.A/N: Thank you so much guys for your awesome reviews. They just make me squeal :d. So here's first chappy. Hope I don't disappoint you. And I am making my chapters longer. Hope that's a good thing. Enjoy!

Escape

Dreaming comes so easily
Cause it's all that I've known
True love is a fairytale
I'm damaged, so how would I know?

BPOV

Six months. Six torturous months. Meaning one hundred and eighty-three days of pain and loneliness. He left me six months ago, and he took my life with him. You could call me dead. I couldn't be counted among the living, because I wasn't really one. I barely cared about anything. I barely did anything. I would cry every once in a while. I would scream in pain. Or I would just be numb. That was my favourite. To be numb and don't feel the pain of everything that's happened to me.

As if him leaving me wasn't enough. No, all of this had to happen to. It just ruined my life more than it already was.

My friends try to stick by my side, but most of the time I just push them away. I didn't know why, maybe I just wanted to be alone, maybe I felt that I deserved all of this, maybe I just didn't want to feel their pity. Whatever the reason was, they ignored it. They talked to Charlie and convinced him to take me to Alaska. Yes, Alaska. They were so desperate to get me out of forks. I refused but they kept pleading with me. SO I told them I wanted to go to Alaska. I never thought they'd actually take me there. I just thought of a difficult country so they would just drop it. But I was surprised to see the plane tickets on my desk the next day.

Angela, Emily, Jacob, and Mike were really nice to me. But I was just too numb to really try to pretend for them. Of course after that second disaster they wouldn't leave me alone. Always worried about me. And I hated it. I wanted to just get back to normal. But I couldn't. It's like he took all of me with him. And I missed him so much. It physically hurt, and I mean that literally.

"Mike!" Angela's sharp voice snapped me out of my haze. We were in a park close to our hotel. The park, of course, was covered in snow. It was very cold, but I started loving the cold. It reminded me of what I once had.

The boys were having a snow ball fight, Emily was making sandwiches with Angela. And I, of course, was sitting in my seat, watching. I really wished that I could go help them. Sighs. I can't.

I looked at Angela, and I noticed that her eyes were tight as her jaw. I cocked my head a little but before I could ask her, I started to be aware of two furious voices that were probably fighting for a while now but I was too occupied with my thoughts that I hadn't noticed.

I turned my head, Jacob and Mike were shouting.

"What makes you think she can one day love you??" Mike shouted.

I froze. No! it wasn't that fight again! Please please, haven't I had enough already?

"Because Bella deserves better than a short blondie like you" Jacob roared.

"Stop!" I rasped in panic.

"Jacob! Mike! Stop this instance. You know who Bella loves. Stop being jerks!" Emily growled at them.

I felt my breathing hitch and a lump rise in my throat.

"Oh Emily, shut up! He left her. Do you really think she still loves him?? He told her he doesn't." Mike shouted angrily.

My tears welded up in my eyes and gushed down my face, "Please, stop" I pleaded, barely mouthing the words. But they weren't paying any attention to me, so they couldn't see that I was trying to stop them. I wanted to scream but I couldn't.

I looked at Angela for help as I felt my chest tightening. Angela came to my side and started shouting at them to stop it but they wouldn't listen.

"Where is her dignity?" Someone roared, and I couldn't recognize the voice.

"Stop, stop, stop. Please, enough! Please" I whispered over and over as I pressed my palms against my ears and rocked myself in my seat, trying to drown their voices away.

"Bella!" I heard someone shriek but still I couldn't recognize the voice. I wasn't there. My head was filled with images of him. My ears vibrated with his silky voice repeating the same thing over and over and over again.

I don't want you………

You're not good for me……

I don't want you……

You're not good for me……

I felt someone trying to pull my hands away from my ears but I fought back. My eyes were squeezed shut and I could feel my tears falling on my shirt. The pain was too much, I Had to escape it. I needed to escape it.

The cold wind that was cutting my skin as I rocked back and forth more violently than before.

