet as a wave crashed along the shore. When he reached her, he wrapped his arms around her small waist and pulled her tightly against him, eliciting a small laugh on her behalf.

"Can we go back?" He complained, his fingers splayed out against her back touching any skin that he could without being obscene.

She placed her hand against his cheek and he leaned into it, closing his eyes as his nose was assaulted with the glorious mixture of the salty ocean air and her skin. "But it's such a beautiful day."

"I know but I want to be alone with you."

"We are alone." She grinned as she watched his lower lip jut out into a pout causing her to bring her fingers to his lips.

"You know what I mean."

"Just a little while longer?"

"I can't deny you anything," he sighed and turned her so her back was pulled flush against his chest. His arms were wrapped around her as tightly as he could possibly get them, afraid that if he let go she would no longer be there.

He rested his chin on her head as he felt her fingers rest atop his arms. He couldn't feel the cool metal of her ring as he usually could when they touched and when he looked down, he took notice that she wasn't wearing it. That small detail brought a tiny smile to his lips but he didn't ask her anything about it. It was easier to fantasize about the future without the complications of questions and the possible answers he may or may not want to hear.

The gentle summer wind blew through their hair and he closed his eyes and memorized the scents that lingered in the air. He wanted to remember this, to remember the perfect afternoon and to believe, that if only for that day, she belonged to him.

----------

"Have you heard from Bella?" Rose looked up from the book that she was holding in her hands to see her husband standing at the door, his cell phone in one hand and a concerned look etched across his face.

"She's sent me a random text message here or there. Why?"

"Jacob's been calling." She lifted her eyebrows and closed the book before resting it on the small bump that was forming on her abdomen. "He said that he can't get a hold of her."

"Amazing how he takes notice when she shuts herself off."

"Rose… Has she been spending time with that guy?"

She bit her lip. She had two options, either way; she knew the outcome wouldn't be great. If she told him that she had been seeing Edward, she wasn't sure that he would react positively about it. At least, not as positively as she was feeling about the situation, though she had only met the guy briefly, there was something about him that seemed to reassure her that he was the one Bella was supposed to be with. It didn't help that Emmett worked with Jake and keeping a secret was not something Emmett enjoyed doing. But she also knew that if she didn't tell him that when he ultimately did find out, there would be hell to pay and he would be furious with her.

"She has…"

Emmett pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed before tossing his phone to the bed. He would have to tell Bella to be careful, that if she was going to pursue a relationship while still with her husband, that she would have to cover all her bases. She was playing with fire and he didn't want to see her end up hurt. Jacob was possessive and he knew that he had a temper. Though he never thought that it would come to anything physical, he did worry that it could go there, that if provoked enough he could inflict actual physical pain. Seeing the emotional pain was enough to break his heart, it would kill him if Jacob went farther than that. He would also need to meet this man and find out if he was worthy of their Bella.

"How long?" He finally spoke up as he climbed into the bed with his wife and pulled her into his arms. His hands moved the book from her growing stomach and tossed it aside before placing his own large hands there, touching the skin gently.

"She's been attracted to him for a long time now… But intimately, a few days."

"I want to meet him."

"Em… It's not your decision to make." Rose leaned her head against his shoulder as she sighed. She adored Emmett and the way he was so protective over her friend. She knew that Bella needed looking after, that she was far too trusting and believed that people were far too good, it was obvious because she was still, after everything she had been through with him, still with her husband. But even among all that, she knew that it wasn't Emmett's decision to make, that if Bella wanted to introduce them, then she would, on her own time. Pushing her wouldn't do anything.

"She needs to be careful."

"I'll tell her that she needs to check in with Jake more… That she can't just ignore his calls."

"Tell her to leave the bastard."

"You know she needs to make that decision herself. You've told her that for a year now and nothing. Maybe finally something is going to change… She's different Em. I know you haven't been around to see it but she's changing… She's not as weak as she has been."

"Have you met him?"

She tugged on her bottom lip with her teeth. "Kind of."

"Kind of?"

"I went out with her one night to a pub… I honestly didn't know he was going to be there until it was too late. His band was playing… He came to the table when they were finished."

"And?"

"He seems to really care about her."

"Then I guess that's all that matters." He moved so his head was hovering above Rose's stomach and he lifted the bottom of her tank top before placing a kiss to the smooth, pale skin of her stomach.

"For now… It is."

----------

She walked into her home but it didn't really feel like home anymore. There was nothing there for her and when she looked around she felt cold and alone. The white walls, the black leather sofa, the steel appliances; she suddenly felt as though she was living in a medical lab, a sterile environment. A chill found its way down her spine and she shook her head. Three days with Edward, three days staying in his home, in his bed, walking his dog and suddenly she was a new person. How had this happened?

The answering machine was blinking and she bit her lip knowing that there would be hell to pay. She hadn't talked to a single person since Thursday, minus the text message to Rose to tell her that she and Edward had finally done the deed and how she was right, he was good at it.

The blinking light was taunting her and she knew that she had to get it over with.

"You have seven new messages."

Bella, it's me. I'm here, staying at the Ritz.

Short and sweet but she could hear the angry undertones.

Bella, listen… I'm sorry okay? Just call me when you get this.

The anger that had been present in his voice was slowly melting away and she could hear the slight panic to his voice. The thought made her sick and she began to question everything she had been doing for the past few days. Maybe he truly was sorry for what he had done and she had gone and betrayed him. She could feel her heart as it pounded in her chest.

Bella, it's your father. I was thinking about you and wanted to see how you were… Maybe see if I can convince you to come home for a little vacation.

Bella please answer the phone… This isn't like you. I'm sorry.

She could feel the tears as they began to form in the corners of her eyes. Her throat was constricting and it was becoming harder to breathe and she felt as though the large room was suddenly shrinking around her.

Bella… Baby, I love you. Please call me so I can apologize properly. I miss your voice.

The nausea was becoming unbearable and she could feel the bile as it began to make its way up her throat.

Bells, it's Em. Jake's been calling trying to find you. I spoke with Rosie. Be careful okay? Your secret is safe, I told him you needed time.

I know you need some space… Just… Call me when you've figured things out. I do love you Bella. Call whenever. I'll drop whatever I'm doing. I need things to be okay… I need you.

She had to run to the bathroom when the message had ended.

"What have I done?" she asked herself aloud as she laid her head on the cool floor of the bathroom. Everything was different now and there were three hearts on the line: Edward's, Jacob's, and her own. Either way, everyone was going to get hurt. There was no easy way out anymore.

----------

He glanced at the clock in the living room. Bella had gone straight to her home when they had returned from Brighton saying that she had a few things to handle. It had been three hours ago and she hadn't shown up. He reached for his phone but there were no missed calls. He was starting to panic but he kept telling himself to remain calm. She hadn't been home for a few days; there were things she probably really had to do. He was over reacting.

He knew he needed to get his mind off of it all so he reached for his guitar and ran his fingers over the strings. He hadn't touched the instrument in days and it felt foreign to him. This was all so confusing to him, so new. Before he couldn't have gone a few hours without running his fingers down the strings, without playing a few chords, now it had been three days and he suddenly didn't know who he was anymore. A new person had seemed to emerge and he was lost and confused but only certain of one thing: his love for Bella.

The music wasn't there, the inspiration was there, but without her around he couldn't bring himself to play the chords. He wanted her to hear them, to know that it was all about her. He didn't feel right creating it from memory. His memory of her was never sufficient enough, she was a bright star in his dark world and when she wasn't there, everything faded into oblivion. The only way he could truly do her justice, to write her music the way it deserved to be written, was to have her there in front of him. So he would wait. She would walk through that door soon. She had to. He didn't think he would be able to live without her now that he had had her.

He looked at Hudson who was sitting by the door. He hadn't moved since Edward had come home and his eyes were trained on it, unfaltering. Edward knew what he was waiting for, who he was waiting for. The dog was no better than him; they had both grown accustomed to her presence in the flat. It didn't feel right without her there, it was as though something was missing. It wasn't a home without her.

"She'll be back," he said aloud though he wasn't sure who he was trying to convince, Hudson or himself.

----------

"What if I made a mistake Rose?" She sobbed as her friend listened on the other line. "What have I done? I've gone and messed everything up?"

"Were you happy?"

"What do you mean?"

"Were you happy with Edward?"

"That doesn't matter… He's sorry and he apologized and I went and cheated Rose."

Rose didn't say anything, she needed to let Bella cry a little while longer before she went into lecture mode. She knew that this was an impossible situation but she also knew that one path would lead to a better life for her friend, a life that would be filled with a happiness that she was certain Bella had never known before. Jacob wasn't a bad person per say, Rose just knew that the two of them didn't belong together and she needed Bella to realize that as well. He was a master manipulator, and right now, he was playing Bella to a tee. She was too good and though Rose knew Jacob didn't suspect anything, she did know that he was aware Bella was growing tired with his behavior and if she wanted to find someone else she could.