Blood started to pump in my head and the pumping started spreading throughout my whole body. And I knew what would happen next. I would escape into the preciousness of unconsciousness.

"Bella! Bella! Bella!......"

But I was already drifting into the welcoming blackness, promising to numb all of my pain.

--

Why did I ever let you slip away?

Can't stand another day without you

Without the feeling, I once knew

EPOV

"Please, Edward? Please?" Carlisle pleaded with me for the hundredth time. I sighed. I was in Carlisle's office. After a lot of persuasion from my family I managed to leave my room. I never left it for any reason. I hunted once a month to keep Esme sane.

Who was I? I was Edward Cullen, a body with a lost heart. How was I? I didn't know. Sometimes I cry, and sometimes I stare. Mostly I felt the pain of losing her but there were times that I just couldn't figure out how I felt. I missed her so much more than I could comprehend but I knew she was better off without me. So I stayed in my place. Place?

I think I was in Alaska but I wasn't sure. Time and place became meaningless to me. Why would I want to know where was I? Wasn't it enough to know that she wasn't with me? Why would I care about time? Wasn't it enough to know that every passing second changed her and I couldn't witness the miracle of it?

"Edward? Would you consider it? for me? For Esme?" Carlisle tried again.

He wanted me to work with him in the hospital. He claimed that he needed 'help' but I knew better. He just wanted me out of my miserable state. I appreciated his effort but there just wasn't anything that could distract me now.

The thought of that made me cringe. Distractions…… It was the same word that I gave to Bella and she believed it! I had to swallow the lump that was in my throat and try to seem less desperate for Carlisle's sake.

"Fine, I'll consider it" I choked. It wasn't entirely a lie though. If I was going to fight against myself to stop myself from going back then I had to actually try to do something. So I was going to consider it. See if I could make myself concentrate enough to work with him.

I killed one of the purest souls already…….. I winced, I didn't want to do it again to someone because I just wasn't paying attention.

Carlisle smiled almost showing his relief, but it was clear in his head, "Thank you, my son. This means much" He gave my forearm a squeeze. I…think I smiled back? I have no idea how it looked like, though.

I excused myself and walked out of his small office. I walked in the hallways almost like who was in a haze. My arms brushed against the walls of the hospital. I could smell the blood filling the air. My throat was on flames but it was easily ignored. There was a worse pain covering it. I could vaguely hear the screams and cries of the people around me. I heard the creaks of the chair wheels and opening of medicine bottles.

I shook my head trying to clear it of all the panicked thoughts that filled it.

But I froze.

One thought broke through and drowned all the others.

One thought made me gulp.

One thought made me terrified.

Oh no! Bella please, please, please stay with us. Bella! It's all my fault. Bella……

The voice was familiar. I knew that voice. I knew who's thoughts were in panic. And I knew who the fuss was over….

No! It couldn't be. She wasn't the only Bella on earth.

But……I fought with myself with the need to see through the panicked thoughts. To take one glance at the Bella he was talking about. But I was scared.

I was scared if it was her.

Oh please, Bella, What have I done?! Bella!

I found myself running in an inhuman speed towards the source of the panic, not caring who could be watching. First the scent hit me hard. The smell of sweet freesia set my throat on fire, but they could never have been tamed easier than now. My chest tightened as my fears were confirmed.

It was my Bella who the panic was over. I tried to avoid bumping into people as I ran to her.

Then, I stopped dead. If I thought that seeing Bella's acceptance of the lie I told her was the most painful thing I had ever witnessed, then I was wrong.

In front of me I saw two girls crying and beside them two boys carrying the motionless body of an unconscious human girl. My eyes focused on the girl and my world crumpled. It was my girl. My human.

"Bella!"

A/N: SO what do you think guys? First chappy, good? Bad? Ok? Please tell me. I'm so worried.

BTW, when you guys review I'll give you a quote from the next chappy as a thank you.

Cya next chappy!

Love

Mai