"I'm sorry…" Rose heard Bella sniffle.

"Bella… were you happy with Edward?"

"Yes." Her voice was soft, almost a whisper as though she was afraid if she said it aloud someone might hear, that the house would tell on her.

"Then that's all that matters."

"You just don't like Jake."

"No… I don't Bella because I don't think you two belong together anymore."

"How can you say that?"

"Because people grow apart … You and Jacob might have been perfect for each other a few years ago but you aren't anymore. You've said yourself that he isn't the same person… So what I don't understand is why you keep fighting this?"

"Because I made a vow."

"People make vows all the time but sometimes things change. People change and sometimes they don't change together."

"But don't I owe him the chance to try?"

"Isn't that what you've been doing up until this point?"

"You didn't hear his voice… He sounded truly remorseful."

"Because he knows that if he doesn't do something then you will leave and if you leave he can't appear to have the perfect life that everyone thinks he has."

"You don't mean that."

"I wish I didn't."

"What do I do Rose?" She asked as she wiped the tears from her eyes. Still, Bella knew what to do. She knew what her heart wanted even if it wasn't what her brain wanted. She knew that she loved Edward, that she loved him more than she had ever loved Jacob but that didn't change her reality.

"Go back to Edward…"

"But what about Jake?"

"Emmett and I told him that you went out of town to clear your mind… To think things through and that you weren't going to be using your phone." Bella didn't say anything. "You don't have to decide on anything today… Not even tomorrow… I just think you need to see what it feels like to be happy again because you have been happy."

"Someone's going to get hurt Rose and it's all on me when they do."

"Stop putting other people before you. This isn't about Edward… This isn't even about Jacob… This is about you and what you want Bella. Don't forget it. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't talk to Edward about this because he deserves the right to know what he could potentially be getting involved with. I know he knows you are married but if you think that there is any chance in hell that you won't leave Jake, you need to be honest with him. He'll understand… He'll probably even give you plenty of time to figure it out… But you need to be straight with him."

"And Jake?"

"What Jake doesn't know isn't going to hurt him."

----------

Her hands fumbled with the key that Edward had given her when he left her at Victoria station. He told her that it was just for today when he saw the panic that had probably fallen across her face. Still, even with the conflicting feelings she was having for her husband and her lover, she had wished that it was more. She wanted to be with Edward; for their relationship to be real and not the illicit affair that it was becoming. But still, even with everything she was feeling for him, she still wanted to try and make her marriage work. It was all so confusing to her and she was so torn and confused. She was starting to believe that maybe going back to Washington for a while would be a good thing, she could sort everything out, figure out who it was that her heart truly wanted.

When she opened the door she was nearly trampled by Hudson who appeared eager for her return. She smiled and placed a kiss on his head. She had grown fond of the dog, had even begun to think of him as her own. He wasn't merely Edward's dog anymore, he was their dog.

The flat was quiet save for the sound of the television that was casting a gentle glow around the dark room. She saw Edward laying on the couch, one arm was draped over his head and the other was hanging off the couch, his knuckles grazing the carpeted floor. He looked so peaceful and as she watched him, she forgot all about Jacob and the problems that were now plaguing her life. Everything that had been so troubling for her was gone and it was entirely about this one man.

There were pieces of paper scattered along the floor and she quietly bent down and picked up the note pad where his elegant script stained the white pages, the title grabbing her attention before anything else.

For Bella:

With every appearance by you
Blinding my eyes, I can hardly remember
The last time I felt like I do
You're an angel in disguise

And you're lying real still
But your heartbeat is fast just like mine
And the movie's long over
That's three that have passed, one more is fine

Will you stay awake for me?
I don't wanna miss anything
I don't wanna miss anything

I will share the air I breathe
I'll give you my heart on a string
I just don't wanna miss anything

I'm trying real hard not to shake
I'm biting my tongue but I'm feeling alive
And with every breath that I take I feel like I've won
You're the key to my survival

And if it's a hero you want
I can save you, just stay here
Your whispers are priceless
Your presence is too so please stay here

Will you stay awake for me?
I don't wanna miss anything
I don't wanna miss anything

I will share the air I breathe
I'll give you my heart on a string
I just don't wanna miss anything

Say my name, I just want to hear you
Say my name, so I know it's true
You're changing me, you're changing me
You showed me how to live, so just say, so just say

That you'll stay awake for me
I don't wanna miss anything
I don't wanna miss anything

I will share the air that I breathe
I'll give you my heart on a string
I just don't wanna miss anything

He had written her a song and unlike before, she was certain that it was for her. Everything that she needed to know was there, written across that page: he had spilled his heart out to her and though she knew all along that he had cared for her, seeing it in writing made it all the more real. She placed the pad back down feeling slightly guilty for looking but still thankful that she had. It was the most romantic thing anyone had ever done for her, and regardless of how things turned out, she would always treasure it.

"Bella?" She jumped when she heard her name and turned to see that his eyes were open and he was gazing up at her with a lazy smile.

"I'm sorry for waking you up."

"Did you like it?"

She felt her cheeks grow hot when she realized that she had been caught and as he sat up she could see his eyes and she could see how desperately he wanted her to love it.

She wanted to reply but she couldn't find the words. His had been so beautiful and anything that she would have to say would pale in comparison so she merely nodded her head and watched as his smile grew, stretching across his face as though he had just won the lottery, though the smile was fleeting because only a few minutes later he was staring at her with an intensity that led her to believe that he had been worried about her and a conversation was about to take place that she wasn't sure she was ready to have.

"I was worried about you…" He reached for her hand and pulled her down onto his lap. His nose was buried in the long strands of her hair.

"I'm sorry."

"Where were you?"

She bit her lip and he pulled away and pushed the hair off her face. He knew she had been using it as a shield and he needed her to be honest, even if he didn't want to hear it.

"I had phone calls to make."

He chewed on the inside of his cheek before leaning his forehead against her shoulder. He knew there was more and even though he wanted to know, he was afraid to ask.

"Your husband?"

She nodded, her eyes closed.

"Don't shut me out Bella…"

"I'm just… I'm confused Edward. I want to be with you so badly… I love who I am when I'm with you and how I feel when you wrap me in your arms and I know how cheesy that all sounds… You make me feel loved and it's something I haven't felt in a long time… When we're together it feels so right…"

"There's a but coming isn't there?" He asked quietly and she turned her head to look away from him.

"But when I got home and listened to my messages and heard his voice and how sorry he was… I felt so sick for doing what we did…"

"Do you regret it?" He was tense and she could see that he was clenching his jaw.

"Yes… No… I don't know…"

"You either do, or you don't."

"It's not that simple…" She said and he cursed himself when he realized that she was crying.

"I'm sorry Bella… I'm such a shit for putting you through this," he sighed and she turned to him, taking his face between her hands.

"This isn't your fault… And… I don't know how this is going to end… But I care about you Edward… I care about you so much that it makes me sick because I know I shouldn't." She released his face and wiped at her eyes. "Someone is going to get hurt no matter what and I just don't know what to do…"

"What do you want Bella?"

"I don't know… When I'm here… With you, this feel right… But when I'm with him…" She looked down for a moment as she searched for her words. "I hate myself for what I've done with you because even though I'm not sure I'm in love with him anymore… When even just a glimmer of who he was shines through, it makes it hard for me to hate him…"

"I'll wait for you Bella…" He said as he pulled her closer to him. He needed her and he wanted her to know that. "No matter what you do… I'll wait for you. I'll wait for him to fuck up because we both know that he will… I know what I want and nothing is going to change that."

"How can you say that? How can you tell me this? I can't let you just wait…"

"It doesn't matter… Nothing will ever feel as right to me as this… And I know you feel the same way… You just need time and I can wait… I've waited twenty-five years to find you… As far as I'm concerned, if it takes another twenty for you to figure it out then so be it… It doesn't matter… What matters is that somewhere along the road, at some point, you figure it out and I'll be there."

She was crying again but not because she was upset. This was different and she couldn't explain it. She felt his arms tighten around her, his hand on her back as he rubbed circles trying to calm her down but she couldn't do anything but hold onto him, and so she did, she clung onto him hard wishing that she had met him first and that life wasn't such a fucking cruel thing.

----------

He watched her as she slept. It had taken an hour but she had finally managed to wear herself out. His heart was torn between breaking and feeling elated. Her confession had shook him to the core but she had come back, and though she hadn't explicitly said that she loved him, he didn't need to hear the words to know. It was something he knew when he looked into her eyes, when he felt her kiss him… And that even though she was hurting, even though she was confused, she did end up back at his flat and in his arms.

He wouldn't lose hope. He couldn't lose hope. He needed her. She was the only thing that had ever made him feel alive and just as he had told her… Even if it took her twenty years to figure it out, he would never lose hope that one day, she would be completely and entirely his.

He just needed to show her that he was the one that deserved her. Because he knew, deep down, that he did. He would love her in a way that Jacob never would be able to. He would love her completely, for who she was, not for what she could do for him.